Lipstick Jungle: Pilot (Episode 1)

Joseph and Victory go at it: Clearly, this is a publicity shot.Is there something in the fact that, three minutes into watching the pilot, I had to get up and go to the bathroom?

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Wendy Healey, Nico Reilly, and Victory Ford are on some New York power list the import of which is merely to create a connection between them. I think. It never comes up again in the episode. Do these lists actually do anything for one's career? I should make up one of my own: "Jasmine's Power 25", and I would be at the top of it every year.

Wendy is the head of Parador Pictures, a movie studio operating in New York (I know, improbability no. 1 -- aren't all studios in LA?). When she isn't a movie mogul, she is trying to keep her husband's precious masculinity afloat by going to an admissions interview for her kid by herself, and then listening patiently while he whines that he'll deal with her successes but he won't like it.

Nico's sexist boss -- who, incidentally, is also Wendy's boss -- is grooming her sycophant rival for creative director of the media group where she runs Bonfire magazine. If she can't convince him that she won't run off and get gooey by starting a family like another female exec (hello, Wendy?), and if she can't get her stuffy academic husband Charles' attention by flashing her ta-tas at him, she's going to get horizontal with the 25 year old who bought her free drinks at the Bonfire web launch. It's the least she can do -- he did, after all, write his number on her thigh. Awesome. I'm going to try that the next time I go out cruising for guys.

Victory's fall collection falls flat at Fashion Week. When Nico won't let her take refuge on her couch with a cupcake, she marches into work with a new resolve. Too bad her employees aren't similarly empowered. The reviews are awful -- not just in the press, but from her backers. Before she flies to Tokyo to meet with the lady owner of a boutique chain, she goes on a date with "bazillionaire" Joe Bennett. Joe, who can't be bothered to arrange his own dates -- his secretary makes the call, and sends the car, and even carries his personal champagne to the car. Joe, whose time is so valuable that he can spend time on his cell phone with a tarted up Victory is already in his car. Joe, who was shocked that Victory bought dinner at Bouley. Bouley! I know! He sends her a houseful of flowers just as she's leaving for Japan. The trip is a bit of a bust, as the boutique owner wants to hire a copycat designer who will design dresses like her previous collections. Victory, who seems to have the business sense of a breath mint, is all "I want to go into couture!" though everybody knows couture doesn't make money. Crying in her hotel room, she spills on the phone to Joe who sends a private jet (woo!) and a cupcake (swoon!) to carry her back home. Sure, she doesn't like being rescued, and she hates his smugness, but come on -- it's Blaine from "Pretty In Pink"! How can she refuse?

Poll: Better than, worse than, or just as awful as Cashmere Mafia?