American Idol: Season Seven "Best of the Rest" Auditions

peace and humptiness forever

Next week: Hollywood! Actual talent! Tonight: Rehash.

Featured players below, Hollywood-bound in bold.

Luke Reeder wears a huge shirt and a hat with flaps, and sings a Limp Bizkitty version of Faith. You can imagine how well that goes over.

Victor Villagas sings "yeah yeah yeeeahhh" a lot, and sounds like a sheep.

25-year-old Amy Davis from Indiana sings "Blue Bayou" and despite her sob story, I'm not endeared to her. Her voice is just okay, but somehow, she gets through on what Paula calls the "possibility of her vocals."

Tiffany McCampbell's pastor told her her voice is still maturing. Her wardrobe, on the other hand, is all grown up. She sings "Hallelujah" with the voice god gifted her, prompting Simon to ask if god has a return policy on your voice.

Chris and Corey Lane are twins from North Carolina who are really into proving that they're better than the Brittenum twins. Talk about random. They even have a rap about it, that Chris (or is it Corey?) forgets half way through.

Their girlfriend (yes, they have both dated her) Ashley Lawing also lacks talent, but she makes up for it in puppy! She brings her pomeranian Panda into the audition, and Simon's instantly smitten. Unfortunately, her performance isn't nearly as adorable. She and the twins head home disappointed.

20-year-old fondue waitress Cardin Lee McKinney is super confident. She sings Effie's version of "One Night Only" (darn. If it had been Deena's a bevy of gays would have suddenly slinked out). Simon thinks she's too theatrical and not contemporary, but Paula and Randy put her through.

We get a similar scenario with plus-sized model JoAnna Borgella from Hoboken. It's surprising that when she sings Celine Dion's "I Love You" her voice is kind of small. Simon says no, Paula and Randy say yes.

Alicia Stelzl sings surrender by Celine Dion and it's just dreadful. For whatever reason though, Paula and Randy are intrigued. They have her learn a Dolly Parton song ("Islands in the Stream") and come back. Sounds to me like the same bad voice on an easier song, but they put her through.

Brandi Gregorie is a bad stripper, and an even worse singer

Charles Leviner curses more than he sings. Simon says he can come on "When we decide to put the show on at 3."

Joshua "Jay Smoove" Moreland is all gums. If he had a joke nose, I'd say it was Humpty from the Digital Underground. He sings an original song, "Beautiful Lady," throwing up glitter at an appropriate moment. Paula likes the accoutrements ("For the ladies," he explains).

The production staff comes to sweep up after Smoove, prompting a funny bit where Simon pretends to be nice and helpful.

Chikezie Eze came in last year and they weren't feeling him. He sings "All the Woman I Need" and makes the judges look dumb for not letting him through. He gets his ticket (for the bus from Inglewood to Hollywood).

Danny Noriega is the last contestant of the audition tour, and probably the biggest surprise as far as looks not translating to talent since Clay Aiken. He sings "Proud Mary" and gets through.

Conspiracy alert: What was with Randy's shirts? He had one that said "black rock," and one that said "lost." I blame the Dharma initiative.

Hollywood week looks like it'll be fun, as they're allowing the contestants to provide their own accompaniment. See you then!