Previously - We're nearing the final stretch, and the writers were obviously gearing up for the strike because they had the designers make outfits for wrestling divas. Yeah, I know. Tricky Ricky finally packed his Kleenex and his hat that he wore when he used to work the corner outside the bodega and went home. Gotham City! A city of justice! A city of love! Five left. Sweet P was surprised that Ricky was the one sent home. Well, yeah, you were close, but Ricky was actually worse. Jillian's obviously had enough of Sweet P's passive-agressive hipster mom schtick and is curling her already curly hair in the mirror and imagining herself marrying a doctor who won't mind her Yeah Yeah Yeahs records. How many shots of Rami Noodles drinking coffee in the window did they take? For real, I think he only used that apartment to drink coffee in the window. Heidi is wearing an off-the-shoulder number. It's distracting me. Her shoulder is so creamy. So very creamy. Models are chosen. A model is sent home. Heidi asks if they are ready for their next challenge. Christian is obviously fraying as he nods his head and says "yeah" sarcastically as in "yeah, dumb bitch." Don't lose it now, Rooster Head. You can't afford the crack-up. Not when you're this close. They're going to another field trip to 5th and 82nd. Despite the curling, Jillian's hair has fallen flat with panic. They get to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Tim's there. Chris feels privileged. Jillian feels there's nothing more phenomenal or inspiring in this country. What about Tilda Swinton? Wait, she's from the UK. They have to choose a piece of artwork for their inspiration for their next design. Rami takes to the statue of Aphrodite. The designers frolic about. They seem to have closed it down for the designers. They rate that? Sweet P wanted to touch some paintings. But she didn't. Thanks for not ruining the priceless artwork with your finger grease, P. Chris is making Joan Rivers jokes. And laughing and he's too loud. Fashion Bear, down! It's art! Even I cringed from my couch. Designers go back to Parsons to print one photo, and sketch. Styling and makeup will count in this one. Christian is making some Spanish army get-up for a lady. In his sketch, he sleeves look voluminous to bowl over crowds of people. I hope he actually makes it that big. Sweet P is using peacocks as inspiration. We know Rami's. Despite the fact that Grecian-like draping is his forte, he's fine with it. Fashion Bear is laughing too much, don't get sent home again, kid. Jillian's using a portrait of the Argonauts, but I'm more concerned about her hair this episode. Something seems to have happened to it. It's fallen flat with despair. Is she ill? Depressed? Was there a book on her head. Her hair has fallen and taken her with it.
Christian IS using giant sleeves! Add some hot air and you can float away! Rami says he's not here to make noise, he's here to make beautiful work! He's like a rat in a trap. His eyes scream that he wants to be back in that window, drinking coffee and regarding the city. Christian is coming up with pieces, left and right. He wants everyone to get over the fact that he sews fast. As soon as I get over Jillian's terminally ill hair, I'll move on to that one, Ferosh. Christian starts cutting up Jillian for ironing for three hours. And she tells him to cut it. And notes that Christian is monitoring everyone's progress and very arrogant about the whole thing. If he annoyed me that much, I'd Janet Jackson as Penny on "Good Times" his ass with that iron!
Morning! Sweet P asks Jillian's flat hair for advice. Jillian suggests that Sweet P think for her damn self. Sweet P mentions that she's out of funds for her own line and needs to win. You better get that small business loan now, cuz' I don't think it's happening. Sweet P's model is late. Actually, her model isn't coming maybe because there's a family emergency. I don't care if her family was on the RMS Lusitania, she better get her ass to the workroom, this is ProjRun! Rami is so second-guessing his creation. He says it might not make "the loudest statement" but he's satisfied. Maybe he can have some delicious cafe au lait in the window tomorrow morning to calm his fears and anxiety.
Sweet P's model hasn't shown. Tim brings in stocky Colier Strong, makeup artist with a deep bassy gay voice. He likes to use his hands. And I love the bulldog stature he's twerkin'. We experience a commercial for L'Oreal. Ok, I can deal. Chris is done with his work. He goes to nap. That's never good. Christian doesn't think so either. Christian relates his work experience with several famous designers, and mentions how he's barely old enough to drive a car. We get it, you're a wunderkind with the frills. Next!
Tim is annoyed Chris is snoring away. He goes to track him down like your grandmother when she's watching you while your parents are in the Cape. And like your grandmother, you can't bullshit a bullshitter. Tim asks "you're finished, is it wowable?" And Chris gives the cutest goddamn "yes, it is" in this Fashion Bear, 44, voice that makes me want to hug him and squeeze him and call him George. Tim makes Chris get up and show him. This might annoy Chris. Nothing annoys a fat guy more than being dragged out of bed to have to explain themselves to a thin one. Tim will be lucky if he doesn't get a hamhock forearm off his throat. Tim is worried, and says Chris needs something. Christian explains how good the outfit he made looks on him to Tim. Tim's worried about cohesion. Christian refers to him as "lady" and tells him not to worry. Tim might want to borrow that hamhock.
Rami is still explaining that it's WHAT HE DOES. Tim warns him about Nina's concern for freshness. Nina needs a lot of freshness in a lot of places. Starting with her personality. Sweet P's model shows up. Family emergency and America gets to see her in her panties. Sorry, Model Leigh. It's the morning of the runway show and "ohmygod", Christian has to look "amazing". He had to make sure his hair was extra fierce. Use butter! Sweet P runs her ass to the her sewing machine. Neither her or Sweet P are finished. Jillian flattens her hair even more and notes that she doesn't want to go back to working at a cubicle and contributing to someone else's vision. Me neither, and would you believe someone else's vision can include keeping the laser printer filled with paper. Yes, I've been there.
Tim greets the group. I love how Fashion Bear is staring dreamily into space as Tim is talking. I don't think Fashion Bear cares. He just wants some laughs, and some fashion, and maybe a box of cupcakes. Tim tells them to give the judges an electric jolt which will send Nina's shoes "across the runway". I recommend gunfire. Chris made a dress that looked exactly like the one he and Christian made. He really did. Christian is making out with the Tresemme guy. I wouldn't have figured that. I'll be honest. These designs look threaded through with sleep deprivation. Jillian is almost weeping with frustration because she can't get her hem to sit right. Is she going to start stabbing herself again? Hopefully she'll use a bigger needle this time.
Runway time! The penultimate! Heidi appears to be using the same blow dryer as Jillian except Heidi cut loose and didn't let malaise style her hair. Ooooh, Roberto Cavalli's here. We go way back! Yeah, Chris designed the same dress. I love Christian's outfit. And I like Rami's even though we all know he's gonna get scolded for the GODDAMN DRAPING. P's definitely riding a rail home. Jillian killed on the jacket, but the gold Reynold's wrap looked a mess. Jesus, am I learning stuff and actually developing test. Roberto Cavalli tells Chris he is the "most artistic" and he can see him showing in Paris. *screeching tires as Christian wasn't wearing his seatbelt and his snotty face hit the windshield of Chris' talent* Really? I mean, Chris is great and all...but..wow, all this time and we thought he was just silly costume guy. The other judges don't agree with Roberto. Ok, so Roberto is drunk because he just offered Jillian a job. Jill baby, you get those gidgets before the Chianti wears off and he wonders who the hell you are. Jillian gets high marks. Sweet P is the one designer that doesn't inspire Cavalli's love. Oh, I'm sorry, Rami isn't loved by Mr. Cavalli either. I love how Heidi and Kors show their disgust with Rami's draping with a simultaneous hands up gesture. Like "what the hell, Noodles!"
Nina explains that she wants to see Rami "out of this box". We all want to see Nina in a box. Specifically, pine and in the ground. I kid, I kid. Heidi describes Jillian as "ballsy". And she pronounces "ballsy" in the cutest, most Germanic way. I want her to tend my goats and teach me about sex. Judges judge. Fashion Bear has drama in his blood. And Ring Dings! This could be a tough one. Sweet P's definitely out. But who is the other one? Rami or Fashion Bear? Jesus, the suspense is killing me! Ok, it isn't really. This was kind of a "nice" season. No one really got out of bounds. No one collapsed. No one cheated. No one deliberately screwed anyone else. When there was a fight, it seemed to be forgotten the next day. I know these are supposed to be positives. But I also know that we need some showmanship! Christian's hair can't be expected to carry it all! Ferosha Coutura aside!
The winner? Christian. It was hot. Even I know that. He flits off. And his pants are way too tight. I can see his religion. Jillian and Christian forget the bitchery over the iron and embrace backstage. I think I just saw Jillian's wooka. Put the skirt down. Focus. Sweet P's out, and she's crying. Maybe I can send her a $20. I support art. Or at least peacock dresses. Fashion Bear and Rami Noodles are both in. For now. They will have a fashion-off to see who goes on. Sweet P's gonna be pissed. Oh poor Sweet P. Rami better throw his drape gun or whatever away. Sweet P is crying. She wanted to go. I didn't think she would but she was nice to have around.
Next - the REUNION! Heidi tells VictorYA that she's uptight! Carmen aka Kelis is upset. Heidi's got a bangy shag. Is that a haircut? We're almost there!
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