Family Guy - "Back to the Woods" (Episode 609)

The guys are in the Drunken Clam, watching "G.I. Jose - A Real Mexican Hero", who warns the kids not to jump into a dangerous quarry and then tries to sell them gum, stuffed toys and inflatable mallets - and offers his services for odd jobs around the house. The news cuts in - Barry Manilow is scheduled to be in town that weekend. The guys all grumble and say they'd never pay to see the show. Peter suggests they should all go, "as a goof" to look at all of the idiots. They started to admit that some of Barry's songs were kinda catchy, like "Mandy", "Copacabana" and pretty much his whole catalog. They finally 'fess up and admit that they're all "Fanilows" and they decide to go - after singing "Ready to Take a Chance Again." (The delicate irony is that I am actually going to see Barry Manilow on Saturday night!)

At the concert, the guys are moved to tears. Barry asks for a volunteer from the audience who had a two syllable name. He chose Quagmire to join him on stage. He sings "Quagmire" to the tune of "Mandy". Peter tells Cleveland that Barry wrote all of the KFC jingles. Cleveland said he wasn't happy about that after what they did to Foghorn Leghorn (the Colonel cut his head off.) Peter and Lois are watching TV and see an ad for cut-rate (ok, really cut-rate, $12 cut-rate!) Lasik surgery by a doctor who's "fully licensed, fully trained, fully Jewish." Peter thinks that the surgery might be nifty and as he reaches for his wallet, realizes he must have left it at the concert. Stewie was shocked. Lois said Peter always had an excuse for losing his wallet, such as the hooker took it or I left it with my other family - which led to a cut-away of Peter going on a business trip only to be a mother to another family in Illinois. I didn't think that was very funny either. Back at the Clam, Peter is still wallet-less and it's proving to be quite inconvenient. He tried to get a haircut, but when the barber found out he was strapped for cash, he made him wear a wig and, when he tried to rent "Garden State" at the video store, he couldn't. Another man rented it and 24 hours later, he was dead from a suicide. Eerie!

Lois got the bills, and someone racked up $16K in charges on Peter's Visa. Peter keeps joking - the thief is spending less than his wife. Lois noted that the thief ate at House of Chung every night, so Peter and Brian went to investigate. Peter makes Brian sniff his butt to get his scent so he can find his wallet. Brian doesn't want to, but ultimately finds the wallet. James Woods is the thief. Peter humiliated James in the past and now it's time for revenge. Peter heads home and tells Lois he knows who has his wallet. Lois knows too - James Woods is in the living room and he claims that the house is his. James called the police and Joe shows up and, against his better judgment sends the real Peter away. James also asks Peter to strip because those were now his clothes.

James has adjusted to his new role as Peter Griffin, but Lois and Meg aren't too thrilled about it. Brian objects to his presence and he ends up getting tied up otuside. Stewie taunts Brian by saying that James was going to option the novel he wrote (when he thought Stewie was serious, his tail wagged. James was giving Meg advice. She wanted to be thin and look like a Hollywood star, so James introduced her to "Mr. Pukey." Meg met "Mr. Pukey" and promptly tossed her cookies, to which James responded "Reese Witherspoon". Chris asks James for advice on how to get a girl to like him. James told her that he met Kate Moss through a mutual coke dealer and had cheap and nasty sex, which for whatever reason, made Chris very happy. Peter had to move into a rundown hotel and doesn't know what to do about the James Woods situation, he misses his family and wants to see Lois. Brian came up with a plan. Chris brought his friend "Scooter" (aka Peter in disguise) over for dinner. James saw right through the act and sent Peter speeding away on his Big Wheel (until it collapsed.) Peter was ready to admit defeat until Brian reminded him that identity theft worked both ways, suggesting that Peter could now be James Woods - long enough to ruin him. 

How can Peter convince everyone he's James Woods? Brian set him up with the best fake ID guy he knew, Stewie. Peter as James Woods made an appearance on Letterman to promote his new movie "September 11, Two Thousand Fun". The audience was shocked and Dave was too. Peter added that the voice of the plane would be played by David Spade. James Woods was livid - he'd never work with David Spade. Peter checked the news - his nefarious plan to destroy James' career worked. His house was being burned down by an angry mob. James shows up and wants to settle things with Peter once and for all - they're going to settle it like men. Peter led James via a trail of candy to an old-fashioned box trap. Folied again! In the end, James is put in a cavernous warehouse, a la "Indiana Jones."