South Park - "Tonsil Trouble" (Episode 1201)

Wow, this new season completely snuck up on me. I guess I don't watch Comedy Central as much as I used to! South Park is back. Cartman has to get a tonsillectomy. He doesn't want to go to the hospital, but when he hears there's ice cream, he's all for the surgery. Post-op, Cartman is feeling fine and is waiting for his ice cream - unfortunately it's not to be, the doctor "accidentally" infected Cartman with the AIDS virus. He got a bad blood transfusion. Understandably, Cartman's pissed, he even passes up his ice cream.

Back at school, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters and their parents are called nto Principal Victoria's office where she tells them that Cartman has HIV. A doctor tells them that the can't get AIDS from Cartman - they can even hug and kiss him. Kyle's incredulous about the whole situation. Principal Victoria brings Cartman in. I think, if I'm not mistaken, that he's dressed like Tom Hanks in "Philadelphia." Butters calls him a "special little guy" and plants a kiss on his cheek. Cartman responds with "This sucks ass!" Kyle has to step out - to laugh his ass off. Cartman is annoyed that everyone isn't realizing the gravity of his situation.

Cut to the Airport Hilton, where there's an AIDS benefit for Cartman hosted by Elton John. Hardly anyone showed, because, as the waitress put it, AIDS was an "80s and 90s disease and "It's all about cancer now." The emcee said they raised $17 for Eric and then announced that Elton couldn't make it, he was at a cancer benefit. But they did get a replacement - Jimmy Buffett, who performed "AIDS-burger in Paradise." (I feel guilty laughing about that one, but it was funny.) Eric said no one liked Jimmy except for "frat boys and alcoholic girls from the south." Buffett's next number was "Wasting Away Because of AIDS and Stuff." Eric's really pissed now.

The next day at the bus stop, Eric tells the guys he was pissed that they didn't go to the benefit. Stan said they forgot. Cartman said that everyone has forgotten about AIDS. Stan asked if Elton at least sang a song for him and Cartman said that it was Jimmy Buffett instead, which illicted more laughter from Kyle. Stan tells Cartman that Kyle really does feel bad for him, but it's kind of ironic, since he's been such a jerk in the past. Cartman thinks Stan is insinuating that he deserved it, and thinks Kyle needs a lesson in compassion. Cartman recruits Butters to fix it so Kyle is the one who gets laughed at. Butters is reluctant, but Cartman says he's not only sure Kyle needs this, but also "HIV positive." Cartman sneaks into Kyle's room and injects some of his blood into Kyle's mouth. Ewww.

Of course, Kyle's sick - and now has HIV. Kyle says there's no way he has AIDS and then has an epiphany, he knows Cartman's responsible. Kyle confronts Cartman and beats the snot out of him. They went to the Principal's office and Kyle told his story. The Principal makes him apologize and then makes Kyle apologize for being a tattletale. Now it's Kyle's turn to be pissed. He went to Cartman's house to "break everything he owns," including Clyde Frog. Kyle's about to break his X Box, but Cartman stops him by promising he can cure him - he's working on something. Kyle thinks he's lying and Cartman tells him that the key is Magic Johnson - "he got HIV like 50 years ago and is still fine." If they can track him down and "isolate his genetic prototype" they can beat the virus.

Kyle and Cartman head to the airport to fly out to LA and find Magic. They can't afford the tickets and tell the agent that they need to see Magic because they have AIDS. The agent says "That's retro" but can't give them free tickets - but cancer patients get to fly for free. The boys go to another airline and get tickets, posing as cancer patients (with "all-over cancer.")

The boys arrive at Magic Johnson's house and they ask if he can help. Magic asks if they're sure they have AIDS and, for the third time, Eric says they're not only sure, they're "HIV positive." Kyle's had enough and doesn't think it's funny at all. Magic doesn't know how he's been able to live with the disease for so long. Kyle asks him if he's been in contact with anything special that kept HIV from spreading. He says he eats healthy and works out and then shows the boys his bedroom, which is full of money. Magic doesn't trust banks. Could it be the money? Researchers find that the boys are onto something. The think that if cash is infected directly into the bloodstream it could destroy the virus. One researcher is doubtful and needs studies and FDA approval first. Magic makes an argument for the boys and volunteers his cash to help cure them. The researchers consent to try on one boy and Cartman volunteers Kyle. The researchers condense Magic's cash into a syringe and inject it into Kyle. It worked - and the cure for AIDS has been found. It's no help for the Nigerians, unfortunately. There's another banquet for Cartman - and Kyle - and this time all of South Park turned out. And, to salute their efforts, they are again serenaded by Jimmy Buffett, who now sings "Cure-burger in Paradise." And Kyle still broke the X Box.