My Name is Earl - "I Won't Die with a Little Help from My Friends" (Episode 314)

Remember "My Name is Earl"? It's been so long since we've seen Earl and the gang, that we get a re-introduction by President and CEO of NBC, Jeff Zucker. Courtesy of a recap video on NBC.com ("where you can watch all of your favorite shows, preferably within the first 17 days"), sponsored by Esurance, we get up to speed from where we left off - Earl gave up the list, got hit by a car which was driven by his dream girl, Billie (Alyssa Milano) who in turn was hit by a car. Got that? J-Z out!

Even though Earl's unconscious, he can still voice over. Earl knows he's in tough shape but knows how to deal with tough situations. When he was a kid, he used to escape his awful home life by watching "ozzie and Harriet"-style sitcoms. Earl's adult mind now dealt with his unconsciousness by imagining a perfect sitcom workd for him, where the list was finished, dinner was always waiting and he was married to Billie. Back in reality, the ambulance arrives, as does Randy. Ex-officer Daniels "found them in the street." (Yeah, he's the one who hit Billie.) Randy tries to bargain with God, telling Him not to take Earl, but to take him as he's "worth my weight in squirels." Billie is going to be taken to the hospital first because she was hot and had "nice looking taters." Earl said this wasn't the first time Randy had seen Earl on the ground fighting for his life - we flashback to the guys shooting arrows into the air and one lands in Earl's back. Randy froze in fear, ran away and hid under his bed. He wasn't going to let that happen again, so he loaded Earl in the ambulance and took off.

Randy isn't the world's best ambulance driver and really should have strapped Earl in. He tries to calm down by turning on the radio, where he's told to return the ambulance, because if Earl died, he'd be responsible. Randy didn't realize that he turned on the non-musical radio and said "How'd that DJ know I stole an ambluance?" Randy encounters Joy, Darnell and Catalina on the side of the road, their car was broken down. The engine was fried because they couldn't afford oil - Joy thought spraying a can and a half of Pam in the engine would suffice. Randy gets them all in the ambulance. Darnell takes a shot at reviving Earl with some CPR. It doesn't work, but Darnell discovers that Earl has very soft lips. Joy tries a tittie twister to wake up Earl. That doesn't work either. As Joy and Darnell attempt to wake Earl up, they end up in his imaginary sitcom as the wacky neighbors. Catalina finds a defibrilator in the ambulance and Darnell attempts to use it, but Randy hits a bump and Earl gets his head defibrilated. Then Darnell gets his head defibrilated as well. Joy straddles Earl and Catalina says that Earl can't die indoors and opens the ambulance doors. Of course, Earl and Joy fell out of the ambulance and went riding on the gurney down the street. Back in the sitcom, Randy moved in with Earl and Billie because Earl thought Randy's presence would keep Joy away. Catalina then shows up to clean up after the slovenly Randy. And then, for whatever reason, Joy warned up to Randy and said she could hang with him all day. The gurney is heading for a semi, so Joy bails and Earl gets attached to the front of the truck and rides on down the highway.

The truck was used by the local appliance store, so the gang head to the store to find out who was driving the truck. They find the truck at the driver's house, but the gurney was empty. They go to the door and meet the driver, Sissy (Jane Lynch, from 'Best in Show'!) to ask some questions about Earl's whereabouts. She said she didn't know where he was and slams the door on them. Joy had picked an eyelash off of Sissy's face, but Randy recognized it as one of Earl's mustache hairs and suspect foul play. They peek into Sissy's living room and find Earl. Sissy tries to romance the unconscious Earl. Randy tries to take him back, but Sissy says he was gift from God, and they had already exchanged vows. Joy, who knows how to talk to crazy people, tells Sissy they'll bring him back after he's fixed. Randy lets it slip that they're not bringing him back and Sissy's not happy. Joy can't knock Sissy out - not even with a telephone and she chases after the gang with a gun, shooting Earl in the butt. Earl finally gets to the hospital and things aren't looking good. Good news - the mustache will be fine.

Earl's still in his coma. Joy wants a second opinion from the Indian doctor. he wants a Jewish doctor. The current doctor says "I'm Indian. We're the new Jews." Earl was unaware that Billie was in the other room, but in his fantasy sitcom he had even come up with a "Three's Company"-esque theme song. Randy, Darnell and Joy are at the Crab Shack, trying to figure out what to do about Earl. Darnell got a brochure called "So You Have to Pull the Plug" from the hospital. Catalina found Earl's list in the Club Chubby's parking lot. Randy knows that Earl will come back to finish his list. Catalina says they have to do something and Darnell says that some coma patients have recovered by being exposed to things that made them happy. They head to the hospital with stimuli they hope will revive Earl. Randy tries bacon, Joy tries boobs - neither worked. Darnell tried to stimulate Earl by showing him postcards of international cities. Catalina kept Earl up-to-date on current events by reading to him from the tabloids, so he could at least know what Paris Hilton was up to. They tried to serenade him with classic rock and lit firecrackers on his chest. Nothing worked, but his fantasy world was getting more bizarre by the moment. Paris Hilton was in his sitcom kitchen making bacon and saying "that's hot." (I wonder how long it took her to remember those lines?) Randy was a cowboy and Earl was grabbing Billie's boobs. I hope that's the last we see of Paris. Randy talked to God to find out what to do about Earl. Apparently they had a productive conversation, and Randy knew what to do.

Randy burst into the Crab Shack and said they could help Earl with "God's Little Finger" - a very young faith healer, named Gerald. Joy and Randy had seen him at work. Joy neede healing for her giant zit. Earl had tripped over a set of cojoined twins and hurt his leg. He was chosen for healing over Joy and her zit and cured his pain. God's Little FInger then went to cure a lady on crutches, but Joy jumped in and got her zit cured. The gang found Gerald, but he had lost his faith and didn't heal people anymore. He lost his faith after seeing Joy and Earl on a news report where they were using Joy's breasts to distract grocery shoppers so Earl could steal their goodies. He felt awful he healed them. Randy tells Gerald about how Earl turned his life around and add him to Earl's list. Gerald agrees to heal Earl and asks Joy if she's turned her life around. He still thinks she's got the devil in her and he storms off. He needs proof that Joy's a good person before he can help Earl. back at the hospital, the doctors are starting to claim Earl's internal organs and Earl's sitcom life is changing. He got a promotion which he would have to move away for.

Darnell made a video of Joy doing good things - making the Crab Shack a movie studio with the help of a blue tarp (their "sex tarp"). Darnell made a "greatest hits" tape of Joy chroma-keying her helping at an oil spill, running at a breast cancer run, posing with the president, sitting on a trailer rescuing animals after Hurricane Katrina, talking to the Pope and JFK. The video worked and Gerald headed to the hospital to cure Earl. Unfortunately, Gerald has lost his touch. He says the machines and medicines are keeping Earl in the coma and tries to unplug him. Gerald's dad tells him he could never heal anyone, it had all been a scam designed by his Dad to make a buck. He picked up a bird that had flown into a window and it came to, giving Dad an idea. He had actually recruited Earl for the healing service where Joy and Randy saw Gerald for the first time. Gerald was actually happy that he could now be a normal kid. He told Everyone they could cross him off Earl's list. Randy apologized to Earl, who was slipping away. In sitcom land, Ear was saying goodbye to everyone. Not good. Randy was proud of what Earl did with the list and crossed Gerald off, hoping it would get Earl to heaven which was bringing Earl back to life. Next week, Earl's up and at 'em again!