Numb3rs: Black Swan (Episode 413)

Before I begin, I’d like to address the most common question I’ve received since we ran out of pre-strike eppesodes. Will I do another audio recap? Well, my audio recaps were done in support of the WGA, and Canada was nice enough to show the eppesodes on Wednesdays instead of Fridays. Therefore, it’s highly unlikely I’ll be doing another one unless I feel like it or some kind person sends me an eppesode in advance *cough*N3PTB*cough*

Of course, I couldn’t do this eppesode as an audio recap because THEN EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE TO BE SAID LIKE THIS BECAUSE OMG MY SHOW’S BACK AND I’M REALLY EXCITED OMGSQUEEWAFFLESRIOTGEAROPENINGGRID!

I wouldn’t want anyone to go deaf at my squeeage. I’ve got a few months worth pent up and I need to expel it all before in sane healthy ways. Therefore, all of my screencaps will be capslock.

So, what did you do over the strike? Well, I asked Ausiello about <i>Numb3rs spoilers, wrote three essays, two exams and a bunch of Torchwood recaps. I mention that last part as shameless pimping because I may have difficulty readjusting to a fandom where slash isn’t canon. I apologize in advance.

So we begin with the Fedcakes on a raid, in riot gear. Either it’s a gift to the fandom or someone’s hoping to mass-murder a bunch of fangirls through head-explosions due to hotness. First, Don does the throw the guard dog a piece of meat.

And then Colby breaks the locks with his big tool.

Interspersed with this raid is an introduction to teaching lesson given by Charlie, Larry and Amita. Everything that they say directly corresponds to something that goes on during the raid. Who knew that not only were the brothers Eppes great foils for each other at work and in their personal lives, but also steeped in the literary tradition of parallelism?

The first thing they talk about: teaching isn’t “what you know” but it’s about “how you lead.”

So, what what do we learn about how you lead from the illustrious Don? Hit the baddies from all sides with a lot of firepower. I would just like to say, I hope Charlie doesn’t recommend that as a teaching practice.

The next piece of wisdom from Cal Sci, planning isn’t an option.

At the raid, we see Don’s plan in action.

More Cal Sci teaching musings, you may feel like control is slipping through your fingers but there’s always a support system.

Also, leaders have to use their intuition.

Speaking of intuition, here’s Don demonstrating exactly how to do that. A supposed civilian has wandered onto the bust but Don is sure there’s something fishy about the guy. As Larry puts it, “Intuition is simply your rational mind finding an ineloquent way of talking to you.” Well, Don’s rational mind is also capslock worthy as it says, “ARREST THE CIVILIAN!”

Also, leaders believe in themselves. Well if we learned one thing from all of Don’s therapy sessions, if there’s one person he does believe in, it is himself. He’s just not entirely sure about the rest of the team.

One last thing about leaders, according to Charlie, being right is good. This is writer Ken Sanzel’s way of telling us DO NOT DOUBT DON’S JUDGEMENT HERE, complete with capslock.

The split scenes end with a weird set of opposing images. The first is Colby running after the civilian, who I guess hasn’t seen “One Hour” if he’s trying to outrun Colby. Then he’s blocked by the wall of man-flesh that is Don.

Although, I am rather amused when his sunglasses start falling off to his right, but wind up on his left shoulder. Oh my god, please don’t tell me that they’re sunglasses from the same manufacturer as Horatio Caine! One pair of magic sunglasses is enough per network!

The second image is a group of potential teaching assistants who can’t bother to ask a single question. Um, yeah, FAIL!

When Larry calls the silence memorable, I’m surprised that Amita says he “lives in a monastery”. She specifically uses the present tense here, and I was pretty sure he wound up giving up his cell to some Tibetans. (Special thanks to the GarageGirls at BTN who helped me figure that detail out.) Of course, this was all just a lead in to how surprising a job can be, no matter how long one has been doing it. I think it’s referring to Don’s suspicion of the civilian, but for me, it’s keeping 3 and a half seasons’ worth of detail in my head.

Of course, I have Ninjas and the GarageGirls to help me out. What does Don have? A bunch of Fedcakes and the civilians van being full of guns and duct tape, which, as David puts it, is “the tip of a whole other iceberg.” Yeah, I’d say a Titanic sinking iceberg.

Title Flash. I’m so glad I didn’t have to wait until September to see that again.

IHOF: The interview with the civilian doesn’t go well. He tries claiming that the duct tape, sound-proofing, plastic ties and guns are all legal and that the Fedcakes are denying his rights by arresting him. Well, civilian forgot that Fedcakes don’t have pesky things like rights to get in the way of them anymore, or has civilian been in a coma for the past 6 years?

Civilian’s name is really Isaac Meecham from Montana. Okay, I hate to stereotype a whole state, but isn’t coming from Montana, on television automatically mean THIS GUY IS AN ANTI-GOVERNMENT RADICAL, complete with capslock? The connection is made between Meecham and the New America Front, a radical group that wanted to bomb the IRS. Megan suspects Meecham much be part of a splinter group working in LA since, for all the guy’s legal papers (and 15 legal guns), his life doesn’t really add up.

Don’s all “score!” because he can now hole Meecham on suspicion of domestic terrorism. On the other hand, Megan’s all “but due process is a good thing.” I have to say, I’m on her side as I don’t want to think the country immediately to the South of me is taking it’s legal system from say, China.

Playing peacemaker, David brings everybody back on topic, but suggesting that the Fedcakes drop Meecham’s van off at one of the bars listed in the GPS unit, in hopes of finding with whom he is working. Yay David. This is exactly why he’s my pal to whom I have dedicated my birthday. We both don’t like conflict within our inner circles.

While Megan and Don stare daggers at each other, Colby’s taken the GPS to Charlie, but there isn’t enough data for the Cal Sci crew to do anything without, as Larry phrases it, a lot of “brute force.” Colby smirks and I control myself.

Larry does not find the smirking over brute force as hilarious as I do. Seriously dude, sometimes the mathematical terms are funny. Remember “Squish-squash?” “Tabu?” “Fokker-Planck equation?” Enough said.

Speaking of funny sounding mathematical terms, Charlie suggests something that involves discovering a pattern and I have no idea what he said. I’ve listened to it over and over, and all I know is that he’ll need Amita, lots of dry erase boards and will probably write a paper about it. Let’s hope not another book. Also, there’s an audience-vision about cracking ice. Unless there’s a stiff drink at the end of that, perhaps I don’t want to know.

Well, the dry-erase boards may be useful, but Amita, not so much. She’s having a nervous fit about her parents finally coming to visit, after cancelling on her, twice. Ouch. Now, how does she deal with her nervous energy? She cleans Charlie’s office. Well, Amita, next time you’re nervous, how about you come visit me? My office is a disaster. I think one of my dogs has been buried under the paperwork.

Fortunately, everyone’s favourite confidant, Alan, is there, listening to Amita ramble on about hiking, and Roscoe’s waffles because it’s the one item of food everyone in the family can agree on. Although, how anyone can agree on a place that involves chicken and waffles (which is like the weirdest combination of food ever), I can’t understand.

All that nervous energy though, is for naught, as her father’s been called into a meeting with the Indian Ministry of Finance. She’s devastated and I’m wondering why Alan, who is really the default parent for everyone in this series, doesn’t take the opportunity to hug his future daughter-in-law. Well, I guess I’ll have to say something comforting then.

Yeah, I’m not so great on the comforting thing. Besides, Amita and I don’t exactly have the closest of recapper-character relationships because I’m insanely envious of her.

In my favourite scene in this entire eppesode, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are out on a stakeout, watching Meecham’s van. Colby tries to tell an amusing story, but David’s heard them all before. David tries to talk about some woman who called him and for a moment I get hopeful moment where I’m thinking whatever became of Claudia is about to be explained, but Colby’s already heard it. “Well, I guess that’s it. We’ve officially run out of stuff to talk about,” Colby muses.

Oh hell no. I’m not going to let this happen. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have finally gotten themselves back on and even keel after the whole spy (not Theoriginalspy) thing and difficulty working together. Therefore, I’m going to offer some suggestions, as their way to resolve the situation is to gamble on how quickly they’ll get a “bite” (a phrase which here means: someone jiggling the door) on Meecham’s van.

Feel free to make other suggestions in the comments.

Before they can talk about even one of my suggestions (6 being particularly useful to me, but 7 would have serious hilarity), they get a bite on the van. They laugh as they’re able to predict everything the baddies are doing, but when David theorizes that Meecham’s pals think he got picked up, Colby wonders who these women are that pick up men in bars?

“You my friends are a prisoner of high standards and low social skills,” David replies. Hee! Although, I think there are a few women willing to drag Colby home.

BTW, how is it possible that Colby can’t get a date? Is he just out of practice after a few years undercover (not like that)? I mean, if he needs practice and all, I totally volunteer. That’s just the type of recapper I am, always willing to help out when needed.

A montage, yay! It involves Rosencrantz and Guildenstern following the very distinctive looking baddie Le Mans through the streets of LA. You know, if I were a bad guy, I’d pick a 5 year old domestic vehicle to drive around in. You’d never find me in LA traffic. Eventually, the baddies pull up in front of a very suburban-looking house having not noticed they were followed by two Fedcakes.

After the commercial, we find Colby and David have co-opted the house across the road for a stakeout. To keep themselves occupied, I see they’ve taken my suggestion of strip-poker from earlier, except without the stripping.

They manage to get images of the suspects, but otherwise, we get the point that stakeouts are dull. The funny thing is that they take pictures of suspects the same way I make suspect pictures of Fedcakes.

Math Garage: Amita has Charlie very well-trained. Good, it means less work for me later When Charlie tries to point out that her parents are doing very important work by helping to sort out the economy of the world’s second largest population, he finished with “but if you’re angry so am I.” Good boy, otherwise, you’d see more of this:

In truth, Charlie can’t really understand what Amita’s going through as even when he was at college, his family was completely reorganizing their lives for him. As an adult, his father still lives in the family home with Charlie (no matter how much they war over it) and Don practically lives there. Larry is sometimes there, and Amita spends more time there than she does in her apartment. I don’t think Charlie understands the meaning of the word “alone” never mind not being constantly in the pockets of those he cares about.

Amita’s feeling disconnected but before things can go much further, Colby arrives with Alan in tow. In this week’s NPAL™, Alan laughs at the idea of Colby interrupting Charmita because “You kidding? Last week I walked in on them and they were –“

Alert! Alert! Brain bleach is necessary right now! There are just some things parents shouldn’t reference no matter how close their relationship with children. Ew. The first time I watched this, I missed the rest of this scene as I was too busy freaking out over the wrongness of that statement.

Colby’s got a new twist to the computations. Since they now know that the baddies have three vehicles, he wants Charmita to “factor” in times when they’d use one vehicle but not the other two. Charmita is suitably impressed by Colby’s ability to think like a mathematician.

IHOF: The two other baddies have been identified as Quigley and Laiken, which sounds more like an investment firm than a pair of domestic terrorists, but, whatever, I’ll go with it. What Don and Megan can’t figure out is what the New America Front has to do with a meth lab.

“Maybe it’s a black swan,” Charlie comments. Y halo thar eppesode title!

So what is a black swan? It’s a term used to define anything outside what we’d think of as normal. It comes from the Europeans being completely xenophobic believing that only white swans existed, before they set up the future birthplace of Hugh Jackman. (MMMMM, Hugh. Sorry, a little distracted.) Essentially, it means that weird shit happens and we can’t find rhyme or reason for it.

This gives Megan a reason to snipe at Don for kicking due process to the curb, but he’s not hearing any of it. Please, don’t do this. Don’t make it a power struggle between Don and Megan. I’ll cry, a lot and I have a very public format in which to do it. Do you all remember how I reacted when Don and Robin broke up? I'm not adverse to going there again.

Unlike David, Charlie isn’t socially smart enough to stay the heck out of it. Both Don and I give him the same look.

All Don wants to do is stop crimes before they start, which isn’t a bad justification for someone who works in law enforcement.

“Still seeing your therapist?” Charlie asks and then he goes on about causing harm. Oh Charlie, back away now before Don reminds you of all the horrible things big brothers can do to little brothers.

While Charlie’s talking to Don, Larry is dropping a foreshadowing anvil on the fandom. First, he comments how he’s starting to recognize it when Megan’s about to cancel one of their dates as scheduled way back in “Longshot.” He then moves onto how there are so many more opportunities in the world for Megan, other than the ones offered by the IHOF.

At Cal Sci, Charmita’s just got to be patient and let all the computer programs and algorithms run their course.

Proving how brilliant and considerate a boyfriend Charlie has become, he suggests that the pair of them fly out to Delhi after the case is done. Amita says it’s a nice idea but turns him down, but the reasons she gives, about time and ability, don’t ring true to me, making me wonder if that whole freak out about Charlie not being Indian earlier this season, is just the tip of the potential daddy-Ramanujan problem iceberg.

As for Charlie, he just doesn’t want to see her unhappy. Well, that’s nice but apparently he has not trouble with a recapper turning into a pile of fangirly goo at the sweetness of this.

Most Boring Stakeout Ever: Don’s joined Rosencrantz and Guildenstern for such exhilarating moments as watching the baddies smoke while being complete idiots and talking about their plan outside of the house. Plus, they can’t get a wire in the house because the baddies are never gone at the same time. In order to get a wire in there, according to Colby, “It’d take a ninja.”

“Or a black swan,” Don realizes. Ah, I think we have the start of a plan.

So in order to get the baddies out of the – whoa, wait a minute. Excuse me? NINJAS?! Okay, I adore my ninjas. I do. They are amazing, wonderful people but what I want to know is that now that the SDKG and now my ninjas have had a shout out, WHERE THE HECK IS MINE!!!! And yes, that was totally capslock worthy.

Okay, I am calming down now as I will just have to assume that my shout out will be coming shortly. Besides, it’s getting to the point I may have to pull my own black swans out the hat in order to make sure I get my due. No, I refuse to elaborate on my supersekrit plan mainly because I don’t have one beyond whining in my recaps.

So what is Don’s plan? Getting Megan, car appreciating Megan, to crash into the Le Mans. That had to hurt. Listening to her play the vapid female driver going on about texting and driving, makes this my second favourite moment in the eppesode.

While Megan’s out front distracting the baddies, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are imitating my ninjas, placing a bug in the house. Sorry guys, my ninjas do it better. Although, Colby griping about his Super!Colby routine is my Nummy Awards nominee for best Colby line this season.

For the record, even with the dramatic cut to commercial with the hint that Colby might get caught, did not leave me with any suspense. True ninjas are never caught. Just ask mine.

At the IHOF, Colby can’t figure out who the third baddie, who only stays in the house is. I’m going to guess his name is A. G. Oraphobic. Unfortunately, my guess is about as much as the Fedcakes have.

Most Boring Stakeout Ever: I think there needs to be a new rule about Fedcake stakeouts, do not bring the hyperactive mathematician.

Poor Charlie can’t even play minesweeper on his laptop because it’s busy running the program from earlier. Methinks, if it’s still running, Charlie needs more RAM. Small talk doesn’t help either because even though David and Charlie discover they’re both Beatles’ fans, Charlie promptly mocks David for reading about it. Oh Charlie, I don’t care how bored you are. Don’t mock the guy with the loaded weapon. (Not like that. This isn't Torchwood!)

We do get some interesting backstory about David. He’s not only a fan of the video game classics (“Frogger” being his favourite), but also he went to Cornell. I do like my Fedcakes with an extra dose of smart. Something about Frogger sets Charlie off on a new mathematical avenue, which has something to do with Meecham and his avenues.

IHOF: In a scene meant only to move the plot along, because the Fedcakes are just as lost in what’s going on as I am, Larry makes an interesting point. Perhaps Meecham wasn’t Don’s black swan; perhaps Don was Meecham’s black swan. This means, that Meecham really was at the meth lab planning to do some business so his appearance isn’t unexplainable. Instead of making meth though, the New America Front is making bombs. The connections here are a little fast a furious, so it took me watching this scene like six times before I finally got what was going on.

Most Boring Stakeout Ever: Luckily, it doesn’t take Rosencrantz and Guildenstern 6 tries to figure out what’s going on. The problem is that they don’t have time to wait for backup as the investment firm is on the move, leaving the head guy inside the house. A shoot out commences and, to be honest, Quigley and Laiken look like two investment bankers holding guns. So when Laikam gets shot down, it’s not a surprise. What does annoy me is that the New America Front tries to kill my favourite snarky pair from Hamlet (they even snark during the shootout) by shooting them and then tries to blow them up, when the garage explodes.

For all the really cool special effects, Quigley still manages to escape in a pickup. You know, if I’d thought about it, I would’ve made a “how many visible stereotypes from Montana are in this eppesode” drinking game. It sounds like a great idea, but then I’d be typing this thing while plastered.

IHOF: In our first pedaconference since the strike, we learn Megan’s onboard with the THESE ARE BAD GUYS scenario as she and Don are off to interview Meecham. You know what I didn’t hear in that pedaconference?

Well, Meecham tries to claim that he’s willing to die for the cause. You know what, if you hate the government so much, run for it and change the system from within. Did these guys learn nothing from Guy Fawkes? Trying to blow up your government is a plan made of FAIL (complete with capslock).

You know, I would have sympathy for the guy when he rants about due process, except planning to blow up people is right up there with kicking puppies in ways not to gain my sympathy. Unfortunately, they have to play it this way so that we can see Megan’s point of view is the morally correct one, as she tries to argue innocent people will be killed.

But Meecham’s all “that’s blood on your hands” to Don. Umm, yeah, let’s just say that if you were to include that level of logic in a formal debate, you’d lose. Although, clearly this guy isn’t big on debating as he’d rather blow stuff up than air his grievances in a legal manner. At least he isn’t quick enough not to let out that the target has “security guards and cleaners.”

So, now it’s all up to Charlie, Amita and Larry to figure out what they’re blowing up. Of course, only with a mix of intuition and math (a phrase which hear means the cooperation of the Fedcakes and the Cal Sci crew), do they come to the final solution. The New America Front is going to blow up the bank that first reported them for money-laundering. Yeah, nothing say political beliefs like trying to blow up the place that reported you were breaking the law. Wait, I think that’s called desperation not to get caught.

Bank: I’m going to sum up what is a fairly long scene into just one paragraph. Once Don and Megan identify Quigley, the bank is quickly cleared. (BTW: Quigley is the worst baddie ever at subtly since he’s standing in the middle of the bank, fumbling suspiciously in a large duffle bag. Why weren’t guards all over him like the Leafs are all over losing?) It’s not a long conversation about why Quigley should not blow himself up. It’s all about scraping him off the walls and then reopening for business with new, shiny, slightly red-tinted tile and thus Quigley’s life will be a waste. In fact, Don’s entire line of argument can be summed up in one sentence.

With that, the crisis is averted. I think more tense situations should be resolved like this. For all the complicated planning and rhetoric that goes into these sorts of things, why does no one ever stop to think how stupid an idea it really is. I mean, “Let’s go blow up a bank because no one will stop us and we’ll be remembered as patriots,” who actually believes this?

La Maison d’Eppes: The Fedcakes and the Cal Sci crew are sitting down to dinner – which Charlie is making in the kitchen. Umm, yeah, while the cook can’t see you, perhaps now would be a good time to sneak out the door.

Although, waiting for dinner allows us to see Megan in her traditional big sister role to Colby, a phrase which here means “mocking him when he implies that Larry likes Megan because she’s a strong, powerful woman who could kick anyone’s ass.” Plus, the look on Megan’s face when she hears that Charlie is cooking is equally priceless. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that Megan is priceless. I just thought I’d point that out, now that I’ve recovered from the anvil dropped on my head from earlier in this eppesode.

So, what is for dinner? Waffles! (No chicken, because seriously, I don’t care if it’s an LA tradition; it’s just weird.) In case the subtext isn’t clear, Amita tells us: “your family is whoever you want to eat waffles with.”

Amita’s touched by the sentiment, and for the second time this eppesode, I become a big pile of fangirly goo. Although, I would like to make a proposal to the fandom, concerning what the menu should be when we all get together to squee over our Fedcakes and Cal Sci crew.

Next week: Spy is one very happy recapper. Here’s a hint why.