I'm still grieving over my beloved Tarheels getting their muscular behinds handed to them on a platter by Kansas, but like Tyler Hansbrough, I'll just keep working hard and do my best to rise above it. The show must go on! It helps that we get a week where nobody sobs, quits or gets med-evaced.
Night 21 brings the usual post-Tribal rehash, where King Ozzy says that if Ami had only stuck with him, then Erik would be gone. Silly Ami, trying to play her own game, instead of falling in line like a good little girl. Erik points out that it's the first time the Favorites have kept a Fan over one of their own, and notes that "in a perfect world, tomorrow would be the merge. He then adds, "All bets are off" with the precedent set that…what exactly? That Ozzy will choose someone who fawns over him over a smart woman with a little perspective? This is surprising how?
Over at Airai, the mini-alliance of outcasts Eliza and Jason have a whispered chat about how they've already severely pissed half the people who will on the jury. Did I miss something? Aside from Jason's smugness? Because he can't help himself, Jason tells Eliza he's got the "Hidden" "Immunity" "Idol", so she feels like she's sitting pretty. In her alliance of two. Who everybody else finds annoying. Good call, Eliza!
In the morning, tree mail tells both tribes to pack their belongings and bring anything useful that they can carry with them to a specified location. It's The Merge! *throws confetti* Erik tells Ozzy that he's with him all the way, even after they get back with their original tribemates. He refrains from singing, "Every Breath You Take," but that's probably just because he's too young to remember The Police. He actually describes himself as a monkey to Ozzy's zookeeper, so I can't say he's oblivious. It makes me like him just a smidge.
The Airai folks are delighted to ditch their hellish camp. Alexis takes the opportunity to reinforce her alliance with Parvati, Natalie and Amanda, saying, "I'm unwaveringly loyal." Oh, right, about that, Alexis? That's just Parvati's Plan B. Yeah, her original alliance with Ozzy, James, Amanda and Cirie is still intact, too. This is called "playing both sides"; a phrase y'all might want to remember for later. I'll note here that Alexis is looking fantastic. God, her hair alone makes me green with envy, and those sand-scrub facials have her skin all aglow. If I were out there, I'd be stringy haired, sun-burned and bug-bit, I have no doubt. Alexis looks like she's on a freakin' vacation.
The Merge comes with its requisite hugging, new buffing, and feasting, including a bowl full of…bats. *shudder* Which James proceeds to chow down on like he's plucking from a bucket of KFC. *gag* James considers it part of the Survivor experience; after all, how often do you get to eat bat? Once would be too many for me, James, my boy, but good on you for relishing the experience where you can. *burp*
As usual, the newly merged tribe must choose which camp to return to, come up with a name, and paint a tribe flag. Erik suggests "Dabu," saying it's the Micronesian word for "good." Okay, first of all, I gather there's some debate over whether there's even a Micronesia, let alone a language called Micronesian. It's a widely scattered conglomerate of islands with a variety of cultures and languages, any one of which could, I suppose use the word "dabu" for "good." But none of them do. Erik made that sucker up out of whole cloth, and the entire tribe falls for it, in good part, it seems, because it's easy to say and spell. So's "Dumbass." Yeah, two "s"s.
Alexis (anybody notice we're seeing more of her lately?) says the merge makes the game more about interpersonal relationships. She cuddles up to Ozzy (!!) while Amanda looks on (!!!!) and stews. Alexis puts her head on Ozzy's shoulder as he murmurs gems like, "I'm ready to go beyond Fans versus Favorites" and "You smell good." Oy. Ozzy, you may swim like a fish and climb like a monkey, but you've got no woman-sense at all. You don't scorn a woman like Amanda. For one thing, she can squash you like a bug.
Amanda's completely predictable response? "I want her GONE."
"Dabu" -- Day 23. The new tribe settles happily at the old Malakal beach, where Cirie raises her eyebrow at the litter of young'uns who've just made themselves right at home. Ozzy says that Jason is another big fan of his, but that "he thinks he can do better." The nerve of that guy! Thinking he might be able to best King Ozzy! Meanwhile, Jason's still smug about that "Hidden" "Immunity" "Idol", which he goes and "Hides" under a rock. "Hopefully, I won't forget the spot," he says. Oh, Jason.
Parvati and Eliza have a walk-n-talk, where Eliza swears her loyalty to the former Favorites. Parvati's like, "Whatever, bitch." When Eliza presses her, asking if the old Malakal tribe is sticking together, Parvati demurs, "I don't know." I guess, in one way, she really doesn't know, since she's made TWO SEPARATE ALLIANCES. Eliza feels very much on the outside. "This is a disaster," she says.
Then Parvati and Amanda talk, where Parvati spills the beans about the pickle she's gotten herself into. Amanda isn't amused at all that Parvati included her in an alliance without asking her, dragging her into Parvati's pickle. "It's not funny," she says. "I'm livid. It leaves me with a lot of questions about Parvati."
What I don't get is what makes one skinny girl with long dark hair any better or worse than another. Seriously, put them all fifty yards away at twilight, and I couldn't tell the difference between Eliza, Amanda, and Parvati. As it is, I have to rewind half the time to tell whether it's Amanda or Parvati. My Mister's having the same problem with Jason and Erik, who he's convinced are the same person, with some kind of Jekyll and Hyde thing going on, probably prompted by their maniacal obsession with King Ozzy. "Have you ever seen them in the same frame?" he asked me last night. I tried to point out the Farrahness of Erik, but he claimed he couldn't see the resemblance.
Day 24 brings the first Individual Immunity Challenge (I guess the merge feast counted as this week's Reward). Jason reiterates the key importance of the "Hidden" "Immunity" "Idol," saying if he wins the challenge, he'll give Eliza the "Hidden" "Immunity" "Idol" and their two votes for Ozzy will be enough to get him out.
I'll give My Mister this: Jason and Erik really are two sides of the same coin: Erik wants to BE Ozzy and Jason wants to BEAT Ozzy, but whatever the motivation, they're both alllllllll about Ozzy.
Jeff tells the tribe that the challenge will test their ability to remain calm. And their ability to breathe water, but we'll get to that in a minute. The tribe members will go under a grated steel barricade and stay there as the tide rises, decreasing their breathing room. Their head has to stay under the grate. The only thing worse that I can imagine would be staying under a grate while the tide rose while taking a math test naked. Now you know my fear of drowning! Which is only trumped by my fear of eating wet bats and being buried alive!
The challenge is pretty quiet to begin with. The tide rises. Fish nibble James, and really, who can blame them? It must be cold; Cirie and Eliza are both chattering their teeth. Starting at 35 minutes in, with the tide rising to leave only a few inches of breathing space, the women fall one by one: Amanda, Parvati, Alexis, Cirie, Natalie, and Eliza. Erik's the first guy to go. After an hour, James gives up, then it's just Ozzy and Jason, both gasping for air, trying to create tunnels for their mouths, gaping like fish. In the end, it's Ozzy who bails first. Jesus. His eyes are swollen and he's turned an ugly purple color. He looks…dare I say it? OLD. I'm not sure asphyxiation should really be on the Survivor menu. Let's retire drowning from the roster, along with sharp pointy things, okay, producers?
Upshot is, Jason wins immunity. Or, according to him, he "dominated Ozzy." Y'all can make of that what you will, but let's just say I'm getting a not entirely asexual vibe off Jason's satisfaction in besting Ozzy. He adds that the look of failure on Ozzy's face was "delightful." I think that look was more "AIR! I NEED AIR! TO BREATHE!!!"
Natalie, Cirie and Parvati want to vote out Eliza, though Amanda's making noises about kicking off Alexis. Interesting, isn't it, how it doesn't seem to occur to her to vote off Ozzy. That girl's letting a little green monster make her decisions for her. Eliza's hovering nearby, hearing her doom being sealed. She scampers off to Jason and leads us into one of the funniest things I've ever seen on the show. Jason's all, "Don't worry, baby" which makes me want to do a little dominating myself -- nothing goes with smugness like condescension! He goes and gets the "Hidden" "Immunity" "Idol" and puts it where Eliza can find it. I couldn't figure out, at first, why he wouldn't just keep his "Idol" for some other Tribal Council -- why give it to Eliza? But My Mister pointed out that it's a chance to blind-side Ozzy. He thinks that at this point, Jason would declare that a win, whether he got any further or not. He could be right -- the guy's definitely got a hard-on for Ozzy; the question is, which kind?
So Eliza unwraps the "Hidden" "Immunity" "Idol" and stares down at it, her big eyes getting even bigger. "This isn't it," she says aloud. "This is so stupid." Wait, it gets better. She run-walks across the camp and tracks down Jason. "What are you trying to pull?" she asks him. He's mystified. "That's not the Idol," she says. "That's a STICK." Heeeeeeee! OMG, the look on his face. It takes a few more STICK STICK STICKs to make it, um, stick in Jason's mind that maybe he got dominated played by Ozzy. Eliza says, "Should I try and play it?" Well, duh. Worse that happens is she looks stupid, but I think we all know who comes out of all this looking really dumb.
At Tribal Council, Jeff and Alexis take a meeting over coffee where they discuss her social, physical, and mental assessment of the remaining players. It's like they're sitting in a conference room somewhere, shooting the shit. He treats her better than all the other women in the history of Survivor combined, so, hey, good for Alexis. *thumbs-up* Her only slip-up is describing Eliza's game as being "played," as if she'd already been voted off, which Eliza calls her on. Then Parvati opens her big mouth and says that Eliza's been trying to play both sides. Pot? Meet kettle. Eliza tries to save herself, suggesting that for once, they bring someone unlikeable along, see how much further they get. Jason reveals that he has no alliance, and nobody talked to him, so I'd suggest savoring whatever victory you've got tonight, boy. No man is an island.
Everybody votes, then Jeff says if anyone has the Hidden Immunity Idol, now's the time to play it. Wait…wait…wait…there goes Eliza, walking her napkin-wrapped stick up to Jeff. He ceremoniously unwraps it, revealing…a STICK. He actually treats her a lot nicer than he did Jaime, the last time this happened, but he still throws the offending STICK into the fire. Votes are read, and Eliza's out, but not before revealing that Ozzy has the real Hidden Immunity Idol. Way to go down swinging, Eliza!
When you consider that we're down to nine now, with five Favorites and four Fans left, and that two Favorites in a row have been voted off when Fans could just as easily have bitten the dust, I'd say we've got ourselves a ball game. May it go better than Carolina v. Kansas!
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