Scrubs - "My Manhood" (Episode 708)

J.D. is attending to one of his patients, the overly-aggresive Mrs. Cropper (Mindy Sterling who played Frau Farbissina in "Austin Powers") who has a cold, but seems to be more than happy to submit to a pelvic exam. She's not the only one being aggressive at Sacred Heart, Turk's been more of an alpha male as usual, following a visit with his brother, and he's taken up the sport of "remote wrestling" in the breakroom. The Todd sees the "man rumble" and magically strips to his thing and says, "I'm next." Kelso is looking for suggestions to calm the ER patients whe it's crowded. Janitor suggests a duck pond. Kelso tells him that no one cares what he thinks. Janitor then assembles The Todd and Murphy, who also seem to be ignored. Murphy wanted Hello Kitty toe tags for the kids in the morgue - obviuosly, that idea was shut down immediately. Janitor has figured out a way to get their voices heard - a newsletter called "The Janitorial". Todd asked to be the photographer, so he could have a valid excuse for the upskirt camera attached to his shoe. Janitor needs an investigative reporter, someone "bland" and "insignificant" who can stealthily get information. Janitor failed to see that Ted was sitting next to him during the entire conversation, so he immediately got the job. Elliot has to use the facilities and, with the ladies room closed for cleaning, sneaks into the mens room. SHe sees grafitti where her butt was rated and was psyched to see that she got a 9.2. Just then she overhears Kelso on the phone talking to his wife Enid about how he's being pushed out of the hosiptal after Elliot threw him a birthday party, revealing his true age. J.D. asked Cox if his son could watch "West Side Story" in the break room to help him fall asleep. Cox agrees, as long as there's no singing and dancing along, but Turk has other ideas. He's watching the game - and the two get into a match of remote wrestling, which J.D. loses, horribly.

J.D.'s humiliating defeat in remote wrestling is covered in the inagural edition of "The Janitorial". J.D. was happy that they made the front page because it showed they were the best buddies in the hospital, over ill kids Tracy and Stacy - who are wearing each other's oxygen tubes. J.D. concedes that they "win." Turk goes to get the front page blown up at Kinko's and Cox can't understand how J.D. is proud of his defeat. Elliot told Kelso she felt terrible that they were forcing him out and Kelso said she shoud. She vows to talk to the board and says she's great at getting people to change their minds. Kelso tells her not to help and to keep the whole thing to herself. Elliot is introduced to her new patient, a man's man named John, who's escorted into the hospital by his 2 burly brothers. The Janitor tells his cronies that "The Janitorial" is a hit, but they need to get another issue out before lunch - it's a "tri-daily." Janitor let Todd do the weather. Bad idea, as he said all the ladies in the area could expect "eight inches" that night. The Todd thought that zinger deserved high-fives from the entire coffee shop. Cox came up to Janitor and said he felt stupider as he read through it. J.D. was confronted by Mrs. Cropper's hubby (Mike McDonald from "MAD TV") about the fingernail marks on her back, which J.D. said was an "acceptable fighting style" and then asked him to talk to his wife about their encounter. Turk broke up the confrontation. Cox showed J.D.'s son that his Dad was pretty much a wuss. Elliot is checking out John, who has had swelling in his chest. She orders some tests to determine what's wrong with him. Carla is still trying to figure out what Kelso told Elliot to keep secret. Cox asked Janitor about a story in "The Janitorial" that said he "needed a hug". Of course, Janitor wrote it. Cox said it didn't matter, that no one paid attention to it anyway. Carla is desperate to find out Kelso's secret. J.D. told Turk that he didn't want him to fight his battles, he wanted ti be a positive role model for little Sam. J.D. wanted to prove that he was a man and tried to take control of the remote over Turk. That didn't work. Cox started getting hugs from is co-workers. Elliot's patient John has breast cancer. J.D. finally broke free from Turk by elbowing him (unintentionally) in the face. He treated the accident as a planned event. Bad move.

J.D. hid out from Turk, afraid of his revenge. He hides out under the nurses' station, where he finds Murphy - who's there because all of the toe tag attaching left him with a foot fetish. John can't understand how he could get breast cancer. He doesn't want to tell his brothers - let alone anyone - what's happened to him. Cox, completely over everyone patting him on the back as he walks by, announces that the interview was a fake. Turk finally finds J.D., who runs into the cafeteria and finds Carla. He knows Turk won't beat him up in front of his wife and parks himself next to her. Carla, while talking about John, says that Turk recently had a testicle removed. J.D. didn't know. Ted was there and wrote it all down. J.D. asked if he saved the testicle and when Turk asked why, we were treated ti a fantasy sequence where the boys planted Turk's ball and got an unable to talk Turk clone growing out of the ground. Creepy.

Elliot is concerned about John. J.D. thinks Turk, who's chasing him down the hall, is somehow less aerodynamic sans testicle. He managed to lock himself in a room to avoid the wrath of Turk, but as Turk pinted out, he couldn't stay in there forever. Cox walked up on Janitor, hard at work on the next edition of "The Janitorial"and asked if he could end the torture. Janitor was still mad that Cox called him "stupid." Cox apologized and Janitor agreed to do a new interview with him - but Cox didn't need to be there, Janitor had it all in his head. Elliot and Carla have now taken over the mens room, trying to figure out a way to let John's brothers know about the cancer. Elliot has figured out that Kelso wants her help. Turk and J.D. got in some bonding time. Turk was feeling like "less of a man" since losing his testicle - as a result of Izzy accidentally kicking him in the groin. He thinks he's been "overcompensating" with the remote wrestling/alpha male thing. Turk and J.D. kidded around but Turk said that since J.D. whooped him last, that he'd have to get even. J.D. had to win to be a positive role model for his son. The two found a win-win with a "Rocky 3 Freeze-Frame Ending" - a photo of the two of them throwing punches at the same time, with not one connecting - which left everyone to draew their own conclusions. Janitor wrote a spot-on "interview" with Cox, Elliot said she and Carla were working together to save his job. Cox? Not on board (quite) yet.