Bones: Player Under Pressure (Episode 311)

It's sort of the perfect metaphor for the show; only cheese would make it more accurate.It is my good luck that this, my first recap of Bones, starts with one of the grossest of corpses we've seen on this show.

Brennan and Booth set their battle for the episode right from the outset--they're investigating a crime at a very sports-oriented university (Atlantic State) at which Brennan has previously guest-lectured on some anthropological phlebotinum. Booth understands the college mind is attuned to beer, sex, and occasionally, athletics, while Brennan thinks an institute of higher learning should involve some higher learning. They head straight for the gymnasium, where they're greeted by Culter, head of the campus police (and therefore a powerless factotum, to borrow a phrase from Veronica mars), and a student named Justine Barry who works at the gym. She came in after the weekend, and what she saw left her unable to complete a sentence. Her shock ranges from "What the hell, you know what I mean?" to "The smell just... right?" Cutler explains that the bleachers close and unfold via key, and whatever was back there, it isn't an animal. As he leads the Bs to the crime scene, Booth grabs a basketball so we understand clearly which side of the jock/dork divide he's on. Cutler says that whatever it is behind the bleachers, it isn't an animal. Brennan is stoked.

They duck under the yellow crime scene tape and Booth waxes nostalgic about the last time he was under the bleachers, ostensibly performing in his own eighth-grade version of "Grease" with one Vanessa Taylor. He asks if Brennan never got "naughty" under the bleachers with some jock. Think about your audience, Booth. Conversation momentarily comes to a halt when they reach the body, such as it is. Picture purple Jell-o and whipped cream left in the sun, and you'll have a good idea about the puddles of goo on the floor. Pan up to the body, which has been accordianed right up to the wall and blackened. Also: bugs. Brennan smells alcohol; Booth guesses that a vagrant passed out and the bleachers were inadvertently closed on him. A rat squeaks from the belly of the body, and Brennan picks it up by the tail, blaming it for the fast decomp. Under a flap of grody cloth are a pile of pink baby rats, which Brennan says they need to keep. She also wants the floor and whatever was behind the grate. As Cutler moves the rat babies into something for transport, Booth notices his championship ring. Culter is a former Atlantic State star point guard, drafted by the Pistons and thwarted by bad knees. Brennan is more focused on the necklace she's found, the pendant of which ID's the body as #11. Booth immediately recognizes the number for RJ Manning, destined to be a number one draft pick. Brennan doesn't know what that means, but she's confident that's not going to happen now.

I've taken to saying "I don't know what that means" in the last year, entirely by accident. Don't judge me; I am highly suggestible.

Manning's body, the goo, and the grate are all back in the lab in much the same state we last saw them. Zack exposits that it takes 8 seconds for the bleachers to close, according to Cutler. He says the bleachers closing on him wouldn't have killed him, since his skull shows damage more consistent with repeated blows; they'll need to reconstruct the skull to know for sure. Hodgins and Zack admire his kvetch over Manning's court-prowess, which aggravates Brennan. Apparently Manning was to be the new Kobe Bryant, which, Camille says, explains why every news source in town is foaming at the mouth on this. Brennan links basketball to ancient Greek fertility games played in the nude, which Hodgins thinks is hot. Zack says he looks better fully clothed. As do most men. The dentals confirm the body is Manning's, and Camille takes off to tell the press. Brennan asks Zack to "classify the skull fractures." When Hodgins gets a little too delighted over Zack's lengthy assignment, Brennan reminds him all the goo is his, so he shoudl prepare for some late nights, too.

Booth and Brennan have RJ's sisters at the Jeffersonian with an older dude wearing a bad toupee; his name is Mr. Francis. The Mannings' parents died, and RJ's scholarship was their income until Mr. Francis got his sister a job. Booth asks if RJ had a beef with anyone, and the older Manning says he fought with Mr. Francis; Francis says that RJ complained he was being treated like a kid. His sister insists that everyone loves Mr. Francis. He says they should talk to RJ's girlfriend, who has the stripperlicious name Dallas Verona, and Coach Morse, who were closest to RJ outside the family.

Hodgins is trying to stuff a skull into a turkey with absolutely no help from Zack. A roaster, already dead, not a wild one, or anything. Camille asks what they're doing. Nothing with Spam, this time. Zack explains that it'll take forever to reconstruct the skull to figure out if RJ was killed by multiple blows (e.g., murdered) or by mooshing through the heating grate, of which they have a replica. Hodgins, his eyes aglow, says they covered the skull with turkey meat. Zack calculated the pressure exerted by the bleachers, and they filled the skull with a "gelatinous matrix." And now they're going to smash it. The boys bend down to watch and get a faceful of fake gray matter for their trouble. Camille observes that "gelatinous matrix" translates to "ambrosia salad." Hodgins thought "gelatinous matrix" sounded better. It would be a good follow-up to my debut album, "Don't Stir the Giblets." Zack looks at the skull and determines there's no powdering, which means RJ Manning was definitely killed by multiple blows to the head.

The Bs are en route somewhere, as they often are, and Booth observes that Francis doesn't have the Mannings best interest at heart. Manning was his meal ticket, and he was ready to cash in. He says there are always Francis-types around successful college atheletes, which he knows, having been one. Brennan asks why, confounded that there would be millions of dollars at stake for bouncing a ball. Bouncing translates to dollars, thanks to TV rights, revenue shares, and tournament fees, Booth says. Brennan doesn't get what's interesting about it; when it comes to basketball, I have to agree, but that's largely because I don't know the rules and have never seen a live game, so huge men running around a small court looks fairly ridiculous to me. But I do love baseball. Booth tells her that some people like a past time that takes them out of their heads, which she likens to drugs or alcohol. She gets the call about the cause of death from the guys, effectively ending the argument. FOR NOW.

On campus, RJ's coach gives a grieve-to-win speech to his players. They mourn for their brother, not the player they lost. His relacement, Colby, offers a prayer after Coach announces that this is opportunity and he'll see it as such. The coach tells them to go, talk about RJ, and come back ready to play. When the kids file out, the Bs are waiting to talk to the coach. He asks them to speak to the players soon, so they can move on. Their first move, though, is to find RJ's girlfriend among the assembled cheerleaders. Cut to Dallas, in questioning, telling the Bs that she was home over the long weekend, and RJ was on campus. She called and texted, but RJ didn't answer, because he's the "face to face kind." Brennan asks if they were sexually active, and the attitudinal answer boils down to "extremely." They did it every day but game day. When asked if there were any ex-boyfriends or overprotective dads around, Dallas realizes that Mr. Francis is right, the Bs think RJ was murdered. It's creepy how they all say "Mr. Francis." Like he's the Godfather. Brennan asks if RJ was under any stress. Dallas: duh, he always wanted to win. She doesn't know why he hit Mr. Francis, but he did feel bad about it.

And now, simultaneously the grossest and most awesome scene. Hodgins tells Camille he couldn't get enough tissue for a tox screen because of all the maggot-y things. So he dumps them into a blender and blitzes them like a really, really nasty milkshake. And the blender totally belongs to Camille. Hodgins is too jazzed over his ingenious method of tox-analysis to notice or really get that this is gross. He tells her he'll rinse it out. I love it. Camille looks like she's going to vomit. Still loving it.

Booth shoots baskets, pretending to show Brennan how to do it. She speechifies about how the school shouldn't prioritize sports so much, since, "anthropologically speaking," sports originally prepared boys for battle. Athletes suffer arrested development, playing childish games but giving them adult importance. She says the only thing more juvenile is watching sports. Booth asks her why she has to say things like that, because it hurts his feelings. Essentially. Brennan says he grew out of it. He says he didn't, he just has a bum shoulder. Otherwise, he would have gone all the way. Plus, he fought in a war, so he likes sports as the substitute for that. He takes off and misses Brennan swishing a ball through the basket and looking mighty pleased with herself.

Outside, Booth flags down Colby with a "yo" and informs Brennan that he's irritated with her, so she should not talk to him until he calms down. When you tell people that, they tend to hover until you pretend you're not mad, and you have to seethe silently until they feel better about themselves. He loves sports; he watches sports; he is all about sports. They reach Colby, who has been forewarned by one Mr. Francis. Brennan says he must be happy to be a stringer again. Er, starter. Colby says he's not glad for how it happened. His fiance, Celeste Cutler, says he's team player who's stepping up. The important part is that Celeste is Cutler the campus police chief's daughter, so Booth says she'll understand that they have to ask these questions. Brennan adds that Colby stands to benefit the most from RJ's death. Celeste: "I don't like you. I hate her." Honesty is so refreshing. Colby sends her packing and apologizes for her, saying she's very loyal. Booth asks where Colby was over the weekend. Colby was home. He says he's not really gaining by RJ's death; every game, people will compare him to his predecessor, and he's not a star player. He was fine being second fiddle. Booth asks if someone can verify Colby's story, but he won't answer anymore questions without Mr. Francis.

This is a boring and pointless C-plot, so I'll sum it all up right here: Camille asks Angela to give a scientific hoo-ha report to Hodgins, as they are paramours; Angela takes offense at carrying messages for her boyfriend and tells Camille she's being unprofessional; Camille then produces a security DVD of Angela and Hodgins Doing It in a supply closet on their lunch break; Angela apologizes and proceeds to watch the DVD the first chance she can get, at work, thus proving that professionalism has no place at the Jeffersonian whatsoever.

Aaand also, RJ Manning tested positive for steroids and had extra fluid in some of his joints.

Booth meets with Coach Morse and they watch the boys practice from an office above the gymnasium. Booth exposits that Morse gets a $1 million bonus if all the players behave. He says that with the 30 rowdy kids he oversees, he earns it. Booth reveals the steroid thing, but Morse denies it. Booth spins a scenario: steroids make RJ a faster, stronger, more bionic player, he gets to the NBA, Morse makes some moolah. Morse shows Booth a scar behind his ear: he has brain cancer from abusing steroids. He has zero tolerance for the same from his kids. He also has two years at most to live. He asks Booth to keep this quiet, since he doesn't want sympathy, just sweet victory on the basketball court. Booth says he has to look into the steroids; Morse tells him he doesn't need a warrant, since anyone who won't submit to a urine test is off his team.

At the Jeffersonian, Cam's just told Brennan the boys all passed. However, two samples showed players being treated for gonorrhea, which Brennan says would explain the fluid in RJ's joints as well. Ergo, RJ and two of his teammates have the clap. Camille clarifies that two of the samples came from the same player, so one kid peed into two cups, covering for another teammate on steroids. "Nice bunch of boys," she says.

Booth has the peer and the unpeed in questioning, and they quickly fall in the face of basic reasoning. Ed has the clap, Jimmy's on steroids. Ed is therefore dismissed. Jimmy wants to know what steroids have to do with RJ. Booth posits a scenario in which RJ, peeved over all the side effects of steroids (zits, decreased package, PMS), wants to turn himself into the coach, and Jimmy hits him upside the head a few times. Jimmy says that's crazy, since RJ made him look better on the court and helped his future prospects. Besides, Booth can't prove he's on steroids. Au contraire, mon steroidal frere, he can, since he's got a warrant, and therefore a paper trail, and he can get Jimmy kicked off the team toute d'suite, his eligibility forever ruined. In exchange for not peeing in the cup, Jimmy coughs up his supplier.

Who is apparently George Francis, since Booth arrests him, throws him against a wall, and tells him to confess to murder already, okay? Francis says he wouldn't kill his golden goose. He yells to Colby, who's witnessed all this, to contact Cutler.

Cutler and Brennan watch Booth with Fischer in the interrogation room. Cutler says Colby's like a son to him. Brennan asks if he doesn't care that Colby's not as good as RJ; Culter says he'd rather be RJ, himself, but Colby will be a better husband to his daughter. Brennan asks if all the damage to his body was worth the years of play, not to mention, Booth chimes in, the emotional fallout when his career tanked. "You two don't pull any punches, do you?" he asks. When Booth says he knows Cutler would do it again, Brennan says that doesn't make any sense. The boys are like, "oy, women," to which Brennan's like, you get each other, but I don't get you. Booth tells Cutler to ignore her, because she's a girl. I mean, "unreasonable on the subject." Francis won't admit to the steroids, so they're double-teaming him with plan B, which is accusing him of murder. Cutler and Booth go into question him together.

Hodgins shows Camille a cockroach that stepped in lipstick. Only with more scientific hoo-ha. The lipstick wasn't found on RJ's lips, though. "You know what I mean?" Hodgins asks. Cam does. "You certain?" he asks. She is. Blue is the appropriate color for this particular joke.

Cutler and Booth play Francis just as they told Brennan they would: threaten him with a murder charge to get him to admit to supplying players with steroids. Francis admits that he and RJ had a deal and RJ wanted out. Cutler explains that Francis wanted RJ to sign--illegally--with him for NBA representation and all the money-making opportunities attendant to it, like salary, merchandise, shoe, etc. Francis says that with all he's done for RJ, he deserved a return on his investment. He didn't kill RJ; there was no point, given the lucrative, legally binding contract he had. Cutler, furious, tells Booth to arrest him for the steroids, or Cutler will. Campus police at my school couldn't even open a locked door, let alone arrest someone, so I have to assume that's grandstanding. Or a complete lack of touch with reality.

Cam's testing saliva from RJ's shorts. She also found pre-seminal fluid. Brennan asks what that means. Angela: "Are you serious?" Brennan's like, I get the boner thing, but what does that signify in the greater scheme of things. Zack also found a loogie in RJ's hair. Brennan takes this in, and Angela asks if she should draw a picture. Amused, Brennan says no, and lays it out: spit plus jock juice equals a job without the blow. Angela wonders if it's possible to bash a guy's head in while also servicing him from below. Brennan says there might have been a witness. Cam says she might have been wearing blue lipstick.

Angela and Cam explain to Zack that they've gone from a duo to a trio, and to emphasize the kink factor that might be involved, there's lots of panning from girl to boy to girl to boy. They ask Zack if they have anything that could lead them to the lipstick wearer or the loogie-hocker. He shows them bone deposits that indicate RJ also had the clap. Cam wishes they could figure out who was doing RJ. Zack tells them to ask the previously mentioned Ed, who has the exact same strain of STD. Cam observes that this is a very close-knit team.

The Bs stride through the ASU locker room. Brennan wants to know if Booth is still mad at her for saying atheletes are emotionally stunted. (Tip: when trying to figure out if people are still mad at you, avoid reminding them why the should be.) Booth says he's not. They find Ed hosing down and tell him RJ had the same dose of the clap he does. Ed asks if they think he had sex with RJ. The Bs exchange an articulate look. Booth asks if he did, and Ed denies it. Brennan asks why he brought it up. Ed says they brought it up, he just peed in a cup for one of his bros. Brennan asks how this kid got into college. Ed says he can't dicuss the sex with Brennan looking at him, since she's hot and he's naked. Brennan tries to cover her eyes, feels ridiculous, and instead of turning around or throwing the guy a towel, takes her leave of the conversation. Booth asks if Ed and RJ had sex with the same girl. Definitely, but given the plethora of b-bunnies (girls who hook up with ballers), he's not sure who. Booth asks if Ed uses protection. Always, he says, until Booth reminds him he has the clap. Ed thinks about who he might have plundered unsheathed, if you will, but says RJ never would have "hit" Justine, who was "hot not." Brennan pops over a bank of lockers and asks, without the exact level of horror I would hope to hear, that Ed's more ashamed of doing a not-hot girl than being an idiot dickhead.

Somewhere else on campus, the Bs question Justine from the teaser, who knows she's gotten and given the STD. Long story short: Justine hooked up with RJ, who gave her gonorrhea and then wanted nothing to do with her; she then hooked up with Ed for revenge to let RJ know she was still alive, since the guys talk about their various conquests. Or don't, since Ed says RJ never would have slept with Justine, and her whole revenge plot was self-destructive and slightly pathetic and meant something only in her mind. Brennan has decided that Justine is not smart, and this is a terrible university. It's probably just a university, since boys are boys and girls are girls wherever you go, regardless of whether they're jocks, freaks, dorks, or involved in student government. Booth reminds Justine that she has the keys to the bleachers, but she says she didn't kill RJ. When Brennan asks for a DNA sample, given the possible sex-having witness, Justine wipes her face with a napkin and throws it at the Bs. This is followed by a hank of hair, and Justine gets to her feet, crying that now they have her snot, tears, and hair. Also her dignity. Brennan doesn't get it; Booth explains that RJ broke Justine's heart. And also part of her brain.

Angela's located the lipstick in question, which is marketed to pep squads in their school colors. "RJ Manning was under the bleachers getting lipsticked by a cheerleader," she says.

Cut to cheerleading practice, where all the girls are appropriately blue-lipped. Cutler arrives, swabs in hand, and the girls all submit to spit tests, Dallas last in line. The Bs tell her that they have evidence one of the girls was with RJ when he died. She says it wasn't her. Brennan asks why she isn't upset. She says a) RJ compulsively played around, b) it could have been anyone, including Justine and the towel girl, and c) it doesn't matter, because RJ always came back to her, and when he went pro, it would have stayed that way. He would have lived big, and she would have been there. She tears up; Brennan asks Booth if she's crying because RJ's dead or because she's not getting her mansion.

Brennan recounts this to Zack, still appalled that Dallas would hang on to RJ by letting him sleep around without complaint. Zack studies a skull while musing on this. He thinks it sounds extremely rational, which she finds confusing. "The idea that one person can be all things to another person, satisfy every need, or even more than one, is sentimental and mawkish," he says. Brennan doesn't answer this, which means that maybe she disagrees, or maybe she's just distracted by the newly reconstructed RJ skull in her hand. There's an indentation on the skull which Brennan figures out is the "25" on a dumbbell.

The Bs have a lab tech using an ultraviolet light to look for blood at the gym while they explain to Cutler about RJ meeting a girl under the bleachers. The tech finds blood, and Cam later confirms it's RJ's. She tells the Bs, back at the Jeffersonian, that the DNA has all been checked and whoever spat on RJ wasn't the same person doing him a service. And giving that particular service? Celeste Cutler.

Cut to Celeste in questioning, Colby at her side, giving a DNA sample swab. Booth and Brennan explain that Celeste lured RJ under the bleachers so Colby could hit him over the head with a dumbbell while she kept RJ busy. Colby asks how, and Brennan tells him, scientifically, about all the oral sex. Colby looks at Celeste and says he didn't do anything. He swears to it. Cam interrupts, telling the Bs they need to see "this," the DNA on the hocked loogie. Brennan shows the loogie report to Booth.

Culter's sitting on the bleachers, waiting when the Bs show up. Before they can say anything, he says they never would have found out if he hadn't spit on RJ, would they? He says Celeste doesn't know. He came into the gym and saw his daughter with RJ, "doing what she was doing." She heard someone and took off. Cutler cries as he talks about how RJ was a ladies' man who had it all. He had the clap, too, and he knew that when he took Celeste under the bleachers. Cutler picks up a revolver at his feet; Booth draws his own weapon and tells Brennan to scoot. Running the gun all all over his head and neck, Cutler says he used to be just like RJ, just as bad. Booth says they all were. Cutler says, basically, seeing Celeste go down on RJ made him nuts. Booth tries to talk him down with stats of his glory days as a college baller. Cutler holds the gun to his temple, not hearing Booth, and tells him that the college kid he remembers is dead. "I'm just putting him away. Cutler cocks the gun, but as he pulls the trigger, Brennan stickers her hand over the barrel and catches the hammer with the skin between her thumb and index finger. Yeeoutch, that, but that woman is stealthy, sneaking up under the bleachers like that. She extracts the gun and puts sucks at the wound. Culter weeps.

At the diner, after, Booth asks if her hand hers. It does, a little. Booth reminds her about athletes being stunted adolescents, and she sincerely says she never meant him. He gets her attention and says he's one of those guys. She stops drinking her milkshake and looks at him to tell him he's not. And her make up looks fabulous. She says he doesn't play at being a warrior, he is one, every day. He's "definitely a fullly developed man." Yes, indeed. She looks down, abashed, and he looks at her like he does. He puts some bills down, telling her to leave the tip. She tells him that even Cutler knew Booth was lying when he said he treated girls the way RJ did, and she knows because he still remembers the first girl's name he met under the bleachers. She drinks the dregs of her milkshake and rises to go. And in a detail I absurdly love, because I am a true dork, Booth finishes the last of the frappe, the overflow from the blender they give you with the shake, and follows her out.

Next week: babies!