Scrubs - "My Dumb Luck" (Episode 709)

J.D. and Turk have to move a group of elderly patients to new rooms while the geriatric wing is being remodeled and it's taking forever. J.D. has a fantasy about moving the old folks along wuickly to the tune of "Love Train", hooking their wheelchairs together. How cute. Kelso comes up to Ted and feels up his suit, he was pretending to admire it because there were no paper towels in the mens' room. Poor Ted. The old folks were running amuck, not comprehending that they were supposed to be in the new rooms. Elliot and Carla are mad that Kelso is being forced to retire. He's mad because he wanted to end his career on his own terms. The gals try to rally the other doctors at Sacred heart to help Kelso keep his job. Turk and J.D. said they'd help, but they had something to attend to first. Cox had a patient he couldn't diagnose for 2 years - and he was back. Turk and J.D. played a little game with him called "poke the bear," where they taunted him for not being able to find out what was wrong with his patient. Their game was a success and they hugged. Ted walked up and said he needed "one of those" - not a hug, but a black friend, because he said if he had one, he's look cool. Turk said, "I should be offended, but he's right." J.D. told Ted that Kelso was being forced out, which prompted Ted to run through the halls naked. he ran out into the parking lot and right into Janitor's van. Yikes.

Intern Boone got sidetracked on his way into work by Kelso, who was sitting on a bench and wanted to talk. He starts to look back on his career at Sacred Heart. Ted bit off soe of his tongue during his little accident and Elliot sewed him up. Carla gave him some vicodin and he was told not to talk. Elliot and Carla who are still trying to save Kelso's job approach Jordan, the only person they know on the hospital's board. She tells them she doesn't care, but since she looks younger by pretending she's friends with Carla and Elliot tells them that they have to confront the board at their meeting that night with all of the "movers and shakers" who want Kelso to keep his job. Cox's mystery patient gives him a urine sample. Cox has so many files on the patient that he has to secure them with a bungee cord, which he asks J.D. to hold an end of. Of course, Cox knows that J.D. and Turk have been messing with him and he gets his revenge by pulling the cvord as tightly as he can and then letting it go, snapping right into J.D.'s face. Ouch. J.D. says that he and Turk will help diagnose the patient. Cox tells them to take the sample to the lab. Kelso is still reminscing about his days as an intern with Boone. Elliot and Carla ask Cox to come to the board meeting to support Kelso. Cox says he can't stand Kelso. He then asks J.D. about the mystery patient's urine sample. J.D. doesn't remember where he left it, but it didn't make it to the lab. Turk's finding it harder to walk down the hall and finds the end of the bungee cord attached to his pants. Cox again lets the other end go, and again it hits J.D. Kelso is still talking to Boone, saying killing a patient is a rite of passage for all doctors - and remembers the first patient who died under her care. He said that sometimes, when he looke at the hospital, he can see the faces of the patients he's lost. Elliot and Carla are still looking for people to help Kelso and decide to invite the hospital's support staff to the board meeting. The head of the support staff is Janitor. They were having trouble finding anyone else. J.D. and Turk finally found the urine sample. It was outside - and it was purple. Kelso is still looking back with Boone, on his late dogs - and then says what he's going to miss about the hospital. J.D and Turk Google "purple pee" and find out what's wrong with Cox's patient - it's a rare genetic disease. They were psyched that they figured out what's wrong with the patient. Elliot and Carla are afraid Kelso's sunk.

Kelso is still at it. Elliot and Carla approach Cox and ask him to reconsider his decision not to help Kelso. Still not happening. J.D. and Turk tell Cox what's wrong with his patient. Cox isn't happy they were able to do what he couldn't do. Cox tells Kelso that they diagnosed the mystery patient and he wants to fudge the insurance paperwork so Cox can keep him in the hospital long enough to help him learn how to live with his disease. Kelso initially says no, but relelnts and agrees to fudge the paperwork if Cox publishes a paper on the situation. He won't, and Kelso knows it, which he laughs off. Jordan tells Elliot and Carla that Cox isn't easy to manipulate - not like Turk, who could be swayed by Carla if she took off her top. Carla said she only had to show one boob to Turk. Her left one looks like "a sea lion's face." J.D. agreed, because Turk drew him a picture of it. J.D. said he had an idea on how to change Cox's mind and told Cox exactly how he was able to diagnose his patient. Cox was happy to hear that news but still refused to change his mind - even passing up Turk's drawing of Carla's boob, which J.D. hung onto ("That's a otter!") Kelso was wrapping up his walk down memory lane with Boone and sent him on his way. Kelso told him he'll love his next 20 years at the hospital. Cox tells his patient what he had - it's manageable but incurable. The patient was surprisingly happy - at least he now knew what was wrong with him, which prompted Cox to reconsider the whole Kelso situation. It was better to be with the enemy you know than the one you don't. Jordan arrives at the meeting and finds only Carla, Elliot, Turk and Janitor there to support Kelso. J.D. says there's more coming. He again has his "Love Train" fantasy, this time with Cox and a bunch of the other doctors. Therre was no disco, but the docs did show up for the meeting. Kelso gets to keep his job, but he doesn't want it - and he's leaving on his terms. He takes his portrait off the wall and leaves Sacred Heart - for good?