The Office - "Night Out" (Episode 411)

Michael comes into the office pissed. He's got chewing gum in his hair and, as Dwight points out, a lot of dandruff. He thought he saw a quarter under Stanley's car, but it was just tin foil. Jim told Dwight to get the peanut butter. Michael said he wanted an ice cream sandwich instead. Dwight went and got "the good peanut butter" and massaged it into Michael's head. Kinky.

Michael's not having too much luck with his post-Jan dating. He admitted tham men are visual creatures and crave beauty - like a piece of fine art or an "arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude". He's apparently getting fixed up with less-than-attractive women, who lack that "Crawfordness." The Scrantonites are pissed that Ryan has them all coming into the office on a Saturday to enter sales they made over the phone into the Dunder Miflin Infinity web site, which "they should have done in the first place...if the web site had been working." Ryan made his less-than-triumphant return to Scranton and got a cold reception. Jim asked Ryan how the web site could replace the customer service that they give their customers by dealing with them on the phone. Ryan knew that Jim told David Wallace the same thing at the Christmas party and was still upset about that. Michael called a meeting for the crew so that they could ask questions and engage in some "creative problem solving" about the web site. Dwight doesn't understand why they have to re-enter the sales that they made on a web site. Ryan said it was a temporary measure to increase the "legitimacy" of the site. Stanley complained that he wasn't getting commissions from helping his customers order off of the web site. Ryan said that problem would be solved with Dunder Miflin Infinity version 2.0, which has a launch date of "T.B.D." Phyllis brought up a little problem with the "social networking" area of the site, which was infiltrated by sexual predators. Dwight (and Jim) didn't understand why a paper site even needed to have a social networking section. Ryan said it was part of a "one-stop consumer experience." Kelly's got a question for Ryan - "How dare you?" Michael says Ryan is doing a good job and "T.D.B", all of the problems will be in the past. Michael gives Ryan a long goodbye hug and tells him that he "needs a girlfriend so bad" and asks him if he could set him up. Ryan said he didn't know any women for Michael, but said that the girls in NYC clubs were unreal. Michael asks Jim if he'd have sex with Meredith - and if she'd "keep quiet." He confessed he wasn't horny, he was just lonely. He asks Jim to go to New York with him so they could go clubbing with Ryan. Jim said he couldn't because he wasn't single - he was still seeing Pam. Michael was surprised that was "still going on." Michael recruits Dwight to join him in the Big Apple. Andy invites himself along, saying the "old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball" recently - right in front of Angela. Andy can't go, so Michael says he'll see themj all the next day in the same clothes he had on then. Jim suggested that, without Michael around, they couold work a few hours late that night and not have to go into work on Saturday. Everyone loved it, because they were "a group who respects good ideas, the one time a year they hear one." Michael and Dwight show up at the club Ryan's at. Michael is having a "Swingers" moment "with Jon Favreau and the tall guy from "Dodgeball". Dwight says the women look like "white slaves." They find Ryan, who is really happy to see them. He must be tanked.

Back in Scranton, everyone finishes their work - and discover that the outside gatre was locked. Jim forgot to tell the security guard that they were going to be working late. Pam also locked them out of the office - the door locked from the inside. Stanley was miffed. He said, "If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in one hour, you're both dead." There's a master key and a spare key for the office, both of which Dwight has. Back in NYC, Ryan introduces Dwight and Michael to his friend. Dwight says the short man looks like a Hobbit. A waitress comes up and Michael orders chicken fingers and a Midori sour. She says they don't serve food, so Michael asks for a cup of olives and a cup of maraschino cherries. He's a nut. Back in Scranton, the gang are in the lobby, trying to figure out how to get in touch with the security guy. Toby has his number in his phone, but no one knows his name. Jim gets a hold of him and awkwardly asks him if he can come let them out. Ryan asks Dwight about the farm and Dwight tells them its boll weevil season. The story is so "overwhelming" to Ryan that he has to go to the bathroom. Again. Oh, he's on the Columbian marching powder. Now it all makes sense. The security guard agrees to come down and release them within the hour. Oscar says they had better give him a good tip this Christmas - but no one seems to have tipped him last year. Jim was supposed to collect the money. Whoops. Michael is talking to a girl with a back tattoo. He said he wanted a tattoo on his back that said "Back to the Future." The girl had never heard of that. She's really young. Obviously, they didn't make a "love connection" and she goes back to her friends. Michael tells Ryan that the bar is like a "sexy preschool" and Ryan takes them to a place where they can meet some older women. They get to the other club and get on line. Dwight asks a woman in front of her howw she and her equally-tall friends all knew each other. They were the Jersey State varsity basketball team celebrating their victory as NE regional champs. Dwight, in awe, calls them "amazons." Ryan comes back and says he can't get them in without women, so Dwight matches them up with the girls from the team, and the whole crew gets in the bar. The Scranton team are in the parking lot, still waiting for the security guard. Toby finds a football and give it to Pam who throws it, hitting Meredith in the head by accident. The basketball team buys Dwight a drink, which he promptly dumps out saying "it's not safe, you don't know what could be in there." Michael was talking to a woman, who he told was a bank teller, because Ryan told him to tell women he was "in finance." Dwight was making out with one of the basketball ladies. Michael took a close-up picture with his cell phone and sent it to everybody in Scranton, who were still waiting for the security guy. Michael finds the woman he was talking to - talking to another guy. Jim calls the security guy again, who's not in any hurry to come save them. Michael cals his Mom from inside the bar, but has to go save Ryan, who's being beat up by a bunch of girls.

Pam said she thought Michael may have had some theme party planned for their Saturday work day, like "Scrambled Egg Saturday". Toby suggested "Get Your Boss Laid Saturday" which got a laugh from everybody. Toby then put his hand on Pam's knee. Awkward. Toby then said he was leaving for Costa Rica and ran out the door, jumped the fence and ran home. Michael and Dwight took Ryan home. Dwight's new gal pal gave him her phone number, but he said he wasn't going to call her. The cleaning crew shows up at the office. Jim tells Oscar to tell them what's going on. Oscar was slightly offended that Jim thought they couldn't speak english, but they couldn't. Ryan brings Michael and Dwight to his cramped apartment. Ryan tells Michael that he thinks his "friend" has a drug problem and asks what they should do. Michael starts out with good advice ("tell him you're his friend and that you're going to help him and that everything's going to be alright") and then tells him to put a wire on him and find out who's supplying him with the drugs. Oh, well. He tried. Ryan goes to sleep and tells them to stop talking. Michael says he's had the "best night ever" because he was with his friends. His boys. "Like a famous person once said, 'Boys on the side", but I say 'Let's hear it for the boys.' Oh, and the security guards finally showed up, and saw that everyone had already left ("Son of a bitch!")