Survivor: I'm Gonna Fix Her! (Episode 1612)

Okay, boys, you paying attention? THAT is how you play a Hidden Immunity Idol.

It's Night 30, and James has to go straight to the medical services boat after Tribal Council. His cut finger has become badly infected, to the point that it's burrowing into his knuckle joint and unless it improves, could then travel into his hands. James is pretty nonchalant about the whole thing, just saying, "I need my hands when I get back home." He's told that they'll check him again in the morning, and if there's no improvement, he'll need surgery. Awwwwww, man. He's this huge, strong, muscly guy, and he's been laid low by a CUT on his FINGER. That just sucks.

[ranecdote] My dad, who is 6'2" and right at 200 lbs, heard a chirping noise one night in the hall. Assuming the cat had brought in a bird (it wouldn't have been the first time, but that's a Ranecdote for another day), he reached down in the dark, picked up the squirming thing and threw it out into the woods. As it left his hands, it bit him on the pinky and he saw that it wasn't a bird at all, but a mouse. He spent four hours in total terror that he'd get rabies and he'd never find the stupid mouse whose life he'd saved. He went into the doctor first thing in the morning, this big burly man, and when the nurse asked him what was wrong, he held up his bandaged finger and said, "A mouse bit me on the pinky." Heeeeee! Lesson for the day? Mice don't carry rabies! [/ranecdote]

James isn't the only hurtin' pup in camp the next day: Alexis fell hard on a nighttime potty break and twisted her knee badly. She can hardly walk! Honestly, this season of Survivor is starting to look more like Saving Private Ryan!

We get right to the Reward Challenge, which features clay models made to look like each contestant, right down to their bathing suits. It's that challenge where each tribe member answer a series of questions, then when they're asked again, they guess what everybody else said. People who get the right answer can then chop a rope holding the clay totems, and when the third rope is chopped, a big axy thing hurtles up and shatters the totems into a kazillion pieces. To make a boring challenge more interesting, guess who's come to visit? Loved Ones! Oh, yay! Pass the Kleenex! I'm always a ball of rags by the time this part is done.

Who's visiting?

Parvati's mom. Natalie's mom, the improbably named "Rocky", who gets an eyeful of Natalie's fuzzy armpit. Amanda's sister Katrina, who says Amanda doesn't smell as bad as she did last time. Hee! James gets his dad -- James Senior -- who's just as handsome and snarky as James. Cirie gets her adorable husband, H.P. Alexis gets her equally adorable brother, Nathan. Erik also gets a visit from his cute brother Kurt. Erik's all excited to show his brother that he's growing a beard! He's got honest-to-God whiskers! And it only took thirty days! Yo, Erik, My Mister could grow that degree of fuzz between lunch and dinner. I think there's a phenomenon at work like when all the girls on a dorm floor get their periods at the same time: I think just being around James and Ozzy aroused Erik's nascent follicles. Testosterone ahoy!

When Erik's brother comes up and hugs him, Erik squeaks, "That's Jeff Probst! Right over there!" like he's thirteen and Jeff is Miley Cyrus. Jeff shakes his head and says, "Erik, you're a freak." Oh, come on, Jeff, you love it and you know it. What're you doing this for if it's not the adulation of ice cream scoopers everywhere?

The winner of the challenge will get to go -- with their Loved One -- to Jellyfish Lake, that place with the millions of non-stinging jellyfish. Since the Hidden Immunity Idol stayed hidden in Jason's shorts, a new one has been put into play, and clues placed at Exile Island. The winner of the challenge will choose who gets to go look for it.

I'll save you the tedium of the challenge except to tell you the answers to the questions, which are usually pretty revealing:

Who does the most for the tribe? James, of course.

Who never shuts up? Parvati!

Who mistakenly thinks they're in control of this game? Again, it's Parvati!

Who is most honest? Alexis.

Who are you least likely to invite to family dinner. I'm surprised the answer is James. I'd have you for dinner, James! And for dessert!

One by one, the tribe members knock each other out: Parvati first, then Erik, followed quickly by James, Cirie, Natalie, and Amanda, leaving Alexis the last woman standing. Alexis gets to choose two people to go with her, along with their Loved Ones. Alexis chooses her and H.P, and her buddy Natalie and her mom "Rocky." Amanda asks to go to Exile Island, so Alexis chooses her, which turns out to be a pretty significant decision and seems, on the face of it, to have been made pretty quickly in response to Amanda's, "Me! Me!"

The rest of the Loved Ones get sent packing -- NO HUGS allowed. Jeff's such a prick sometimes. Was it Jonathan who went over and took a goodbye kiss anyway way back when? I admired that a lot.

Turns out I didn't need the Kleenex for the Loved Ones reunion, but I sure need a tissue or two after James goes back to Medical and gets pulled from the game. That SUCKS. *heavy sigh* He's pretty stoic about it, but you know it's got to sting. Now odds are good that he'd have been voted off if he hadn't gotten immunity, but you just never know…and now we never will! He comes and tells Erik and Parvati (the only remaining tribe members at camp). Parvati seems sort of lackluster as she hugs him goodbye, but then tears up talking about him. Maybe just because he foiled her plan, who knows?

So Erik, that scrawny Farrah-do'ed ice cream scooper puppy dog, is the last man standing. Who'd have thunk???

Jellyfish Lake is as gorgeous as I remember. Didn't Bobby Jon get to go there? I seem to remember him being really appreciative of that particular reward. Cirie sweetly interviews that the reward was something of a breakthrough for her. Being with all those jellyfish that couldn't hurt her, she says she learned that, "Everything's not a threat." Aww!

Over on Exile Island, the clues are getting harder and harder to find, but Amanda's pretty determined, and she finds all the clues, including one that's submerged in the vast lagoon, and another that's buried in the sand. Good for you, Amanda! The final clue tells her that the Hidden Immunity Idol is hidden back at camp, underneath the tribe flag.

When the reward participants return later that night (we get cheated out of the teary farewells -- what the hell, show?), Erik and Parvati tell them that James has been med-evaced. Cirie says now they just have to beat Erik at the Immunity Challenge, or one of the girly girls is going home.

Day 33. Alexis is moving reaaaaaalllly slowly on that bum knee, but says that she can make it through seven more days. Parvati says, "So you don't want us to vote you out?" Ruh-roh. Natalie tells Parvati that she knows she can't win against Amanda, but Parvati says she can't vote against Amanda -- she won't.

When the tribe members gather for the Immunity Challenge, they have to tell the returning Amanda about James leaving. Jeff says that now three people are out of the game without being voted out -- a Survivor first. Now, see, in my mind, Jon Dalton quit, but I guess the tribe did vote him out when he asked them to. Still. QUITTER in my book.

For the Challenge, they're firing a high-powered rifle at colored saki bottles. Each tribe member has three bottles to shoot. The first person to shoot all three wins. How exquisitely straight-forward! Is the Challenge Creative Team back on its meds?

Natalie manages to shoot out two of her bottles, Amanda and Parvati each hit one, Cirie and Alexis miss, miss, and miss, but Erik wins the whole shebang by hitting three bottles in a row. Whoops! One of the girls is going home -- the question is, which one?

As soon as they get back to camp, Amanda says, "I don't have it" -- meaning the Idol -- and empties out her bag. That's true. Then she lies and says she couldn't find the submerged clue. If she's all proud of herself about telling the truth about not having it, why ruin it by lying about something like that? She could have left it at, "The clues were really hard" and it still wouldn't have been a lie. I'm not saying lying is bad -- it's part of out-witting -- but her pride in being able to tell the truth about not having it, then going right ahead and lying about the details a minute later felt kind of weird.

Amanda pulls Parvati aside and tells her the Idol is hidden at camp and that she needs Parvati's help to lure the rest of the tribe away so Amanda can find it. Parvati says she wants to vote out Alexis because she's the biggest jury threat. Amanda says she wants to vote out Natalie because she's the bigger challenge threat. Parvati then tells Amanda that there's been talk of voting her off.

Meanwhile, Alexis and Erik agree that Amanda should go because she hasn't pissed off anyone on the jury and therefore is the biggest threat. Amanda tries to appeal to Erik, saying she saved him when he could have gone (did she? I can't remember and I'm too lazy to look it up), and she expects him to do the same for her. Erik apologetically says that he's still going to vote for her.

Then Cirie and Amanda have a talk, where Cirie says if there's a tie, then they'll vote again, and if there's a tie again, they have to pull colored rocks and whoever gets a certain color has to leave. Huh. That would suck. Basically, Cirie says she'll do it if she has to, but she'd sure rather not, and Amanda tells her not to make it a tie. Interesting.

While the rest of the tribe chows down on one of the last chickens, Amanda starts digging under the flag. Does she have it??? Well???? We'll have to wait six more minutes to find out. *twiddles thumbs*

Tribal Council is a rehash of the whole "who's the biggest threat" discussion we've already had. James comes in dragging his IV pole -- surely another Survivor first -- and says that he's going to be fine as long as he keeps the IV. What a trouper! Ozzy's looking marginally less dickish tonight; maybe because Jason played even worse than he did? It's always nice to have someone to look down on!

They vote, and when Jeff announces that it's time for the Idol to come out if anyone wants to play it….Amanda stands up! Hallelujuah! Oh, I don't care if Amanda saves herself, but I do care that someone had the smarts to both find the Idol AND play it. You go, girl! Amanda's pretty pleased with herself when Jeff reads off four straight votes for her. Now the only question is, who are the last two votes for? Alexis. *sigh* I really like Alexis, and I'm sorry to see her go, though I'm relieved that she's going to be able to get off that knee. And who knows what kind of romantic entanglement she and Ozzy can get up to over at the Ponderosa? Maybe Amanda should've thought of that.

Also? In voting for Alexis over Natalie, Amanda has still ceded control to Parvati. Maybe that's all part of some grand master plan Amanda's got cooking, but somehow, it smacks of the same passivity we saw in her play with Todd last season -- passivity that I, personally, believe cost her a million bucks. Will she let Parvati play her way to the cool million? Or will the flush of excellent Idol play carry her into a more aggressive final week? We'll have to wait and see!