Scrubs - "My Princess" (Episode 711 - Season Finale)

J.D. fashioned a bizarre outfit for Sam out of a pillowcase because he forgot to bring clothes for him. Turk and Carla told him he had to be a more responsible parent and said they just stocked up on baby oil, lotion and diapers. The Todd came up and asked "Why? Is there a party this weekend?" and everyone froze. Apparently the gang discovered that if they all stayed completely still, The Todd would get confused and go away. Cox agreed with Turk and Carla about the need for J.D. to get Sam some clothes, but said they were becoming an annoying, two-headed know-it-all. Kelso's back (ummm...didn't he quit? Somewhow I don't think this was intended to be the season finale.) He says doctors have been violating the 12-hour work day policy, he said tired doctors make mistakes and the hospital is liable, and threatened violators with loss of a full day's pay. Elliot has a patient whom she's having trouble diagnosing. Keith (who's been non-existent since the show came back after the strike, what's going on?) was being nice to Elliot, taking a culture to the lab for her before going to lunch, which impressed J.D. Elliot said he's "alternating between angry name calling and whiny pleas to get back together." Just them, she gets a phone call from Keith, in the parking lot begging her to take him back. J.D. recalls the moment they almost kissed in the on call room and said they never talked about it. Elliot thinks J.D. made the first move. J.D. disagreed and went to talk to Cox. Two of the interns are playing "diagnosis jeopardy" in the break room. When they get an answer right, they get to gloat. J.D. says its stupid, because, as Cox assumed, J.D. never got to gloat. Cox comes home after a bad day and Jordan tells him it's his turn to tell his son a story so he used the gang from Sacred Heart. Jordan told Cox not to tell the four-year-old hospital stories, so Turk and Carla became a two-headed witch, Elliot became a princess and J.D. was the Village Idiot.

In the fairy tale land of Sacred Heartia, Janitor is a giant and Nurse Roberts is an "irritable townswoman of color." She complains that the village is filthy. He's mad that she's been spreading rumors that he eats babies. He said a baby is "a minute on the lips and a lifetime on the hips." He said he eats chocolate. Murphy arrives with a cart full of the deceased thinking he'd find Nurse Roberts ready to go. Giant-or tells him to come back later, but first asks if he has any "babies...toddlers" on his cart. On the outskirts of town, the princess' handmaiden was "in dire straits", so the king sent the village idiot to assist her. Princess Elliot was hoping for someone brave. Village idiot J.D. said he was brave, he had saved a fish from drowning, which he was holding in his hand. Cox went on to describe J.D. as a "colossal idiot" and wouold have gone on longer, but his son interrupted and wanted to hear the rest of the story. The Princess and the Idiot had a "sordid past" and were arguing about who tried to kiss who. Her handmaiden (the patient with the mystery illness) is being tormented by a monster and is growing weaker by the minute. In real life, Elliot's patient is getting worse and she needs help. Keith comes to the rescue, and back in the story, he's a noble knight, who is hoping to slay the monster and win her back. Elliot says it's not happening and asks for the key to her chastity belt back. The two-headed witch, Turla arrived and tried to lend their help, they tell Elliot and J.D. to meet them at the potion shop. J.D. has a "sweet ride" to get them there, a donkey. The "Dark Lord's" toadie, Ted, announces that his master is approaching. It's the dreaded Oslek (look at it backwards.) He says that anyone who steps foot in his forbidden forest shall disappear forever. Murphy said he had been in the forest earlier in the day and he didn't disappear - until right then. Back in the real world, Kelso caught Murphy working late and immediately sent him home - not even allowing him to move the dead body that was getting repeatedly hit by the elevator door. Ted went to move it and hurt his back, making him look like his fairy tale self. Back in the story, Turla attempt to get a monster fighting potion and encounter the "Fairy Todd-Something." The Carla half of Turla asks for her wand, but Turk had given it to J.D., who accidentally gave himself a tail after using the wand to scratch his bum. The Fariy Todd-Something told Carka he'd be more than happy to let her hold his wand. More lab results come in for Elliot's patient and they're negative, she still doesn't know what's wrong with the woman and decides to page Cox. In the story, this is a cue for the arrival of the "bravest, most handsome knight" any of them had ever seen. Cox is unable to slay the monster either. A scary old lady appears in the story, it's Jordan, who back in real life has a face mask and tells Cox that story time is over.

Cox sneaks back into his son's room to finish the story. Cox is getting nowhere with the monster. Their only option is to go to the forbidden forest and find the golden ring. In real life, Cox tells Elliot she has to find the diagnosis and not just treat the symptoms. Cox gives the advice to "remember what you heard when you weren't even listening." J.D. and Elliot venture into the forbidden forest and the Giant-or tells them to hide from the Dark Lord, back in reality, Janitor tries to cover for J.D. and Elliot. Actually, Janitor double-crossed them and Kelso (and Oslek) captured them. Elliot and J.D. are locked up in a dungeon and she admitted she tried to kiss him and he said they tried to kiss each other and asked if it meant something, so they tried to kiss again, but couldn't reach them. Kelso suspended J.D. and Elliot, but once he found out there were no liability issues, he lets them go. J.D. had a eureka moment and remembers Cox's cryptic advice, seeing forest sprites who look exactly like the interns and their game of "diagnosis jeopardy" - the patient has the disease that was the answer to the quiz question. They got the golden ring and headed back to help the maiden. They were able to destroy the monster and diagnose the patient, and the "golden ring" around her iris confirmed their diagnosis. Cox tells Elliot that they've done all they can for the patient, and if she needs a liver, he just hope she can get one in time. All's well in the village of Sacred Heartia and everyone - including the maiden - lived happily ever after. The end. Cox tucked his son in and found Jordan outside the door, asking is the maiden got her liver in time. Cox replied "that's the way I'm telling it." Well, gee, that was a depressing ending. Next season, Scrubs moves to ABC and hopefully the J.D. and Elliot storyline can finally be wrapped up.