Moonlight: Sonata (Episode 116)

Hey, it's that vampire show

Obviously I have to start this recap off on a very sad note, as Moonlight has been cancelled, and resurrection isn't looking good. I really was shocked by the cancellation, since I think that if CBS gave the show a chance to get cohesion behind the scenes, there was great potential there. However, it was not to be, and that...well, bites.

Onto the final show. We open at a Hearst College event honouring Josef and his donation -- in his comatose beloved Sarah's name -- of a new sports arena. A former star player, Dominic Michaels, is also honoured. McBeth are in attendance at the posh event, and Beth asks Josef if he formerly attended the college. Yes, Beth, in a different life. Josef replies that he founded the college after losing a bet with William Randolph. Heh. Beth and Josef banter cutely while across the room, Mick and Josef's date, his human lawyer/blood donor, Simone, chat. Beth is shocked (shocked!) that the lawyer is a willing "freshie," and she wonders how many Mick's had in his time. Mick demurs, since a gentleman never sucks and tells.

There's a scuffle between Dominic and some guy, and it's revealed that Dominic's managers are a married vamp couple. McBeth dance to what the closed captions tell me is a Gavin Rossdale song, and they moon at each other and discuss how this is their fourth date. Just then, a woman screams, and Dominic is found dead in what looks like the players' bathtub in the locker room. Simone is found with the body, but she says she's innocent.

At what I assume is the police station, Beth is sent in by Ben to question Simone. (Somewhere, Carl the Cop is Crying.) Simone insists Dominic was dead when she found him, but Josef is her alibi and she can't tell the police the DA's team that she was with him because they were engaging in some blood sport, and not the Jean-Claude Van Damme variety. There's a flashback to it, and Josef tears into her wrist like he's biting into an In-N-Out burger. That's one thing I definitely would have changed on this show -- make the biting technique a bit more sensual. Also, why doesn't she just tell the cops that she and Josef were making out?

You won't need that wrist again, will you?

Apparently she can't tell them she and Josef were making out because it would lead to an investigation of Josef, and keeping the secret is priority number one. Beth takes this opportunity to give up on that whole criminal investigation angle and have some girl talk with Simone about this freshie business, which she's clearly dying to try. Ben interrupts, and in the hall he tells Beth that he's holding Simone until he discovers what she's hiding, since Simone knew Dominic and allegedly went home with him after a few games.

The next morning, Beth tells Josef and Mick that Simone knew Dominic, and it's clear that Josef is jealous and has gotten attached to Simone. He pouts his way to bed, and Mick comments that it's very unusual for Josef to get hooked on a freshie. Later, Beth visits one half of the vampire couple who managed Dominic, Emma and Jackson, who have been together 150 years. Emma gives Beth her life undead story, and her true love tale with Jackson, who let her turn him. Emma laughingly says she just wish she'd known about the snoring before pledging to be with Jackson forever, which makes no sense since vamps don't breath, but okay. Emma tells Beth that Dominic and the man he fought with at the party, Hank, have a history of jealous sparring over everything.

At the morgue, good ol' Guillermo tells Mick that Dominic's neck was snapped, he had sex right before he died, and there was some blood (B+) belonging to someone else on his person. Mick heads back home to the Fortress of Style, where Josef and Simone are hanging out, celebrating Simone's release. I guess Josef never finished rebuilding his lair, eh?

Simone insists that she was never romantic with Dominic, and her blood is B-. Mick thinks they should still test her blood, and Josef (ever the scamp!) bites Simone's wrist and offers a taste to Mick. Oh, Josef -- always trying to get into Mick's pants. Don't ever change. Mick can't resist, and then Simone is moaning, Josef's hissing, and they're all getting off on this little ménage à trois action. Man, they should have sexxxed up this show ages ago, and maybe it wouldn't have been cancelled! Naturally, our Girl Scout Beth walks right in on the action, and Mick is beyond busted.

The closest thing CBS has gotten to showing porn since...ever

We return from commercial to a very awkward situation. Josef: "Hi, Beth. We were just having drinks." Jason Dohring, I really hope you get another job soon, because I miss you already. Simone drags Josef out, and a pissed Beth ignores Mick's excuses and tells him she has a lead on Hank. They take a very frosty car ride to a frat house, pausing outside to bicker about the freshie situation, which Beth is confused by, since Mick told her back in the desert that it was a big deal drinking from someone, and now he's being so cavalier.

Inside the frat house, the usual type of sleazy hijinks are going on. Mick picks up a wooden paddle, which he's informed is "sacred." Hank's frat bros try to cover for Hank by fighting Mick to give him time to escape, but obviously Mick is having none of that, and Hank is apprehended. In the process, Mick gets "hit in the face with the sacred ass paddle," which Beth shrugs off as "Karma." Ha! See, the writing was getting so much better. What a world of difference from that clunker of a pilot.

Morgue. Guillero tells Mick that the mystery blood on Dominic's body was vamp blood. He also plays therapist, sensing that Mick has his sad face on due to Beth. Mick spills about the freshie situation, and Guillero advises that vamps got needs, yo. Mick heads off to meet up with Jackson, the other half of Dominic's manager duo. Turns out that a blonde cheerleader hanging with Dominic at the party is a vamp. Mick scurries off to Hearst to meet with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, providing an excuse for a musical montage of Alex shooting hoops. Yay! Although he kept his shirt on. Booooooo! Buffy tells Mick she didn't kill Dominic and didn't sleep with him that night. However, Dominic was sleeping with Emma. Ruh roh! The course of true vamp love apparently ain't running so smoothly after all.

At the cop shop, Ben grills Hank. Hank tells Ben he saw Emma screw Dominic and snap his neck like a twig. Beth warns Mick to get to Emma's before Ben and co., but Mick isn't in time, and Emma is already tossing Ben's minions around. Beth is trying to talk her down, but Mick succeeds, getting all up in her grill and reminding her that she's endangering all vampkind. She calls Mick a traitor. The police take her away, and Mick warns Beth that Emma will need to feed soon, and that it ain't gonna be pretty.

McBeth poke around Jackson and Emma's apartment, discussing how romantic it is that Emma and Jackson have been together so long. Er, isn't her screwing Dominic decidedly unromantic? I'm just saying. Beth asks if Mick has ever turned anyone, but Jackson interrupts. He's shell-shocked by the turn in events, but determined to stand by his wife. Beth gets him into see Emma in custody. Emma and Jackson speak in tones not audible to humans, but Mick translates for Beth. Emma tells Jackson that Dominic was nothing, and she's sorry, etc. Then she tells Jackson that if Mick doesn't get her out of jail, she'll give up Mick and every vamp in LA to the cops. Despite Simone's best efforts later in court, Emma is denied bail.

Fortress. Instead of worrying about Emma's threats, Josef and Mick kick back with some sanguine beverages and have a little chinwag about how Josef is, like, totally crushing on Simone, OMG. Meanwhile, Simone stops by Beth's to apologize for that whole blood-sucking threesome thing. She says that humans are but a blip on the life radar of vamps, and that vamps won't get too close. We cut back to the Fortress, where Mick is delighting in Josef's tender feelings for Simone. Josef tells Mick he's afraid to turn Simone not only due to his other girlfriend in a coma (readers of a certain age will now have The Smiths in their head all day), but his commitment issues. Back at Beth's, Beth tells Simone that Mick would never turn her.

Beth goes to the Fortess, where Mick is now having a sooper sekrit vampire meeting featuring Josef, Guillermo, Logan the techie, and...frell me, it's Claudia Black. Okay, now CBS is really trying to hurt me. They bring this kick-ass woman on just in time for the show to get canned? *weeps* It's not clear who Claudia is playing -- I'm assuming she's a recast of the Cleaner, and TV.com confirms it -- but she and the other vamps are fretting (in a very growly way) about the chaos that will ensue if Emma outs them. It'll be a "freakin' vampire apocalypse," according to Josef.

Remember how awesome I was on Farscape? Aeryn+John-4-eva!

Mick and his unmerry band plan to break out Emma while she's in transit in a police van. Logan hacks the streetlights, Guillermo gets an ambulance, blood and accoutrements, and the Cleaner and her Cleanerettes (who have shown up at Mick's) are going to fake a car accident to stop the transit van. Mick and Josef will be waiting to snatch Emma. The only question about the plan is from Logan: "Can my code name be Lando Calrissian?" David Blue, I must insist you return to Ugly Betty as Marc's boyfriend immediately, because I love you.

As you might guess, the plan goes off with many hitches, and the van crashes. However, they do manage to get Emma in the ambulance and ferry her away. They take her to an abandoned warehouse or whatever (somewhere suitably dark and empty) and put her on trial for threatening to expose them, which is treason. The penalty is death, of course. Jackson arrives and has a tender moment with Emma before insisting that they die together. One of the Cleanerettes pulls an Al Pacino and takes a flamethrower to them, and they burn. Romantically, of course.

At Ben's office, he receives a mysterious file of names. Vamp names, including Josef, Logan and Mick. Dun, dun, DUN. Too bad we'll never know what Ben would have done, although I'm sure we can all hazard a guess.

Mick shows up at the Apartment of Misery, which has earned its name anew. Beth is up on her high horse about vampire justice after hearing what's happened to Emma and Jackson and their eternal love. She tearfully tells Mick that he was right -- they live in different worlds. She doesn't ever want to have to make the decision about being turned, and she doesn't want to see Mick anymore. Mick stalks out, deeply upset, leaving Beth sobbing. So help me fucking god, this had better not be how this show ends, or I will be extremely grumpy.

But wait! The Emo Voice Over makes its final appearance as Mick gathers himself in the hallway, telling us that Mick's spent 50 years trying to close the door on forever, and he can't close the door on Beth. He goes back into her apartment and tells her that she was right all along -- it's not about being vamp or human, it's about how they feel about each other.

Beth takes the opportunity to give Mick a pop quiz on what she was wearing the night they met again, which Mick passes with flying colours, of course, right down to her lack of shoes. She asks how he can remember that. "Because I love you." She moves into his arms and onto his lips as I clap and squee like a leetle girl. They close the door symbolically behind them, and I think it's safe to say the Apartment of Misery is being re-christened tonight.

Let's go out with a bang, shall we?

And they lived...

Happily

Ever

After

Thanks to all the folks at Moonlight or giving me such a fun show to recap, and I look forward to seeing Alex (I'm sure he'll be snapped up by another show, stat), Jason, Sophia and the rest of the gang in other roles soon. And, of course, a huge thank you to my loyal readers for being 31 flavours of awesome. Y'all are the best, and I'll catch you on the flipside.