Numb3rs: When Worlds Collide (Episode 418)

This is it, the finale of season 4. Now, you may be wondering why there isn’t a video or some other something celebrating this event but, to be honest. I don’t have much to celebrate. In truth, I’m starting to think that Eeyore is a wise philosopher in the ways of life. Sometimes no one cares if your house falls down, whether it’s the metaphorical house of Eppes or the International House of Fedcakes. In this one, we lose a good portion of both. Although, if anyone’s tail falls off, there might be some violence from the fangirls.

Besides, I already made a video for this season and if I made one for the post-strike eppesodes, you have to have lived under a rock not to know that the majority of it would be one long “SQUEE!” about my OTP. I’m polite enough not to enter into the fray when it comes to ‘ship wars. That is, if there was a ‘ship war, which there isn’t because that implies Don might possible belong with someone other than Robin.

So, last year TPTB made me all OMGWTFBBQ11!! This year, they’ve made me wonder what the point to it all is. We lose Megan, and by default any future meaningful development of the good ship Megan/Larry. We lose Charlie’s purpose in this show. Almost everyone loses their objectivity and TPTB didn’t even give me Robin to distract me. Really, I don’t know what they could possible do to make me feel better. A shoutout, world peace and pony might help though.

Average American Home: It’s completely average with the trendy teenaged-daughter wanting a laptop and the tween son wanting a new cell phone while beating up someone on a video game. The average mother is serving dinner and everyone is waiting for the father to come home. Wow, their lives seem so together, so peaceful. So, what are TPTB going to take away from them?

Oh look, they lose their father when he’s kidnapped at gunpoint by masked men in a red van.

Cal Sci: Hey, it’s Bug! I might feel better if Bug’s in this eppesode! I loved Bug! He was the only reason I stuck with Crossing Jordan as long as I did. I might have a little happiness if Bug is here to be all funny and snarky like I remember him. By the way, his character name here does not matter. He’s Bug and he always will be Bug.

So, instead of working in the Boston ME office, this time Bug is a colleague of Charlie’s at Cal Sci. He’s been working with Charlie on a something to do with rearranging genes to help humanity and the pair of them might get to present their findings at a conference in Florence, Italy. You know, Florence would be a great place in which to propose, Charlie. Not that I’m pressuring you or anything; I’ll let Alan do that.

Hey look, it’s That Guy. You know the guy. It’s the guy who has been in everything from Homicide: Life on the Street to Oz (covering the required quota of former Oz actors this season) to, well, to just about everything else in American television in the last 15 years.

Then That Guy arrests Bug, despite Charlie’s protestations. Great, one brief moment of happiness, snuffed out by TPTB. Plus, we all know from the average American family and Bug that this is going to be all about terrorists. Oh wait, did I mention the average American family was Muslim? Should it matter?

So TPTB tell me that my beloved Bug might be a terrorist. You know, after recapping this show for this long, I’m starting to take these things personally. Seriously, I have never been diagnosed with megalomania or paranoia. Why does everyone keep asking?

Okay, that’s it. This recap may only be written while consuming alcohol. I’m not going to take hit after hit like this without a several stiff drinks. Look at what I’ve had to resort two at barely two minutes into the eppesode. Thanks a lot, Nick and Cheryl.

IHOF: As if my world isn’t topsy-turvy enough, Colby is explaining stuff to Charlie. Come on, can I not have a little David exposition for comfort? Does everything in this eppesode need to be messed up?

We get the story that 2 men have been abducted and that they belong to the Pakistan International Fund (PIF) which is a suspected terrorist organization. Bug was a part of the PIF.

Depressing Title Flash. Yes, everything this week has earned that particular descriptor.

Depressing IHOF: That Guy is explaining how the PIF claims to be a charity for Pakistan and Bangladesh (AKA East Pakistan) but is really a front for Jihadist groups. You want to know something really depressing? My spellchecker didn’t freak out over the word Jihadist. It’s become such a part of society now that it’s in my basic Windows dictionary.

TG is working on the theory that the two kidnapped men were liabilities to some terror plot and wants to find other operatives. Luckily, Charlie’s there so of course, with the use of the Byzantine Fault Tolerance, and a really cool metaphor about involving rowers trying to sabotage a boat, Charlie can tell everyone who else is in the boat. David wants to know if it’s possible to tell where the boat is going.

“That’s probably asking a lot of the metaphor,” Colby comments. Hee! Yes, in the middle of all this depressing information, Colby can still make me laugh. Although, I would really like to know if it’s possible to ask too much from a metaphor? Over the last four seasons of Numb3rs, the answers has usually come backl, “no.”

What? I’m sorry; please excuse anything in the captures. I’ve been imbibing because of my depression over this eppesode. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

As much as Charlie is willing to help, he tries to defend Bug but Don is able to let Charlie in on a secret. Bug e-mailed plans for a bio-weapon to Pakistan. It’s the type of thing don can tell Charlie because Charlie has all the necessary security clearance. It would be a shame if that got all messed up.

In case anyone ever thought that Charlie has grown past the absolute trust of his big brother, the fact that he doesn’t disagree with Don proves otherwise. It’s interesting that despite all his knowledge, Charlie, like many younger siblings, will still initial trust whatever they’re told (I’m a younger sibling. We like to deny it, but it happens). I think it’s this deeply ingrained belief that is the true impetus of Charlie’s actions later no matter how he tries to pretty them up.

Depressing Average American Home: While the wife is insisting her husband isn’t a terrorist, I find (besides the whole racial profiling thing) another reason to be depressed.

Depressing PIF: Whilst the dude in charge explains how the PIF is only a charity, I cry foul and am actually annoyed at my BFF (Best Fedcake Friend, David) because he doesn’t call Hassan on the worst Paskistani accent ever. It’s a blend of the bad accent we used to hear in the 80s and Apu from the Simpsons. Plus, I cry foul as this dude is being played by a Canadian from Newfoundland. Yup, Newfoundland, it’s a hotbed of Canadian terrorism, or not.

Then, as if I needed another reason to be sad, the baddie has a point about refusing to help the Fedcakes because it’s really a witch hunt looking for terrorists and the two men were probably taken by the US Government. As he’s the baddie and he made a good point, it’s invalidated because he’s the baddie. Grr! Arg!

Depressing Random Street: Usually, I’d be all “Yay a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern scene” but not today. The CIA operative denies that his agency had anything to do with the kidnappings and suggests that perhaps Rosencrantz and Guildenstern look within the IHOF. As for the reason this meeting is being held outside, it has nothing to do with trying to avoid being bugged. It’s because the agent was on his lunch break. Really? I never knew the IHOF delivered! That’s something that might make me happy!

Depressing IHOF: Don’s pissed at Charlie for trying to call a lawyer for Bug. I’m surprised that Charlie nearly unbreakable trust in Don let him go that far, but really, Charlie’s in the right. You see, basic legal rights are good things, Don. Not calling a lawyer for someone in custody is bad.

Don’s blasé acceptance of Bug’s incarceration is even more disheartening because Megan has given up calling him on this sort of shit, and Robin isn’t in this eppesode to give him his comeuppance. Therefore, there is no one to stop Don (or Charlie) before things spin out of control.

As for Bug, he never sent a bio weapon. He sent plans to make disease-resistant crops to scientists in Pakistan working on this country. For That Guy, it doesn’t matter, the research is restricted and, therefore, Bug broke the law. The problem with this logic is that the list of what is secret and cannot be shared is also secret. Yes, that is the sort of world we live in. We won’t tell you what the law is but we’ll sure as hell arrest you for breaking it.

None of Bug’s pleas mean anything to That Guy. No, he sees a terrorist plot and, therefore, a terrorist plot it shall be. Joseph McCarthy would be proud, particularly if we replaced the word “terrorist” with “communist.”

I take a small (and I do mean very small) bit of comfort that even Don looks ashamed at this. Of course, Don will completely forget this later, making me want to take seriously snarktastic action. I couldn’t take any other form as I’m a big wimp.

Depressing Random Warehouse: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find the tortured bodies of the two kidnapped men. I find it interesting that no one, at any point notices that if they actually searched for these guys, instead of terrorists, perhaps the outcome might’ve been different.

Depressing IHOF: That Guy is sure that the two men were killed to find out they leaked information. Umm, buddy, does you mind go anywhere else? With a one track paranoid mind like that, you definitely should apply for the X-files part of the FBI. Wait! You’ve been on that too! You really are That Guy, you know the guy who has been everywhere!

We get several pieces of information. I’m not going to add any conclusions onto this right now, as I just want to make a point. 1) There was a trigger pin for a rocket launcher found in the warehouse. 2) Trigger pins are hard to find but the rockets, well, one can pretty much get those at the local 7-11 (apparently, ask for people who sound like Apu). 3) One of the dead men had blueprints for local high schools. 4) The FBI’s criteria say the PIF isn’t a terrorist organization – which Charlie worked out.

So, the conclusion drawn from this by all the Fedcakes is pretty clear isn’t it? I guess if I told you they all assumed there’d be a rocket attack on a high school, you’d all be shocked, right? Okay, so Charlie takes a moment to defend his friend but That Guy accuses him of being blinded by friendship. Hmm, being blind due to personal opinion? Pot called, he left a message about something being black.

Despite all the logic Charlie uses, both TG and Don ignore it. First, we get the faulty assumption that the PIF are the ones who tortured the two men and then the worst possible thing happens.

Charlie stomps off because we all know how well he takes it when people don’t listen to him. It’s a bad habit because now no one in the IHOF is thinking clearly. That Guy tries a different tactic and Charlie and TG play a game of 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except the goal is to connect them to a terrorist, not Kevin Bacon. That Guy connects him in one degree (a roommate of his became a terrorist). Charlie connects That Guy, through his pharmacist sister, in 3 degrees. Even though, technically, That Guy wins this of 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Charlie still wins in pwning department.

So here’s my logic rant. See if my conclusions might have more logical validity than the Fedcakes. First of all, my points: 1) This show is called Numb3rs. 2) Charlie is a math professor with security clearance who loves working with his brother, Don. 3) Not listening to Charlie’s logic/math/metaphors would fundamentally change the premise of the show. 4) Spy is a recapper who loves Numb3rs, Charlie, Charlie’s relationship with Don (and her OTP). 5) Spy has ninjas. 6) Therefore, messing with the premise would make Spy angry as she’s all for development, not a drastic overhaul of the premise.

Using the Fedcake logic in this eppesode (which is little, if any actual logic) it is evident that to appease Spy to make sure she doesn’t send her ninjas after anyone, she must immediately be provided with a shout out, world peace and a pony. You may think this logic seems off, but according to this eppesode, logic is about a logical as it would be through the looking glass. I’m expecting the Cheshire Cat to appear any minute.

Depressing PIF: David and That Guy are back with a search warrant. The obvious baddie makes another logical point that the FBI probably has all the information asked for in the warrant through all sorts of nefarious means. Yet again, it’s going to get negated as he is the obvious baddie.

Depressing Average American Home: Megan’s interrupting what looks to be an informal wake, where we finally get somewhere with at least one Fedcake thinking that not everyone involved with the PIF was a terrorist. The wife tells her that her husband had problems with the fundraising and the other dead guy shared them. The wife rubs it in more by talking about how utterly normal her children are and now due to stereotyping, the family’s pain is increased. The only thing the wife can say for certain is that the kidnapper wasn’t Pakistani. Well, even I could tell that from the lack of accent.

Depressing Cal Sci: Amita and Larry got a professional opinion of Bug’s work. The opinion is (complete with very technical language) that the work is dangerous “only if you look at all the data through the myopic lens of a paranoid federal official.” You see, now Charlie is collecting a variety of evidence to disprove the Fedcakes’ theory. He should continue on researching instead of say, doing anything rash.

Depressing IHOF: OMG! Megan! It’s Megan! I don’t mean just her in the scene, but the Megan I know and love! The one that always calls Don out when he’s being an ass! It’s the one who will listen when others have shut their minds down. It’s one last gasp of the character that could wear black nail polish, turn the head of Ray-Ray, seduce Larry, kick the ass of anyone on that team, mentally or physically and just be generally all-round awesometastic with a dollop of awesomesauce and an awesome cherry on top.

She’s questioning the validity of the investigation’s theories and methodology and I’m momentarily brought out of my depression to appreciate how the props guys are hiding Diane Farr’s twins.

Don responds by quoting “He who gives up freedom for safety deserves neither.” He claims it’s a bumper sticker while Megan sure it was originally said by Benjamin Franklin. Well, guess what, Don, Megan’s right in this case, so how about you take that as a big honking piece of symbolism and listen to her when she talks about the weird calls to San Francisco, Boston and New York, instead of appeasing her by letting her look into it while tightly holding on to your belief it’s terror-related?

After the half-a minute of glee over the return of the real Megan, I now just want to bang my head against a wall for a long period of time. I would, except I probably wouldn’t feel anything as I’m now on drink number three. All I can say is, thank heavens for spell check.

Depressing La Maison d’Eppes: I have meta-proof this eppesode is depressing! The evidence is in the screencap below.

Don’s arrived with Pizza a beer, which I choose to take as some subliminal sign that he’s feeling a bit guilty, while Charlie sits at the table with his pouty-mcpouty pants on because of Bug. Alan’s surprised about Bug and then makes the comment about not reading the newspaper because it’s so depressing. Yeah, Alan, try recapping this eppesode!

When Don asks Charlie to be objective, I change my mind about wanting to pound my head into a wall. Now I want Megan to pound Don’s head into a wall, (I would never try that myself I’m not into pain) or Robin to call and bitch him out for being a close-minded asshole. Someone, please, remind Don he’s not always this irrational.

Well, that reminder certainly isn’t going to come from Alan, as he’s too busy focusing on the pizza and sighing that the argument of the value versus the danger of academia was inevitable. I wish I could disagree with him, but I can’t. Oh Alan, it sucks when you’re not only wise, but there’s nothing I can do about the depressing nature of your wisdom.

Depressing IHOF: Even though there’s been no word on these rocket launchers, Charlie does have something for David and That Guy. There is a 98.2% chance that there is a hidden operative. Instead of nefarious deeds though, this operative, Benjamin Rajar, a lawyer, was working with the two victims to uncover information. This makes him a potential target.

Depressing Outside of Lawyer’s Office: The Fedcakes are there to try and prevent another kidnapping. I’m not too sure why as I didn’t think the Fedcakes were overly keen on being around lawyers in this eppesode, particularly where Bug is concerned. What I find even more ominous is that That Guy is very nonchalant about how easy it is to take a single person off the street in broad daylight.

Suddenly, it occurs to me, that our Fedcakes have abducted people off the street before. At the time, I didn’t really see anything wrong with it, now it’s become yet another reason that I’m wallowing in this pit of depression.

This time, the kidnappers try to abduct him by forcing him into a taxicab. After being distracted by the sacrificial agent, one of the kidnappers runs down the street, while the other tries to shoot his way free with an automatic. He nearly hits Don and That Guy, and then drives down the street backwards. The problem is that putting out an APB on a damaged taxicab that is driving strangely, would yield far too many results.

Cue to the requisite car chase for the finale! That is, if it wasn’t cut off by a large truck. Well, that was one sucky car chase? A taxicab driving backwards with its door open and truck driver who cuts people off? I would call that a regular day in any major city, not a car chase worthy of a finale.

As for the other guy, David is still running down the street after him, and gets shot at. I swear, David gets shot at more than any other Fedcake and I really wish my BFF would stop being put in the way of potentially life-threatening danger. I will start a “Save David” campaign if I have to.

David shoots the other guy before the other guy can shoot David. I’m relived but even after three and a quarter drinks, even I don’t miss the flub where the dead guy’s hat falls off, revealing dirty blond hair, only for the hat to be securely back on his head when David turns him over for the big surprise that the kidnapper is not Pakistani, just as the widow said.

Depressing IHOF: “So if this is a Pakistani extremist than I’m a Japanese schoolgirl,” Megan snarks. I would say hee, but then I realized, Megan, in your very last eppesode, we didn’t need to know that much information about Larry’s fantasies, thanks.

“They recruited domestic operatives,” That Guy insists. Okay, I remember once on House, the title character was mad at Wilson because, as a cancer doctor, he assumes the answer is always cancer. Yeah, well, I totally get that rant right now. That Guy needs to go away, right now. All he wants to do is prove he’s right, not prove the right thing. If he needs to arrest everyone in the PIF and deport half of them, he will. He justifies this by saying he’s preventing a rocket attack on a school.

At least I’m not the only one who sees how preposterous a proposal this is. Megan’s on my side. If there was ever a rocket attack on a school, the current administration would just nuke the entire area. Why is That Guy not seeing that? Plus, there really isn’t a connection between blueprints of a school and a rocket attack? It’s not like one needs blueprints to shoot rockets through the windows! What good would they be unless you’re desperately trying to take out your vengeance vicariously through destroying gym class?

The lawyer has no idea why anyone would want to kill him but the two dead guys were concerned about why the money flow to certain charities had stopped. Instead of the PIF doling out the money by committee, the obvious baddie had taken over the payouts. As for any plan about rocket launchers and schools, the Lawyer doesn’t know anything, probably because it’s the most ridiculous idea ever.

Extremely Depressing Last Megan/Larry Scene: Yes, folks, this is it. Whatever Megan is about to head off to do, Larry is very supportive of it. I guess it’s only fair when she was so jazzed about his space trip last year. On the other hand, I’d be happier if he just got completely irrational and said, “No, you must stay here, because otherwise weeping will commence for months!”

Really Depressing IHOF: Bug still doesn’t have a lawyer and he was interviewed for 30 hours. Everything that links him to terrorism is Lemony Snicket-style bad, a phrase which here means a series of unfortunate and unrelated events. There isn’t a joke out here that either a) hasn’t already been made on The Daily Show or b) isn’t tacky. So I’ll just leave this and move on. Although, it’s not like I can move onto anything funny as there’s a distinct lack of comic relief in this eppesode. I would like to point out one interesting detail though, Bug’s roommate, the one That Guy says linked him to Al Qaida, only has the same name of a member of the group. It’s like the Pakastani version of John Smith and I come to an important realization.

Oh, Bug, no! He tells Charlie that he only ever sent part of his work and that his work could save 10s of thousands. That anvil that dropped on your head is just as painful as you think it is.

Depressing Koi Pond: Yes, even the Koi Pond is depressing in this eppesode, particularly as Charlie names the fish with all the orange “Tombrello, he’s an old fish. He likes to hide a lot.” Oh, it seems everyone is getting a shout out on this show, but not me.

The debate that’s been raging, academic versus ridiculous paranoia, continues. It’s a rehashing of what we’ve already seen and still, all I can wish is for Megan to come in and knock their heads together.

Or, simply dunk Charlie’s perfect hair into the Koi pond so that the second anvil dropped on us in a matter of minutes – about how Charlie is in contact with scientists around the world everyday – will not land squarely on the premise of this show, squishing it to death.

Depressing IHOF: The file folder is not performing its function of hiding Diane Farr’s pregnancy, like it did last season.

Back on point, Megan’s found a link between the PIF and another terrorist group, the IRA. Colby can’t believe it because the IRA is supposedly defunct. Yeah, well, according to my friends in Northern Ireland, not as much as we’d like to hope.

Megan doesn’t think it’s an active IRA cell, or plot, but she does wonder what happened to all the operatives if the aren’t working at Starbucks. So now Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and Megan have a new, and much more logistically valid, line of investigation.

David, in a really cute and painfully awkward way, tries to worm out of Megan her future plans. “You uh, got anything else, maybe, uh, you know, you want to talk to us about?” Yes, David, you have officially earned the last NPAL™ of season 4.

Colby implies last week’s trip to New York was really a trip to DC, and Megan finally tells us where she’s headed after leaving the IHOF. She’s going to leave the bureau, *Sob* counsel women in prison, *cry* and finish her doctorate *wail.* I don’t care how noble a career path that is, I’m selfish enough to want Megan to stay put!

Don already knows about her upcoming resignation and I’m wondering if there’s some sort of Fedcake recovery program in DC that we don’t know about because isn’t that where Terry Lake went after she left the team? I’m just saying, coincidences are weird, and it’s a far more logical conclusion than anything else in this eppesode.

Depressing Cal Sci: Charlie isn’t serving the FBI, he’s serving the truth. Oh, Larry, even onto drink 4, I know that’s not one of your best lines.

Depressing Bar: Hey! A bar, I wonder if they’d serve me at this point probably not. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, finally on an actual line of investigation instead of one huge logistical fallacy, confront an old IRA member, whose accent is about as good as Apu’s from earlier, about former colleagues still in the business. Not only does this old dude identify the dead guy but he gives us the name of our baddie, Shane O’Hanahan.

Depressing Old Folks Home: Hey, Apu stole his name from some poor old retiree.

Depressing IHOF: So after all that’s been discovered That Guy is still on the Middle Eastern terror plot rant but thanks to the wonders of dramatic irony, we all know the baddie is Shane O’Hanahan. To be honest I’m surprised That Guy didn’t argue with that too.

“So these ex-IRA guys are supplying the PIF’s weapons,” That guy argues. OMG, does this guy ever think logically? Is it a rule in counter-terrorism to assume everyone is a terrorist waiting to happen?

Depressing IRA House: Cue the necessary Kevlar scene! Usually, this would make me feel better, but it’s just not helping me. Also, yet again, I can barely see them. Seriously, somebody check to make sure lighting guys have been hired for next season. Thanks.

In the garage are all those weapons they’ve been searching for. Guess who doesn’t have those weapons? All the people at the PIF.

Depressing IHOF: Back to the faulty logic of the planned attack on the high school and OMG stop making me talk about this ludicrous plot already. Thank God Charlie’s here with the mathematical proof that the obvious baddie has been working alone. Of course, That Guy is still sure the dead men are terrorists, citing the ridiculous logic that has been plaguing this eppesode as proof.

Hallelujah! In a moment of brilliance Don finally realizes that blueprints do equal attack plans. Yes, I’m being a bit snarky but since I want to bang Don’s head into a wall, this is as nice as I’m going to get. Now onto our second metaphor, M.C. Escher’s print of “Angels and Devils.” I seriously tried to get a link for that but I’m afraid of international copyright laws. Yes, that’s ironic considering I’m typing this recap but my logic has taken a turn into this eppesode – a phrase here meaning, I don’t need to have any because I’ve had a lot to drink. On the other hand, I have no problem capturing an image from the show.

Again, logic doesn’t need to apply here as it certainly isn’t anywhere else.

Finally, David jumps in as the voice of reason, understanding that finding school blueprints when one is a contractor preparing to bid for a job, does not equal terrorist plot and the obvious baddie probably dropped the infamous firing pin from earlier. I’m so happy someone finally pointed out the obvious, I could hug him.

Now, if only someone could explain the concept of synchronicity to That Guy, all would be well.

Oh hee, on Megan and her really large, conveniently placed laptop.

She has news, the obvious baddie with the clearly fake accent from earlier, it really Shane O’Hanahan. While this is a big reveal to everyone else, but not to anyone paying attention, even after imbibing, I’m wondering why the Pakistanis didn’t notice the guy pulling the anti-Michael Jackson with the world’s fakest accent.

PS: I’m better than the Fedcakes’ software as I recognized him as a Canadian about 7 pages ago on this recap.

So the truth is (as we watch O’Hanahan turn back into his Canadian self) he was the one behind it all and the PIF were his victims. Ha! Take that That Guy! Now the Fedcakes are trying to catch up with him before he flees. Fortunately, through the magic of television, it’s O’Hanahan that slips up, using one of his regular aliases, making the Fedcakes look good so that they can capture him.

Depressing Car Lot: For all the panic over finding this guy, the takedown in the rental car lot is fairly simple. When O’Hanahan doesn’t immediately surrender, That Guy shoots him. I’m fairly sure he did it so that way later he can claim that it’s too bad he was never able to figure out what terrorist cell he was working with. Yup, at the near end of this eppesode, I’m that convinced that That Guy could never change his mind about anything. I’m sure he’ll get a promotion for this and go work for FEMA.

Depressing IHOF: Charlie explains the Fedcakes’ errors in logic to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern – being blindingly obtuse making the evidence fit the crime. Unfortunately, it’s not really a victory for anyone as Bug is still in custody, as demonstrated by making Bug do the perp walk, escorted by That Guy.

Charlie’s as confused as I am. Why isn’t the government releasing Bug? Well, according to Don, he still sent classified information to Pakistan that was so classified that no one was allowed to know it was classified. I think that sentence just made Orwell a very happy dead person. Don’t trouble yourself too much with the logic of that statement. It will hurt your head like mine will be hurting tomorrow. Although, alcohol helps one get through this eppesode. Trust me.

“Can’t you see that an objective evaluation comes to an entirely different conclusion? He’s innocent,” Charlie pleads. Someone needs to explain that the words “objective” and “evaluation” don’t go together this week?

Now Megan, if you were going to exit, this would be a great scene to exit on. Come in, beat up Don for his almost flippant/patronizing crack about Bug getting his day in court, and then walk out.

Extremely Depressing Cal Sci: I change my mind, Megan needs to come to Cal Sci and knock three heads together.

All right, Charlie, I may have had to drink to get through this recap. I may even have mocked the lack of logic pervading this eppesode, but I never though I’d see the day when Charlie Eppes in a fit of, what’s the word, pique, decides to prove Don wrong by breaking the law. Charlie sends the rest of Bug’s work to Pakistan with the full support of Larry and Amita.

Now before everyone jumps up and down on my head, let me say this. In theory, the idea of academic freedom, complete academic freedom is really what we should strive for but this isn’t the only driving factor in Charlie’s decision. All right, he’s technically doing the right thing, but, unlike Bug, he knows it’s illegal. There are other methods he could’ve taken. He could’ve gone to the press. This is the sort of thing the international (not the domestic) media salivate over. Having the political sway he has: for instance he got Larry back on the fucking space shuttle for heaven’s sake; it’s not as if people ignore Charlie Eppes. He’s worked for the government long enough, how could he not know how to work the system better than he does here? When I first watched this Eppesode, I was all like “Yay Charlie! Show the man” but then I realized, I applauded that option because it was the only one presented to me. Just like there are other possible conclusions to make from the evidence in this case, there are other possible solutions to Charlie’s Bug problem.

In short, one does not change the system by getting kicked out of it and thus removing you from the sphere of influence of anyone important.

As frustrated as I am by Charlie’s behaviour, it’s not as if we haven’t seen it before. When Don says no to Charlie, he always works around it. We saw it in “Backscatter” when he went through Don by going to Walker. When Don gets angry at Charlie in “Breaking Point” Charlie stomps off, refusing to help Don for a while. In other words, Charlie will often work to prove to Don he’s right and that he’s valuable, and wraps it up in legitimate academic or mathematical reasoning. Four years on, the darker parts of Charlie, the younger sibling with the desire to impress his big brother, and the young genius to whom few people ever said no, can still rear his ugly, if perfectly coiffed, head.

All right, I take it back, just like Alan said about the academic versus legal argument being inevitable, this was inevitable too. While there might’ve been other ways out for other characters, not for the Charlie we’ve been consistently presented in the last 4 seasons and that is a truly depressing realization to come to.

I need more alcohol. Now.

Depressing IHOF: Nope, the eppesode isn’t over yet, as there are still other ways to depress a poor, innocent recapper. Despite Larry’s protestations in the last scene that “Geographic proximity” doesn’t count, I’m fairly sure the good ship Megan/Larry is sunk.

Megan is walked out by Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (and a big bag to hide the baby bump). She insists she wants to leave before she gets “silly” a word which here means weep like the fandom. The doors of the elevator close on the character of Megan Reeves, paralleling when she left for her DOJ assignment last season.

Depressing La Maison d’Eppes: Much to Don’s shock, Charlie has arranged his surrender to federal authorities. At least he can put up the house for bail, and for once, there’s nothing his father can do, house war or not, to stop him.

Of course, Charlie tells Don that he had to “as a scientist” but really, just add the subtext of “I need to you please believe I’m right.”

Exceptionally Depressing Cal Sci: In a quick vignette, Larry tells us what we all figured out anyway, that Charlie’s lost his national security clearance and won’t be able to work on really cool stuff at Cal Sci, or with the Fedcakes. Unlike last year when I was too stunned by the big Colby’s a spy (not Theoriginalspy) shocker to worry about how that was going to be worked out, this time all I’m left with is the worry the premise of this show, between the loss of security clearance for Charlie and security in the awesomeness of Megan, has been changed, permanently.

A last bit of confusing logic is here, when That Guy insists that Charlie didn’t know Bug’s work wasn’t dangerous when he sent it. I’m hoping he meant when Bug sent it otherwise that whole “myopic lens” comment from earlier was just an alcoholic hallucination.

Depressing La Maison d’Eppes: Alan takes the whole younger son committing treason much better than I would. Of course, Alan is better than me and we all saw “Protest.”

The boys are refusing to talk about it and Charlie still tries to justify himself to Don. Turning on to funnier things – a phrase which here means emotional avoidance – Alan references when Charlie came home from MIT (yet another place he’s studied) and revealed he was a Celtics’ fan.

So the boys smile over the avoidance discussion of sports, until Don is called by the Fedcakes. He drives away, symbolically leaving Charlie standing on the porch and we’re into another summer of your recapper driving her friends up the wall by talking about how Numb3rs is ever going to get out of this hole and whether or not the producers are really trying to drive her crazy.

“I think it’s to be continued,” Alan states.

I hope.