The Mole: Episode 7 - Comcast Sucks

The thing that sucks about having to watch reality TV shows online the day after they air on television is that you usually have to go right through the network home page to do it. When that happens, they usually have the person who got kicked off the show the night before RIGHT smack in the middle of the page. So yes, you guessed it - I already know who got kicked off 'The Mole' last night, and I haven't even watched the show yet. No, I didn't miss it because I went to see 'The Dark Knight' again (well, not yet, anyway), but my cable's acting all screwy and can't hold a clear signal for longer than like ten minutes. Take this down - COMCAST SUCKS. With how dependable their service is, I might as well be hanging out my window with a bent-up wire coat hanger in my hand. Anyway, there is more Mole after the jump.

So with Alex gone, the annoying guy who sang a lot, it's coming right down to the wire. Only five people left, and with this week's episode, we get right down to it. The first challenge! Jon the host calls for three smart players, and two dumb players. Craig and Nicole declare themselves dumb, and the three other guys (who actually ARE dumb) call themselves smart. Okay. The teams are given clues, and from these clues they must find various numbers in the locations that the clues lead them to. Once the teams have these numbers, they have to enter them into a computer back at their starting point. The thing is, they can't write any of the numbers down - they have to memorize them all. With every right answer, $10,000 goes into the pot. Jon reveals that the dumb team was dumb to call themselves as such, because they have to remember more numbers than the so-called smart team who only has to remember three. And... we're off.

Alright, I'm going to make a call right now - Mark cannot be The Mole. He gets far too parsnickety when someone doubts his answers to some of the questions involved on the challenges, and what's more, he tries so damn hard. Has there been a single challenge where Mark has just slacked off and not impressed and/or annoyed every last person around him because of how much effort he's putting into it? I don't think there has been. I'm not even sure a person with Mark's personality could handle being the Mole, as he'd be in a constant state of trying to convince himself that he doesn't really know everything about everything.

So anyway, the teams make their way all around the city, and after counting wolf teats (yuck), lingering around a kid's playground for far too long (uh-oh), and not realizing that the Argentinian calendar has just as many months as any other calendar on this side of the planet (12), the dumb team is looking pretty solid. The smart team? I'm not so sure. They get their answers done fairly quickly thanks to the calculator in Mark's head. Clay, dude - be thankful that lawyers don't have to be good at math. Holy crap.

Speaking of the smart team, Paul is looking very Mole-ish right now. He leads his team in completely the wrong direction as they travel en route to the computer to enter their answers, and they have to re-trace their steps and travel eight blocks back to make up for it. Hey, Bobby called the Big Apple thing weeks ago, and I'm sticking with it.

The dumb team arrives back at Jon's computer with all five of their numbers WAY before the smart team does, so they have to stand around and wait for them to get there before they can enter their answers. The smarties finally get there, and everyone enters their answers when they do. Is everyone correct? Not quite. One of the dumb team's answers is wrong, and Nicole has to go back to its location and re-calculate it. It's a monster task to re-calculate, too - lots of numbers that have to be added together that involve the total number of lampposts and tiles and swingsets and all sorts of crazy crap. Let's see how she does.

While Nicole re-calculates and tries to get back in time for the 20 minute time limit she's given, Clay takes it on himself to see if there is any number pattern in the answers they've already given. Dude, you could barely add two three-digit numbers together an hour ago. Now you're John Nash? Please. However, he pulls this one completely out of his ass and actually solves it. He starts adding numbers together and finding the differences between them and all this kooky-wacky numerical shit, and he deduces the dumb team's wrong answer to be 233, and not 228 as they had previously guessed. However, Nicole's on her way back and she's got a completely different answer than that, so she's pissed when all the guys are disregarding her answer in favor of their own. Nicole's legwork is dismissed, Clay's deduced answer is typed in, and bang! Clay is right. The number fits, the challenge is complete, and $30,000 goes into the pot.

See, this challenge made it clear to me that either Paul or Nicole is the Mole. It has to be. Paul slowed his team down and led them eight blocks in the wrong direction, and Nicole came back with a wrong answer for the numerical equation. So which one is it? I'm not sure yet, but it absolutely has to be one of them. Neither Clay, Craig, or Mark have done anything really significant that proves their Mole-ishness to me, so for now, I'm betting on either Paul or Nicole. Clay's got it in his head that it might be Craig, but I'm just not seeing that at all. The ONLY thing I've seen him do vaguely Mole-ish was maybe throwing in a wrong number sequence in tonight's challenge. Besides that, he's got a clean slate in my book. Of the discussions we see recapped tonight between some of the players, though, no one's mentioning Paul as the possible Mole, though, and that worries me. Either Paul is the Mole himself, or he's actually intelligent enough under all that assholery to have gotten this far on his own steam. We'll see.

Anyway, the players fly to the capital city of Argentina, and when they arrive, they're gathered in a room with Jon and asked to pick the player they trust the most. Clay and Mark get two votes apiece, and Nicole uses the phrase 'we people' (in regard to the fact that they're both African-American) when asked why she chose Clay. I don't have a problem with that, but if Nicole truly thinks she can trust someone in this game based on what color their skin is, I'd have to say she's mistaken. However, here's the thing - I think Nicole's playing the whole race thing to get Clay (and maybe some of the others, too) to trust her and therefor throw them off the trail of her being the Mole. It's clever, too, as she makes this case not only to him, but also to all of us watching at home, too. I know I said earlier that Paul is still my #1 pick, but now... I'm not so sure, if only for the fact that I'd love to see Paul get executed at some point.

Everyone starts blabbing about how they miss their families, so Jon drops the bomb that everyone's families are en route to see them right now. Jon also says that there's a clue connected to who will get to see them based on who they just picked as the person they trusted the most. Which leads us into the second challenge, taking place in the train station that everyone's families are pulling into right now. Let's go.

Here's the basic premise - each of the players are asked thirty questions about their loved ones by the person who they chose as the one they trust most. If the trusted person can remember just three of those thirty questions after they are all asked, the door to the train that the family member is on will open, and much celebrating will occur. Also, $10,000 goes into the pot. If the five questions are not answered correctly, the train door does not open, the family member goes back to the airport, and no money is added to the pot. See, here's the thing - the Mole would be wise to let this one go. It's only ten grand per player, and pissing someone off by not letting them see their families would be kinda lame. That's why I wouldn't make a good Mole, I guess.

Craig and Clay start us off, and while Craig doesn't exactly know a whole hell of a lot about the woman he just met nine months ago (too busy knockin' boots to get to know each other that well, I guess - get it, Craig!), Clay still manages to piece together three answers to Jon and bam! Out comes Brendi, Craig's gofo. The two go off to knock even more boots, and 10K goes into the pot. Get it, Craig.

Nicole and Clay are next, and a meeting with Kim, Clay's wife is on the line. Nicole's a machine about it, though, and soon Clay and Kim are off to join Craig and Brendi in a fourgy. Um, ew.

Mark asking Nicole questions now, and he's taking his sweet-ass time about it. Nicole's mom is on the train. Regardless, Nicole's mom gets off the train, and the two of them are off to join... no. No, they're not.

Clay asking Mark questions now. Clay's nailing it fairly well, and here comes Mark's wife Brenda. Doors open, tearful reunion, happiness all around, and I'm really getting kinda sick of this crap. I wanna see some massive disappointment, and I want it now. I especially want it for Paul, who is up next. Heh.

Mark's asking Paul questions now, and um... does Paul really know this woman? At all? He's barely able to answer any of the questions asked of him about his wife (his WIFE, for chrissakes), but regardless, the doors open when Paul's admittedly very cute daughter pulls an Open Sesame on the doors. Either the Mole has a heart or the producers do. Either or.

The players gib-gab with their family members for a while and dish on their fellow competitors for a while, and Nicole stuns me by admitting that she plans to throw the quiz and walk away with her mom. Um, what? But you're the Mole! You can't do... Oh. Never mind.

Anyone catch Nicole's 'Cheers to me!' toast at the end of the pre-execution meal? Exactly.

Quiz time, and once again, we have a tie. Two players scored exactly the same on the quiz, so the player with the slowest time is out. This week, it's Clay who gets sent home, and hey, at least he's got someone to fly home with. Better luck next time, Nimole. I mean, Nicole. She even drops some bullshit to her mother about how when she sat down to take the quiz, she 'couldn't do it' and decided not to throw the quiz. Whatever. Mole.

Final four! Whoop-whoop!

-littlebigmouth.