Saving Grace - A Little Hometown Love (Episode 203)

You know, before I started watching this show, I was convinced that being an angel would be pretty boring. I mean, you live your life all good and proper, and when you die, what’s your reward? Floating around with a glowy dealie over your head, wearing a white robe and strumming some lame-ass harp? Where’s the fun? Hey God, gimme something to look forward to! And then, like a ray of heavenly light… along came Saving Grace. The angel on this show not only gets to zap around the world buying nifty souvenirs, he also gets to booze it up. At the moment, Earl’s drinking in a bar with Grace and one extremely soused Leon Cooley. Earl pours Grace an odd blue beer, and so she decides she’s had enough. She tries to leave, but Leon falls off of his barstool and grabs her ankle. He’s chained to the bar yelling for her help, and he’s got a good solid grip on Grace, who therefore cannot leave. This little scene has all the makings of a dream… which it indeed turns out to be. Grace has dreamt the same thing every night this week. Sweet! Not only does Earl get to drink, he gets to mess with people’s dreams. Heaven, here I come. First point of order: inserting myself into Josh Holloway’s dreams. Rowr.

Ahem. Back to the show. She’s awake, but Grace and her pals are hanging out at Louie’s, the bar from the dream. Bobby farts around with a video camera as Grace and Rhetta count down the days until Ed Legardi, the squad’s crotchety evidence tracker, retires. Nobody likes Ed, who’s wearing a bad tie and arguing over spare change with another cop by the bar. Amidst the drunken revelry, Ham’s younger brother Rafe shows up. He’s a Marine and is about to ship out to Iraq, but has made one last surprise pit stop at Grace’s behest. Ham’s thrilled to see his bro, and to thank Grace he takes her into the men’s bathroom. They’re totally getting it on in a filthy stall. Gawd, last week it was ketchup, now it’s urinal cakes. Could these sex scenes get any unsexier? Right in the middle of it all, they hear the bathroom door open. Amidst giggly shooshing and smooching Grace wraps Ham’s head in toilet paper. The door opens again, and suddenly there’s a black puddle of blood seeping under the door of the bathroom stall. Half-naked Grace and TP’d Ham go tumbling out and find Bad Tie Ed on the floor with his throat cut. Grace tries to stanch the blood as Ham runs out, bellowing for help with his blue balls. Okay, I was wrong. That scene could get unsexier.

The bar (oh-so-handily already filled with cops) is on lockdown while they try to figure out where the killer went. No one liked Ed, so everybody’s a suspect, including the cop who was fighting with Ed over change. As accusations are bandied about, a car horn honks. It’s Ed’s wife, waiting for him outside. Grace apparently draws the short straw and has to go outside and inform wifey that she can quit the honking. Forever. Gretchen, Ed’s wife, was a good match for her crotchety husband; she’s equally difficult and takes the news oddly in stride. Hmmm… I know everyone reacts to the news differently, but this woman looks like she just chatted with Grace about the weather instead of her hubby’s death. Yeah, I’d say she warrants further investigation. Back inside, Bobby goes over the amateur video he shot, and Grace and Ham catch shit about being in the bathroom together before they found the body. Grace claims they were setting up a practical joke involving chocolate on the toilet seat. Dude, c’mon, Grace. Everybody knows that you and Ham are like a couple of horny, kinky rabbits. Including a v.v. steamed Perry, their boss, who yells that if they solve the case she might not fire their asses for improper conduct. A bemused Earl watches the scene from across the parking lot.

Time to talk suspects. A delivery guy who dropped off beer right before the murder is AWOL – his company’s worried because he disappeared with their truck full of brewskis. A mystery man in a brown shirt was also seen. Whoever the killer is, he was silent and fast. Grace et al brainstorm and decide that Ed’s death has all the signs of a hired hit. Meanwhile, Ed’s wife shows up to ID the body. She still ain’t too sad that he’s dead, ya ask me. Gretchen comments that nobody liked her husband, but she finally starts to show some emotion. She puts her hand on Ed’s forehead and… starts belting the song “Venus.” Okay, so Bananarama - not my first choice for a funeral dirge, but hey, whatever floats your boat. Grace joins in and the two of them bust out a seriously rousing rendition of “Venus” for dead Ed. At this point the song becomes firmly planted in my head and I spend the entire rest of the episode madly humming it like some sort of 80’s-loving bumblebee.

In his cell, Leon wakes to Earl shooting rubber bands at him. Leon’s being all mopeypants, and has kind of decided just to give up hope and pout until he’s put to death. He’s also all weirded out because he’s having funny dreams. Snap! Earl’s dream-meddling isn’t limited to Grace! Meanwhile, on a hunch, Rhetta fingerprints the barstool that was in Grace’s dream. Later, she lets Grace know that Leon’s fingerprints were indeed on the barstool, even though he’s been on death row for years. As for other evidence, Rhetta’s got nothin.’ And unfortunately, Bobby’s tape didn’t catch much except for Ham racing out of the bathroom, festooned in fluttering TP. Perry is most definitely not amused by this little reminder of Grace and Ham’s illicit potty rendezvous, but after she leaves the naughty couple nearly bust a gut over the footage of Ham looking like a suburban tree on Halloween night. That night, Grace and Earl munch on onion rings. How does this chick stay so skinny with all the greasy crap she eats all the time? Must be the cigs and booze. Earl asks Grace if she isn’t curious about why God brought her and Leon together. Grace, who’s been avoiding sleep in order to dodge Earl’s dream bar, looks like that’s just about the last thing she wants to know.

Over at Ham’s Man Cave, Rafe, Ham and Butch do guy stuff. Which includes much macho blustery shit-talk, as well as the consumption of as many scrambled eggs and greasy slices of bacon as possible. The blade that cut Ed’s throat was razor sharp, so he was dead before he was laid silently on the floor. Rafe’s pretty sure they’ll never find the killer. He thinks it’s possibly a former Marine, or a “ghost.” In Rafe’s opinion, any number of said deadly ex-Marine ghosts can be hired right off of the street. Crap! So that dude on the corner with the cardboard sign that I refused to give 75¢ is actually a lethal killer? I’m totally walking to work a different way tomorrow. Anyhoo, according to Rafe, they shouldn’t try to arrest the ghost, because regular cops are no match for a trained Marine. Of course Ham’s manly sensibilities are quite insulted by this, so it’s time for a good old-fashioned arm wrasslin’ match to prove who’s got a bigger penis stronger. Ham and Rafe square off and seem pretty evenly matched until Ham slams his little brother’s arm down. Rafe winces. “I think you broke my arm!” he yelps. Feel the testosterone, y’all. Do you feel it?

Perry has called Internal Affairs to interrogate Grace about the bathroom hijinks. She has an answer for everything, though, and gets out of it quickly. Meanwhile, the delivery guy has been found with his throat cut as well, eliminating him as a suspect. Ham meets up with Grace at Louie’s, and confirms that Rafe’s arm is indeed busted. But it won’t keep his military-lovin’ brother out of Iraq. Hmmm. Methinks we’re going to have a Very Special Episode about Ham’s brother’s death sometime this season. Grace and Ham retrace the killer’s footsteps through the bar. They make it all the way to the point when Ham ran out of the bathroom, and realize that Butch unplugged the jukebox. When Grace plugs it back in, what song should come belting out… but “Venus” by Bananarama. Okay. On a crime drama, there’s no such thing as a coincidence. Back at the precinct, Gretchen says that she and Ed danced to it at their wedding. And then… she admits it. She was the one who hired someone to kill Ed! It turns out that she couldn’t stand the thought of being around crankypants Ed all day once she retired. Hah!

Gretchen waives her right to an attorney. Check this out: she frankly admits that she asked a crapload of random men, including her gardener and a zitfaced bank teller, to off Ed. And she paid them various amounts of cash (plus the occasional carrot cake or tuna sandwich) to carry out the plan. Grace wants to charge Gretchen’s ass, but the DA is on crack and needs more evidence – they want to find out which of the men Gretchen asked actually did the deed. Grace gets concerned that Perry’s still pissed off at her, and goes in to be sure that the boss still has her back. The ladies make a grudging peace, and Grace goes home to one of her all-night-chain-smoking-and-evidence-examining sessions. When she gets tired, Grace opts to grab a condom and go visit Ham (rather than face another kooky Earl dream). Ham’s checking out the evidence locker, which was where Ed worked, and may contain some sort of clue. Grace’s naughty intentions are nipped in the bud, though, when she spots Leon Cooley’s file, conveniently sticking out. Looking like someone threw an entire cooler full of ice over her head, Grace takes Leon’s file with her when she leaves.

Leon Cooley has apparently decided not to give up on fun stuff before he dies, and has made a guitar out of a juice box and a rubber band. Way to use what you’ve got, there, Leon. He’s taken into the visiting room for a chat with Rhetta, who asks about his dreams. But Leon’s dreams aren’t the same as Grace’s. In one, he’s flying kites with Grace. Hers lands on a roof and he helps her get it down. In another, he has to pick Grace up so she can reach an apple high in a tree. In his dreams, Leon helps Grace. And in Grace’s dreams, Leon needs her help. At this point, a large anvil printed with the words “They Need Each Others’ Help” falls out of the sky and lands directly on my head. Ouch, that smarts, Saving Grace writers.

Grace and her pals have turned their attentions to Ed’s finances. The guy was a coin collector, and had been making it big recently. Here’s why: turns out that whenever old Ed had to log in evidence that included money, he’d identify any collectible coins, then switch them out for a coin with the same monetary value. He’d then keep the collectible. Nice racket! Grace has figured out that Gretchen likely paid the real killer with one of Ed’s valuable coins. She and her posse head over to Gretchen’s with a warrant. Ed had all of his collectibles carefully catalogued, so they’ll probably be able to find which pieces Gretchen sold or traded to pay the hit man… it’s just a matter of time. She’s not going to jail today, or tomorrow… “But Gretchen,” Grace smirks, “you’re going to die in the stockade.” Gretchen, who clearly does not give an eff, starts busting out another rendition of “Venus.” Yeesh. Cuckoo bananas, much?

Rafe, his arm in a sling, hugs Ham goodbye. Back at home, Grace swigs beer and ponders Leon Cooley’s evidence box. Meanwhile, Earl takes Leon to Grace’s dream bar, and there’s a sweeeeet electric guitar leaning against the barstool. He slings the strap over his shoulder and starts to play as Grace opens the evidence box… only to find a white light shining eerily out of it. In the dream bar, Earl accompanies Leon’s melody by playing the spoons (awesome). Finally asleep herself, Grace finds herself at the counter in the bar. She plugs her ears, as if she doesn’t want to hear, but eventually gives in and listens, cautiously watching Earl and Leon over her shoulder.