Primeval Episode One

Important Stats:  
Terrifying Dinosaur Count: 2
Anomalies: 1
Number of really appropriate songs used: 1
Number of used words to convince me to watch this show: 2
Big Beastie: Terrifying dinosaurs Gorgonopsid

Hello, I’m Theoriginalspy, you’re recapper for Primeval.  For those of you who don’t know me, my niches in recapping include British Sci-fi and shows involving geniuses.  Since Primeval has both of these elements, how could I not cover it?  Okay, in truth, I actually started watching this because of two words my best friend said and blast her for dragging me into another fandom, but I made her watch Torchwood, so I think introducing me to this show was vengeance.

Right now I’ve got another problem, and it’s only because of my love for this show and the two words I’ll talk about later, I can get through the one thing that terrifies me most: dinosaurs.  Yup, I’m scared of dinosaurs.  Jurassic Park gave me nightmares for years.  I don’t like museums with the big put together skeletons.  I specifically avoid any station showing Walking With Dinosaurs, and yes, I get the irony.   In short, I’m much happier when the big beastie of the week isn’t a dinosaur with large, sharp teeth ready to tear me people to bits.

We begin in an ASDA parking lot.  Something must be wrong as random shopping carts are moving around and yet, no one is pushing them.  Cue creepy music.  Okay, that’s not the scary bit; the dinosaur chasing Helen Cutter around the parking lot – is the scary bit.  Top it off with an inconsiderate floor polisher who won’t let her in the store, thus saving some pretty expensive clean-up fees at a location shoot, and we’re supposed to believe that Helen is done for.  If you can’t tell by my tone (and, since I know her name), she isn’t.  There’ll just be points in the future where you’ll just wish she was done for.  I would like to add, that for a dinosaur, it has lousy aim when tossing cars at humans – even though the concept would make a great video game.

Oh yes, and if they were trying to save money by not trashing the store – the tossing of automobiles totally ruined that budget cut.

Opening credits:  they feature a picture of the two words I referred to earlier, and the rest of the cast.  I’d just like to say that only when desperate will I resort to S Club 7 cracks.  I might be lying.

Eight years later (thank you title overlay), at the fictitious Central Metropolitan University, those two words I keep referring to drives up.  Those two words: Doctor Daniel.  When I lived in Glasgow, I watched this mini-series called Psychos, and adored it.  The main character was one Doctor Daniel Nash, played by none other than Douglas Henshall.  Therefore, in order to get me to watch something, you just have to tell me he’s in it.  I will suffer through my fear of dinosaurs because of him and my best friend knew it.  I would like to add that she also told me that James Murray is scorching hot but left out that there were terrifying dinosaurs. I’m debating never forgiving her.

Anyway, Doctor Daniel, who is actually Professor Nick Cutter (I promise not to call him Doctor Daniel in the future often) and his scorching hot assistant / pit bull / bloodhound / bodyguard / excuse for slash Stephen Hart are walking to Cutter’s office when they’re interrupted by the resident genius, Connor Temple.  At first, Cutter doesn’t realize that Connor Temple is the kid’s name, not a place to be studied in archeology.  Hee.  

Connor is one of Cutter’s students, but Cutter doesn’t know this because he never attends his own lectures.  So Cutter is not only his name but also his philosophy when it comes to school?  He even tries to throws out Connor’s dissertation on how alien organisms were the start of life on Earth.  Well, to be honest, I’d throw out a paper on that too, since this is Primeval and not The X-Files.

One thing that I can liken Cutter to Mulder over, is his love of the “pieces that don’t fit.”  He likes all things Darwin, but there’s some stuff that cannot be explained by Darwin alone.  That’s what interests him.  Also, in true X-Files fashion, the raison d’être for the team’s coming together is found in a crazy-sounding article: a big beastie is rampaging through the Forest of Dean.

Even Cutter doesn’t buy that one, but Connor (who has a “sort of blow-up girlfriend” and believes the government hid the body of Nessie) is persistent.  “Your wife wouldn’t have ignored it.”  Obviously it is not the best thing to say, as Cutter looks at him like he’s something to be wiped off a shoe.  But because the big beastie is in the Forest of Dean, he’s going to go investigate.

At Wellington Zoo, Abby Maitland , aka “Lizard girl” (her title, not mine) is waiting for her own personal mating of Brangelina.  Well, it’s too bad the lizards named after the couple weren’t as quick to produce children as the real-life pair, otherwise Abby’s job may not have been cut.  In order to continue to pay her rent, she’s got to take a job studying parasites in elephant dung.  You know that job sounds like something a bunch of writers came up with while down the pub.

Writer A:  What’s the grossest thing to study?

Writer B:  Parasites!

Writer A:  Parasites in what?

Writer B:  Bad pork!  No, how about in tigers’ digestive tracts?  No!  I’ve got it, elephant dung! *drink*

Before becoming her own episode of Dirty Jobs, Abby does agree to do one last thing in her role as “lizard girl,” investigate some kid’s strange lizard.  I mean that literally although it does read as something to be featured after the watershed hour, doesn’t it?

Cutter, Stephen and Connor arrive at the Forest of Dean to find either a very big hoax set up by someone to avoid poaching charges on ancient crown land, or a really big predator.  It’s managed to tear apart a transport and crush an iron fence.

Speaking of crushing, every time Connor tries to speak, he’s crushed by the much more experienced pair.  That also sounds rather dirty, doesn’t it?  Although, since this is near where Helen Cutter mysteriously disappeared eight years ago, Cutter’s stand-offish behaviour is acceptable in this case.

To the strains of “Is it a Monster?” by The Automatic, Abby arrives to investigate the strange lizard.  Despite the appropriateness of the song and the little boy, Ben’s obsession with dinosaurs, what she finds is Rex, this series’ adorable mascot.  

With that, Ben takes Abby into the Forest of Dean to show her where he found Rex. I feel it’s important to point out that the forest is too cold for Rex as the temperature that keeps the little guy comfortable is a major determining factor for Abby’s wardrobe choices for most of the series.  What they find, instead of more cute little Rexes, is a dead cow in a tree.  Ew.

Ben shows some pretty amazing common sense for a little kid and hightails it out of the forest, leaving Abby behind because she’s got Rex all swaddled in her scarf and, therefore, can’t run as fast.  I wonder if she’ll suddenly trip, putting herself in mortal peril?

In a hotel nearby, Cutter is sitting at the bar, musing over the fate of his wife, when he’s kissed by the hottest woman in the room.  Now that’s a greeting I’ll have to try sometime.  Anyway, she’s trying to avoid the slimy guy thinking he can get into her pants by pretending Cutter is her boyfriend.  Top that off with the fact she already knows who he is, the kiss is even more surprising.

She is Claudia Brown from the Home Office and she hopes that Cutter can do something else for her (not like that) – confirm that the weird animal sighting is just a hoax.  He won’t dismiss anything out of hand, but I personally think it’s just to keep the lovely Claudia around than it is because he actually thinks something’s out there.  My proof for this theory is that he invites her out on the search.  To Nick Cutter, I bet that’s a first date.

Connor is proudly showing off the website he’s been building since he was 14; it’s got a whole bunch of prehistoric creatures on it and I’m a little surprised when Stephen declares Connor’s website “sad.”  Umm, buddy, you may be scorching hot and can get away with a lot in my eyes because of it, but why are you insulting someone whose main field of interest is also your field of interest?  It would’ve been better to hold off on the sad comment until after he declared Claudia Brown to be part of a cover up.  Thus Cutter, Stephen, Connor and Claudia head off to search for the big beastie of this episode.

Cue the tripping!  I knew that was coming because a young pretty female in the forest, always loses all ability to walk normally.  Instead of mortal peril, we get a chance for the effects team to show off their stuff, as Rex flies around.

As for Ben, he’s found another example of the effects team’s work.  It sort of looks like a bunch of prisms floating rotating in the air, but instead of just casting a pretty refraction (henceforth: anomalies) of light, it takes him to a whole other time where there are a bunch of flying Rexes.

What’s weird is that Abby was so quick to point out that the Forest of Dean was too cold for Rex, but there’s a lot of snow in the background of the other era.  I’m not dissing the show, but it is my job to point out the little things.

Okay, so the mortal peril after the tripping was just slightly delayed.  Ben pulls himself back to the present (literally) and we hear a loud roar.  As Ben tries to find out if he can break the four minute mile, Abby is still trying to collect Rex.  He’s chirping happily, only pausing momentarily to let the terrifying dinosaur go by.  I think I’m going to have to try and trick myself into thinking he’s not terrifying by giving him a funny name.

Claudia Brown scoffs at the idea of finding anything, because the journalists can’t find it.  Well, I’m an avid viewer of The Daily Show, and, according to them, journalists couldn’t find a story if it was said in a direct quote while 100 microphones were recording it, so her faith is definitely misplaced.  Plus, her shoes are totally wrong for a hike in the forest.

While the journalists would literally be lost in the woods, Nick quickly establishes that we, the audience are supposed to have absolute faith in Stephen’s abilities.  “I’ve seen Stephen track wounded animals through the rainforest for up to 10 days at a time.”  10 days?  No wonder Cutter never showed up for his lectures if he was following Stephen around for such long stints.  There you go, fanfic writers.  Take that and run with it.

As Connor’s compass is as lost in the woods as journalists, we learn about one other skill Stephen has.

Back to Ben, he’s finally made it back to his house, but, unfortunately, cuts his finger on the fence just before going in.  I guess terrifying dinosaurs have a sense of smell that rivals a bloodhound, as it brings the big beastie right to Ben’s window – as indicated by its breath fogging up the pane.

Now, I spend the most of the rest of this scene watching it on and off through my fingers.  You know, usually, a fear of dinosaurs wouldn’t affect one’s everyday life but here I am, a grown adult, literally covering my face with my hands.  I’ve definitely decided never to forgive my best friend for introducing me to this show.

So I can tell you there’s a lot of noise.  Stuff breaks, and crashes and drags.  Ben’s yelling while I get a quick glimpse of Fluffy’s teeth snapping before hiding back in my hands and the only sound effect I can and to the scene is whimpering.  After momentarily distracting Fluffy with his sound system, Ben is able to find a real weapon to defend himself.  It’s a weapon that makes this whole scene worth all my anxiety.

For some reason, it’s at this moment that I recognize this kid.  He’s certainly got quite a background with sci-fi as young Captain Jack Harkness.

Okay, so in truth Ben threw some electrical ball thingy at Fluffy, making him go away just moments before his mother yells upstairs about the noise.  Ben’s mom thus wins the title for worst parent ever.  Her child was nearly eaten by Fluffy, plus there was lots of banging and crashing indicating a problem, and she’s only concerned about the noise?

Abby’s still lost, and facing a terrifying dinosaur of her own.  Let’s see, Fluffy is already taken so this one will be Snowball.  Rex makes a dash, leaving Abby utterly alone, that is until Stephen, Cutter, Connor and Claudia arrive.

While Cutter gives us the scientific rundown of what it is (apparently, it’s related to a tortoise), Connor does what most people would do in a situation like this, snap a picture with his cell.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t get to do the next obvious step, which is sell it to the highest bidder or post it on Twitter because Claudia Brown insists it’s classified until further notice.

Oh yes, and Rex is back and being adorable.  

Later, while Claudia isn’t getting any help from her superiors outside, inside Ben isn’t getting help from his superiors, all the adults in the room.  I’m disappointed on behalf of Ben Kenobi, because the whole “this isn’t the dinosaur you’re looking for” trick Nick tries on him, doesn’t work.  Instead, he’s all, “screw you, evolutionary experts; I saw the past, bozos.”  Okay, that’s maybe how I would’ve phrased it when I was his age.

Claudia’s work day went totally downhill after kissing Cutter.  First, she finds a dead cow in a tree, next, a terrified Abby, then a terrifying dinosaur.  To top it all off, Cutter tells her that the terrifying dinosaur only eats plants (but is big enough to stomp on my head and not notice so still falling under the category of terrifying) and therefore, another is roaming the Forest of Dean.    

I know Cutter and I will never see eye to eye on the coolness of dinosaurs, but he sounds way too enthusiastic about finding out where the creatures are coming from.  Claudia’s expression definitely sums up the situation.

In the forest, Connor is writing his acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize in his head, while Stephen is just patient, not passing judgments on what’s going on, and is hot.  I think that’s pretty much a given when it comes to Stephen.

“It looks like a dinosaur and behaves like a dinosaur.  It’s a dinosaur.”  Okay, while the logic seems clear, I’d like to know how Connor knows what a dinosaur behaves like.  In my mind, they’re godless killing machines and since it’s not eating Connor or Stephen, it’s not fulfilling all my requirements.

In order to find out where the beast came from, Cutter scares Snowball into running away.  Well, at least it didn’t backfire and charge them because that would be the end of the series.  The paper Connor was holding this morning would have the headline “Five People Crushed by Unknown Animal, Local Mother Complains About Noise in the Woods” tomorrow.

Snowball leads them to the spot Ben found earlier and disappears through the anomaly.  While the five scientists stare in amazement, it’s Claudia who asks the important WTF question as to where Snowball went.  (Answer: home.) This is what I love about Claudia; she’s the vessel for those of use who don’t know the Latin name for all the creatures on this show.  Without her, I’d be confused.  

As dawn breaks, Connor makes a discovery.  The anomaly has a seriously strong magnetic field that not only screwed up his compass earlier, but also sucks in his pens.  Great, now the dinosaurs can leave us notes like “Dear humans, we’d like to have you over for dinner.  Don’t worry about feeling underfoot.  Sincerely, Fluffy & Snowball.”  Of course, they’d have to master milling paper first, although I suspect dinosaurs might be more fond of vellum.

Connor thinks the cause is alien.

Abby’s worried about Rex, while Connor’s worried about how to get into his flat, as he sent his key through the anomaly.  As for Cutter and Stephen, they’re both thinking about Helen.  What foreshadowing?

Home Office:  Cutter and Abby are signing a whole bunch of things, which must be the Official Secrets Act.  I’m willing to bet that if Cutter could get away with it, he’d cross everything out and sign, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”  That would the awesomest thing ever.

As for Claudia, being the wonderful vessel she is, through her we meet James Lester, who has planned for everything (including alien invasions) but never once dreamt of the Forest of Dean becoming Jurassic Park.  He takes an instant disliking to civilian involvement which is either meant to establish that he’s a government bureaucrat, an asshole, or both. Now, I hate to nitpick on little things but there is one slight problem with this whole secrecy thing.

Hey, I just found Connor and Stephen!  They’re wandering the forest.  Heck of a way to escape signing your life away to the government: walk away slowly and claim you’re tracking a dinosaur.  Or, in Connor’s case, walk away and sniffle due to nerdly stereotypes allergies.

Back at the Home Office, Cutter explains to Lester that another era is on the other side of that anomaly.  There’s a bit of grandstanding between the pair of them which, let’s be honest, can only be dealt with by a ruler, but Cutter thinks he comes out the winner, by declaring his intention to go through the anomaly in search of the truth behind his wife’s disappearance.  

Out in the Forest of Dean, poor Connor is making a fool of himself.  First of all, he assumes that Abby would look at him when Stephen is around.  Secondly, it’s quite obvious he’s looking for guy advice from Stephen, probably because he doesn’t have that many people of whom he could ask advice and get and decent answer.  He even confesses that his girlfriend is really a pen pal.  It’s a great scene because it endears Connor as clueless and hopeful and Stephen as tolerant of his cluelessness.   In one short scene we get the basis of their relationship for the entire series.  Of course, then there’s the best line:  “It’s not every day you meet a potential girlfriend and find a dinosaur,” Connor says.

 
Connor turns away for a second, and loses sight of Stephen.  Anyone with younger siblings recognizes this tactic.  Just wait until their back is turned and then run like hell.

The scientists at the Home Office are trying to study Rex, who would rather not be studied.  Abby tries to explain everything they’re doing wrong to Lester, who is completely disinterested, until she tells him Rex can fly.  So, we get a comedic chase throughout the Home Office.  For a reptile that can fly, he is a little lazy, as he takes the elevator up a few floors.  There’s some crashing through some offices and some scaring of random employees.  He nearly makes an escape to the outside world, only to be tempted in by some food from Abby.  Despite all the humour of Rex crapping on Lester, or the look of bemused smugness on Cutter and watching Abby and Claudia chase a flying lizard throughout the Home Office, the funniest moment is the quietest.

Like all younger siblings, no matter how hard one tries, one can’t truly ditch them, as Connor’s caught back up with Stephen. They find a massive footprint from Fluffy and give it the correct scientific name, “really bad news.”  I concur.

As for Cutter, he’s proven right because Rex is a living fossil, and is given permission by Lester to go into the anomaly, as long as he signs a waver.  It’s almost as if Lester is semi-hoping that Cutter won’t come back.

Connor’s identified Snowball as a Permian era scutosaurus and Fluffy as a gorgonopsid.  My spell-check keeps trying to tell me that Fluffy is really gorgonzola. You know, I would feel much better if the big beastie was something we could eat as opposed to something that would eat us.

Demonstrating his genius, Connor suggests Stephen go out and hunt Fluffy, who might even be the same terrifying dinosaur that was chasing Helen at the beginning, and I’m debating renaming him Ahab, while Connor will just be tech-support and back up.  Believe me, he’ll be great back up as he’ll back up as far as possible, even potentially running in the other direction.

Thus, Stephen is Fluffy hunting and Fluffy is Ben hunting.  He’s tracked Ben to his school and is literally salivating over eating him.  Okay special effects people, the drooling dinosaur is gross.  As for the dinosaur roaming through the halls of a school, I hope it’s for the purpose of higher learning, and not just the free school lunch.  Although, he does pause long enough to become enraged at the mural of the female dinosaur all made up, complete with mascara.

Ben’s trying to tell his teacher that there’s a terrifying dinosaur coming to digest his education, literally.  Even though we all know the kid’s telling the truth, the teacher can’t be faulted for not believing him, right up until the point Fluffy tries to head butt his way into the classroom.

In order to save Ben and the teacher, Stephen throws a chair a Fluffy and tells him to “pick on someone your own size.”  As the chase through the school ensues (complete with the tossing of lockers and spraying of fire extinguishers), I have one question.

At the end of the chase, just outside the doors of the school, Stephen is knocked out.  In what is a very gracious gesture, Fluffy doesn’t eat him.

At the anomaly, Cutter’s confused as to Stephen’s whereabouts but Claudia’s got different plans.  According to her, he’s got exactly one hour and five minutes to explore the entire Permian era and instead of taking along his regular assistant / pit bull / bloodhound / bodyguard / excuse for slash, he gets Captain Ryan, soldier extraordinaire to go with him.  Both Claudia and I are clearly taken aback when he doesn’t argue with taking along someone for protection.

As Abby hands over Rex to Cutter, Claudia tells Ryan that no matter what happens, he’s to bring Cutter back from the Permian era.  

For all the dramatic music and concerned faces, the trip into the past is really simple as all they have to do is step through the anomaly.  In the Permian era, there’s a lot less snow than we saw last time, but in modern times, Connor realizes the anomaly is losing its power, as it isn’t sucking up his pens.  Speaking of Connor, it’s too bad he didn’t ask Cutter to pick up his house key while in the Permian era.

Cutter isn’t caring about the magnetic field of the anomaly; he’s just excited and a little overwhelmed about the magnitude of what he’s seeing.  He asks for an hour on his own, and I’m pretty sure Ryan’s done the math on what that means for the visit.

Cutter stands on a hilltop and yells for Helen.  You know, Cutter, standing on a hilltop and yelling around terrifying dinosaurs probably wasn’t the wisest thing.  Come on, you’re smarter than that!  It’s sweet and all that you still pine for her, but really, getting yourself trampled in the Permian era isn’t going to accomplish anything.

When Captain Ryan called for the professor, I was so willing to give him credit that it was a ruse just to make sure he could keep an eye on the wandering paleontologist, but no, Ryan has actually found something really disturbing: a campsite, some rations and one dead dude.  Beside the dead dude is Helen’s camera but the skeleton is male, so Cutter is determined to stay and find Helen.

Well, the credit I was willing to give Captain Ryan was a little too early.  Because Cutter is stubborn and obsessive and refusing to leave, Ryan doesn’t even attempt to deal with him.  He just hits him over the head with the butt of his gun and carries him back to the anomaly.  We get a montage of Ryan carrying Cutter which is meant to do two things: 1) show us how strong and manly Ryan is.  2) Make us worry because thanks to that nifty device of dramatic irony, we know the anomaly is weakening.

Cutter’s now conscious and since Ryan carried his dead weight for what looks to be the better part of a mile, Cutter repays him by trying to punch him.  I’m glad Ryan isn’t just the stereotype of the easily fooled soldier because not only does he manage to deflect Cutter’s punch, but also hits him back, reminding him who is the soldier and who is the academic.  Plus, as the anomaly’s closing, Ryan refuses to go back unless Cutter goes first, playing him perfectly.  In short, Ryan just won’t tolerate Cutter’s bullshit and I have a feeling there’s not been enough of those people in Cutter’s life.

They make a mad dash back through the anomaly at the last second.  Everyone rushes the pair, relieved to see they’re safe.  As the anomaly closes, it seals the Permian era, the campsite and Connor house key behind them, but not Rex.  Nope, he came back.  While everyone’s focused on the two men and the closing anomaly, Abby surreptitiously covers Rex with her scarf because what’s a lizard girl without a lizard?

There’s just one problem with the closed anomaly; Fluffy is on the wrong side of it. As it charges the crowd, scattering everyone and forcing me back behind the protection of my hands, it hears Rex, unable to fly away as he’s covered.

Also in danger is Claudia and I knew her inappropriate footwear was going to be trouble. She trips, and then freezes in fear.  Sweetheart, I love awesome boots too, but when I’m in the middle of a forest where there are predators that might eat me, I’d trade them in a heartbeat for a pair of strong runners or hiking boots.  Seconds before Fluffy chows down on both Claudia and Cutter, who, as demonstrated in the Permian era is more than willing to sacrifice himself but not at the expense of others and thus is trying to help, Stephen arrives dealing with a terrifying dinosaur in the only rational way: hitting him with the university’s vehicle.

Fluffy earns yet another name, Rasputin, as he’s been shot at by soldiers, hit by a truck, and yet still isn’t dead.  It isn’t until Stephen unloads a whole clip into Fluffy Ahab Rasputin’s head that he finally perishes after one last attempt to stand.  See, another reason I don’t like dinosaurs, they’re hard to kill. Ignore the whole logistical fallacy that technically, they are extinct.

At the Home Office, Lester shows Cutter the pictures from the camera.  It’s Helen, alive and smiling in the Permian era.

Lester does the whole “sorry for your loss” platitude, but it doesn’t sound sincere.  What does sound sincere is his concern that there were other people in the Permian era and his wonderment over the strangeness that is the EU Common Agricultural Policy.  For now, Lester’s just glad it’s over.

That moment of contentment is gone in a flash because Cutter points out the obvious; either something’s changed in the universe or that something’s been going on and nobody’s noticed.  Hey, holes in time might explain all the Elvis sightings.  

Sitting alone in his office, I’m practically yelling at the screen wanting Cutter to figure out that he hasn’t asked the most important question.  He wants to know what happened to his wife.  He wants to know what’s changed in the universe.  He even wants to know who it is creeping around his office leaving him ginormous (technical term) snails when he steps out for a second but sometimes, it isn’t the big questions that lead to the solution.  Sometimes, a good scientist has to start with the small details.  So as he runs outside, chasing after Helen, who is watching him in the distance, I try to help by giving him that question.

Yes, I am convinced that, one day, all my yelling at the TV screen will finally cause a character to listen to me.  Unfortunately, as it fades to black, it doesn’t work this time.