America's Got Talent - Ten More of the Top 40 Perform (Episode 311)

It's the second evening of our post-Olympic orgy of talent! The audience is holding their awful, amateur signs, the judges get some love and Jer-ry says that last night's ratings were awesome, so all is well in talent competition land. Before we can get started, we are "treated" to some banter between Jer-ry and the judges - which reveals nothing we haven't heard a million times before. Last night's competitiors are brought to the stage to find out which five acts are moving on to the top 20 (four were chosen by America and one by the judges.) But, before we find out who's got talent, we get to see a montage of what we saw last night (because apparently America's got talent, but it's also got an extremely short attention span.)

So, finally, the winners are revealed...verrrry slowly. Jer-ry calls up Extreme Dance FX and Ronny B. - one act stays, one act goes. Thank God America came to its senses and sent Ronny B. packing. Next up are magiaicn Shimshi and crooner Jessica Price. Just as I called it, the shy chanteuse makes the top 20 and Shimshi will never do another card trick again. Next up are hunky percussionists The Cadence and the equally hunky DC Cowboys. My li'l gay buckeroos are heading home and I'm two for three! Derrick Barry may as well just leave right now, as he's called up with Neil "this season's winner" Boyd. Last up are The James Gang and Elite. Each judge announces his/her choice and the act with the most votes (obviously) sticks around. Poor Alexandra is overwhelmed and starts crying. Piers tells her to dry her tears and then goes ahead and chooses The James Gang. Sharon says that although each act brings someting different to the show, she's going with the act with families to support, so Alexandra is heading home. Well, I picked four out of five correct and America didn't leave me completely scratching my head.

Okay, onto tonight's acts. First up is Beyond Belief Dance Company, 21 dancers from Mesquite, Texas with a single dream of stardom. Hoff says with all of the dance troupes this year, they gave to do something special to make the top 20. They were really good, probably the best act of the past two nights so far. The lone male dancer (is that Justin, the gay elf?) got a lot of stage time and despite their stubborn insistence on wearing ass pants for every performance, they deserve a spot in the top 20.  Piers, as always, has good and bad news. The bad news is that they got off to a "ropy" start (I have no idea what that means.) He said that the good news was that as they got their act together they were "electrifying." He tells them to keep it tight and keep the focus off of the weaker dancers in the group. Sharon said they were "sassy" and had "great attitude." She says they need to showcase a wider variety of dancing genres (clogging, tapping, classical ballet) for the next round. Hoff said all of their hard work and practice paid off and they "nailed it."

My sentimental favorite, Frank Sinatra impersonator Paul Salos, is up next. At 72, he's been waiting his whole life for his big break. He's ready to give the performance of his life. Complete with a bevvy of attractive dancers, Paul sings Frank's biggest hit, "My Way." I was a little worried when he started because his energy level seemed a little too low, but he pulled it out at the end. I love this guy. Piers apparently does too, saying he made him the "biggest swinger in the audience." Huh? (I think maybe Piers is drinking this season.) Sharon said he is "one classy guy" and was perfect. Hoff says that the winner wins a gig in Vegas, but Paul "is Vegas." I'd definitely go see him in Sin City.

I forgot about R&B quartet Kazual. The group, made up of three brothers and their cousin, had the requisite tough upbringing and have been waiting and working for their big break. Hoff said that they sang ballads for their first two performances and need to show "another side of themselves." Their song choice tonight was the Jackson's "Can You Feel It", and they took the stage in Michael Jackson "Off the Wall"-esque outfits. Cute. Piers buzzed them pretty quickly. I'm a big Jacksons fan (shut up) but I thought their rendition was kinds of lackluster. They should've stuck with the ballads. Piers said their problem is that they harmonize well together, but when they sing individually, their performance suffered. Sharon agreed and said that only one of the guys (EJ) did well solo and said it "wasn't their best performance." Hoff noted that they were nervous but thay they pulled it together in the end. Ummm...has anyone heard Hoff sing? Dude has a tin ear. He's definietly the "Paula." Piers argued with Hoff that their singing had nothing to do with nerves. I tend to agree and I think we've seen tonight's first casualty.

Next up, "guaranteed mayhem" with the Zooperstars, an act I still can't understand. Yeah, it's the inflatable mascot group. What's next? Those inflatable flappy arm windock men that you see in front of car dealerships? (They're probably as talented.) The minute they came onstage (on scooters), Piers buzzed them. They "danced" (more like flopped around) to a "Macho Man"/"YMCA" medley. At one point, they jettisoned the duck character off the stage on a slingshot. Later, a "crew member" came on stage and was "eaten" by the snail character. The crowd went wild. I need a drink. Piers says he'd like to take a large harpoon and five darts and pop them. Me too! Sharon says they make great halftime entertainment and surely delight the kiddies, but doesn't know if their act would make it an hour and a half in Vegas. The characters think "a British thing" is to blame for the fact that Sharon and Piers don't like them. Yankee Hoff, of course, enthiusiastically endorses them. Yikes.

Oh my God, Sharon dragged Ozzy to see this. Poor Ozzy, hasn't he been through enough? Jer-ry introduces us to one of the youngest acts in the competition, The Wright Kids. The big sister plays mandolin, brother Derek plays guitar and youngest brother Levi plays the standing bass. This musical trio plays bluegrass songs for "tips and grilled cheeses" in their local ice cream store in Virginia. They're doing a pop sing tonight, proving that they can cross over from bluegrass to pop. The song they chose was the Monkees' "Daydream Believer." Geez, the bass is bigger than the kid. They're cute, but I can see why we haven't seen them before. The backing track drowned out their playing and their harmonies. Piers and Hoff cracked up as little Levi valiantly attempeted to carry his bass center stage for the judges critiques. Piers says they make up for their slightly unpolished talent with charm. Sharon said they took a big risk with their song choice and said it paid off for them. Hoff likened them to "The Partridge Family" and said that's what America needs right now. Another future Danny Bonaduce? Yeah, that's what this country needs.

It's been a long time since we've seen, Jonathan Arons, the man who does "bizarre things with a trombone." He says got his slick dance moves from performing in a funk band and says he delivers something new and fresh, adding that as fun as performing is, he takes his act very seriously. He instantly gets points for his music selection - an Earth Wind and Fire medley ("Let's Groove"/"Boogie Wonderland"/"September") and for his sparkly blue tux. He hit a really bad note...a couple of times. His dancing certainly got better since the last time we saw him and he seemed to do a lot more of that this time around. He's fun and entertaining, but I just don't know if he's good enough for a Vegas revue. Piers says that although he's "one sandwich short of a picnic", he's incredibly entertaining, Sharon says he's a great showman but noted that his trombone was out of tune. Hoff said it was the worst trombone playing but the most entertaining act he's seen. He called him "a live cartoon." Jonathan is adorable and is 1,000% more entertaining than a bunch of balloons, so I hope he gets into the top 20.  
   
US Army soldier/singer Daniel Jens is up next. He said his music (and his wife) helped him get through service in Iraq. Daniel said there was no way he was going to forget his lyrics this time around. He does an acoustic version of the Police song "Every Breath You Take" - which everyone knows the words to (smart move, Daniel!) He's got a very good voice, but, in keeping with the long tradition of pop/country singers they've had on this show, he'd kill in a bar, but just isn't magnetic enough for Vegas. Piers is glad he didn't opt to wear his army uniform but confesses that he hasn't heard a singing voice tonight that he feels should be in Vegas, up against such legends as Elton John and Celine Dion. Sharon says he sings with passion but notes that he needs to work on his breathing, as he was a bit short of breath during his song. Hoff says he "inspires" him. Regardless of this performance, his story will get him into the top 20.

Sigh. It's the burlesque cougars - The Slippery Kittens. These moms-by-day, sex kittens by night have been working day and night to rise above the small time stages of Salt Lake City, Utah. Their number tonight is "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy", complete with Andrews Sisters hairdos and costumes, later revealing some patriotic panties in shades of red, white and blue. Hoff likes them - hell, he's almost drooling. Piers buzzes them, later saying he did it because he wanted them to put their clothes back on. He wasn't into the tattoos many of them sported (they did have alot of 'em.) Sharon says Piers needs glasses and sees them "strutting their stuff" in Vegas. Hoff managed to wipe the drool off and says "June is busting out all over" and calls them "'Baywatch' of the next generation." Whatever that means. Overall, they looked a bit too unpolished to move on and they don't have as good of a burlesque gimmick as the full-figured gals who did it last year.  

George the Giant, a 7'3" bald man who does "weird things," is back. Sharon says he's "barking mad" and dreads what he's going to do next. George promises a dangerous act tonight - so dangerous that he lost consciousness at rehearsal. He knows he needs to take some risks to make it to the next level. George comes onstage wrapped in chains and is hung by his ankles over the stage. He requests a little escape music and a mariachi band takes the stage - while kids run on stage and beat him like a pinata with sticks. A woman then comes out with an aluminum bat and keeps hitting him while he "escapes" from his chains. Eventually the chains come off and candy comes out of George. Piers thought it was "childish, enbassing and pathetic" and said he would have been better off if he stayed in the hopsital a little longer. Sharon said it was "silly, silly, silly." Hoff said it was a "little strange." You think? George is tonight's Shimshi - lots of promise, but ruined by one misguided performance.

Our last performer of the night is soul songstress Queen Emily, who abandoned her dreams of singing stardom to take care of her daughters. She's in full diva mode in a red formal gown with an impressive (and detachable!) train as she sings "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." And yeah, she kinda kicked ass. She started this competiton looking like an ordinary, everyday Mom, but now she looks like a star. Piers is glad they've found a "superstar" and thinks she could give Neil Boyd a run for his money. Sharon says she's "got it all" - confidence, style, voice and a "great big set of balls." Hoff says she's thrown the competition into "complete disarray" and is the complete front runner now. I still think she's taking a silver to Neil's gold.      

So here are my predictions for the five to survive: Beyond Belief Dance Company, Paul Salos, Jonathan Arons, Daniel Jens and, of course, Queen Emily. But gee, we'll have to wait until Tuesday to see how I did!