America's Got Talent - Ten of the Top 40 Perform (Episode 310)

Sheesh! It seems like a million years since we've seen this show, but after an Olympics-imposed hiatus, it's time to check in on Jer-ry, The Hoff and the 40 acts hoping to make as much money as Terry Fator. Tonight, ten of the top 40 acts are performing live for America's votes. And, since we're seeing ten acts in two hours, I'm expecting that there's going to be a lot of filler. Jer-ry informs us that the show is such a big hit that it's going to be on for two nights. Tomorrow night, we find out which five acts we're seeing now make the cut and then seeing the next 10 acts. Gee, that's more alleged talent than I can really handle. Piers lets us know that even though this is the top 40 that the judges' buzzers are still functional. Sharon says that she hopes that the remaining acts have stepped up their game since the last time we saw them and Hoff says that the mystery returning act (replacing The Russian Bar, who had to pull out of the competition due to an injury) will be revealed at the end of the show. So, let's get things started!

The first act performing is the clogging dance troupe Extreme Dance FX. Piers hopes they don't look like a "bunch of schoolkids" anymore. The kids have put in countless hours of rehearsal and promise a "bigger, faster and tighter" new routine. They take the stage to the Salt 'n' Pepa classic "Push It." I'm sorry, but they still need some polish - they're good, but nowhere near Vegas good. Piers said that he wasn't initially their biggest fan, but thought their performance was "terrific" but they have to comeback "better, faster and tighter." Sharon said they were "smoking" and had unbelievable energy. Hoff thinks they're "inspirational."

Next up is the "Outkast in 'Idlewild'" act, The James Gang. You may remember them as the quartet who mixed the old (jazz, knickers, newsboy caps, a lot of plaid) with the new (rapping and dancing.) It's been a while since we've seen these guys (we didn't see what they did in Vegas), but they knew they would have to step up their game. They, too, have also practiced for hours on end for this. This time around they're in formal knickers and derby hats. With all of the extras on stage (making it look like a nightclub) and the singing and dancing, initially it looked like a pretty decent stage production. Sadly, the act started to run out of steam when the guys threw in some (really amateur) magic tricks. Piers started his critique with some good news - they're a very talented group. He thought that the act lost its way and got a little bit messy when the magic tricks came in. He warned them not to be "too complicated." Sharon said they were "unique" but crammed too much in tonight. Hoff said they were "exactly what this show is all about." He says that about a lot of acts, but I do hope they make it through.

Our next act is Britney Spears impersonator Derrick Barry. Derrick's on a one person mission to gain acceptance for female impersonators. Or something like that. He's got on the old "Baby One More Time" outfit, so I'm a little concerned (after Boy Shakira/Britney did that last season, he was sent home.) By the way, if that's not Derrick's real hair, that is one helluva wig - it even has roots. Derrick is promising a "controversial" performance. I do like the opening, a video screen shows Derrick as Britney walking down a school hallway and the screen parts to show the real Derrick. At least Derrick got some better backup dancers this time. Before the first chorus, Piers buzzed him - no shocker there. Derrick won't win, but I'd be shocked if he didn't get a gig in Vegas after this. The crowd loves him. Piers, not so much. He says it's "nothing personal" and said his act was shocking only in that he didn't think grown men should be "wearing schoolgirl outfits and pretending to be Britney Spears." He added that Derrick should concentrate on "being Derrick." Sharon loves her "Derrick darling," to the point of almost flirting with him. She thinks he's "fabulous." Hoff again says he's "questioning his sexuality" (because it was so funny the first time he said it.) Hoff says his act is "terrific" and proceeds to "moon" Piers (modeling his jeans that were embroidered with the words "Back Hoff" on the pockets. I wish I was making that up.) I hope Piers later criticizes Dorae (a/k/a Tina Turner) for being a boy in a dress - Dorae would kick his ass!

10-year-old stuntwoman-in-training Alexandra Pyles (now going by the professional monniker of "Elite") is our next performer. She says she and her fabulously sideburned Dad have a great new stunt planned, but one false move and someone could get hurt. Oooh, danger! Alexandra is lowered onto the stage in a pirate outfit and pretends to kick a lot of pirate ass (or booty, if you will.) Daddy Sideburns comes at her with a sword and then flips her backwards. Pretty impressive. She then does some work with a staff and fights Daddy Sideburns, who has managed to grab his sword again. It was entertaining, but there's no way anyone would sit through an hour of this kid (as cute as she may be) kicking miscellaneous ass. (Would they?) Piers loved the creativity of her set. Sharon said her presentation was "so convincing" and said she was going to be "the next Lara Croft." Hoff just can't stop smiling. At least Alexandra's getting her name out there - she's sure to be a top stunt performer as she gets older.

Oh good Lord, it's time for this season's William Hung/Boy Shakira/future Z-list personality Ronny B. Brace yourselves. He promises to take things "to a new level." Hoff siad we should prepare ourselves for "a nightmare." Truer words have probably never been spoken by the Hoff. Oh, and just in case you didn't get the William Hung connection, his song choice tonight is "She Bangs." I was going to wait until I got to the halfway point of this show before I got a drink, but I can't get to my waiting bottle of Pinot Grigio fast enough. A competent set of attractive backup dancers, a Shiny suit and Neil Diamond hair can't help him. Hoff buzzed him and I can't believe Piers never did. In the "disturbing crowd shot" of the episode, we see a young boy holding a sign that says "Dance 4 Me Ronny B." Eww. Piers said he couldn't understand why Hoff buzzed him because he was a better singer and dancer than the Hoff would ever be. Ouch. Piers said he would leave the country if he won, but he loved his spirit and enthusiasm. Sharon wants to put Ronny on top of her TV, "like a little ornament" and loves his "absurd confidence." Hoff is at a loss for words, but he manages to compare Ronny to "a singing ant."

So far, the high point of this show has been being reminded that the new season of "The Office" is less than a month away. At least there's only an hour left tonight. Percussion group The Cadence is back. These boys are cute. Cute and struggling musicians? I'm surprised I didn't date any of them. I always loved drummers, so I love these guys - even though they drum and...ummm...percusse...to "Beat It." They do a mini tribute to Blue Man Group by dousing the plastic drums they beat with water. Still loving them. Piers was glad that they listened to the judges constructive criticism and liked the act in general, but thought their open was weak. Sharon said they need an "animal instinct" - which she interprets as channeling Animal from "The Muppet Show." Hoff agrees with Sharon and tells them to take it to the next level.

Now, it's time for one of our generic pretty young female vocalists. I actually remember Jessica Price because she was so shy at her first audition. She's nervous about her performance - and so is Sharon. She does an acoustic singer-songwritery take on Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time." She has a pretty enough voice, but in the singing department she doesn't stand a chance against the classical singers (if America surprises us and gets some taste, of course.) Piers said she was "fantastic" but told her to smile more. Sharon told her she should be proud of herself. Hoff told her she had come so far and said she had a chance of winning this competition. Yeah, Hoff, she and 39 other acts...well, actually 38 acts. I refuse to acknowledge the travesty that was Ronny B.

Hey, we actually get to see magician Shimshi's act for the first time! He's been in Vegas for ten years, waiting for his big break. He's young and doesn't seem to be douchey like Blaine or Criss Angel. He said he changed his mind on the act he was going to perform at the last minute - and he thinks he's made the right decision. Shimshi grabs an eager volunteer from the audience and does...a card trick. Really? He has her pick a card with her finger and keep her finger on the card, but it looks like he just went with some arbitrary card, tearing off a corner of it, so we can all see which card was hers. He suspends the deck above his head on a wire and wraps tape around his foot - saying he's going to kick out the torn card, which will be stuck to his shoe. Of course, he does it (I'm more impressed with the back flip he did than the actual trick.) Piers was curious as to why Shishimi did a card trick on such a big stage and said he made the wrong decision, saying he was "too good for that." Sharon said that everything was "perfect." Hoff said it was a good card trick but also thought he chose the wrong trick for the show. Somehow, I think he conjured up a quick return to Vegas.

Two acts to go. First up is the DC Cowboys, "Brokeback meets Broadway." I love gay men, don't get me wrong, but I'm still slightly surprised that these guys made it this far. They've actually been together for 14 years after putting together a little act to entertain crowds at a rodeo. The group's leader says they have to stay in "incredible shape" and boy, they sure are (thanks for the shirtless training montage, NBC! I mean that.) They sure are cute (and enthusiastic), but their dance routine to "Footloose" looks a little sloppy. Piers even buzzes them. If they took off some clothes while they danced, I could see them in Vegas, actually. Well, they did rip their shirts open at the end, so they earned some points with me. Piers noted that they were "below the standards" of the dancers that deserved to win this competition. Sharon says what they lack in dancing skills is made up for with personality. She adds that they've got "great bums and great bodies." (I heartily agree.) Hoff is a "major fan" but said they were a little "off" tonight.

Last up tonight is aspiring opera singer Neil Boyd, who still seems to be the odds-on favorite of the season (so far.) Poor Neil's grammy died the day after his first appearance on the show aired and Hoff is hoping the recent loss won't negatively affect his performance. Neil is dedicating tonight's performance to his grammy, so I suspect he's going to kick ass. He glides through "There's A Place For Us" (or is it "Somewhere?" I know it's from "West Side Story" at least.) like buttah. I, admitteldy, am not the biggest fan of classical singers, but I really like Neil. He is flawless - even though he had the teeniest, lamest audience signs ever. Piers said his Gram would be proud and said he was "incredible" - the "Michael Phelps of the competition." Sharon wan't to give him a "great big hug" and says he's "superb." Hoff says the "place for" Neil is "the top." You're such a cheeseball, Hoff.

Finally, we get to find out who gets a second chance in the top 40. Well, singer Donald Braswell must've tugged on America's heart strings a bunch (he lost his voice and was told he'd never sing again), because he beat out seven other talented acts to join the top 40. So, who's moving on to the top 20? Definitely Neil Boyd. Probably The Cadence, The James Gang, Jessica Price and the DC Cowboys. At least we don't have to wait long to find out.