Big Brother 10: Episode 23

Sorry this is up so late, you guys. I volunteered to cover 'Prison Break' this season, too, and that thing is a freakin' BEAR to keep up with. Good show and all, but is it really necessary to have 29 plotlines and character arcs all happening at the same time? Until 'Lost' comes back, I'd much prefer my television diet to be a little simpler and lighter. You know, where nothing of interest really happens except a 75-year-old man falling into a swimming pool. Maybe I'm getting old or something. Bummer. More Big Brother after the jump...

So what happened? Dan, Memphis, Renny, and Keesha were all set to run the final four scenario, but then Jerry just HAD to go and win HOH and screw it all up, didn't he? Yeah, he did, and when he did so, he nominated Dan and Keesha. Wow! How will Dan the Man ever get himself out of this bucket of syrup? Well, let's find out.

So Dan and Keesha are hammering things out, and what they come up with is this - they MUST keep Jerry from winning the POV this week. There are no other options here. Sure, one of them is going home anyway, but at least that way, they'll get to kinda-sorta decide on who exactly it is. Dan tells Keesha that the both of them could easily stay this week despite their dual nominations, and Keesha blows her last remaining brain cell on deducing that in order to do that, either Renny or Memphis are going to have to go home instead. If Dan wins veto, it will probably be Memphis, but if Keesha or Memphis wins, it will probably be Renny.

We all know that Jerry can't keep his big yap shut about anything, so he starts talking to both Dan and Renny about how neither of them should really feel safe this week, nominations or not. Ya think? You're HOH, dickhead. I'm fairly certain they've already figured that out. However, a small bit of my internalized annoyance with Jerry gets vented a bit when the crusty old fart forgets where he's walking in the backyard while looking up at an airplane and FALLS INTO THE GODDAMNED POOL. HAHAHAHAHAHA! That shit is LEGENDARY. I don't care how old he is or whether he was hurt or not - the point is that a 75-year-old man FELL INTO A SWIMMING POOL ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. I repeat - HAHAHAHAHAHA! If you're one of the unfortunate ones who actually did miss the episode last night, grab something to wipe your tears of laughter with and head on over here. You won't be disappointed.

Dan continues torturing Renny in the house, mimicking her every move and word in the kitchen. She plays along for a while, but then she starts to get pissed about it and storms off. Memphis and Dan get to talking about her, and then decide that if anyone needs to go this week, it's her. Being that Memphis has an F2 deal with everyone in the house besides Renny, that's pretty good news for him.

Time for the POV comp, and yet again, it's one of those digital face-morphing challenges that we've seen many times in previous seasons. Big Brother has taken the faces of a select few houseguests and combined them digitally, and then added the resulting image onto the body of a baby. Needless to say, the results are borderline horrifying. Steven and Keesha would apparently give birth to the missing link if they mated. Yikes.

The entire backyard has been made into a giant nursery with a big video screen with the faces on them right in the middle of it all. The hamsters will have to deduce whose faces have been combined for each of the pictures, place those people's names on a wall to the left of the screen, and then ring a buzzer when they've completed them all. Fastest time wins, obviously. Dan, Memphis, and Keesha do fairly well, but Jerry and Renny? Not so much. They say your eyesight is the first thing to go, and going by how poorly the two of them did at this competition, I'm not prone to argue. Jerry gets hung up on the first mash-up photo, but Renny can barely get through any of them. She blows it the hardest on a photo that is OBVIOUSLY a combo of Jerry and Michelle, and even goes so far as to cycle through the entire list of houseguests before she goes back to her first guess at it and gets it correct. Good lord, Renny. You are aware this thing is being timed, right? You're on a game show, remember? There you go.

Time to find out the results. Renny comes in dead last at 23:32, which is the average time of a half-hour TV show. Don't feel bad, Renny! That's not counting commercials! Jerry did a little better (but not much) at 8:01. Keesha clocked in at 5:16, Dan got a very respectable 2:58, but the winner of this round is Memphis with a time of 2:50. Not bad for a guy who's still trying to pull off a faux-hawk in 2008. Memphis gets the POV, so now he has a decision to make - veto Dan off the block and break his F2 deal with Jerry, or let the nominations stand and potentially destroy one of his other F2 deals with Dan. Yeah, somehow I think he's going to go with Dan.

Keesha realizes that she may have just sunk either herself or Renny (probably Renny) by losing the POV, and Memphis makes a deal with Dan out in the backyard. He basically tells him to cut the shit - no more theatrics or roulette games in the coming weeks. Dan agrees to everything and practically throws in complimentary breakfast in bed for the rest of the season, too. This is Dan's last chance to save both himself and his secret alliance partner Keesha this week, so he knows what he has to do - kiss Memphis' ass, save himself and Keesha, and get potential game-winner Renny all at the same time. Let's face it - no one's going to beat Renny in an F2 scenario, so if they're going to get her out, it may as well be now.

Keesha sees Memphis and Dan talking outside about their plans, so she goes to Memphis to ask what the deal is. He gives her the facts, plain and simple - Renny has to go this week. Stick with Dan and I, and you're golden. Renny this week, Jerry next week, and then the three of us battle it out for the two top spots, fair and square. Keesha's not happy about doing it, but because she really doesn't have any other options, she agrees. Memphis' future of breakfasts in bed are looking quite strong from here on out.

Memphis' tapdances for the week aren't quite done yet, though - he still has to convince Renny and Jerry that all is still well with the both of them. Renny does her best to try and save her ass (probably in vain), and Jerry eats up every inch of bullshit that Memphis serves him. It's a gamble that he's going to have to take, though, and it's not exactly that much of a risk. Jerry will be gone next week, anyway, and who's he going to vote for in a Memphis/Dan F2 scenario, anyway? I can kinda see Jerry acquiescing to a game well played and voting for Dan should that happen, but we'll see. Like I've said many times before, I don't think all that Judas crap has been buried at all. This really is Memphis' episode, though, and before we get to the veto ceremony, he and Dan already start partially celebrating yet another win for the Renegades. It's a strong alliance that has withstood a lot this season, but seriously - that's the best name they could come up with? It sounds like some shitty Chuck Norris movie or something.

So we finally get to the ceremony, and it's really no surprise - Memphis vetoes Dan, and Renny goes up in his place. Jerry's fairly stunned, and he voices his anger at him in DR by telling us how he's going to make Memphis pay for what he's done. Uh, dude, your outgoing HOH ass is going home next week, and you fell in the damn POOL this week. Forgive the nation for not being too terrified of you. If he can pull out a POV win to save himself and boot Keesha in the process, then more power to him, but for now, all I can really say is at least he ended up placing higher than chicken George. Might wanna start practicing your puckering capabilities when anyone but you wins HOH on Thursday, bud.

So that's it. We get our first look inside the jury house on Thursday, and probably for the first time ever, I have absolutely no interest whatsoever. That house isn't located on the Gulf Coast anywhere, is it? Damn.

-littlebigmouth.