Primeval Episode Six

Important Stats:
Terrifying Dinosaur Count: 1
Anomalies: 2 (But one’s unseen)
Plot Advancements To Be Repressed: 3
Big Beastie: Fluffy
Bigger Beasties: Future Predators (AKA: Bob)

This is technically the end of the first series and the opening recap is far more balanced than the ones from the past couple of weeks.  While Helen and the question I asked at the end of the first episode is featured, so are  young Captain Jack , Fluffy, Myfanwy, and The Birds.   Heck, there’s even some kissing featured between Nick Cutter and Claudia Brown.  That’s Primeval for you: terrifying dinosaurs, the biggest bitch of all time and angst rolled up into one show.  All we’re missing is a good shot of a half-naked Stephen.  I freaking love this show.  

We’re back at Central Metropolitan University and can I say epic fail on the variety of shots we have for the place.  Seriously, we know location shoots are expensive but we see the same two couples every time, in the same outfits.  I once had to do extra work and trust me we did change clothes to make it look like different days.  It doesn’t cost anyone a cent to ask extras to bring a change of clothes.

Cutter is playing a much safer (and better) game of golf than last week, by putting in his office using a really long bone.  Unbeknownst to him, he’s being watched by Claudia Brown.  Luckily, he makes the shot and no, that’s not a euphemism even though it’s quite clear what Cutter is thinking.  Despite all the education and brilliance that is Nick Cutter, he can be such a guy.

Claudia’s there because she’s confused about Helen.  Last week, Helen saved Claudia’s ass from being devoured by The Birds; whereas previously, Helen was just the evil psycho-ex.  Therefore, Claudia’s confused as to what to think.

Nick Cutter (in his extra snazzy striped shirt that I do believe was actually ironed – but buttoning up both cuffs was too difficult) can’t agree more.  He doesn’t understand why hanging out with terrifying dinosaurs was a better alternative than marriage counseling.  

Considering that he kissed her last week and yet doesn’t say a damn thing, Claudia scoffs at the idea of counseling and Cutter in the same sentence.  He proves her point by being unable to answer her question, even after he challenged her to ask him anything.  In fairness, the question was, “Do you still love her?”  That’s a whole quagmire he’s not walking into and it’s better for his relationship with everyone – be it Helen or Claudia, for his answer never to be on record.

Back in more comfortable territory, Claudia’s weak excuse for dropping in is to discuss ways to predict anomalies and learn why they feel the need to keep torturing me England with terrifying dinosaurs.  Come on, Claudia, like that couldn’t have been discussed at the Home Office.  What’s the real reason you’ve showed up?

Whether or not Cutter actually has ideas or is just trying to get her to hang around, I don’t know and it’s not as if Cutter will be able to decipher the emotions inside his head to tell me.  Either way, he has to have something by Monday.  You know, I encourage that idea.  I think everyone from Lester to Cutter to Stephen to Claudia to, heck, even Captain awesome Ryan should get together for a nice meeting on Monday.  How lovely would that be?  What foreshadowing?

Hey look it’s foreshadowing by the show, not by me!  Claudia’s got a headache and claims it’s because she isn’t sleeping.  If only insomnia were the problem, I’d be a much happier recapper.  

Warning: Cheap distraction tactic ahead!  Instead of staying focused on the problem with Claudia, the writers toss us one of the classic distraction techniques, sexual banter.  She reminds him about being kissed and that sexual harassment is a “serious disciplinary offence.”  For some reason, that doesn’t sound the least bit worrying to either of them and was it just me, or did my little dinosaur show just get a bit kinky?

Forest of Dean:  Something that requires camerawork that reminds me a lot of Predator has come through the original anomaly.  Luckily, it just wants out of the Forest of Dean, and doesn’t eat the SAS member.  Understand that, Bob, you are not to harm members of the SAS.

Well, whatever Bob is, it’s much cleverer than your average predator because Nick Cutter’s scorching hot assistant / pit bull / bloodhound / bodyguard / excuse for slash Stephen Hart can’t track it.  Considering he was once able to track something for 10 days and even track dead stuff up a tree, that means a lot.

Hey look!  I found Bob before Stephen did!  It’s at the zoo, snacking down on the king of the jungle.  It’s a violent coup in the animal kingdom.

At Abby’s apartment, she is attempting the impossible: trying to make Connor capable of flirting appropriately.  He picks up on the basics really fast, like ordering another drink (a mojito from barman Rex) but then asks who would win in a fight, Wolverine or Spiderman.  She thinks it’s too nerdy.  He thinks it’s “entry level comic book.”  I squee at having both mojitos (yum!) and a reference to Hugh Jackman (yummier!) in the same scene.

In all honesty, it’s a great question for Connor to ask.  He’s getting his nerdliness out there and probably wouldn’t want to date a girl who didn’t know that Wolverine could kick Spiderman’s skinny ass six ways from Sunday without putting any effort into it.

Abby completely disagrees with me, stereotyping all girls as disinterested in comic books.  That’s not true!  I know quite a few girls who are comic fiends, who have instructed me on the basics (like Nightwing has the best ass in comics, though Spiderman’s is good too).

In truth, there’s only one girl Connor’s interested to chat up and she’s just been called to the zoo to help with the missing (a word which here means devoured) lion.

At the Home Office, Claudia’s still defending Nick Cutter to Lester.  It’s a weird conversation because Lester makes it sound like Cutter would rather have half of London eaten than help, whereas Claudia seems to think that he’s suddenly got a doctorate in temporal physics.  Personally, I don’t think either of them is right and it’s just a superfluous scene.

Repressed Plot Advancement 1:  Yes, I want to repress this, even though Stephen’s in it and I can try and distract myself by staring at him.  You know what?  I’m just going to do that, hoping that it’ll make this plotline less painful. I don’t care if it was hinted at way back in episode two.

Stephen is walking along, looking extremely hot.  He’s a bit concerned, but a little angst and worry only adds to the hotness.  I like men who can emote without being too emo.  He thinks he’s being followed, but at least he’s still hot.  He’s being stalked by Helen, who is all “humans suck” which is a diatribe we’ve heard before from her, so I’m going to look at how intently Stephen gazes at her instead.  I will focus on Helen long enough that for all her disdain of humanity, she still craves a cold beer, which is made through human ingenuity and a desire to get plastered.  I guess there are some things about us she still likes.

We get a brief reprieve from the first painful plotline by Connor and Abby investigating the missing lion.  No one can find a trace of it, but Connor does find some blood that he grabs a sample of to test.

Back with what I’m trying to repress, Helen tells Stephen that Lester and Nick have to meet her, without trapping her again because she knows all about Bob.  Well, she’s not that specific, but we all know.  Then, comes a moment that even Stephen’s hotness can’t overcome: Helen’s smirk at him not being her brightest student but all full of integrity. She then proves that last statement was ironic.

You know, I’m all for recurring guest stars.  They help create and entire world around our main characters but really, did one of them have to be Fluffy?  I don’t care that Claudia’s having a bad dream (and a bad dream within a dream) and Fluffy isn’t really chasing her in the Home Office.  Coming on the heels of the last scene and the revelation that Helen and Stephen had an affair, I really didn’t need a terrifying dinosaur.  Have I mentioned I have a phobia of dinosaurs?

No wonder Claudia said she wasn’t sleeping well if Fluffy is a nightly visitor in her dreams.  Considering with whom she works she has much more pleasant candidates.

Abby’s feeding the elephants, unaware she’s being watched by Bob.  Luckily, the elephants are there and I don’t think even Bob could take out four elephants and Abby without the alarm being raised.  Also, this gives me an excellent opportunity to imitate a very famous macro I’ve never had the chance to pay homage to before.

Instead of Abby, Bob goes after a member of zoo management instead.  

Thank heavens for some filler exposition from Abby and Connor moving the plot ahead and clarifying the timeline of this episode.  All of the stuff at the zoo, including the missing zoo management, happened “yesterday” and the blood is both lion and bat.  Plus, Stephen is acting weird.  Funny, he’s always stoic to me so I wonder how Abby picked up on it.

Elsewhere in the Home Office, Claudia, Lester, Cutter and Stephen stand around discussing the pros and cons of meeting Helen while being artistically lit.

The four of them meet Helen on a bridge, somewhere, only to be told that Bob is really Future Bob (not to be confused with Sideshow Bob, Silent Bob, or SpongeBob).  So not only are there terrifying dinosaurs in the past trying to eat them, but also the future predators share a lot of similarities with terrifying dinosaurs.  The biggest similarity is that they are both things that could give me nightmares.

Helen claims to have found Bob in the Permian era but still she knows it’s from the future.  She also tries to convince everyone that all she’s trying to do is help.  Really, I don’t like it when she tries stuff like this because it means I have to agree wholeheartedly with Lester.

As if Helen couldn’t make things more difficult, she says she’s going to be staying at her house.  This means she’s going to throw yet another wrench into Cutter’s life, but this time it’s with Claudia, who is not amused by Helen’s shenanigans, despite last week’s events.

In a strange edit, halfway through that scene we had a quick shot of the zoo and Abby and Bob-vision.  It’s not really important but I thought I’d mention it.  Bob probably thinks of the zoo like a personal grocery store.

At the Cutter household, the first thing Helen does is criticize her husband for not redecorating.  Come on, Helen, if you’re so good at screwing up people’s lives by hitting the right buttons at the right time, how do you not know that the inside of the house is simply symbolic of Nick’s inability to move on.  I bet, given a couple more months with Claudia, he might’ve gone so far as to renovate the kitchen.

I practically applaud when Cutter’s joined the bandwagon with Lester and me by calling Helen’s altruism bullshit.  She fesses up that she really wants Bob killed because otherwise she’ll become lunch but tries to tack on that she really does care (about Nick) at the end.  You know, I’m not totally against that: Helen becoming lunch that is.

I actually feel bad that the one time Lester can totally blame Helen for something, unlike the parasitic dodos and he’s not around to hear it.

Sibling Scene!  I love it when Stephen and Connor have a scene together as for most of it Connor’s always trying to impress Stephen while Stephen ignores him until he says something important.  Stephen only briefly acknowledges the finding of bat blood,  but the information about the missing lion and zoo-man does get his attention.  Abby’s in danger and Stephen’s to the rescue!  I may swoon.

Abby is watching the sea lions, only to be surprised by Stephen, who is there to protect her from Bob.  Stephen is saved from feeling too awkward about being there when his suspicions are confirmed by the arrival of Bob.  I may be a wimp in real life, but I’d be willing to have my life put in peril if I was promised this would happen.

Before anyone gets eaten (not like that) the SAS turn up, scaring Bob away.

Later, Claudia’s giving instructions to a member of the SAS who is not Captain awesome Ryan.  For the one and only time in the series, this is perfectly acceptable as we’re going to get a snarkfest between Helen and Claudia.  Throwing Ryan’s dry wit into the mix would’ve caused this scene to completely steal the show.

Thus, there are two women, in sensible shoes (ah, Claudia, how you’ve grown) arguing over finding Bob or Nick or both.  They rehash last week’s events, with Helen putting an odd spin on the events: Cutter left Claudia.  Now, in most bad sitcoms, this would get anyone to question the true motives of our hero but Claudia’s no fool.  She knows what happened and she might be only one of two people (the other being Lester) that Helen can’t manipulate.  

The conversation veers into the romantic side of things (not like that) with Claudia refusing to give Helen any fodder about the relationship with Cutter.  Ah, Helen, the megalomaniac who believes that everyone should want her (just like that) and gets all bitter and petty when things change.  She simply can’t handle her husband moving on after eight years.  Maybe that counseling thing Nick suggested at the beginning wouldn’t be such a bad idea for her.

Since sowing the seeds of doubt doesn’t work, Helen goes for something much more basic, instilling fear that Bob could kill Claudia.

Using dogs, the team and the SAS are in search of Bob.  Captain Ryan’s all excited because he’s going to finally get to shoot a creature on sight.

Once in the woods, Bob takes out one of the SAS (Bob, we talked about you leaving the SAS alone, remember?) and nearly gets Cutter before taking off.  While it’s all dramatic and leaves everyone more concerned about catching this creature, since it clearly isn’t afraid of armed and deadly humans, I’m more distracted by how Stephen moved closer to Cutter to protect him.  Come on, could we have a bit more subtlety when feeding the slashers?  

Since they lost Bob this time, Cutter suggests that the need a bigger gun.

They quickly come to the conclusion that Bob has bat-like hearing. Ding, ding ding!  Cue Connor and his earlier discovery.  Instead of giving Connor his moment to be proud, Helen comments that not only is he right, but the future may belong to bats and rats.

For some reason completely unbeknownst to me, or general common sense, they send Connor off, alone to get the oscilloscope (thank you props people for including a shot of it, otherwise I’d have no idea what to call the thingamabob – though thingamabob would be appropriate here) to help track and catch Bob.  The only reason I can think of to send Connor off alone like that is that the team really doesn’t like him very much.  Seriously, even I can see the whole Connor as potential lunch twist a mile away.

As soon as he turns it on, it alerts to Bob’s presence, which is on top of the car.  I guess Bob likes to have its meals in the car.  A Macdonald’s drive-thru would be easier, you know, Bob.

Does anyone know why, when Bob smashes through the front windshield of the car, Connor gets out of it?  It’s not like Bob’s body can fit through and all that metal (and the front car seats) gives a lot more protection than crawling outside on the grass.

Abby, in a gesture I don’t think was ever intended by the pay-it-forward principle, saves Connor from Bob.  Except if Stephen wasn’t there, to save her (again), she’d be dead.  I’m almost ready to be annoyed at both Connor and Abby for their complete lack of survival instinct, but then Abby does something so sensible, I have to forgive her.

Connor (who is “quite chuffed” about not being dead but still has the survival instincts of road kill) refuses to leave, comparing himself to Han Solo and that Han would never leave a job.  Umm, Connor, excuse me for correcting you, but do you remember why Han Solo was in trouble with Jabba the Hutt?   Yeah, it was over not finishing a job and running.  Therefore, going home is acceptable.

“I always saw you more as R2-D2 myself,” Cutter tells him.  Now that’s a character that would never turn and run, so now Connor has to stay.

For anyone who is wondering, Abby only saved him because he still owes her back rent.  Whatever, Abby, we all know you love having the little nerd around, no matter how you try to disguise it.  Actually, you even said so last week.

The team finds Bob’s lair in some of the zoo’s outbuildings and get another nasty surprise: baby Bobs.  I guess Bob was short for Roberta.  She was killing all those things in order to feed her babies.  I’d say it was sweet but Bob and I clearly have vastly different diets, so it’s rather gross.

Bob comes back and takes out another of the SAS members, blatantly ignoring the request I made earlier about not killing SAS members.  She moves so quickly that Cutter sees only one option.  He picks up a baby Bobby runs into a greenhouse.  Maternal instincts have Bob in hot pursuit.  

Cutter shoots out the windows thus confusing Bob’s senses, before shooting her in the head.  Now all the baby Bobs are orphans.  It’s all so sad and I’m sure they’ll be the subject of the next Lemony Snicket series, a Series of Unfortunately Ugly Orphans.

All the baby Bobs are loaded into crates while the dogs behave as if they’re supposed to be chew toys.  This wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Helen’s all for keeping the baby Bobs alive, claiming they should be able to find the future anomaly in the Permian era.  Secretly, I think she likes the babies as she shares the same morality as the Bobs, because her logic doesn’t stand up.  If the babies are here now, that should mean they were born here as very few animal species take newborns far from their birthplace.  Therefore, they’d have the homing instincts to return to the outbuildings, not the future by way of the Permian era, but I guess this is just one plot hole I’m going to have to accept since that’s the plan the team is going with.  They’re even planning to have a permanent watch in the Permian era to make sure no other Bobs take vacations in the past.

Claudia takes off, either out of frustration, or realization that Helen is getting a little of what she wants: Nick Cutter in the Permian era.  In the bathroom, the reflection is her through an anomaly, which is the first obvious piece of foreshadowing for the third plot advancement I’d like to repress.  I’ll get back to that later because we’ve got to make it through the second before we get to the third.

At the Cutter residence, Helen tries to seduce her husband but fails miserably.  I laugh.

The next morning, as the SAS take the baby Bobs through the anomaly, Cutter gets a very important promise from Stephen:  if he doesn’t come back, toss Lester through an anomaly.  Can I help?

Just as Claudia comes to talk to him, Helen insists on leaving.  Meow.  Claudia’s having none of it, ignores Helen and pleads with Nick to stay.  Knowing what I know now, this isn’t a sweet scene at all.  It isn’t even humourous as she paraphrases the “I have a bad feeling about this” line from Star Wars, which always means that shit is about to reign down on their heads.  Hell, it isn’t even a romantic scene when she kisses him goodbye.

No, it’s an awkward scene, as Abby notices the looks between Helen and Stephen.  It’s an embarrassing scene, as Helen and Lester have to stand around and watch Nick and Claudia’s almost interminable kiss.  Finally, it’s a scene of survival for Claudia, who somehow knows that if Nick Cutter goes through that anomaly, things will alter forever.

With that, the Cutters head through the anomaly and I refuse to acknowledge what is about to happen to Claudia.

Yes, thank you writers for trying to distract me with the humour of Nick telling Helen that the good-bye kiss had nothing to do with humiliating Helen. In fact, for once, it had nothing at all to do with Helen.  I appreciate the attempt but I’m still annoyed about what I know is coming.

Connor gets some distressing news.  Bob wasn’t a Roberta after all; he was a Robert.  Therefore, an angry mommy might be out there looking for the baby Bobs.  This can’t work out well for anyone as the thingamabob starts beeping and everyone is too busy discussing the potential danger of Roberta still being out there, that they all but miss her bounding through the anomaly.

In the Permian era, the Cutters and the SAS are unaware Bob is heading right towards them, thus, to pass the time, Helen gets Nick to take her picture.  It’s a picture (and really supportive expensive bra Helen’s wearing) he’s seen before.

We have flashbacks to all the findings in the really important scene I talked about in episode one and Cutter realizes what he and Ryan found was the camp they’re making now.  They’re creating their own past that Cutter and Ryan discovered months ago.

Before they can change their past, thus changing their future and their past, the baby Bobs go crazy, indicating either the future anomaly or (thanks to dramatic irony we know) their mom.

Helen takes the moment of panic to speak to Nick quietly, revealing her master plan.  She just wanted to find the future and she wants Nick to come with her.  When she tries to kiss him in discovery, I’m disappointed he didn’t push her away harder – as in off a cliff or something equally as fatal.

As Helen turns to leave, Bob attacks, but misses Helen and ignores my earlier appeal to avoid SAS members.  If Bob ate Helen, I wouldn’t mind, but the SAS guy didn’t do anything and he’s not even wearing a red shirt!

When Bob is distracted with her babies, Ryan tries to kill her, only to be attacked.

Seconds before Cutter becomes Bob’s next victim, Fluffy arrives.  Fluffy may be ugly, but at least he’s useful.  Considering he eats the baby Bobs and tried to take out Helen in the beginning of this series, he’s really not so bad.  He’s got a knack for going after bad things.  Sure, it takes a couple of attempts to finally kill Bob, (and a long CGI sequence) but in the battle of the ugliest, Fluffy comes out the victor. 

It’s really a shame he didn’t follow Helen who just stands there like a free snack.  

Cutter checks on Ryan and as Captain Awesome dies, he realizes that the body he found in the beginning was himself.  Those are his final words and I have two choices: I can either accept that never-tolerating-Cutter’s-bullshit Ryan is gone, or repress that this ever happened.

Helen announces that all the baby Bobs are dead, and since nothing else Helen says is ever truthful, there’s got to be a couple of them out there, waiting to grow up and have her over for dinner, literally.  I can hope.

In a strange parallel, Cutter carries Ryan to his grave, the way Ryan carried Cutter back to the original anomaly.  While the Captain is buried, Helen suggests they stay to find the future anomaly but Cutter holds the moral high ground.  He knows where he belongs, where he can help and who needs him (and he thinks Claudia is waiting for him).

When they leave, two baby Bobs watch.  This just confirms that I’m never to believe anything Helen Cutter ever says.  Heck, if she even says “I’m Helen Cutter” from now on, I’m going to assume she’s really a Cylon, even though that crosses universes.

Going back to the future (hey, that would make a great movie title!) Cutter reports on the deaths of Captain Ryan and his men.  He announces that no one is to go back to the past, but Helen disagrees.  She’s heading back as soon as she completely humiliates her husband, by offering Stephen the chance to come with her, thus announcing their affair.  Yes, Helen no longer cares about who is coming with her, as long as it’s someone.  I realize that the big mastermind plan she seemed to have all season was due to much baser instincts.

Seriously, this scene is bloody painful to watch.  It takes a lot to make me squirm in embarrassment for fictional characters but the way Juliet Aubrey delivers Helen’s speech, with the right mixture of mocking, hate and fuck-you-ness, makes me want to crawl under the table and hide.  Her most apropos line: “The past has a habit of coming back these days.”  If only that meant Captain Ryan!

She’s totally digging being this deliciously evil.  I’m thrilled when she heads back through the anomaly but know this isn’t the last of Helen, and I’m sort of glad.  (I’m particularly glad she goes without Stephen.)  Why?  She’s one of those characters you love to hate.  

Having discovered his scorching hot assistant / pit bull / bloodhound / bodyguard / excuse for slash Stephen Hart has betrayed him (and Cutter doesn’t want to hear any apologies or explanations from Stephen); he looks for the one person who would still be on his side, Claudia.  The problem is that no one knows who she is.  While I’m all for Cutter beating the snot out of Lester, this time there isn’t an excuse because she’s vanished from existence.  Something in the past has changed the present.

I think I have to redo that motivator from last week.

Of course, I could always just repress it ever happened, except then I’d be confused at the start of series two, next week.

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