Dancing with the Stars: (Episode 701)

Dancing with the Stars season seven got underway Monday night, with thirteen 'celebrity' contestants performing the first of two routines in a three-part premiere. For one contestant, this will be their only turn in the ballroom, as one couple will be voted off Tuesday and well as one on Wednesday's "Results" show.

Hannah Montana star Cody Linley took to the floor first with partner and DWTS two-time champ Julianne Hough. Despite being the youngest contestant ever on the show, Cody's cha cha faired well. With youth on his side, a smile and some enthusiasm helped him gloss over the rough patches. The judges decided the Codster lacked seduction and dished out a score of 18; perhaps he needs to take some cues from his Lolita-esque co-star, Miley Cirus.

Celeb chef and quasi-cutie Rocco DiSpirito didn't survive out of the kitchen last night. Try as Karina might, she couldn't cover up Rocco's heavy feet and lack of timing. He had his Day One face on--total determination to get each step right and not a smile to be found. Rocco needs to do his last name right and kick back some cocktails before tomorrow's dance. A score of 14 placed Rocco at the bottom of the bunch.

Six-time Grammy winner Toni Braxton seems to be the one with the edge this season (think Melanie Brown). Coming from an R&B background, this girl has priceless music video experience under her belt! And while that may not directly equate to choreographed routines and fancy footwork, it does mean that she knows how to move and work the camera. In a body-bearing costume, Toni was confident and a hit with the judges. A score of 22 blew previous dancers Cody and Rocco out of the water.

Two-time gold medalist and former World's Fastest Man Maurice Greene cha cha'd into the judges' hearts despite poor footwork. Letting his personality shine through, Maurice worked his mega-watt grin and seems like a great match for partner Cheryl. An 18 matched Cody's performance score, but fell short of Toni.

Mother of four Brooke Burke simply defies all rules of nature. Her teeny, toned booty (vastly different from fellow contestant Kim Kardashian's) is sure to peave plenty of mom viewers at home. Partner Derek Hough, no stranger to pretty pupils, seemed happy with his partner and confident she'll be a strong contender. The judges were in agreement that Brook shows amazing potential for having no prior dance experience, and Len even called it the best dance of the night. A score of 23 edged Toni out of the top slot.

Ted McGinley, known for his role on "Married with Children," dedicated his first ballroom spin to all the guys at home, sitting on the couch, drinking a beer and wishing they were watching football. Well, even I wished I was watching football by the time this foxtrot ended. Utterly boring and lived nowhere near up to the expectations set by Ted's looks alone (as Bruno said, he "went from Carey Grant to Steve Carrell"). Len and Carrie were more encouraging, noting that Ted had good footwork and shows potential. An 18 grouped Ten with Cody and Maurice.

Lance Bass ranks with Toni Braxton as someone you expect to do well. And although Lance tried to fool us by saying he'd fake danced his way through the N*Sync days, we're not buying it. He has rhythm, he has charisma; clearly, he's not going anywhere for a long time. Paired with newbie resdent pro Lacey, these two have a modern feel. But, I have to say, it feels contrived. Lacey's clip-in color extensions and Lance's eyeliner don't necessarily make them edgy and neither did their score of 22.

Wallflower she is not! 82 years young Cloris Leachman boasts 8 Emmy's, a Golden Globe and an Academy Award in her repertoire, and she's looking to add a mirrorball trophy to the collection. Watching her bend and stretch over the judges table in an effort to solicit a couple extra points, Cloris is a livewire and shows promise to be the most entertaining contestant to date. Letting a couple expletives slip during the judges' scoring, Cloris is a breath of fresh air to the sometimes stuffy ballroom. Although her foxtrot didn't rake in the high scores, she's sure to glean the fan votes needed to stay with us for awhile.

Poor Jeffrey Ross, he took home a scratched cornea and the lowest score of the night. Against doctor's orders (Edyta dished out an accidental eye swipe in dress rehearsal), the stand-up comedian said he was born to dance and that the show must go on. With a "heart of gold and love of onion rings" Jeffrey is a riot and a terrible dancer. We'll cut him some slack since he was dancing out of one eye and in some incredibly tight pants, but Edyta needs to whip him into shape STAT.

Reality star Kim Kardashian got the luck of the draw with partner Mark Ballas. Last season's champ may have the chops to help Kim gain her balance and stick this out a couple weeks. Now I know the world is a split camp on Miss Kardashian, but I happen to really like her. She seems sweet and is so pretty (in a totally meticulous, "I-can't-leave-the-house-without-fake-eyelashes" kind of way). But for someone so outwardly attention commanding, there was surprisingly no chemistry between her and Mark. Kim: You have an adult video for chrissakes, let go a bit! A score of 19 is likely enough to keep Kimmy safe.

Oy. Tony Dovalani always gets stuck with the cougar, doesn't he? From Leeza Gibbons to Jane Seymour to now Susan Lucci, this season's requisite soap star. Famed for her role as Erica Can on "All My Children," it took Susan 19 Emmy nominations before finally clenching the win. And from the looks of things, it would take that many times for her to have a chance at the DWTS title. Carrie Ann took the words out of my mouth—Susan looked frail (and old!) out there. She needs pack up her measly score of 15, eat a cheeseburger and lift some weights before coming back to the ballroom.

Volleyball gold medalist and self-proclaimed jock Misty May-Treanor rushed home from Beijing to begin her DWTS training. Resident bad boy Maks is back this season to oversee her transformation, and they seem to be a great pair. He's in awe of her muscles and she treats him like a real coach--what he says goes. The judges collectively thought Misty showed potential and gave her a third-place score of 21.

Rounding out the night was SuperBowl champ Warren Sapp. His enthusiasm is adorable, but it got the best of him (along with his strength) when he almost caused partner Kym Johnson to slip and fall during their routine. His guns-blazing attitude meant absolutely no beginner's nerves, which gave him a leg up on the competition right there. Surprisingly light on his feet, Kym may finally get the chance she deserves at taking this thing all the way. A 21 tied the duo with Misty and Maks.

Tuesday night, one couple will be eliminated and the rest will take to the floor for their second dance of the week.