Primeval Episode Eight

Important Stats:
Terrifying Dinosaur Count: 0 (Yay!)  
Anomalies: 1
Dinosaurs With The Right Idea: 1 (Myfanwy 2)
Deplorable Scenes That Could’ve Been Saved By A Half-Naked Stephen : 1
Big Beastie: Giant Worms (Slimey – they’re all called Slimey)

As if the trauma of two weeks ago wasn’t enough, we begin this episode with Helen.  Boo.  Some time in the past Helen’s been able to find not only a great lingerie store, but also a hairdresser, because she’s wandering around some prehistoric era with a new ‘do and the best supported boobs in history.

When she steals and egg from a pterodactyl’s nest, it attacks.  Myfanwy 2 does the most sensible thing ever, and tries to kill Helen.  While I’m sad she doesn’t succeed and only injures the bitch, I’m amazed at the pterodactyl’s growing reputation in British sci-fi for trying to kill dangerous women.  

Wait, Helen doesn’t look that injured.  I mean, sure she’s bleeding some from Myfanwy 2, but she’s the one that actually slices her leg open.  Was there some medical purpose for this of which I am unaware or has Helen finally realized that all eras and dimensions would be better off without her?  On a side note of some importance, Helen clearly has an anomaly detector, a concept the team only caught onto last week.

Credits.  Still no Captain Awesome Ryan and Claudia’s all tarted up.  I am not pleased.

ARC:  In the present, the weird and twisted Claudia-less present, Nick Cutter is brooding.  It must be Tuesday.

Okay, so he’s actually having a flashback to meeting Not!Claudia, aka Jenny Lewis.  While Jenny is trying to explain how PR-iffic, friendly and wonderful she is, I’m not caring because she isn’t Claudia and Nick is caring because he’s certain she is.  We know this because he keeps insisting, making everyone uncofortable.  

As for the rest of the team, they’re all certain that Cutter is cuckoo.  It sort of looks like what everyone on Sesame Street looked like every time Big Bird said he saw Snuffleupagus.  That is, before everyone saw Snuffleupagus.  I just dated myself, didn’t I?

Leek is the only one to speak but he’s worthless, so let’s just ignore him, shall we?  Just because he asks the all important is-Cutter-insane-OMGWTF question does not make him any more tolerable.

Bless Connor, as he’s the one to finally step forward and change the subject.  You know you’re in a group of socially inept people when Connor’s the one to salvage a situation.  He wants to talk about the anomaly detector they talked about last week, which is super secret code for getting Cutter out of the room by walking instead of tied to a stretcher in a straightjacket.

Connor pretty much tells him to cool it.  His rationale is quite valid as this scene takes place at noon and he theorizes that they’ll need to save the world before bedtime.  I was wondering when Connor’s slight change from the shift was going to come in.  For Abby and Stephen, it’s no longer trying to force Abby/Stephen.  For Connor, it’s the development of a little bit of sense. Not a ton of sense, just enough to convince Cutter to go make nice with Not!Claudia before he’s committed.

Apologizing to Jenny Lewis for scaring her, Nick Cutter is now the sane one in the conversation; at least, I’m assuming so from Jenny’s point of view.  Why?  Because Lester and Leek are telling her all about hiding dinosaurs from the regular public and convincing people not to see what they’ve seen.  

Oh yes, and in case we weren’t already getting the symbolism, there are flashes of Claudia.  While it’s an epic fail on the subtle symbolism (more like an anvil on our heads) it just continues to remind me that one of my favourite characters is no longer there.  

Jenny laughs off the idea that this job will be overly difficult.  Oh, hubris, what a wonderful trait you can be.  You always foreshadow shit falling on somebody’s head, or red Jello.  You’ll see what I mean later, about the Jello.

We’re back to where we were earlier: Cutter brooding.  I guess we’re done with the flashback.

We’re at some fancy-schmancy office building which, after much research (a phrase which here means, I googled) I discovered that the office exteriors were filmed on (at?) the Isle of Dogs.  This worries me as the only major office buildings I know on the Isle of Dogs are collectively known Canary Wharf.  So, even if it isn’t Canary Wharf, I’m going to assume it is <I’m Canadian, like I’d really know.  This resulted in a frantic phone call to my BFF, who is going to be in Canary Wharf in a little over 2 weeks’ time and the following conversation.

We watch as some Asshole (no, I don’t care what his name is – it’s Asshole) wearing red socks and openly staring at hot women, arrives to work, ordering his assistant that nothing can go wrong with his 5 million pound deal.  He threatens her job, like he’s already picked out the scapegoat.  Oh, hubris, I still love you.  

Strangely enough, in the second reference to my BFF this episode, I recognize the assistant, Shelley, from Live on Mars (UK), where she played a reporter, Jackie Queen whose mission in life was to try and make Gene Hunt miserable.  How is this a reference to my BFF?  She’ll be recapping Life on Mars (US) once it starts.

We get one of those neat little CGI shots which is meant to imitate the air ducts to see an anomaly open in the server room (thank you door sign).  In a cheaper effects shot, (using a fog machine) menacing looking fog rolls out from under the door.  An innocent, what looks to be custodian, gets dragged into the fog by an unseen creature, in a moment reminiscent of when Luke Skywalker gets sucked under all the garbage, just sans a young Harrison Ford.

Oh yes, and Asshole’s nothing can go wrong moment, has gone wrong.  I just feel bad because it’s Shelley who’s forced to try and convince the important Japanese businessman that people in the UK want to drink Japanese beer.  There’s also some other random dude there who I’m guessing will be food later on so I’m going to ignore him.
 
While everyone else clears out of the building, Shelley and Asshole stay in the ever expanding fog.  Some firefighters nicely tell us the fog is made of sulfur, before the elder of the firefighters gets eaten, leaving the other one to stand there and scream.

Back at the ARC, Cutter is telling Leek and Lester (which sounds like a name of a posh menswear store) about the breakthrough in tracking the anomalies that was made last week.  Leek encourages Lester to let the team build an anomaly detector, as if Lester is some simpering moron who can’t understand the concept that finding the anomalies is a good thing.

Cutter is still distracted by Not!Claudia.

The presentation is going downhill for poor Shelley, who nicely covers long enough for Asshole to go find out what’s going on.  Thus, Shelley and random dude are left to fend for themselves because in less than thirty seconds, Asshole becomes lunch.

We’re at a video store, where Connor is trying to find a  movie he’s yet to see (and yet not a single reference to Tocan, which makes me think it’s another change from the shift).  Abby reminds him that since he got to pick The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it’s her turn to pick the flick.  As soon as she declares that, Abby heads off, inexplicably, to allow another less than great addition to the roster of characters, Caroline Steel, to introduce herself.  She instantly wins Connor’s undying affection by a) talking to him and b) asking for his recommendation of a good sci-fi/fantasy movie.  In Connor’s world, that makes for a perfect woman.

You can tell there’s a bigger budget this year because Stephen gets his own apartment.  It’s sparsely decorated and still that shade of builder’s beige which shows how little he cares for interior decoration.  Either that or it implies he doesn’t spend enough time there to worry about decorating.  I’ll let the slashers work that one out.

One convenient thing about having everything in your flat be a light colour is that it’s really easy to notice a big red blood smear on the floor.  

I guess TPTB don’t like me that much because we get a clear reminder of one of the three plot arcs I wanted to ignore (the Stephen/Helen thing) .  Because I’m still not confident that she didn’t inflict most of the damage herself, I have to say that I do have to admire that woman’s determination.  Serious injury as a trade off to sleep at Stephen’s while he tends to you?  That’s a little much even for me.  Unless there’s some guaranteed nudity.

She tries to play on Stephen’s feelings by apologizing for her big announcement at the end of series 1.  I’m pissed off that there’s still that much sexual tension between them even though I recognize that Stephen Hart is hot enough to have sexual tension with inanimate objects.  When she says she wants a night’s sleep where she doesn’t have to worry about not being eaten – well, let’s just say I think she’s safe.  I will not go there.  I will not go there.  I will not go there.

Apparently, Cutter’s work day is divided up like this: 20% fighting terrifying dinosaurs, 10% tension with his scorching hot assistant / pit bull / bloodhound / bodyguard / excuse for slash Stephen Hart (you decide which type of tension for yourself) 20% scientific work, 5% amusement at something silly Connor does and 45% brooding.  Why this breakdown? He’s still sitting at his desk, fulfilling his brooding quota.

He gets up, ready to take some action, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know what that action is since he is walking in the direction of Not!Claudia and Lester.  Luckily, Leek (which is weird to put those two words in the same sentence) interrupts with news of the anomaly in the office building.  I laugh a little as Jenny is still incredulous at the ideas of creatures in office buildings.  Well, I hope nobody explains about the bugs in the Tube or giant failed Olympic crocodiles at diving clubs.  That would be far too much for her.

Another change in the whole dimensional shift thing is Abby’s flat.  While it’s still very industrial, it’s now even cooler than it was before.  I mean that in both an aesthetic and a temperature sense, since she isn’t wandering around in her underwear while she’s feeding Rex.

Connor’s brought Caroline home, and I’m yelling at the TV for everyone to pay attention to Rex’s reaction, but just like every other time I yell at the TV, I’m ignored.

I thoroughly enjoyed both the awkward explanation as to Rex’s presence and Rex trying to bite Caroline.  You know it’s sad when the mini-dinosaur reads humans better than actual humans.  Abby isn’t too pleased with Caroline either, and it’s hilarious when she agrees with Caroline over how funny Connor is.  Somehow, I think Caroline and Abby are working on different connotations of the word “funny.”

Connor tries to convince Abby not to muck up his chances with Caroline.  I’d say that was as likely as Abby’s believing Caroline is the one that picked up Connor.  I love how he’s so offended and insists that plenty of women find him attractive.

And yes, I get the whole meta-moment of Abby not finding him attractive.  

At that moment, Team B is called in on the office anomaly, and Connor is absolutely confused at the concept of a girl asking for a pen so that she can give him her phone number.  She writes her number on his hand while he stares in utter amazement.  He’s so adorkable sometimes, it hurts.

My eyes, it burns!  AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (A phrase which here means Helen is naked in Stephen’s bed.)

Sadly, not having equitable male nudity is not the thing I find the most disturbing in this scene. Stephen’s coffee mug is more shocking.

In fact, the only thing I don’t find deplorable in this scene is Stephen’s demand she be gone when he gets back from saving the world.

At the office building, Not!Claudia is offended that Nick is staring at her like he knows her.  There’s a whole bunch of bantering back and forth about their new relationship, which isn’t entirely off from where their old relationship started but Cutter does see one major difference in Jenny Lewis.  Unlike Claudia Brown, she is impressed by Lester and has no difficulty threatening to fire people or giving orders.  It’s a great little scene introducing these two and Douglas Henshall and Lucy Brown do play off each other well.  The problem is that there’s some pretty obvious subtext in this scene that I’ve recorded in the screencap below.

Luckily, even the people on site believed it’s a chemical leak, so at least Jenny won’t have to work too hard to find her spin angle.

Stephen arrives, clearly flustered from his encounter with Helen.  I would’ve paid anything for Cutter to pick up on it, but he’s too busy worrying about what’s inside the office building than to be concerned about why his scorching hot assistant / pit bull / bloodhound / bodyguard / excuse for slash Stephen Hart is out of sorts.

The pair head inside, leaving Jenny to her own devices.  That probably wasn't the best idea.

The fog machine continues to do its work, and, as Stephen describes it, “It smells like sh — something rotting.”  That’s right, Stephen, you’re a pre-watershed show; therefore you can’t swear all over the place like Torchwood. It also means you can’t be naked.  Damn.

Cutter realizes the pre-Cambrian atmosphere has seeped into the present.  The firefighter who wasn’t lunch, informs them that something’s in the fog.  That something is Slimey (literally too) and tries to attack Stephen, Cutter and the firefighter.  For some odd reason, I find the concept of Cutter fighting off an earthworm on steroids with an axe rather hilarious.

The three of them run into the stairwell, only to have the firefighter nearly dragged back inside.  This time, she escapes not due to an axe, but due to the atmosphere.  Slimey can’t live outside the fog.  

The firefighter fills in Cutter and Stephen about the anomaly in the 15th floor server room.  Yay for characters whose sole purpose is exposition!  As with all character like that, now that she’s fulfilled her duty, she leaves her axe with Cutter and heads out into minor character history (after being told by Jenny to keep quiet), soon to be forgotten because there are giant earthworms trying to snack on people.

The fog machine continues working (I hope it got paid at scale) and the Slimeys all look menacing, while Shelley and the other random dude debate running or staying put.  They’re screwed no matter what they do, but I am curious as to why they’re sitting on the floor when up out of the fog might be a better idea.

Outside the building, Jenny is tired of being left out of the loop, and not once thinks it’s because it’s really dangerous.  She’s even annoyed that Cutter’s ignoring her phone calls when he’s in the middle of trying to find the best and safest way to the anomaly.  Stephen and Nick settle on the elevator, but Slimey is rather intelligent for an earthworm, so he’s taken the lift as well.  

It spits gross black stuff (technical term) at Nick and Stephen, and Nick makes a run for the stairs.  We’re left on a cliffhanger at the commercial break as Nick has to be thinking Stephen is worm food because the younger man is nowhere to be seen.

At the ARC, none of the high-tech weaponry will help.  You know what could’ve helped in this situation?  Captain Ryan!  I don’t know how he would’ve helped but I’m assuming he’d come up with something brilliant.  

Primeval 8

A decision is made to head off to a garden centre to find some fog clearing equipment (as turning off the fog machine would be way too meta a solution).  On the way out, Connor and Abby pass by a very familiar looking man.  

While Connor recognizes him, Abby doesn’t and questions the idea of a member of the SAS pretending to be a cleaner at a mall.  Well, Abby, I’m sure under Ryan they wouldn’t have done such a thing but this is a whole new regime.

In the office building, Stephen is trying to avoid sucking face with something detestable for the second time in this episode.

He uses his watch alarm as a distraction and hides out in the elevator shaft.  Note I said shaft, not elevator.  There isn’t an elevator.  He calls Nick saying that we’re going to get to imagine Stephen climbing up the shaft, sweaty and breathing heavy from his exertion.  Okay, so maybe I made that last part up.

Jenny’s gone into the building, more frustrated at the lack of contact than fear of imminent danger.  She completely ignores all warnings from Nick to stay downstairs, and heads upstairs via the lifts, instead of walking because of once trait she shares with Claudia from earlier in the first season: the wearing of inappropriate footwear to an anomaly site.

The lift Jenny gets in is the same lift from the shaft Stephen is in.  Jenny, no matter how scorching hot Stephen is, he wouldn’t look good flattened.  There’s a frantic race between Stephen and the elevator.  The quick edits back and forth between Jenny and Stephen prevent me from getting a great view of Stephen’s physical exertion.  Boo.

Stephen runs out of ladder just above the 12th floor.  We know this because that’s where the elevator stops, preventing me for hating Jenny more for not being Claudia and for wearing more makeup than an entire MAC sample table.

On the 12th floor, Jenny finally learns her lesson about hubris.

Cutter rescues her with the most conveniently placed sword in history.  I’m curious as to why there are swords as decorations in an office building and I hope no one on that particular floor ever gets fired.  

After saving Jenny, Cutter becomes the focus of Slimey’s attention.  To stop Slimey, Jenny cuts its head off, coming a little too close to something much more personal for Cutter.  Not that I was ever worried something would happen to Nick in this case because emasculating him has always been Helen’s job.

There’s a bunch of yelling about whose at fault and saving each other and have I said I love how Douglas Henshall and Lucy Brown play off each other?  I did?  Well, it can’t be said enough.

Jenny’s going through the OMGWTF terrifying dinosaurs shock, but I already saw that last year.  I bet I’m going to have to go through the progression of character development through footwear choices again too.

There’s no time to focus on Jenny’s minor moment of panic, because the B Team has arrived with leaf blowers.  In what is possibly the truest statement ever said on television, Connor explains what took so long.  “Ever been to a garden centre on a Friday afternoon?”  No further explanation needed.

Jenny wonders where Stephen is and cues the edit to Stephen in the fog.  Thanks to some low tech effects of moving office furniture, we know he’s not alone.  Slimey has found him.  

Back at the meeting from hell, Shelley’s told her job is safe because the Japanese businessman agreed to let her company sell his beer.  This would be wonderful news if she didn’t have to defend her life by hitting Slimey with her laptop.  Somehow, I don’t think the warrantee will cover any damage.

Along comes the team, clearing the fog with leaf blowers, to save Shelley and the random dude.  Hold on, since we weren’t given any reason to care about the random dude, why hasn’t he been eaten yet?  This massive a diversion from the typical TV plot points is rather confusing.

Cutter explains about the worms, as if it’s a shock to find out worms were so dangerous.  Come on, Cutter, I once saw a worm on Masterpiece Theatre , so they can be very dramatic!  At least, I think it was Masterpiece Theatre.  Masterpiece Theatre was hosted by Alastair Cookie, wasn’t it?

As they head down the stairs, Connor makes the mistake of angering the irony gods by stating that he thinks they’re all right.  Of course, this is the exact moment Slimey tries to eat him.  He’s quickly rescued by Cutter and the convenient sword.

Once in the lobby, Shelley wants to know what’s going on.  It’s a reasonable question but Cutter doesn’t have time to answer.  Jenny, on the other hand, does.  The answer goes something like this: shut up about it or everyone will think you’re crazy.  Jennifer Lewis has apparently taken lessons from Helen Cutter in trying to win friends and influence people.

In the bathroom, Connor has washed off Caroline’s number.  It’s a sign!  It’s a sign!  Please pay attention to it, Connor.

A new plan is hatched.  Cutter will go off in search of his scorching hot assistant / pit bull / bloodhound / bodyguard / excuse for slash Stephen Hart while Connor and Abby head to the server room to heat up the building to push the fog out of the vents.

Just before Cutter heads off to find Stephen, he tells Jenny what a bitch she is.  Okay, so he phrases it much nicer than I do, but it’s the same idea.  

Stephen is still trying to figure his way out of his predicament.  He’s already rejected defending himself with a plastic spoon and does some parkour across the office furniture to stay away from being worm food.  He makes a quick call to Cutter, just letting him know where he is. This is convenient as Cutter’s going to come and try to rescue him anyway.  

On the 15th floor, Connor (who is moaning about losing Caroline’s number) and Abby ditch the leaf blowers and crawl through the air vents to get to the server room.  Why they ditch the leaf blowers, I have no idea, because there’s plenty of room for them.  He spends most of the time reciting Caroline’s number, which I can’t believe would be that difficult for someone with his brain.  

Considering Jenny was unwilling to take the 12 flights of stairs in heels, imagine my amazement that she treks up to the 13th floor with Cutter, just to talk about the affair Stephen had with Helen.  Jenny’s job isn’t just PR, it’s also management appraisal, a phrase which here means making sure the team is running smoothly and then tattling back to Lester.  Cutter isn’t pleased at the insinuation that he would let Stephen die over what happened over eight hours years ago.  Please, no one tell him about what I said last week.

Jenny, in another striking difference between herself and Claudia, suggests leaving Stephen to save himself as Cutter is too important as the team leader.  Cutter’s not cool with that idea.

There’s a quick shot of Stephen proving he isn’t an expert at parkour and coming face to face with Slimey, before we switch back to the B Team.  Abby’s the one who adjusts the temperature, and she automatically sets it at first series Rex temperature.

It’s utterly predictable that since they left the leaf blowers behind, Abby now has to fend off Slimey.  At the same time, Stephen fights Slimey by photocopying his ass.

After Abby’s beats up the worm, Connor pulls her back into the duct.  Meanwhile, Stephen and Slimey share a water cooler moment.

The heating quickly pushes the fog outside, just as Cutter and Jenny make it to Stephen.  Slimey can’t handle the regular atmosphere of London fill in your own environmental joke here and literally explodes.  Apparently, exploding also means spawning, as baby Slimeys (along with what is clearly red Jello) fly all over the place.

Since the heat inspires the spawning, Cutter has to find a way to cool things down.  The easiest solution is simply to set off the sprinklers.  While it’s a great solution, I am amused that Jenny, with her perfect hair and make-up, has been attacked by a Slimey, been covered in Slimey slime and babies, and then gets soaking wet.

My moment of good humour is taken away when Cutter asks if Jenny’s all right, mistakenly calling her Claudia.  She’s offended by the mistake and I learn my lesson at being too pleased at myself during moments of schadenfreude.  

Warning, despite its brevity, the following scene is really important:  Stephen and Cutter find themselves at a philosophical crossroad.  Cutter is quite certain that it’s right to fight the anomalies, as evolution shouldn’t run mad unless it creates the X-men.  On the other hand, Stephen thinks the public should be let in on the facts surrounding the anomalies, and perhaps these were meant to be.  They both have a valid point and this is going to become an increasing divisive issue.  In fact, there’s only one thing about this that everyone can agree on.

When Stephen arrives home, he discovers his apartment is empty.  Throughout this whole adventure, he kept the “your wife slept in my bed last night” thing from Cutter.  I don’t like to see my boys at odds.  Make up, right now!  Don’t become like House and Wilson!

In Abby’s flat, Team B congratulates themselves on how well they did in killing earthworms.  The celebrations are stopped when Caroline just walks in, claiming she left her mobile.  There, Connor, it’s not like you could’ve called Caroline anyway, since she didn’t have her phone.  It’s fate!

Unfortunately, Connor doesn’t see the whole washing off the number and not being able to call as fate.  Nope, he’s a guy, so he sees Caroline’s sudden reappearance as fate.  He’s so excited that she agrees to go out for a drink with him that he doesn’t even take a minute to change out of the Slimey-slimed shirt he’s wearing.

We cut to Nick Cutter standing outside a door.  There’s only one door in this dimension it could be.  In case we needed a clue, he pulls out his wallet, and in it is the one piece of evidence he has of Claudia Brown’s existence.

Now I want some answers.  I never needed convincing of Claudia Brown’s existence.  What I want is an explanation 1) where that photo came from and 2) why Nick Cutter was carrying it around and for how long?  Somehow, I don’t think I’m going to get those answers.

He knocks on her door and tries to explain what’s going on.  That’s what Claudia was in the other dimension; she was the one he could’ve gone to but this is no longer the case.  Half way through his “another timeline where you’re you but not you” spiel, her fiancé appears.  

Ouch.  He’s at odds with Stephen and he has conclusive proof that Jenny never could be what Claudia was to him.  As he leaves her home, I realize, in short, Nick Cutter is truly alone.

Next week:  Tony the Tiger is attacking a theme park and someone gave Connor a real gun.  Which one do you think is the most dangerous?