Family Guy - "Love Blactually" (Episode 701)

Peter is throwing a costume party and Brian is dressed as Snoopy (by coloring his ears black.) Peter punches Brian in the stomach and says that you can't punch Snoopy in the stomach as hard as you can and he won't feel it. Brian said that was Houdini, not Snoopy. Peter then made the dog do the Snoopy dance - and punched him in the stomach again. Quagmire showed up dressed as Napoleon Dynamite. Peter was dressed as Laura Bush and Lois was "the guy she killed." Stewie was upset that he and Brian were both dressed as Snoopy. Brian can't get over the fact that Stewie os pronouncing "ruined" as "roo-eened." Joe wore a speedo, a porn stache and a bunch of medals for his Mark Spitz costume (to which Quagmire asked him if he was Mark Spitz after diving into the shallow end of the pool.) Cleveland, in a Charlie Chaplin costume, said he thought Joe was a "crippled Magnum P.I." Lois introduced Brian to a friend of hers from her yoga class named Jane, who came dressed as a "murdered fetus." She's definitely not the one for Brain, and he heads off with Woodstock who says something in bird language to Brian. He responds, "yep, with a capital C."

Brian and Stewie are in the book store and Brian is lamenting about his lack of luck with the ladies. He's tired of all of the crazies he's dated recently. Stewie suggests they get lost in the wonderful world of books, like "Horton Hears Domestic Violence in the Next Apartment and Doesn't Call 911." Brian goes to grab a book about atheism at the same time as an attractive woman. They're both atheists. Brian charms her and she agrees to send him the book when she's done reading it. Brian's tail is wagging - he's in love. Brian checked the mail waiting for the book. Peter said the package had been in the house for a week, but he was using it as a "hat weight." Brian went on a date with the attractive woman, Carolyn. Brian says he rarely connects with people like he has with her and says he really enjoys her company. They do seem to be getting along swimmingly - enjoying walks on the beach, cocktails and laughs at a bar, weed and ice cream. It looks like Brian's going to score, but Stewie appears and tells him "don't do it." He said he's saving Brian from himself, noting that he pushes things along too fast, which is probably what caused the demise of his past relationships. Brian thinks Stewie could be right and decides to take it slow. After another date, Carolyn asks for a back massage and Brian obliges, only to find Stewie perched on a tree outside her apartment dressed as an owl and again reminding Brian to take it slow.

The next day, Brian arranged for a romantic picnic and a ride on a bicycle built for two. He tells Stewie that he is going to get laid. He's been taking it slow and Carolyn's been giving him some not-so-subtle hints that she'd like to get it on with him - like runway lights leading to her bed. Stewie offers Brian some love advice and then has a creepy moment where he puts his finger first in Brian's mouth and then his own. Creepy. Brian heads to Carolyn's and finds her having sex with Cleveland in the back seat of a car.

Carolyn said she didn't think Brian was her boyfriend because he hadn't made a move in the three weeks they were dating. Brian was hoping she'd respect him if he took things slow. She did (and so did Cleveland), but it's pretty much over between them. Brian drowned his sorrows in some booze and Stewie said he should have "hit that" when he had a chance. Stewie told Brian he needed to go out and have fun. He takes Brian to a bakery, where the baker drops a piece of pie on him. When Stewie heads to the "water closet" to wash up, he discovers Carolyn and Cleveland having sex. Not good. Well, not good for Brian - Cleveland's having a blast ("Wait...wait...and boom goes the dynamite.") Brian and Stewie go to a bar and all Brian wants to do is watch the baseball game - until Cleveland and Carolyn are seen having sex on second base. Brian figures if he stays home, he won't run into the happy couple. Not so - Peter and Lois invited them over. Stewie suggests getting Cleveland and his ex-wife Loretta back together so that Brian could get another crack at Carolyn. Brian and Stewie arrive at Loretta's and Brian says he's going to do the talking. He told her that Cleveland wanted him back, but she said she'd already put him through too much pain and said she couldn't go back to him. Cleveland went to talk to Brian and wanted to clear any bad feelings between them - and then announces that he and Carolyn are going to elope. As Cleveland leaves, he runs into Loretta, who apologizes to him and asks him to come back to her.

Cleveland doesn't know what to do about his female situation. Brian said Cleveland should "forgive and forget" with Loretta, but everyone knows that Brian has ulterior motives. Lois was concerened that Cleveland would return to Loretta and Peter asked Quagmire to sleep with Loretta to show that she's wrong for him. Quagmire pretended to be a room service valet at the hotel where Loretta was staying and tried to seduce her. She says she's a changed woman and doesn't want to have sex with him. Cleveland encounters a naked Quagmire in the hall and then went and told Loretta that although he still had feelkings for her, their time was over and he was in love with someone else. Cleveland went to Carolyn's and found her again having sexy time in the car - this time with Quagmire. Brian and Cleveland were both done in by the same girl. At least they're friends again.