The Simpsons - "Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes" (Episode 2001)

The family heads off to Spingfield's annual St. Patrick's Day parade. Bart thought it was cool that the river was colored green for the event and Mr. Burns said that his nuclear plant was responsible for the water's color. Mayor Quimby welcomes everyone to the celebration, which for the first year in history was booze-free. The Springfield-ites were less-than-happy about this announcement. He went on to say that Ireland was known for so much more than booze - they brought us the paddy wagon, the Shamrock Shake and folk dancing where you don't move your arms. The parade commences with such floats as "the Irish boy who most resembles a potato" and "straight Catholic priests" (with a mere two riders.) Lisa notes that the Northern Irish are also having a parade the same day, and things just might get ugly. She tries to avoid a sqabble by singing "Tura Lura Lura" which turns into a big sing-a-long/hugfest. Then the fighting commences.

Marge is overrun by "urchins" who make off with her basket of cupcakes. A nice Irish man named Patrick rescues the tasty treats and Marge rewards him with a cupcake. He tastes the cake and loves it so much that he offers Marge a job in the bakery he owns. She takes him up on the offer and tries to find Homer to give him the good news. He's heading off to jail for being involved in the big fight (along with most of Springfield.) Homer faces the judge - for the third time (a "three-peat.") His bail is set at $25,000, and Homer says "I can make that in a year." He goes to see a bail bondsman, who informed him that he has been fired from the plant for getting arrested. Homer asks what would happen if he skipped bail and met "Wolf" the bounty hunter. Homer thinks Wolf's life of sleazy bars, tattoo parlors and greasy spoons is perfect and he asks if he can work as a bounty hunter too. He set up his first trap for bail skippers - affordable condos ("bail jumpers welcome!") His ploy attracts the attention of Snake and Homer chases him down. Snake pulls a gun on him and pulls the trigger.         

Fortunately Homer dodges the bullet, which bounces off a pane of bulletproof glass (conveniently held in front of him by Flanders.) The bullet hits Snake in the arm - and Flanders chastises him for his life of crime. As Snake reconsiders his future, Homer takes him in. He brings Ned a card that says "Thanks for saving my ass" and gives him some money as a reward. He says he and Ned make a good team and should be bounty hunters. Ned agrees, as long as they do everything by the book. Homer tells Ned to promise that there will be "no diddlies or doodlies." Marge started working at Patrick's bakery, called "Au Naturel." Marge was wondering why she had to make cakes in rod and half-moon shapes and Patrick was about to tell her when Patty and Selma walked in. They were going to a bachelorette party and needed a "tasty and tasteless" cake. Partick had just the thing - an ass cake. Marge is shocked that she's working at an erotic bakery. Patty and Selma love the cake and peruse the photos of "suggestive canneloni." Marge confronts Patrick and he says that erotic baking "fills a need and harms no one." He says she has a gift and she shouldn't let it go to waste. marge reluctantly agrees. Homer and Ned have opened their own business, Good Neighbor Bounty Hunters. Homer is a bit over-excited with the taser, using it to warm up Ned's coffee, remove ear wax and light a cigar. A fax comes in with the details about their first hunt-ee. To the tune of "Electric Avenue," we get to see the boys in a bounty hunting montage. They bust into a room filled with gun-toting felons and quickly back out. Ned poses as a Bible salesman while Homer leaps from the roof to pin a baddie down (Homer overshoots the runwaty and lands flat on his face. Homer brought the kids some things from the "office" - Bart got shell casings (some still had bullets in them and Homer warned him to point them away from Lisa when he hit them with a hammer.) He brought Lisa a "chemistry set" he got from a meth lab. Homer suggests ordering one of her cakes for Lisa's birthday. Not a good idea. Homer and Ned are on a stakeout and sing a duet of AD/BC (the Christian AC/DC cover band's) hit "Kindly Deeds Done for Free" and Homer demonstrated his pizza-eating technique (rolling up the slice before jamming it in his mouth.) Ned said that "was harder to swallow than evolution." They find their target, Fat Tony and chase him through the streets of Springfield. Homer's "reckless disregard of human life" almost causes him to run over Patty, who loses her naughty cake. It ends up at Pricipal Skinner's house, just as superintendent Chalmers is wrapping up a dinner with him. Homer drives his car into a subway train and Ned is mad that Homer is't playing by the book. Their partnership is over.

Homer is sad that Ned dumped him and wanted to drown his sorrows with one of Marge's "extra-long Twinkies." She had made them for Mr. Smithers' commitment ceremony. Marge finally admits to Homer that she's an erotic baker. He was shocked, saying it was permissable to deny him sex and cake, but not "sexy cake." They quickly make up over a little menage a trois with the cake in the bedroom (and the shower.) Later, Homer drives past a billboard for his and Ned's bounty hunting operation and he's sad. Ned goes to the bail bondsman and tells him he quit. The bondsman said he had one last bail jumper to pick up - Homer. He never showed up in court. Ned refused to pick him up, so it's up to one of the more hornery hunters in his office (like the character Rose McGowan played in "Planet Terror" and a bear using two raccoons tied together as nunchucks.) Ned changes his mind and heads out to retrieve Homer. Homer arrives home to find Ned in his living room. Homer tells Ned he'll never take him alive and they take part in an action-packed chase, complete with exploding buildings and horses. They get stuck on a construction beam and Homer confesses to Ned that the more they worked together, the more he liked him. Ned said he still had to take him in. Homer jumped to another beam and Flanders tried to follow him, but missed and was hanging by one arm. Homer recollected on all of the good times they had working together (Batman-style) and rescues Ned. Well, actually, he didn't. They both plummeted to the ground, with wet cement breaking their fall. The men were stuck in the cement and Ned drove Homer crazy by rattling off Bible verses. Homer was in jail and Marge made him a special cake to remind him of her. It said "To the Love of My Life." Awww.