America's Got Talent - Finale Results (Episode 320)

Whose dreams will they crush next? (NBC)

After a season that was more like "America's Got a Moderate Amount of Talent", we've come to the big finale. Expect lots of montages and filler tonight - but at least it's only an hour. After a brief season recap, we are once again introduced to our final five, Nuttin' But Stringz (who I hope win), Donald Braswell (who I still have a raging crush on), Neal E. Boyd (who will probably win), Eli Mattson (I hope he gets a record deal out of this) and Queen Emily (who I'm also sure we'll hear from again. Or not - anyone remember last year's runner-up Cas Haley?) Hoff said he could not pick the winner - any one of them could win tonight. Our first time-waster is the first performance together from the ten perform together. So if you missed little Kaitlyn Maher or Joseph "Hunky Elvis" Hall, it's your moment. (I'm glad to see my favorite season three performer Paul Salos again.) They all join in for a rousing rendition of "For a Moment Like This" It's just as cheesy as you'd think it was. Hoff's all teared up. Sharon says the performance cements the fact that they're all winners.

Jer-ry reminds all of you aspiring talented people that season four auditions are already underway (visit nbc.com for details, but please, be talented!) He then introduces us to one of the "hottest new artists in the world," I was so hoping they would have dragged out our favorite crackhead from across the pond, Amy Winehouse, but it's not to be - could you imagine her on this show? (My second favorite British performer, Duffy, also did not take the stage.) Instead, we're treated to the latest single from Leona Lewis, who won Britain's Got Talent. She singlehandedly made every woman who made this season's top twenty look unworthy of being there (except Ms. Dorae, of course! I know she didn't sing, but she had char-a-sma!) She's got a beautiful voice, but I'm not mad about the song.

Apparently, there's still plenty of tickets available for the October 17 show at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, featuring last year's winner, Terry Fator (I was in Vegas last weekend to see the wonderful Barry Manilow - yeah, shut up - and Terry is taking his place at the Hilton come next year. His face was all over the place. But I digress....) Jer-ry introduced us to some of the top five's biggest fans. I was really hoping to see some of the everyday people who were rooting for these acts, but instead, we see some of the show's more famous fans. Opera quartet Il Divo put their suppport behind Neal E. Boyd, telling him they loved his rendition of their song "Mama" - hey, at least I found out who sings that song. Brian McKnight appeared with a special message for QUeen Emily. She looked puzzled until someone must have told her who he was. Singer Marc Cohn, who sings "Walking In Memphis" gave mad props to Eli and said when he started work on his debut album, that he'd love to write him a song. Andrew Lloyd Webber praised Donald's version of "Music of the Night" and said that since the Phantom's "new lair" is in Sin City, that he hoped they'd be working together soon. He's so going to be in that show. Last but not least, former Fugee Wyclef Jean told Nuttin But Stringz to "Handle your business."

Next up, a finale favorite, a performance by the "America's Got Talent Audition All-Stars." I don't remember a lot of the names, but there were lots of the season's most unforgettable and awful singers, Alastair the intellectual stripper, impersonators (I recognized Cyndi Lauper, the spot-on looking Dionne Warwick and Rod Stewart), the mom and daughters whistling duo, Busty Hart and her frightening mammaries, dueling Ozzy Osbourne tribute acts and our little tap dancing granny.

Jer-ry points out some familiar faces in the crowd - Britney Spears impersonator Derrick Barry and Tina Turner look-a-like and Dorae are in the crowd. They look like they'd hang out together. It's then more fluff with the "how we spent last summer montage" - from the auditions all the way to the finale. Featured are our first encounters with Kaitlyn ("I'm from Amewica"), a pre-weave Emily, those damn Zoo-perstars and lots of Hoff-isms. Hoff says all of the acts - good and bad - represent "the real heart of America." And lots of balls, actually. And now, after a summer filled with "tears and triumph," it's time to start crushing dreams. The first eliminated finalist is...Queen Emily. Hoff looks really disappointed. She is a class act and thanks her fans for sticking with her and then...of course...it's time for the obligatory "journey" montage. She ends with "Look at me now." She certainly is a different lady than we saw a few months ago.

And then there were four. In fourth place was Bruce Campbell look-a-like and my hot man-cougar, Donald Braswell. The act the audience brought back, and the truest example of a survivor this show has probably ever seen. I'll come see you in "Phantom" in Vegas, sweetie! Cue montage. Jer-ry announces that the third place act is...Nuttin' But Stringz. Are you kidding me? Everyone looked shocked. Even my husband, who has hardly paid attention to this show was incredulous. So, I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that Neal was on all of those promos for a reason.      

So, what would winning mean to Neal? He said winning would change his life. Of course it would. He loves and thanks America. Eli is hoping the whole "shaking on stage thing" will go away, but he said winning would help him support his family. We then sit back and enjoy the last two montages of the season before Jer-ry announces the winner. It was the closest vote in the show's history; there was only one half of one percent between the two of them. And...the best new act in America is...Neal E. Boyd. He loves his mom and will probably be getting an endorsement deal with Kleenex (Jer-ry calls him a "cry baby.") Neal then gets a special congratulatory message from one of his heroes, Placido Domingo. (I'll bet if Eli won, we would have been seeing Elton!) As he sings us one more milion dollar aria, we bid adieu to America's Got Talent until next summer.