The Simpsons - "Lost Verizon" (Episode 2002)

Principal Skinner and his mother are on the freeway when his car runs out of gas. He can't believe it as he had put one dollar's worth of gas in the tank that morning and he had only driven "ninety cents' worth." His mother says he's out of gas because he insisted in driving with the windows down (sarcastically calling him "Rockefeller.") She then sends her son out to get gas while she reads her bingo strategy guide, called "It's All Luck." Seymour grabs the gas can out of the truck and plays "human Frogger" to get across the busy lanes of traffic on the freeway. He makes it across only to discover that he left the gas can on the hood of the car. He weaves his way back through the traffic. Homer sees him and takes the opportunity to yell out, "This counts as a parent-teacher conference!"

Milhouse is standing on a bridge looking down on Skinner's efforts (and also sees a helpful roadway sign which says, "Principal Crossing Freeway - Expect Delays.") Milhouse takes out his cell phone and calls his fellow students, who all show up to watch their principal run through traffic. Barney, picking up beer cans along the side of the road (and making sure they're all empty by upending them into his mouth. Eww.), sees Skinner as a giant can of Duff and runs after him with his pointy, trash-picky-up stick. The kids are enjoying the show - except for Bart. He didn't have a cell phone, so Milhouse couldn't alert him of the incident. Milhouse isn't worried, he's sure Bart's doing something "awesome." He's actually stuck at a tea party with Lisa. (He does love the taste of Lisa's imaginary tea.) Bart finds out about the show he missed and lamented that he didn't have a cell phone. Bart asked Marge for a cell phone and she told him they couldn't afford it - she was even paying for frozen peas on installment (coincidentally, she received a collection notice from the Jolly Green Giant - and one from Li'l Sprout too.) At least Bart wasn't the only disappointed Simpson kid, Lisa knew she wasn't going to visit Macchu Picchu anytime soon. (Maggie also held up a sign that said "Me Sad 2.") Bart was walking the streets wondering how he was going to be able to get a cell phone when he was hit in the head with a golf ball outside of Springfield Glen Country Club. Bart climbed the wall and found the errant golfer. It was Dr. Hibbert, who gave Bart a dollar for returning his five dollar ball. Bart started up a new business venture - gathering up all of the stray golf balls on the course, much to the dismay of Groundskeeper Willie (who on weekends and sumers is "Greenskeeper Willie") - who ended Bart's dreams of raising the money to get a cell phone - and he was only $20 short. Bart thought all hope was lost, but behind him, the Krusty Klassic Celebrity Pro-Am ("Not a penny for charity") was underway. Denis Leary was about to swing, when his cell phone rang, ruining his drive. He angrily threw his phone, which hit Bart in the noggin.

Bart immediately called Milhouse with his new phone. The two were assigning ringtones to each other when Bart's phone rang. It was movie producer Brian Grazer, who was calling to offer him the part of a constipated gorilla in the big screen adaptation of "Everybody Poops." Bart (as Denis) said he'd take the role, as long as he could do his own poops. And he'll do it for minimum. Milhouse was impressed that he had the phone of "the Boston comedian turned movie star turned basic cable notable." Bart suggested calling Denis' business manager and telling him to spend all of Denis' money on Yankee hats and Derek Jeter jerseys. Milhouse was worried that Denis might get mad, but Bart assured him that Denis would think it was hilarious. One week later in Tunisia, Denis was in his gorilla suit working on "Everybody Poops: The Movie." He said he didn't remember agreeing to be in the movie. Meanwhile, back in Springfield, Bart had the numbers of bars all over the world and was ready to do some international prank calling. He called a Hawaiian bar looking for "Mya Normousbutt", called an Australian bar called "Crocodile Drunklees" asking for a "Drew P. Wiener" and called Norway's "Inga-Bar Bergman" asking the dour bartender if there was an "Olaf Myfriendsaregay" in the house. Bart's having a blast and his phone rings - it's Denis Leary, who didn't appreciate the New York Yankees memorabilia at all. Marge discovers that Bart has a cell phone and asks how he got it. Bart responded "like you got me...by accident." Milhouse easily spills the beans and tells Marge that it's Denis Leary's phone. Denis calls back and talks to Marge, telling her that her kid was out of control. Marge said it was hard being a parent and Denis said what was really hard was watching a stunt double run into a burning building and having audiences wonder if it's really him. Denis tells Marge that Bart can keep the phone, but advises Marge to activate the GPStracking chip, so she can keep track of her son 24/7.

Marge took Denis' advice and turned on the satellite tracking and gave Bart the phone. Homer and Marge tracked their son's whereabouts by computer and discovered he went to a construction site. At the site, he and Milhouse were driving around on a forklift. Marge found her son. She later found him at the theater watching the R-rated "Sever", gambling at the race track and making general mischief on his skateboard with the bullies. Marge even got herself in a coffin to find Bart digging up bodies at the local cemetery. Lisa found her parents in the laundry room checking up on bart and asked what they were doing. Homer said they were "doing laundry" and Lisa told him to go ahead and show her how he did it. He grabbed a load of clothes, poured detergent on them and promptly threw them in the furnace. She was shocked to discover that they were spying on Bart. She later told Bart about the chip, but he was interrupted by a text offering Viagra for five bucks a pill. Bart said he didn't know what it was but it was going in Skinner's coffee (cut to Skinner stiffly walking across the playground saying, "What was in that coffee?" Bart removed the chip from the phone and tied it to a bird's foot. Marge saw that "Bart" was moving very quickly and thought he was running away from home. When they see him circling the Shelbyville Bird Sanctuary, Marge gathers the family and they all set off in search of Bart. Now Bart has the house to himself - and decides to take a bath, eat vegetables and go to bed early - without dinner!

It's been three days since the family went on their quest for Bart - who was having a cookout with Nelson and Milhouse (grilled Twizzlers.) The boys eat up and head home - even Milhouse, who was able to resist bart's custom-made sleepover shirts. Just then, Bart realized he missed his parents. Meanwhile, Marge was marvelling that Bart was still moving and wondered if he had too much sugar in his "sugar-frosted candy-os." Lisa thinks something's fishy. While Marge and Homer head out into a field, the bird lands on the hood of the car, and Lisa realizes what they're really following. Lisa looks up the bird's breed and discovers that the bird is flying south to winter in Macchu Picchu. She can't pass up the opportunity to head to her dream destination. Bart's having scary nights and awesome days while Homer and the rest of the family explore Macchu Picchu. Marge is pooped and rests under the statue of a Peruvian god and falls asleep. In her dream, the statue comes to life and tells her that she shouldn't be overprotective of Bart like the mothers of ancient Macchu Picchu were to their kids. He takes her back to those ancient days where the children who lived in a walled, mountain city were not ready to face the conquistadors as adults. Marge has learned her lesson. The bids lands on the computer and Marge realizes it's time to head home. Bart pretends that he didn't miss his family, but grabs on to Marge's leg and tells her never to leave again. Lisa asks Homer where Maggie is. She was left behind - and became a goddess to the people of Macchu Picchu. I'm sure she'll be back in Springfield by next week. It was a nice touch to dedicate this week's episode to the late Paul Newman as well.