Numb3rs: The Decoy Effect (Episode 502)

Could it be?  Could I ever have imagined?  Is the opening grid wrong?

Anyway, as promised last week, here is your recap!  It took me a couple extra days to recover from my birthday digest Turkey, recover from my birthday, spend some quality time with my family recover from my birthday and properly celebrate the first ever Be Kind To David Day and my birthday!

We open to the strains of Sea Wolf’s “I’m a Wolf.”   I’d like to make a quick point that Sea Wolf is in no way connected with Airwolf, thus preventing me from making a lot of great 80’s television jokes.  Boo!

There’s some woman at an ATM looking terrified.  She takes out $340 (so that grid number is right) and looks around her, like she’s being watched.  I’d say it’s out of place, but anyone who has ever taken money out of an ATM does the same thing; except I’m not sure if the fear is because of the fear of pick-pockets or that really creepy guy who always stands too close to you.

She takes off at a run, dashing through the street to really mellow music.  Between the chords of the song and the frantic pace at which she runs, I’m already confused.  My hearing and my vision are telling me this scene does not compute.  Suddenly, she’s shot by some man who is chasing her.  It’s broad daylight and money flies everywhere.  I have only one though.

The guy who shot her, who is resplendent in a black suit and sunglasses which in no way says I’M CLEARLY A BAD GUY complete with capslock, makes his escape in a way which is much more Chuck than Numb3rs.

Cal Sci:  Charlie is completely and utterly bored.  He’s so bored that he’s going through every consulting project Cal Sci has ever had, just to find something that might be interesting.  Apparently, interesting and needing government clearance is synonymous.

He’s so concerned that his next major work will have to be about triangles, which allows Amita to tell us all about some guys named John Conway and Steve Sigur.   I’m sure this was a hilarious joke or unique allusion if I was a mathematician but I don’t get it.  Who writes an entire book about Triangles?  I guess Conway and Sigur.

As if Charlie needed any reminding, Larry postulates about how much of a mathematician’s work can come from the government.  Thanks, Larry, way to rub it in.  Trying to be more useful, Alan suggests Charlie apologize.  Alan, have you met your son?

Well, Charlie’s already looked into getting his security back and he has an interview with some FBI (not Fedcake) guy, tomorrow.  Plus, Charlie has no desire to bring Don into it.  Oh, the temptation to talk about why I (partially) think Charlie did what he did is almost overwhelming but I’ll control myself.  It’s not like I’ll be tempted again this eppesode.

Crime Scene:  Oh lord, Nikki is doing David’s job again.  Okay, Nikki, you and I need to talk about this.  A part of Be Kind To David Day does not involve needing to give his exposition for him.  Now, if you want to jump off a building, chase down crooks or nearly get killed in lieu of David in this eppesode, that’s acceptable.

We’re hearing all about how the victim, Alice, was shot.  Essentially, it’s what we saw at the beginning, except Don wasn’t there to see it. 

She describes the escape on the back of a flower or bakery truck which she deduces is stolen, unless this case involves some rogue bakers.  Oh, please let it be rogue bakers!  I’ve got a ton of names already: croissant crusaders, cookie criminals, spotted dick dickheads and crumpet criminals, just to name a few.

Nikki tells us what we already know; we aren’t in East LA, or anywhere with real people because that money stayed on the ground.  Well, Nikki, you may have brought the snark, but Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have brought the goods.  They both have pictures of the perp, leaving Nikki to question why they’re all there in the first place.  Well, it’s a good question and I can’t snark her too much since Edgerton hasn’t informed me what I think of her yet.

It’s time for David and Colby to do some expositing, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern style.  From working in Tel Aviv, David describes the crime as “express kidnapping” which sort of sounds like an item on a menu at a fast food joint with a sick sense of humour.

People get kidnapped, drain their bank accounts, and then get returned.  It’s so quick that no one has time to spring into action.  This is also the fifth such kidnapping in 7 weeks and this is the first time somebody’s been killed.

Well then, these killers are certainly working on one heck on an exponential curve!  First Alice and now, Bryce, as Nikki and David are called to the scene where not only has he been killed, but also set on fire.  Wow, talk about overkill.

Title Flash.

IHOF:  The kidnappings aren’t adding up.  The killers have taken less than 20 grand, and killed one of their partners.  That leaves only 3 other baddies to identify so that’s a 25% reduction of assholes.  Plus, Bryce was involved with schemes worth far more money in the past, but is killed over an awesome getaway in a killer (no pun intended) suit?

All they can think is that someone from Bryce’s past must be involved and since it’s a whole bunch of boring background stuff – the stuff at which David excels, I may add – it’ll be Nikki’s job this week.  She’s not amused but she is the new guy and until Edgerton declares her cool, David and Colby can pick on her all they like.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Charlie’s watching the news about the killing, and trying to get Don to talk about the case.  Throughout the entire conversation, Don offers little more than the simple sentence or the occasional grunt and nod.  Geez, these two boys really don’t have anything to talk about other than work, do they?  Well, according to their women, and food but not sex.

Charlie offers his previously designed equations, but when Don suggests using decoys, low and behold, Charlie’s in his element!  We get this Charlie-vision all about how Don bought his numbers one sign he’s stressed when he checks it watch.  You know the watch!  The one Megan (oh Megan, I miss you) said that if he checked it again, she’d kill him?  Well, apparently, if Don had to look at two watches, priced at opposite ends of the scale, he’d pick the cheaper.  If he looked at three watches, and one was higher priced but had no extra tricks, he’d pick the original, more expensive one.

In other words, Don’s got to put some decoys (not 48 decoys, as he never said that number) out in the field that have the criminal’s equivalent of “TAKE ME!” pasted on their backs.

What’s got to hurt most is how Don bursts Charlie’s enthusiasm, by asking if Larry or Amita could work out the math necessary to create the perfect kidnapping conditions.

Charlie’s so desperate to keep his brother’s attention (oh, stop tempting me, TPTB!  You know how I feel about Charlie’s actions last season!), Charlie does what he specifically says he wouldn’t do – involve Don in the whole getting the credentials back thing.  Granted, Charlie’s only asking what the FBI officer, Carl McGowan, is like.  Don assures Charlie that McGowan is fair, so I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.  Right?

Don gets a call, sending him back to work.

IHOF:  Based on the assumption the baddies are working more than one woman at a time, Nikki’s found another victim, Janet Gerber.  Hey, that name sounds really familiar!  Where have I heard that before?

Janet not only fits the profile of what the baddies are looking for, but also, there’s film of her abduction.  Nikki, showing she’s all keen to the boss, (not like that – thank heavens) suggests a press conference to force the baddies into letting Janet go.  Don’s not so keen on it as they’d let Janet go all right, but probably into a ditch.

Oh, look at Nikki trying to impress the boss without trying to look like she’s impressing the boss.  I wonder if she may do something stupid later in the hopes of impressing Don.  It’s not like that’s ever happened before.

Gerber Apartment:  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are sent to talk to someone who knows the victim.  In all honesty, I have no idea what the relation is so I’m going to assume she’s Janet’s girlfriend.  This is the standard victim impact scene, where the woman’s worried about Janet’s safety, and thus the safety of everyone.  It’s a nice scene and all, with Colby promising to try and bring Janet home, but I’m distracted because I’ve seen this woman somewhere before.

IHOF:  Larry and Amita are working diligently (giving Larry time to justify his presence with an allegory that there is no such thing as wasted work).  You know what I would’ve wanted in a Don and Larry scene: just one teeny-tiny mention of Megan.  Just something to let me know she hasn’t fallen down a well.

Nikki continues to do David’s job – exposition.  This time, she’s found Spider, a program that keeps track of all the money in ATMs.  With three hits on Janet’s cards already, Nikki’s sent out Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to investigate and found some security footage of the victim.  So that leaves me with one question.  Does Nikki ever sleep?  Seriously, that woman does more in one night then most people do in a month!

R&Gmobile:  Suddenly, there’s a hit on one of Janet’s cards so David and Colby are off to investigate!  David’s driving like he knows this is the eppesode closest to Be Kind To David Day, so no matter how reckless he is, he can’t get hurt.  They arrive just in time to see one of the kidnappers and the chase is off!  Colby runs after him down an alleyway, and in order to escape, the criminal has to jump into a pit, to avoid being penned in my David in the car.

Super!Baddie nearly makes a clean getaway, until he’s run over by a truck.  Wow, I think I need to change this guy’s name.

On the other hand, now they’re down to only 2 baddies to find.  That’s a 40% reduction from the start of this eppesode (assuming there are 5 baddies here).

IHOF:  Well, we had the standard victim impact scene and now we’ve got the standard victim interview scene with a dash of Ivy Kirk thrown in.  In the first thing Nikki’s done to irritate me, she’s way too harsh on a previous victim, who was beaten, raped and kidnapped.  It’s not like the woman doesn’t want to catch these guys, Nikki!

The victim manages to identify one of the baddies, but not the other.  She may have spent 38 hours (justifying another grid number) with them but all she can remember is that the two guys that held her kept phoning another guy for instructions.  

Later, they all discuss the third guy, who they call Alpha Dog, saving me the bother of having to come up with a nickname. 

All they can figure is that nothing makes sense.  The gang keeps losing members, only to replace them with less competent ones.  Plus, the amounts, like $340, don’t make any sense and the guy they need to answer the “strange digit question” is waiting upstairs for his interview.

Thus Numb3rs fulfills one of the cardinal rules of television: that each show must have a certain percentage of Hollywood mainstay families.  In this case, it’s Carradine , but I would’ve killed for it to be David Carradine, just to make a bunch of grasshopper or Kill Bill jokes.  Now all they need is a Baldwin (excluding Adam as he’s not really related) or a Considine and they’ve covered their quota.

McGowan make Charlie wait as he finishes filling out some paperwork and then asks why Charlie hasn’t brought an attorney.  Nothing says open mind like genuine shock at the lack of an attorney – or implying that all the charges were dropped to avoid a blackening of the FBI.

The conversation quickly turns to Don and how Charlie’s killed his brother’s career.  McGowan even sneers about how he can’t put his personal opinion into this investigation in such a way that he makes it clear that’s exactly what he intends to do.  He wraps himself in a blanket of smugness, topped with a toque of self-righteousness leaving him warm and toasty in his own assholeliness. 

McGowan is so completely convinced that all Charlie wants to do is make money off his government clearance that he intends to make his life a living hell.  Well, he doesn’t say it like that, and even uses formal language like “behoove” but if TV has taught me anything, people who say “behoove,” are usually bad.  Charlie, at this point, has no option but to leave and get his attorney.

A self-righteous character, insistent on taking down the hero we all love, even if he can be egotistical and play fast and loose by the rules, seems too familiar.  Oh fucking hell save me now!  It’s another Tritter!

Open Field:  Janet Gerber is dead.  The baddies have two trucks, two original guys left and are up to two dead victims.  Well, at least I can think of another two who can stop them.

IHOF:  Oh, Larry and Amita, you’ll never be Charlie! Larry and Amita come up with “decoy math” to help them place the potential agent decoys.  Why I find this so hilarious is that the difference between the old Fedcakes and the new Fedcake is made abundantly clear just by their expressions.

Oh, Larry and Amita, you’ll never be Charlie!  They’ve taken everything into account but are unable to narrow the field down to a reasonable number of target areas.  At this point, they’ve got 43 places (not 48, as the grid says) but Larry just likes Wiltshire and Grand.

Nikki’s up and ready to volunteer to walk the corner of Wiltshire and Grand, since they need more decoys than they have women working in that office.  Even Nikki states the number they need as 43, so I’m still going to call that grid number as an error.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Charlie is ranting about Tritter (yes, his name is officially changed henceforth).  He compares it to the unsuccessful guy wanting to bring the successful man down a peg and has no intention of giving Charlie what he wants.  Wow, you think, Charlie?  You saw that storyline on House too?

Charlie makes a statement I’m sure was designed just to tempt me into ranting about Charlie’s motives last season.  “When I sent that research to Pakistan I was well aware of what it might do to my future.  I didn’t stop to think of what it would do to Don’s.” 

Okay, Charlie, technically what you said was correct.  You weren’t thinking about Don’s career.  Sure, you were thinking about the good of the world and academic freedom but there, in the back of that perfectly coiffed head of yours, you were also thinking about proving Don wrong.  So no, you did think about what it would do to Don, just not professionally.  I’m serious about us being at odds, no matter how adorkable you are, until you admit that.

IHOF:  Don stops to have a talk with Nikki about being a bit overzealous.  There’s proving oneself and then there’s throwing yourself in the line of fire and coming out dead.  He broaches the subject by telling the story of how he totally screwed up some operation when he was just out of Quantico.  Prior to screwing up, he was stuck on the phones.  After screwing up with the Ugly Bastards biker gang (yes, because everyone wants to proudly proclaim they’re an Ugly Bastard), he was right back on the phones.

Nikki counters with a story about how she nearly got raped and killed in a park doing drug busts, only to volunteer to go back to the same park when offered her pick of assignments.  Umm, I think this is supposed to be admirable but it comes across as way too cocky.  Nikki, this is an awful lot of liberty for someone to take when they’ve yet to have been declared cool by Edgerton.

This operation is huge as Don’s in a room filled with a bunch of tech analysts while the rest of his team is out on the street.  

The Street/IHOF:  Nikki’s all cool undercover while Colby is wishing she’s pull in the attitude a bit.  David laughs, reminding Colby of the whole “Wolf Tickets” incident where Colby tried to bully a Vietnamese biker gang.  Oh David, you know I hate to disagree with you but that’s just proving why Colby’s matured.  He’s learned from his mistakes.  He’s also learned that behaving in that cocky of a manner causes me to snark you for a better part of two seasons.  He’s learned.

Out of all the decoys they pick, of course Nikki is the one taken.  That’s not the surprising part.  Even David and Colby seem to be expecting it.  I actually love everyone’s reactions.  They trust Nikki can take care of herself and they all act very professionally.  Plus, if she runs into trouble, she’s got a distress word, “Mexico.”

“You gave her our distress word?!” 

Nikki tells them through electronic surveillance that there are 2 guys with her – two of the remaining three.  The two guys make a call to Alpha Dog, getting the money amounts.  Alpha Dog calls Nikki’s (who is going by the name Lisa) husband, aka, Don, saying the standard call the cops and she’s dead spiel.  Demanding 5000 in each bank account, Alpha Dog doesn’t realize who he’s dealing with.

What happens next is really just a montage of Nikki playing the victim, even though there’s a little dialogue here and there.  She takes out $460, while Colby and David (who is still out of danger this week, so yay!) watch.

Cal Sci:  In Charlie’s office, Amita and Larry are really supporting Charlie because they’ve stayed up late with him working on some math/physics problems.  Aww, isn’t that sweet that everyone’s trying to keep him entertained.  Luckily, there’s more than just math here for entertainment.  We also have Larry’s cell phone.  Yes, I just say Larry’s cell phone.

It’s got a very ethereal monk-like ring tone which makes me wonder if that’s his only ring tone or if “Light My Fire” plays when Megan calls or “The Song That Never Ends” or something equally as annoying/addictive plays when Charlie’s calling to continue moaning about his lack of clearance.  I don’t know if Larry could even figure out a cell phone enough to make that work, but it would be awesome.

The Fedcakes need Larry (and Amita’s help) leaving Charlie standing there all alone.  Charlie’s the one used to having to rush off at a moment’s notice when called by Don.  Now all he can do is stand and watch.

The Street/ IHOF:  Nikki spots the laptop and Spider, and I’m rather impressed with how she’s dealing with her situation.  Then she does something remarkably second season Colby-esque.  She makes up a lie that she has 15 thousand in a safety deposit box that she can get at first thing in the morning.

This leaves the rest of the Fedcakes confused.

In the tech room, there’s no usual tech guy.  That makes me a little sad as we haven’t seen him for a whole year!

Larry’s figured out why the crooks are taking odd amounts but none of his exclamations which include “tapping off the gold leaf” make any sense to me.  There’s something about a magnetic strip and WTF?  This is when my English degree is for naught.  I’m sure these are all great allusions; I just don’t understand any of them.  Thank TPTB that Don is as confused as I am, giving Amita the opportunity to put it all in non-mathematical terms. 

The idea is to get into Spider to find a way to schedule armoured car deliveries.  While the paltry amounts they’re taking now don’t add up to much – a couple of bank jobs would definitely move them up the criminal ladder.

Now all Larry and Amita have to do is find a way to track Alpha Dog.  Of course, they’re the best people for the job because, just like every top secret assignment, ever, Cal Sci had a hand in Spider.

Back in the street, Nikki’s done with her ATM duties, so the two baddies pull over to have their fun with her.  Fun, a word which here means, whatever Nikki does to them after this – they deserve it.  

While the rest of the team is waiting to hear the distress word, what they get instead are a couple of shots, and Nikki falling out of the van, pointing the gun from her ankle holster. 

The takedown is quick and simple, leaving me to wonder about the Alpha Dog and how Nikki seemed unable to say the codeword.

IHOF:  Don is equally as unhappy Nikki didn’t do her Hubris assignment as I am.  The difference is, I just snark while Don introduces her to another side of him.

She’ll be on the phones for the next while.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Charlie’s looking for any excuse to head to the IHOF, and finding out Amita’s there (when he has her lesson plans) is good enough.

That leaves Larry and Alan to ponder the boredom of Charlie and existential nature of his struggle against Tritter the government.

IHOF:  SQUEE!  I’m sorry, I guess I should translate.  Don just mentioned Robin.  Of course, this was in a professional capacity to fry Alpha Dog and his pack, but just the mere mention or Robin made me happy. 

Don, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern go through the case thus far, unable to figure out Alpha Dog’s endgame.  

In the tech room, Amita assures them that Spider’s cut off all serious access to the program and all Alpha Dog can do is watch.  This is more than enough for what he’s planning; the Math Avenger swoops in and assures them.  (I don’t want to use his real name in case someone overhears.)  He explains that it’s a shopping list for robbing armoured cars and, low and behold the Math Avenger can leap NSA clearances in a single bound because Spider isn’t a government program. 

Don’s afraid the Math Avenger’s alter ego will be discovered but the Math Avenger scoffs at Tritter-style storylines and insists the rules don’t apply in this case because people are in danger!

Don, hypnotized by the Math Avenger’s intensity, lets him help.  With his intuitive knowledge of mathematical principles, the Math Avenger realizes Alpha Dog is running his own scheduling algorithm, and that’s as distinctive as a signature, allowing the Fedcakes to predict what will happen next.

What Happens Next:  On a city street at the next scheduled armoured car delivery, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern dress up as security guards.  I’m worried that they’re putting David in danger, clearly defying the rules of Be Kind to David Day but my fears are all for naught.  There are 1234094 (actual number) of other Feds there to protect him and capture Alpha Dog.

IHOF:  Nikki has finally done her Hubris assignment and is now reading up on how to work the phones and missing all the action.  She wonders how long she’ll be in trouble which leads to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern coming up with an equation of their own.

In all honesty, that’s not much of a break.  With that, they invite the new girl out for a drink so she can spend some of that 10 or 11 weeks with a hangover.  It’s their gift to the newbie.  

Tritter’s Office:  Don’s gone up to try and talk some sense into Tritter and cover for Charlie.  Oh Don, that didn’t work for Wilson either, so please learn from other fictional character’s mistakes. 

Well, Tritter’s still an asshole, so I’m really pleased that he earns this week’s NPAL™.  When Don suggests that Charlie’s work is vital, Tritter responds, “A lot of people can do.  Not as well, maybe, but maybe more reliably.”  

Huh?  Let’s dissect that statement, shall we?  Sure, Charlie has had his freak outs, a couple of times but he’s always come through in the end.  How has he been anything but reliable?  I think he meant to say loose cannon, but for a man who can correctly use the word behoove, it would behoove him to understand the concept of connotation.

Don totally veers into wrong-tactic-ville by implying that Tritter doesn’t know what he’s doing because he’s not been in the field for a long time.  Don, nothing annoys a pencil-pusher more than reminding them they’re a pencil-pusher.

Using this as an opening to dig at Don, Tritter reveals he’s been looking at our head Fedcake for quite a while, because he has info on questionable tactics, and blames him for Megan’s leaving.   Somehow, he even knows about the Math Avenger’s true identity (WHO TOLD?!) and about last week when Charlie helped save Don’s life!

Don tries to defend himself with his clearance numbers, but he had the ultimate reason for last week and he doesn’t use it!

Don’s all about Tritter coming after him and the bureaucrat will so lose any measuring contest.  

The only truthful thin in this scene is when Tritter admits that nothing’s ever just about one thing.  For instance, Charlie’s behaviour at the end of last season was all about justice, intellectual freedom, and proving to Don he was right.  See, that’s three things!

La Maison d’Eppes:  Speaking of Charlie, he’s in bed, sulking.  In order to keep hi brain occupied, he suggests writing.  Hell no!  We had enough of the one book, thank you very much.

I guess Amita agrees with me and this scene proves what was implied in the awkward conversation last week.

Charlie compares how he feels to a sick day from school, like he’s missing everything.  Showing what a good balance she is, Amita reminds him of the value of sick days: game shows, soap operas, chicken soup and a chance to see things differently.

MAJOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ALERT!  Charlie realizes now that his work with the FBi wasn’t keeping him from great things, no matter what irritating people like Penfield imply.   While he doesn’t say that it is his grand destiny, he realizes he misses it.  That’s about as far as Charlie’s willing to come at this point because if he ever admits it aloud, then he’ll truly comprehend what’s at stake without his clearance.

Which would only give Tritter more ammo.  

Both Amita and Charlie agree that he’ll get his clearance back, but for the first time, all those assurances sound hollow.  So not only is this the eppesode closest to my birthday Be Kind To David Day, leave me horribly depressed but also, leaves Charmita in the same state.  

And I have nothing funny to say here.

Recapper's Note:  This recap could not be possible without Sprocket - my mini-ninja, who was kind enough to let Ninja 1 make all the base screencaps for me during yet another computer kablooey (technical term).