Survivor: This Camp Is Cursed (Episode 1705)

Previously on Survivor: Kota rules! Fang drools! Oh, and according to Jeff Probst, Fang "voted as if they had a death wish" by eliminating a strong player instead of a weaker one. Maybe. But they also broke up a potential ex-Kota alliance of Ace, Sugar and Jacquie, so it's not necessarily a bone-headed move. No, they saved that for tonight.

After Tribal Council, Ace reminds his little piggy tribemates that Sugar will be returning to camp and won't have eaten for "three days." Ken kind of shrugs that off, like, "Who cares? Gimme more rice, num num num…" Ace is looking forward to Sugar's return, but Crystal targets her right away for elimination. Remember that.

The next morning, over on the sunny side of the street at Kota, they're having a feast of tilapia and some kind of weird electric fish that shocks a bunch of tribe members who apparently don't believe the last person who said, "Ooh, it shocked me!" They've got fish, they've got corn, beans, and rice -- they're sitting pretty, provisions-wise. Randy knows he's got it good and vows to adapt (and keep performing at challenges) so he'll be less of an outsider.

While the Kota tribe chows down, the remaining members of Fang decide it's a good idea to get really close to an elephant that can take down an entire tree with its tusks and a swipe of its paw. It's Darwinism at work, y'all! The two remaining physically adept guys -- Ace and Matty -- take the canoe out into the lagoon to get even closer to the elephant, who just wants to eat his goddamn tree in goddamn peace, goddamnit. They're lucky he doesn't tip them over and have them for a mid-day snack. Instead, he trumpets at them loudly and they back off a little. Matty's awed by the experience and says, "It makes you appreciate Gabon." Okay, that's nice. Too often, players are too hungry, too tired, too overwhelmed to appreciate their locales, so it's good to see Matty acknowledge that moment of wide-eyed amazement.

As the tribes gather for the Reward Challenge, Kota gets its first look at the Jacquieless Fang and groans audibly. Yup, Charlie, the Onions just lost a layer. Has there ever been a fruit-throwing challenge on the show before? For this challenge, each tribe must throw fruit through two net walls to another player from the same tribe, while a member from the opposing tribe tries to keep the fruit from going through the net. They'll play for five minutes, and at the end of that time, whoever's collected the most fruit in their basket wins. It doesn't count if it's not caught from the air; in other words, they can't pick up fruit from the ground and put it in their baskets. It's harder than it sounds, with lots of diving and fruit-juice baths for the players batting away the throws. Matty and Ken get into a decent rhythm throwing for Fang (or maybe Bob's just not a great defender), while Kota struggles against Ace's defense until Randy figures out that if Dan throws two pieces of fruit at once, Ace can only hit one of them. That's smart! Wish I liked you more, Randy! Ace blocks a pineapple with his nose and rolls around groaning for awhile. Matty and Kenny get one last-second pineapple to go in, but it's not enough: Kota's two-at-a-time play gains them two extra pounds of fruit and they win!

What did they win? An herb garden. An HERB GARDEN? Are you shitting me? Unless one of those herbs starts with "mari" and ends with "juana," why bother? As you might imagine, the reward earns a lukewarm response -- having been prepped by Jeff to think "FOOD FOOD FOOD," I think the appearance of raw dill and rosemary is a bit disappointing. Where's the beer? Where's the pizza? Where's the product-placed soda? The win, though, fills Kota with glee -- there's much hugging and romping, particularly between Charlie and Marcus, with Marcus grabbing Charlie's face and smushing it with delight. Awww! Has any straight-gay couple ever been cuter? Even the producers think so -- they repeat the moment in slow-mo to take us to commercial.

Oh, and Kota sends Sugar back to "The Sugar Shack" on Exile Island. Why her? Dan slimes, "No strategy; purely comedy," which earns him a "WTF?" look from Susie. Sugar takes her repeated banishment with good grace and happily scarfs down fruit, hangs out in her hammock, and gets nice and clean in her own personal lake. The downside is that she's away from camp life…of course, that's also the upside.

Day 15 finds Kota basking in the glow of accomplishment, teamwork, and, I guess, a bellyful of electric fish. "The rich are getting richer here at Kota," Charlie says. They got to bring home all that fruit, so they're sitting even prettier than before, food-wise. Food=Strength=Wins=High Morale=Tribelove. Dan gets aggressive, saying, "We now have the evil empire," and suggesting they make a seven-person alliance then and there to stick together after the merge. Judging by the look on Susie's face, she thinks Dan's kind of a dick, and Marcus sees both that and the fact that Dan's trying so hard that nobody believes him. Marcus is not at all sure he trusts Dan to have his back. But Dan's got to try it -- it's his best play, right? You've got to run it up a flagpole, see if anyone salutes, and the best time to do that is when everybody's fat and happy and rolling around in how awesome they are. But he's looking at Bob, Corinne, Marcus, and Charlie, who have no reason to roll for somebody from Fang, and Susie who's from his old tribe but apparently can't stand him, and Randy, who ran so fast from Fang he left rubber on the road, and, well, that's a lonely place to be. You might try dialing down the sarcasm and speechifiying and start doing a little more work around camp, Danny boy.

Oh, the contrast at Fang, where the rice is running out, along with people's tenuous holds on their tempers. GC's pulling that "you ain't the boss of me, you can't tell me what to do" shit with Crystal now. Crystal, for Christ's sake, who looks like she could bitchslap you into next week with a flick of her fingers. Ace watches from a distance and says, "They're cracking at the seams. It's hilarious." I'm actually pleased to see GC interview, "This game…I feel like it's changing me and it's not for the better." I'm relieved to hear that, GC, because what we've seen of you hasn't had a lot to recommend it. I'm glad there's more there somewhere and we're just not seeing it. Crystal's had it with GC, especially when he almost misses the Immunity Challenge because he went off sulking alone in the canoe. "I'm fed up with temper tantrums. From a grown man!" she says. Matty just shakes his head: "It's a bunch of insanity." Poor Matty, stuck on this sucky tribe while all the cool kids are over at Kota.

The Immunity Challenge brings the tribes back to the cliff they climbed the first day -- or one that looks exactly like it. The producers built Jeff a little bridge so he can get an eagle's eye view of the challenge -- there's money that could have fed a Gabonian village for a year. A player from each tribe stands at the top of the hill and throws a big woven ball down the cliff, then a blind-folded player tries to block the other tribe's ball from getting into a series of nets with varying point values. The tribe with the most points at the end of five rounds wins. A "caller" will guide the blind-folded person in the right direction. At least that's the idea. Dan's defending for Kota while Randy guides him; Ace defends for Fang, with his sweet little Sugar calling for him. The throwers don't play much of a role -- really, there's not much skill in throwing a ball down a hill, so the challenge comes down to defense and calling. Both teams get balls in during the first round, with Fang leading 5 - 2. The second round, Dan stops the Fang ball, but Ace lets the Kota one go, so Kota catches up and it's 5-4 in favor of Fang. In the third round, Dan accidentally stops his own tribe's ball. Whoops! 7-4 Fang. Things start to fall apart for Fang a little in the fourth round, when Ace stops his face with his own shield while the Kota ball goes in the 2-point net and Dan catches the Fang ball. So it's 7-6 going into the final round. Ace is ticked at Sugar's less-than-accurate guiding, so he's apparently open to new suggestions when Randy, the caller for the opposite team, yells at him to "Freeze!" Ace freezes, the Kota ball sails by him, and Kota wins. *facepalm* Fang's headed back to Tribal Council, for the fourth time in five tries.

Fang's pretty demoralized after the Challenge. They're starving, they're not getting along, and they suck donkey ass in challenges. Could Ace not tell the difference between bleating Randy and the dulcet tones of sweet, sweet Sugar? What the hell? GC flat-out tells Matty, "I'm ready to leave the game." Matty tells Crystal, who hand-waves her "whatever" reaction to him. Crystal tells Ken. Ken tells Kelly, and it looks like a done deal. Ace and Sugar go off to chat and confirm that Ace hasn't told anyone she has the idol, but while they're gone, Crystal goes through her bag and finds it. Okay. Here we go again. Sugar says at Tribal Council later that people are allowed to search other people's belongings. If that's the rule, then fine, it's fair play. (God, I can't even type "fair play" without shuddering -- Jon Dalton, what did you do to me?). I still don't like it. Crystal tells Ken and Kelly, "Tonight's the only night to blindside her." Yup. Sure is. All this talk about GC quitting, Sugar's not going to play that idol. But when they bring it up to Matty, he says, "We gotta vote G." Um, why? Because he asked you to? This guy who hasn't done anything asked of him since the minute he arrived? Why do him the favor of letting him quit when you could break up an alliance of ex-Kota people and knock the stuffing out of Ace all in one fell swoop? Think it through, Matty!

At Tribal Council, GC talks about how difficult his life has been and says, "I'm kinda done suffering." I can't figure out what he thought was going to happen. Had he never seen the show? Did he really not know? Sugar gets all commiseratory and teary, saying the game is harder on their psyches than their bodies. Matty tries, "There's no quitting. You can't give yourself that option," but apparently, GC can. Sugar totally knows they went through her bag, but you can also tell by her body language that she's not particularly worried that they know she has the idol. So…wouldn't this be a great time to get her out? Am I missing something? I'm the first to admit that all the strategic permutations of the idol and its use or misuse or disuse tend to go flying over my head, so feel free to explain to me why I'm wrong to a Fangian degree over this, but why vote GC out just because he says so, when Sugar's sitting over there with a tight alliance and an immunity idol that you can be pretty darn sure she's not going to play? Whatever, Fang. Aside from Matty, you suck, and even Matty's not winning any points with me tonight.

GC votes for Kelly, the rest of the tribe gives GC what he wants, and all I learned from that distasteful episode is that Matty's wielding some power in Fang, and why not? He's the best thing they've got going for them.