Family Guy - "Road to Germany" (Episode 703)

All of the previews for this week's episode show Mort Goldman, the Jewish pharmacist, Brian and Stewie transported back to Poland during the Nazi invasion. You can be sure Seth and the gang will address the atrocities of WWII with the standards of good taste we've come to expect from "Family Guy." Anywhoo...the Griffins are hosting an Oscar party (Steve Buscemi is a presenter and Peter notes that each one of his teeth is "in business for itself." In fact, during the presentation of the award, one of his teeth defects to attend the Elton John party; much to the dismay of the tooth who wanted to go to the Governor's Ball.) Mort asked to use the bathroom because he took a laxative and a stool hardener at the same time and they were "fighting it out." He knocks on the bathroom door, but it's occupied by Meg. Mort insists he really has to go and Quagmire (holding a video camera) pops out of the shower and says that she'll be out in a minute (ewww...so creepy!) Mort goes into Stewie's room and finds what he thinks is a port-a-pottie - but it's definitely not and Mort disappears.

Brian goes in search of Mort and looks in Stewie's room. Stewie comes in quickly behind and notices that his time machine had been activated. Stewie built the time machine after he bacame bored with his Eurpoean "See and Say" ("The cow goes 'sharrooo.' The rooster goes 'ki-ki-ri-dee'!") Brian thinks Mort may have accidentally stumbled into the machine and Stewie suggests asking Rick Moranis and the back-up singers from "Little Shop of Horrors" who, in song, said that Mort had gone back in time (ok, that was pretty funny.) Brian asked what year Mort had been sent to and Stewie said he didn't know. They couldn't just bring him back because he needed a return pad, which was still in Stewie's room. Brian says they have to go and get Mort and Stewie reluctantly agrees, telling Brian not to touch anything in the past - actually, he was just kidding - apparently, you can do anything in the past, future consequence-free. They get in the machine and end up in a meadow, unsure of where they are ("or when they are", which Stewie tells Brian is a "douchey, time traveler thing to say.") A cow says "sharroo" and Stewie deduces that they were in Europe. They found a trail of used tissues that would lead them to Mort (or Quagmire, ba-dump-dump.) They come to a town square and discover that they are in Warsaw, Poland (the dead giveaway was the Hebrew Temple of Warsaw, "Bring a sweater, it's chilly inside.") Stewie and Brian entered and interrupted a wedding ceremony asking if there was a man named Goldman in the temple. A bunch of hands went up. When asked if there was a Mort Goldman in the room, some hands came down. Stewie described him as a small businessman who whined a lot and more hands went up. They obviously weren't getting anywhere. Brian found a program for the wedding - the date was September 1, 1939 and Brian thought there was something familiar about that date. They found Mort, who thought he was in heaven because all of his deceased family members were there. He begged Brian to stick around a little longer so he could enjoy his grandfather's wedding and Brian agreed. They all danced at the reception while, at the German Army headquarters, the go-ahead was given for the invasion of Poland.

The Nazi troops were marching through the streets of Warsaw and Brian told Stewie they needed to get back to the present right away. They stood on the return pad and tried to make their getaway, but the pad didn't work. Brian says they have to get Mort to England, where he'll be safe from the Nazis. The trio is found - and shot at - by some German soldiers and make a hasty retreat. They make it to the checkpoint and attempt to pass Mort off as a Catholic priest to get out of occupied Poland. They are stopped by a German soldier who asks "Father Mort" to perform last rites on one of his comrades. Mort stumbles through the ceremony and is screwed when the real priest shows up. Brian and the boys hop aboard a motorcycle and try once again to escape, with the Nazis following close behind. Brian hits a bump and Stewie tumbles out of the sidecar. He finds a man with an apple cart and uses the wheeled bottom of the cart as a makeshift skateboard and is almost run over by the Nazis (while the "Back to the Future" music plays in the background.) Stewie causes the nazis to crash into a truck hauling loads of manure and...well...you know the rest. Our heroes get to the harbor and find nothing but more Nazis. They sneak on board a submarine and manage to commandeer it. Brian mans the radar and says they're being pursued by two objects; one is another U-boat and the other is Terrence Trent D'Arby (the radar dot sounds just like the chorus of "Wishing Well." Gee, they're really saluting the 80s tonight, aren't they?) The Nazis shoot torpedos, which strike the sub. Stewie tells Brian to stuff a newspaper in the sub's waste tube. The paper makes a beeline for the windshield of the evil nazi-piloted sub and it crashes into the sea floor (followed by a huge pile-up of police cars.) The trio arrive in London, which has already been the victim of excessive bombings. Stewie finally figures out why his return pad isn't working. It's powered with uranium and he's out of it. The only place they are going to be able to find more uranium is at the top secret atomic research facility - in Berlin.

Mort is reluctant to go to Germany but Brian says they have to in order to get back home. Stewie manages to enlist in the Royal Air Force because he "has a British accent, I'm possibly homosexual, I never brush my teeth and and my wife is ghastly!" They take flight and soon after taking off, encounter German troops and the dogfight ensues. They manage to ward off one set of fighters, but a second is on the way and they have no backup. Fortunately Prince Vultan from "Flash Gordon" and his winged troops are there to help (another awesome 80s reference!) Brian is hit and the plane is going down. All Brian can find is a life raft, so the three fall to earth in the raft and careen down a snowy mountain and a perlious waterfall, ending up in Berlin. Stewie finds the uranium lab and tricks three German soldiers out of their uniforms by offering them caricatures. Stewie noticed something on his nazi uniform - a McCain/Palin button. Ouch! As they made their way into the lab, Stewie drew a Hitler mustache and hair on him with a Sharpie. Stewie asked the scientists how they were doing with their work on the bomb and one scientist said things weren't going so well, but he had made an impressive display of 100 luftballoons (and then one popped - any Nena fans in the house?) Stewie asked to borrow some uranium and they had Mean Joe Green throw him some. As the boys headed out, Stewie encountered the real Hitler, and they did the old "mirror routine" that everyone who has ever seen "I Love Lucy" has seen before. Hilter arrests them and says he'll let them go only if they sing a "charming musical number." Brian and Stewie are more than happy to oblige, but Mort yells at them to get on the return pad. They return home and Brian asks Stewie if he's worried that Mort knows about the time machine. Stewie says he arranged for them to come back 30 seconds before Mort came upstairs to use the bathroom. Right before he burst into Stewie's room, Stewie destroyed the machine and when Mort asked if he could use the restroom, Brian and Stewie both yelled "No!" Mort replied, "Too late!" Well, that wasn't as cringe-inducing as I thought it would be....