America's Next Top Model: Lesbian Bath Moment In Amsterdam

Sheena on America's Next Top ModelPreviously - Song of the South Joslyn got booted. After yakking up in a trash barrel. Elina and Marjorie formed a cool kids/victims club around being European. Sheena told them what's what. Oh, and the girls are off to Amsterdam for some kind bud. Stony, man.

The girls run home chanting "AMSTERDAM!", hopefully before Joslyn's left. McKey is sick of the middle and wants to be on top. She's really taken the ANTM theme song to heart. Samantha's really excited about hash brownies. "We're going to Holland, see ya later, California!" Like Cali is some sort of dust bowl of misery. Please, it's the land of dreams. A dream called Pink's hot dogs and that guy in the horrible Spider-Man costume on Sunset Blvd. that charges for photos.

We get the awesome fake graphic of model heads on a plane. Sheena has learned to be more modelesque than sexy. Basically someone told her that Louis Vuitton wouldn't want her advertising their handbags by having them hanging out of her uterus.

Daphne Deckers is here. She's speaking...Dutch? Am I right? Hollish? Dutch? Dude, I'd look it up but the only reason I would ever want to go is to see Anne Frank's attic and they've probably already turned that into a theme park. I don't really smoke the devil weed (much) so sitting around being paranoid in a weed bar doesn't appeal to me. I do kinda wanna try a cookie, though. I didn't say that, Socialite Life is a family site.

Anyway, this long tall Deckers chick is here to greet them and she sorta reminds me of Joanna Lumley. I hope she used to be a man but it fell off like Patsy Stone's. She has an interesting accent - it's like Dutch/Connecticutt and fairie. Girls partner up to try and find their house and Samantha and Elina are stuck as partners and those hoes don't normally mix because Elina is kind of elitist and Samantha has the brain capacity (and personality) of a 12-year-old boy.

Annaleigh and Marjorie forget they need Euros. Sound of screeching brakes. Isn't this bitch always going on about her Europeanness! I knew it was an act. FAIL. I don't blame Annaleigh, she's just discovering some bi tendnecies and Marjorie happened to be there, all shy and clutzy and "sure, I guess it would be ok if we bathed together, sometimes in France I bathed with another woman despite my neuroses."

Girls run like crazies around the train station. Elina says it's the most fun thing she's every done. Really? She ran barefoot around a train station.Sheena tells us that she though Amsterdam was going to be "grimy and dirty and like weed and sex and alcohol." Uh, sign me up?

Samantha is floored by Amsterdam's canals. She is "floored" by all the "frickin' water" everywhere. Do people often move away after a mere moment of conversation with her? I would. Sam and Elina and McKey and Sheena arrive at their location at the same time. And Elina can't run because she wore flip-flops to a modeling competition. I know, I know - she should have worn like...giant heels. Anyway, tomboy Samantha is pissed because Elina can't catch up.

Cars are slow in Amsterdam. Sam and Elina win 50 extra frames in their next photoshoot.  What happened to Sheena and McKey? Their home is kinda dope and....made of wood. Samantha says she bonded with Elina. There's pictures of Whitney everywhere. Someone should apologize to someone. How will they sleep? Tyra Mail shows up in a Dutch show.

So, Annaleigh, Marjorie and Elina have what Samantha calls "a lesbian bath moment" which should totally be a new product. For when your husband isn't satisfying your need to get clean. Sheena, McKey and Samantha want to sleep but there's three dirty dykes up in the tub. Who are shaving themselves. Elina acknowledges that she comes off as "a miserable bitch." She saved me a couple of sentences.

I have to say the new commercial for Gossip Girl about Chuck Bass sorta/kinda makes me want to tag that ass. He's probably 17 and the FBI is now watching me.  Elina feels like she's home, and everyone else is annoyed. McKey hates Elina comparing it to the Ukraine. McKey isn't into homelands. She's into kickboxing.

Sheena is sorta into the fact that they're in the Red Light District. Elina's all for it. Sheena should just turn up the hooch and grind in a window. Ms. Jay is here with some scaley looking designer. There's some movement to turn some of the whorehouses in the district into fashion design houses. Ugh, why? Whose idea was that? Get a fashion district like everyone else!

Annaleigh did her hair in those Swiss Miss knot thing, trying to blend in. The girls have to spit into pairs again to model clothes in windows of whorehouses. LOVE IT. Someone throw money! Samantha finds the fact that Amsterdam lets women sell themselves in windows degrading to her. Well, sweetie, I can sorta see where you're coming from. But before you judge, talk to one and find out her story. Do they have a union and healthcare and stuff? If it's legal, is it organized?

Annaleigh feels that it's controversial. Well, yeah, someone might think you're on the stroll. Or well, in the window, so to speak. Annaleigh and Elina's designer's gowns are to be used to ride mopeds? Hash brownies for all. Annaleigh gets caught in her window dressing. No ones gonna want to buy you!

Ohmygod, Marjorie looks like one of the feral children Mel Gibson dealt with in Mad Max 14 or whatever. It's like Siouxsie Sioux playing at the arena in Doomsday. Mariette Hoitink is the head of Red Light Fashion Amsterdam and she's post-op and I love her. Her name at one point was Sigmund and Sigmund had enough and wanted to get rid of his Hoitink so to speak.

It turns out that the winners will walk in International Fashion Week. Big prize. Sheena's told she's a whore by Ms. Jay. Who is wearing pantyhose by the way and a miniskirt. Just transition already. Oh what do I care, stay in the middle. It probably gives you way more clothing choices. McKey and Sam win.

Elina immediately starts giving Samantha shit for thinking prostitution is degrading. Elina says it doesn't have to be respected and then starts yelling. I thought these two dolts bonded? Here's Whitney trying to shop, and unable to afford clothes. Because she has no job. Sorry, still not a model.

Elina feels sick and irritated after she argued with Sam. The girls drive to windmills and then a boat. Where's Mr. Jay with his finger in a dyke? He IS wearing a sailor shirt. Or at least the girl's version. Girls get made up and styled. They make McKey look like....Shields and Yarnell got spliced together. DAMN.

I think Sheena's going home. She starts straddling things. Mr. Jay feels she always finds the most lewd pose to do. Elina starts not listening to Mr. Jay. She's more like, shut it, fag. McKey gets salty and starts telling people that Elina is one of the ugliest people from the inside out she has ever met. Ouch? Has Elina been cutting the homeless? Annaleigh is wrestling with her figure-skating? She's a skater? Like the chick with the lead pipe?

Judging is upon us. Sheena's like I will never give up. Elina tells Sheena that she had a dream in which they were both crying. Sheena barely looks up and you know she's like - I'll make you cry, bitch. Ooh, I like the boat set for the Amsterdam judges panel. Tyra says that Amsterdam is becoming one of the fashion capitals of the world but she says that for every country they go to. She'll be saying it about Antarctica next.

Tyra has curled her hair by the way. It seems to have made her more lively. McKey is dressed like a Reinassance Faire swordswoman. Paulina's talking about scurvy and rickets. I love her. We find out that Annaleigh can grab a rope better than Sheena. People talk about McKey's chainmail dress. And she nails her photo. Mr. Jay gives Samantha his pants because her outfit is so bad.  Please don't do that ever again.

Kartar-something Polish is KICKING ASS in the real world. Take a note, Whitney.  That Deckers bitch is tough on these girls. Nigel admits he doesn't like Elina. Wow, you and McKey both. It;s time. And it's down to Elina and Sheena. Bye, Sheena. Bye Bye, hoochie. We are going to miss your positive attitude. Seriously, and your truth-telling ability. I know this is way beyond....but Lauren Brie got robbed. Tyra eyes Sheena as she leaves like "damn, her booty look bad in those pants."

Next - Tyra photographs, Elina loses a shoes, and the people of Amsterdam are no assistance to Marjorie.