Smallville: Identity (Episode 807)

You know, sometimes it drives me crazy to be reminded (all too seldomly) how good Smallville can be.  More episodes like this one, please!

Night in the city.  Lois and Jimmy stroll the sidewalks, Jimmy trying to convince Lois that his theory about a stealth crime fighter in Metropolis isn't wack.  The only such hero Lois knows of is more into green leather and, uh, pointed demonstrations, and anyway, lately that person seems to have "hung up his bow."  Jimmy thinks Clark will see it differently, and he plans to ask Clark to write the story, since Lois is being all Doubty McPartypooper.  Good luck with that, Jimbo.

Just then, a mugger darts out of an alley and clobbers Jimmy to the ground, then turns to Lois, who of course fights back, Army brat style.  She shouts at Jimmy to get a shot of the guy's face.  Clark arrives in time to see Lois's struggle with the thug about to send her in front of a moving car, so he flits through the scene to knock the thug aside and Lois to safety.  Unfortunately for him, Jimmy's camera flashes at precisely that moment.

You're on Candid Camera!

At the Planet the next day, Clark nervously answers Jimmy's urgent summons.  Jimmy shows him the photograph from last night, which shows a red-and-blue blur streaking into the path of the car to push Lois out of the way.  Clark argues that people can't move that fast, so it must be a trick of the camera.  Jimmy is undeterred, considering lightning-fast movement isn't exactly the weirdest thing they've seen.  What's more, he's already gotten Tess's approval to move forward, and she's agreed to let Clark write the story so he and Jimmy can start to edge out from Lois's shadow.  Clark is all, "Presumptuous much?" and isn't keen on attaching himself to a fairy tale, but Jimmy asks him to consider it.

Down in the bullpen, Lois is on the phone barking at some unfortunate deputy DA's assistant or the like, enraged that her mugger is out on bail already.  The poor peon finally hangs up on her, but Lois doesn't have time to dwell on her mood before Kyle Schmid saunters in and flashes his dimples at her.  Rowr.  Kyle identifies himself as Sebastian Kane, a new city reporter, and as they shake hands, we see Sebastian flash into Lois's mind and see her memory of the phone call she just had.  Lois welcomes him to Metropolis, AKA Crime Central, but Sebastian has seen worse.

Lois: "Where, the gates of hell?"
Sebastian: "Iraq."
Lois: "Well, don't I feel like the fuckin' asshole."

Turns out Sebastian was an embedded journalist over there, and Lois attempts to sympathize by invoking her Army brat upbringing.  Really, Lois?  'Cause I'm sure that, while the General was less than fatherly, Sebastian might have you beat in a game of Who's Seen The Most Horrific Shit?  Sebastian diplomatically refrains from pointing out the insensitivity of this comparison.  Lois offers to share the finer points of the Metropolis Survival Guide, and Sebastian invites her to dinner that night.

At Luthor mansion, Tess stands in her office, apparently composing herself after something distressful.  Sebastian appears behind her and places a hand on her shoulder, seeing that she's just been crying about something.  I love the slow burn they're giving us on her.  Tess whips around and orders Sebastian never to touch her again.  She wants to know if Lois has the crystal, but Sebastian says it takes more than a handshake to find out.  He's going to dinner with Lois tonight, but he doesn't like the idea of being Tess's "personal peeping tom," especially against a "good person" like Lois.  Tess reminds Sebastian that she's the one who freed him from Black Creek, and that considering his rap sheet of stalking and killing women, he's lucky to be out of there.  Sebastian protests that his crimes occurred before he could control his powers.  Uh.  Maybe the memory-suck thing could lead to accidental death if it went awry, but I betcha the stalking part was good old-fashioned premeditation, buddy.  Anyway, Tess promises Sebastian that he can have his fresh start, but only after he finds her the crystal.

Clark arrives at ISIS in a panic, hoping Chloe has deleted Jimmy's photo.  Never mind when she would have had an opportunity to do that, much less that Jimmy has already printed it.  Either way, Chloe isn't in a hurry to hush up the story -- she thinks it might not be a bad thing for people to know there's someone out there saving lives.  Clark argues that exposure threatens not only himself, but everyone who knows him.  Chloe, however, sticks to her guns: the photo reveals nothing about Clark, and it provides him with something that's worked great for Oliver: an alias.  Not to mention the public gets a bona fide hero.  Win win win.

Ever the sore loser, though, Clark tries another tack: he visits Tess at the Planet to tell her he's not interested.  Curious, Tess wonders what he would be interested in, if not a potential front page story.  Clark argues that it's impossible to tell who or what is in that photo.  Tess smiles slyly, admitting that it's just a tease for now -- but when Jimmy comes through with the research he's been building, they'll have a face and a name.  How about Superchicken?

His persuasive options exhausted, Clark opts for ye olde search-and-destroy-evidence method.  He blows into the Talon apartment and starts rifling through Jimmy's things, but Lois is unexpectedly home.  She appears from the bathroom in a slinky red dress, and Clark stammers that he's just picking up a bag that Jimmy forgot.  Lois turns and asks him to zip her up, and he stares at the back of her bra before clumsily complying.  It's a little farfetched for Clark to continue to be so adorkably shy about these things, but I don't care.  See above re: adorkable.  He wants to know who she's going out with, and when she tells him about the new reporter, Clark is cutely concerned about her choice of wardrobe for someone she just met.  A knock at the door announces Sebastian's arrival, but Lois shoves Clark out the door before he can accept Sebastian's offer to shake hands.  Who knew rudeness could save the day, eh?

That night at the farm, we have the most hilarious scene ever: Clark going through his laundry and getting rid of all red and blue clothing.  Heeeee.  Clark himself is in a grey t-shirt over a white thermal, and if you want to pause a moment and stare at the cap, I won't mind.

Quick, hide all evidence of primary colors!

Clark sees Jimmy pull up outside, and quickly stashes the clothes.  Jimmy breezes in, all het up to convince Clark his theory is worth checking out: stories of mysterious heroism from the Smallville High Torch indicate that the Good Samaritan might have gone to school with Clark and Chloe, and then moved to Metropolis after graduation.  As he explains, Jimmy's wheels start to turn, and before long he's staring at Clark outright.  What did I tell you about the grey t-shirt, eh?  Just then Jimmy notices an old photo of Clark with his parents, in which he's wearing -- natch -- his red jacket over a blue t-shirt.  Jimmy compares it to his blurry photograph, and it all clicks into place.  Clark hurriedly tries to excuse himself to fix the tractor, but Jimmy ignores him, recognizing that Clark is the Good Samaritan, and that's what Chloe's been keeping from him: she's known all along.

At ISIS, Chloe is busy lightspeeding through computer data, which is, you know, the other secret she's keeping from Jimmy.  Unfortunately for these earthly computers, though, her superior speed of comprehension causes a crash: "System Overload.  Fatal Error."  This is what we at Smallville call subtle foreshadowing.  Clark arrives and blurts that Jimmy knows his secret, and it was all Clark could do to deny it, claim he had chores, and then hightail it here.  They agree that Jimmy has to be thrown off the trail, but Jimmy makes that a bit harder by showing up just then and realizing that Clark beat him here.  He assures them both that they can trust him, but when Chloe joins Clark in insisting that Clark is nobody special, Jimmy vows to prove it.

Clark finds Oliver in the cabin of his private plane, having some pre-flight drinks on the tarmac with a few dropouts from The Girls Next Door.  Oliver is less than happy to see him and drunkenly suggests Clark find another flight to Aruba, but Clark insists it's urgent that they talk.  He explains that Jimmy is onto him, but Oliver thinks maybe a taste of the front page is what Clark needs to force him to step up.  Clark fires back that he isn't the only one: Oliver has practically abandoned Green Arrow and spends all his time drunk.  Clark acknowledges that he may have made the wrong choice keeping the truth about the Queens' murder from Oliver, but people have died for Clark's secret, and Oliver is the only one who can help protect Jimmy from risking the same.

Over dessert at the Ace of Clubs, Lois asks Sebastian what he's been up to since he left Iraq.  You know, for example, big undercover investigations at big government facilities, perhaps?  Lois's knack for fishing leaves a lot to be desired, but hey, maybe she's distracted by Sebastian's sexy way of putting away his tapioca pudding.  Sebastian jokes that his last experience at a "big government facility" was high school.  Heh.  He asks if Lois has ever had her palms read.  She replies that she was put off palmreaders when one told her she'd fall for a guy who flies a lot and likes to wear tights, but she places her hand in Sebastian's anyway.  He flashes back through their conversation, back to Clark zipping up Lois's dress -- in which we focus on her instead of him and see that it totally turned her on -- and finally back to Lois realizing from the flash drive she stole from Tess that she's seen Sebastian before...in his file as a Black Creek subject.  The file states that his real name is Wilson Turner, and his abilities are classified.

Sebastian slides his hand away, hiding his panic a lot better than Lois did.  His phone rings, and he excuses himself, walking away to answer it.  He heads outside to find Tess waiting for him in a limo.  She wants to know how it's going.  No better way to ensure progress than to interrupt, eh, Tess?  Sebastian reports that Lois doesn't have the crystal, but that she has a flash drive from Black Creek and has figured out who he is.  As there's nothing on it to implicate Luthorcorp, Tess isn't particularly concerned, but Sebastian isn't happy that Lois knows the truth about his abilities.  Er, do you maybe need the definition of "classified," hon?  Sebastian suggests Tess find herself a new reporter, as Lois "won't be coming in to work tomorrow."  He leaves, and Tess makes a call, ordering a lackey to move on to the next "person of interest": Jimmy Olsen.

Sebastian drives Lois home and tries to wangle an invitation to come up, but Lois's warning bell finally seems to have gone off and she makes an excuse.  But beyond feigned politeness now, Sebastian shoves her into the Talon and pulls a gun, demanding the flash drive.

On a Metropolis street corner, Clark is on the phone with Chloe, who is down the street in a car.  She's ready, but not thrilled with her assignment: at 10 o'clock sharp, she's supposed to drive straight at him.  Clark's call waiting beeps, and he switches over to Oliver, who is waiting on a rooftop across the street, in a bad mood.  Clark reminds him that he didn't complain when he had to put on green leather to protect Oliver's identity.  Oliver: "Clark, you made out with my girlfriend, man.  What did you have to complain about?"  Point goes to the jolly green alcoholic.  They click off as Jimmy arrives.  He wants Clark to know that whatever Clark has to say, "You'll always be the same ol' CK to me."  Dammit, Jimmy, you're making it very hard to disillusion you.

Meanwhile, at the Talon apartment, Lois retrieves the flash drive.  She tries to assure Sebastian that she knows how to keep a secret, and that he can trust her.  He says he learned from four years in a cage that you can't trust anyone.

Clark suggests he and Jimmy go get coffee.  Jimmy's all, "Whatever you need to do to get comfy, brother."

Sebastian apologizes to Lois, but he refuses to be locked up again.  She kicks the gun out of his hand and they fight.  Lois manages to dig her cell out of her pocket and dial a number.

Initialize: Chloe radios Oliver that she's on the move.  Oliver lowers a bandit-like mask over his eyes and aims his ROCKET LAUNCHER CROSSBOW HOLY CRAP at Clark and Jimmy.  Down on the street, Clark's phone rings, and Lois screams at him for help.  Chloe's car rounds the corner at speed, and instead of...doing whatever he was supposed to do, Clark simply grabs Jimmy's collar and steps back onto the sidewalk.  Chloe passes right on by, and she and Oliver give Clark the universal WTF look.  Clark tells Jimmy he needs to make a phone call, and curves around a corner so he can zip away.

He arrives at the Talon just as Lois has been thrown to the ground and Sebastian has retrieved the gun.  Clark grabs Sebastian's wrist, and Sebastian has just enough time to register the shock of what he reads there before Clark tosses him into a wall and skips out before Lois can turn around.

Meanwhile, as Jimmy waits for Clark to return, Tess's thug pulls a knife on him and orders him to come along.  Dude, your timing is just tragic.  His services needed after all, Oliver rolls his eyes a bit and fires a cable across the street to wrap around a flagpole.  Getting a good grip, he jumps, swinging across the street Tarzan-style, and we finally see what he's wearing: a blue leather suit, with a red cape.  Fuckin' classic, y'all.  He soars feet first into the thug and sails out of sight.

Naturally, Clark chooses this moment to return, asking what the hell is going on, but Jimmy doesn't buy for a minute that it wasn't really Clark in the cape.  Quickly feigning ignorance, Clark glances up at the rooftop across the street.  Jimmy follows his gaze to see Oliver posing heroically by the American flag, his cape flapping in the breeze.  I swear I am not making this up.  Jimmy is in awe, and Clark looks around them at other people gathering in the street, pointing up at the mysterious savior with admiration and wonder.

Next day at the Planet, the bullpen is alive with excitement about Jimmy's front page photo of the Good Samaritan, accompanied by the headline, "FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET."  Aw, man.  And just like that, my heart swells five sizes too big.  Jimmy catches up with Clark to apologize for trying to pull him out of a closet he was never in.  Oh, but he is, Jimmy.  Possibly more than one, depending on who you ask.  But Jimmy says there was good reason he thought Clark could be the Good Samaritan: he can always be counted on to be there for friends and strangers alike.

Lois plops down at her desk, and Clark teases her a bit about her "date," wondering why she didn't tell him she was working a story.  She sighs that it would have put him in harm's way, so she kept him in the dark for his own safety.  Fortunately for Lois, with his lightning speed, Clark is able to snatch the hammer out of the air before it lands on her head and kills her on the spot.  Jimmy passes by and semi-gloatingly shows Lois the front page.  She admits she understimated him, having been saved twice in two days by this "red and blue superdude."  Her new mission in life, in fact, is not to stop until she lands the first worldwide exclusive interview with him.  Clark tries not to faint.

Back on the jolly green jet -- because apparently the producers can keep Oliver's penthouse as a set only when he's not actually on the show -- Oliver congratulates Clark on his press, though he's a bit surprised Clark didn't stage a computer meltdown at the Planet to hush it all up.  Clark admits he considered it, but then thought maybe his destiny was more than secretly saving people, but rather giving them hope.  Oliver, meanwhile, has a renewed sense of purpose, and is headed to Europe to meet up with his "friends who like to dress up and kick ass."  Do a girl a favor and bring back Bart this time, eh?  He also wants Clark to know he understands why he concealed the truth about Oliver's parents' death; they wouldn't have been very proud of his reaction.  Clark submits that they'd be very proud indeed of Oliver, except for one thing: "Just a piece of friendly advice," he says seriously.  "Don't ever wear that cape again.  It looked ridiculous."  Heh.

Sebastian lies asleep in a hospital bed.  We see a gloved female hand in the foreground, resting on the rail.  Sebastian wakes and stares at his visitor.  "Who are you?" he asks.  So, not Tess.  We pull back to see it's Chloe, who addresses him as Wilson and explains that she was in Black Creek at the same time he was.  She wants to know how much information he gleaned from the man who stopped him the other night, and Sebastian grits that it's people like that guy who belong in Black Creek.  He asks why Chloe was there.  She smiles and notes that the human mind is just a sophisticated computer: "Download too much information and it crashes.  And all the data is lost."  Oh, shit.  SHIT.  Sebastian asks what she means by that, and she grabs his wrist.  It's like watching a blood vessel burst, except with no mess -- Sebastian thrashes about, seizing, until his eyes flash and burn out.  He's dead, and Chloe exits down the hallway as nurses respond to the flatline.

Her face slowly registers what she's just done, and I buy the entire writing staff a round.  Damn.