The Office - "Frame Toby" (Epsiode 508)

NBC 

I don't know about you, but I think the cast of this show is awesome. Even though we don't see enough of some of the supporting characters **cough**Stanley**cough**, I am tickled that Toby is back - at least that's what I gathered from the million promos I've seen all week! Anywhoo...we open with everyone enjoying some brownies in the conference room. Kevin's really enjoying them, so much so that Angela asks him "Are you swallowing them whole?" Dwight looked down on the sweet treats, calling them "pastry cubes of made of sugar and fat." He opts to munch on jerky (I'd love to know what kind of animal meat is in Dwight jerky - it's probably not beef.) Jim asked him why he bothered to come into the room and he said he was there "to socialize and inform." Michael came in and took two brownies to "parcel up and eat them at his leisure later on. Much healthier." Ryan noted that Kelly was also taking two brownies (in that "Are you really going to eat that" disgusted man mode.) Kelly said one of the brownies was for Toby. Michael thought Kelly was making a joke, as he thought Toby was still in Costa Rica. Apparently no one told Michael that Toby was coming back. Jim told Michael he should just head back to "the annex" and see for himself. Michael heads back and finds and empty desk. He thinks he's been "punk'd" until Toby comes up behind him. Michael's subtle reaction? "No! God! Please?! No! No! No! Noooo!"

Michael now not only has to deal with the loss of his true love, he's now got to face working with his arch nemesis. He and Dwight spied on Toby showing his pictures from Costa Rica to Phyllis and Michael muttered, "Look at him with his stupid face...stupid...tan...." Dwight says he looks "great and well-rested", which didn't sit well lwith the boss. David Wallace was on the speaker phone, asking if everyting was alright and if anyone was hurt. Michael said no one was hurt "on the surface." You see, Michael sent David a "911" text message. He learned that, "If I don't text 911, people will not return my calls. But now, people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened." David couldn't believe that Toby had been in the office an entire week and Michael didn't know he was back. Michael told him he avoided the annex because that's where Holly worked and "it's icky back there." Michael asks if there's any way they could get rid of Toby and David replied "Not without cause, Michael." Michael says he has cause, "it is be-cause I hate him." David says he has to get along with Toby and hangs up on him. (Is this David's way of getting back at Michael after he hung up on him last week?) Pam opened the microwave and found a disgusting mess, the kind you'd find in any office breakroom (or in my microwave when my husband's been left alone in the house for a few days.) And what was she heating up, by the way?

A bit later, Andy asked Jim about buying his parents' house. Jim wondered how he knew about that, and he said he saw some emails on his desk (he's got "the peepers of an eagle.") Kevin wanted clarification - Jim was going to "live in the same house you used to pee the bed in." It's a big day for Jim, today's the day he's going to show Pam the house. Jim admitted that he bought the place "kinda implusively" but he got a good price. He shoud have - the place still had shag carpets and Jim pointed out "Why would you want to buy ugly wood from trees when you could have paneling?" Why indeed. There was also a painting of some "creepy clowns" bolted to the wall. Jim said the painting must be "crucial to the structural integrity of the building." Jim's a little apprehensive now. Andy couldn't believe that Jim hadn't told Pam about the place yey, but Phyllis thought it was romantic - until she found out where the house was (apparently not in a good neighborhood.) Creed was excited because the place was by the quarry, which was where he lived. he suggested that he and Jim should "hang out by the quarry and throw things down there." Pam left a passive aggressive note over the microwave (if you've worked in an office, you've seen these.) She signed it "Sincerely, Disapointed." Andy and Oscar thought it was "obnoxious." Pam asked if they meant the mess or the note. Oscar said it was the note, which he thought had a "holier-than-thou" tone. (Angela liked the note.) Michael asks the documentary crew if they want to see some "high-caliber acting" and heads to Toby's desk, saying, "Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served." Michael attempts to have a conversation with Toby about Costa Rica. Michael couldn't keep a straight face and couldn't feign interest convincingly and finally, flat-out asked Toby why he came back. Toby admitted that it was hard to meet people (Michael interjected, "I'll bet...for you") and said it was hot. Michael told him he should have gotten an air conditioner. Michael said he tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, but it's "like trying to be friends with an evil snail." He said he felt like he was "dying inside" and related his situation to Neve Campbell in "Scream 2" ("she thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is just one of them.")
 
Michael and Dwight are combing the employee handbook looking for fireable offenses. The only ones they could find were workplace violence and sexual harassment. Michael thought they could get Toby to hit on someone and them catch him in the act. Dwight loves the idea ("That's why I always whip open doors") and volunteers to be the "bait" because "men find me desirable" (and he's wearing a mustard shirt - like everyday, right?) Michael says that's not going to work because Toby's not gay - but if he were, he'd probably go for Jim or Ryan (or Michael.) Pam is still babbling on about the microwave and Jim is visibly distracted. He's got a bigger issue on his mind. Michael asks to speak to Pam privately and tells her to deliver a secret note to Toby. She opens the note (against Michael's wishes), which says "Please hug and kiss me no matter how hard I struggle. I'm too shy to tell you that I love you." Toby walked by and saw Ryan and Kelly making out and said "that's really inappropriate." Michael and Dwight come into the annex trying to pick a fight. (Ryan is hoping that Toby hauls off and punches Michael.) Toby refuses to hit his boss and Michael and Dwight storm off. Ryan told Toby he should have hit him. Michael went off and stuffed all of his "brownie parcels" into his face. Dwight suggested one more way to get Toby fired - to frame him for using drugs. Dwight said "It's illegal, but everything the do on "The Shield" is illegal." He's never framed a man, but he's framed animals before - including a raccoon for opening a Christmas present and a bear for eating out of the garbage. Michael thinks it's mean, but "sometimes the ends justify the mean." He went out back and found a couple of guys who worked for Vance Refrigeration on the back of a truck and asks them if he could buy some weed. The guys confer and them one disappears behind the truck, while the other one gets $500 from Michael for two pounds of weed. The deal is done. Ryan came up to Pam and told her he was on her side about the whole microwave situation. He said he went to heat up his cup o' noodles and saw that the mess was still there - and that "someone" was going to have to clean it up. Pam suggested that was why they had a temp. Oooh, snap! Michael planted the pot in Toby's desk while Dwight called the police with a tip (he used "Andy Bernard" as his name.)

The cops showed up on a tip about a "possible narcotics situation" in the office and Creed just about lost his s**t. (He sat with the documentary and said "Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave.") The cops made a beeline to Toby's desk and started searching it - much to Toby's dismay. They found a baggie with some green stuff in it and Michael 'fessed up that it was his. The cop sniffed the contents of the baggie and said it was only basil. Actually there was just some Caprese salad in the bag (complete with mozzarella and tomato.) Toby told Michael that the cops could have been out catching real criminals instead of locating salad in his desk drawer. Michael can't believe that Toby was more concerned about taxpayers than Michael's attempt to frame him. All Michael could muster was "Welcome back...jerky...jerk face." Later Michael confronted Toby saying that by coming back, he made liars out of the whole office - but actually, he's "the biggest liar of history." Ryan tells Kelly that he "can't do this" - their relationship. He tells Kelly, "it's not fair to you and it's really not fair to me." Kelly reminded Ryan that she broke up with Darryl to be with him and he told her "that was your choice. Don't put that on me." He's going on a little trip to Thailand with "friends from high school...well, a high school." He suggests that they have sex one more time and "if you have any extra cash, that would be amazing." Of course, Kelly went along with this. Jim and Pam made a little stop on the way home - to Jim's parents' house. Jim tells Pam he bought the house for them. He shows her around, the clown painting bolted to the wall (because there were a lot of art thieves in the neighborhood), past the master bedroom ("but I'm not allowed to go in there") and into the garage, which he was converting into an art studio for Pam. Of course, Pam loves the house ("You bought me a house!") She asked if they would have to sleep in his parents' bedroom and he said no, he would have the room boarded up ("the weird spare room that people ask us about.") Sadly, they're going to have to put up with the creepy clown.

Before we go, Dwight explains in great detail his perfect crime, which he's obviously had a lot of time to think about. "I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, the chandelier - it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business - she's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, cops come and Iescape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard - I have a son, and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all those years, she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stash the chandelier."