Guess what? It’s the third week in a row that Sarah Connor’s been obsessing over those three dots the dying Resistance fighter left on her wall. And I gotta tell ya, it’s starting to get a smidge annoying. Yadda yadda written in blood, blah blah symbolism. Yawn. Can we please get off of the dots and onto something interesting? Hello? Anyone? Beuller? John and Sarah give up their three-dot internet search and decide to call it a night. Sarah hands some laundry off to Cameron. She never sleeps, so she might as well do some midnight chores, right? Hee! Cameron almost looks pouty. Ah, but did you really think the most efficient killing machine in the world would sit around folding underpants all night long? Think again. Cameron, it seems, is leading a secret double life. She shows up at a library, and the night shift Librarian’s face lights up like he ate a glowstick. He clearly knows Cameron, and has hung out with her regularly. She brings him a bag of his favorite doughnuts, and he asks about her trip to Mexico. Which, according to Cam, was “a bummer.” Hmmm. I might not say “bummer” so much as “batshit insane shoot-‘em-up.” But hey, it’s possible that Cameron and I have different standards.
Cam makes small talk with the night shift librarian, Eric, who is A) young B) male C) kinda cute in a rumpled lumberjack sort of way and D) in a wheelchair ‘cuz he had bone cancer. It turns out Cameron has been coming to the library, bribing Eric with pastries, and studying history books all night long. Why, you ask? Because the past has caused the future to be what it is, and apparently that fascinates her. Anyhoo, tonight Cameron comes across something more relevant than simple nostalgia; a photo from 1920, of a man staring up at the sky. But wait! That’s no man. It’s a Terminator, and Cameron recognizes him immediately. The photo was taken on New Year’s Eve 1920, during a famous LA speakeasy fire where forty-three people died. We get a flash to the speakeasy, with Roaring Twenties music playing and flappers dancing the Charleston in old timey dresses. Suddenly the bar catches on fire, and people run screaming in every direction. In the aftermath, the Terminator stalks down the street, amidst sobbing citizens and dead bodies. Back in the present, Cameron decides she has to know what came next.
John’s jolted out of a sound sleep by Riley calling his cell phone. She sounds upset, and wants him to come pick her up. Next thing you know, John’s riding to the rescue on a white horse in the product placementmobile. Riley’s at a skanky party, being thrown by a jerk from school who thinks John’s a loner weirdo. John’s all, “Okay you’re freaked out so let’s skedaddle.” But suddenly Riley’s all bouncy-happy and wants John to stay and chill at the party. Dude, the more I see of Riley, the less quirky, cute and funny I find her. In fact, I’m beginning to believe she’s downright nutty. Bonkers. Wackadoodle. Loony McCuckoopants. Insert alternate “crazy” word here. Seriously, y’all. I am having a very hard time picturing this Riley storyline with a happy ending.
Since LA apparently has the most thoroughly-documented history of any city EVER, Cameron and Eric are having zero trouble finding all kinds of information about the Terminator from the photograph. He called himself Myron Stark. Cameron decides to look up more records on Myron. And that lock on the records room ain’t about to stop her. The lock gets Terminated, much to Eric’s angry chagrin. As Cameron rifles single-mindedly through files, he shouts that he’s going to lose his job because of her. And then he promptly takes a nosedive out of his chair and faceplants into the floor. He won’t let Cameron help him up, instead giving her the stinkeye as he furiously hoists himself up. Then he gathers his dignity about him and goes rolling away. I snort indelicately into my hand, because it’s most definitely not PC to laugh at a guy in a wheelchair. But seriously. That was the least graceful exit ever. Cameron handles it better than I do. She almost… almost… looks repentant.
Cameron apologizes to Eric. She doesn’t want to lose his friendship, ‘cuz she doesn’t have many pals. Aw. Eric can’t help but forgive her for that one. Cam didn’t find anything on Myron, and Eric wonders if he could have been an immigrant. “Either that or a bank robber,” he jokes. But hang on a tick – jokes aside, he might be on to something. What if Myron really did decide to fund his naughty Terminator deeds by tommygunning a bank or four? Cameron and Eric listen to a wobbly LP of a news clip about a bank robbery in 1920 (see? Best documented history EVER). The masked robber was shot thirty times, but still managed to escape. They discover that shortly after the robberies, Myron bought parcels of land in the San Fernando Valley, and started building houses. He became the #1 rival of a man named Rupert Chandler, also a developer in the area. Myron paid his workers double wages and labored beside them. There’s even an old newsreel of him standing in a hero’s pose, gazing at the sky rather majestically with a pickax in his hand. Hee! I love those old black and white newsreels where the film speed wasn’t quite right and everyone walked a little too fast, and the narrators yapped their biased little commentaries in an old-timey accent.
In the course of conversation, Eric learns that Cameron’s packing heat. For self defense only, bien sur. Eric’s seen the cuts she tries to cover with makeup. “I get into fights,” Cameron gamely admits. She tells Eric she’s in charge of protecting her brother. Say, does he want to try out her gun? Why yes. Surprisingly, yes he does. Cam gives him a crash target practice course and Eric fires into a phone book. Cameron hands him the superheated, smooshed bullet, and Eric practically squees with delight. Before he can go out and buy an Uzi and start rolling around town like a Terminator on wheels, Cameron changes the subject back to Myron. They watch an interview from the 80’s, about an old corpse that was found along a road. It was the body of Fred Jeffers, Rupert Chandler’s right hand man who disappeared in the 20’s. Cameron imagines that Myron, sporting a rather awesome porkpie hat (say what you will about Terminators – they’re stylin’), offed Jeffers and hid the body. It seems that poor Rupert Chandler was having a run of bad luck in the 20’s – not only did his pal Jeffers disappear, but his son had died in the speakeasy fire. Coincidence? Me thinkey not. Cameron decides that Myron was trying to sabotage Chandler for some reason.
Dude, I don’t understand why Riley wants to stay at this craptacular party. Not only is it lame, but the guys throwing it are assholes. I dunno, maybe I’m just too old to appreciate the appeal of nasty beer, guys in wifebeaters, and video games. Apparently John’s not a fan, either. Especially when one of the wifebeater douchebags puts his arm around Riley. That’s it – John’s out. Riley wants to come with, and as she stands up Wifebeater Douchebag says that she took his Zippo. Riley’s all, “I dunno what you’re talking about, yo.” Whereupon the guy tries to grab her and look through her pockets. Whoa. That was so the wrong thing to do to the girl John Connor has a crush on. The guy promptly gets his ass smacked down with a WWE-style chokehold and a couple of well placed punches. Then Riley and John make like a tree and… well, you know.
The productplacementmobile pulls up to a lookout. Har! This place might as well have a giant neon sign flashing “MAKEOUT POINT.” John wants to know why the eff Riley called him if she just wanted to chill at a lame-ass party. Riley doesn’t really have a good reason other than the fact that she’s a dumb flighty teenage girl. Her old foster parents used to call her The Deviant. That’s why she approached him the day they met. He’s a loner weirdo, but so is she. Riley pulls out the stolen Zippo – she did swipe it after all. “Bad habit,” is all Riley has to say about that. Her real parents died when she was little, “in a fire.” Fire, my ass! Try nuclear kaboom. John tells her about his own stint in foster care during Sarah’s mental hospital days – apparently his foster parents called him “The Delinquent.” He also tells Riley about Sarah’s engagement, and how her former fiancé Charlie was the only friend they had. “He helped us with something, and there was an accident and his new wife died,” John says. “I shouldn’t be around people.” Riley wonders if that’s why he beat down Wifebeater Douchebag. “That’s other stuff,” says John. And with that, Riley leans over and (finally!) kisses him. Pretty soon they’re making out like… a couple of crazy teenagers at Makeout Point.
Cameron’s so excited about finding Rupert Chandler’s obituary in the records that she goes barging into the men’s bathroom while Eric’s trying to take a whiz. And then she asks him (while he’s still in the stall – hee!) if he ever thinks about suicide. Eric’s all, “Dude, there’s something wrong with you.” His cancer’s in remission. To change the subject, Eric found an interview with a speakeasy fire survivor up in the film library. But Cameron will have to go alone, because it’s not wheelchair accessible. Honey, that ain’t a problem when there’s a Terminator around. Cameron promptly picks him up baby-style out of the chair and I fall off of my couch laughing. So far Cam has busted a door lock, picked up a red-hot bullet barehanded, and now she just hefted his 200-pound ass like he’s made of packing peanuts. If Eric hasn’t figured out that something ain’t right with this chick, he’s dumber than a box of hammers.
Eric likes the film library, for the way it captures people frozen in time. He thinks it would be awesome to freeze yourself in time, to be beautiful, healthy and strong forever. Snerk! Oh, the intentional irony. Eric and Cameron watch a documentary on the speakeasy fire, and the survivor, who was a young woman at the time, describes what happened. It sounds crazy, but she remembers a flash of blue light, and the sudden appearance of a buck-naked dude (Myron, perhaps?) in the club. For those of us who are familiar with Terminators and time travel, that’s old hat. Cameron changes her thinking. She now believes the fire, started by Myron’s time bubble, was an accident. Like Dorothy’s house falling on the witch.
Cameron goes tearing out of the library to stare up at the sky like Myron did the night of the fire. New theory: amidst the speakeasy chaos, Myron pinpointed the date by checking stars’ positions. I note that Cameron’s calculations use three stars in a triangular pattern, not unlike Sarah’s dots (damn you, persistently recurring dots!!). Get this – Myron came back to the wrong time period, and he accidentally killed Rupert Chandler’s son. Sonny boy was going to build a skyscraper, but when he died, his father decided to turn that block into a memorial garden. Cameron notes that the skyscraper ended up being built anyway. You guessed it. By Myron Stark. He bought the land when Rupert Chandler went broke, and built the skyscraper as Chandler’s son had designed. Hmm… I think I get it. Myron gets sent back to the wrong time period, accidentally killing the man who was supposed to build the skyscraper. Apparently the skyscraper is important to the Terminators’ idea of the future, so Myron had to be certain it got built. Hence his rise to the position of real estate mogul. I guess if you want something done, you’ve got to do it yourself, eh? Cameron reads that Myron Stark vanished before the skyscraper opened in ’27. At the moment, it’s closed for renovations, but is going to re-open… on New Year’s Eve 2010. I’m thinking that was the date Myron was supposed to show up, but he accidentally got sent to 1920. Cameron decides to go investigate.
Cameron breaks into the skyscraper, seeing that at the grand re-opening on New Year’s 2010, the Governor will be speaking. She maps the ballroom, and has a mental image of the Governor, making a speech on New Year’s… a sitting duck for Myron to mow down with 2859308 bullets. On a hunch, Cameron knocks on a wall, which makes a hollow sound. She smashes her way through… and finds Myron Stark hidden inside of the wall! He’s been stashed back there for years, stylin’ porkpie hat and all, powered down and waiting to complete his mission and take out the Governor! He reboots and a Terminator fight ensues, with plenty of slamming into walls and stonefaced tussling. Finally Cam gets the upper hand and tosses Myron into an elevator shaft. He gets rather gruesomely chopped in half by the elevator, and she relieves him of his chip. So long, Myron! Can I have your porkpie hat?
Back at the library, Cam’s all beat up again, and Eric’s worried about her. Cameron’s all, “Right back atcha, Slim.” She’s been “observing” him all night. Eric has no appetite, his muscles are weak, and he’s lost weight. “Your cancer is back,” Cameron intones. “You have a secondary tumor in your arm, and possibly your lungs.” If the heavy lifting and lock-breaking weren’t enough to freak Eric’s shit out, this lil' diagnosis definitely does it. “No wonder you don’t have any friends!” he hollers. “You can’t say something like that to someone who’s had cancer! You don’t know how it is to have something inside of you that’s damaged!” Little does he know. “It’s like a bomb waiting to go off,” Cameron replies wisely. She suggests that he see his doctor – the tumor is still small. Eric’s response? “Get out.” Her expression unreadable, Cameron goes.
As dawn breaks, Cameron finishes folding the laundry, and John arrives home with lipstick on his neck. Cameron recognizes Riley’s shade, but John won’t say a word. That night, Cameron heads back to the library, but her only friend is gone, replaced by an indifferent woman. Undeterred, Cameron holds out the usual bag of doughnuts as an offering, and is promptly invited inside. Apparently it doesn’t matter who eats the doughnuts… as long as Cameron gets what she needs.
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