Numb3rs: Conspiracy Theory (Episode 509)

We begin already enmeshed into a case.  Someone blew up a meeting of the Global Enhancement Organization – a charity that helps a whole bunch of worthy causes from health care to wildlife.  I’m glad Liz clarified it for me because with a name like Global Enhancement Organization, I automatically assumed it was something to do with boob jobs.

The best picture of the unidentified suspect, who was acting as a waiter at the meeting (and somebody epically fails at security checks), is both unhelpful and really grosses me out.

Unlike a previous time when an eppesode began with a boom, no one was killed in the initial blast.  In a flurry of exposition and information your humble recapper nearly went crazy trying to pick up all the relevant details.  Therefore, I’ll use one handy screencap and list them all in order of importance.

While I’ve managed to cull down all the information thrown at me – to some easily digestible tidbits, which I’m sure everyone read because no one would stare at the background upon which they were written, I had an interesting observation I wanted to share.  Even though I was stressed out that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern might be dead, and bombs blow up the building, I realized that something was missing in the scene.

Title Flash.

Back in the surveillance van, the camera’s been destroyed so Liz is off to save the footage by taking it to the doctor – PhD Charlie Eppes that is (not The Doctor as that would be a crossover for the ages).  Meanwhile, Colby’s demonstrating how well he’s learned his partner’s exposition skills by telling us that the GEO, whose motto is “Remember: YOU can make the world a better place” also translates to “Remember: If YOU are STINKING RICH you can play with us.”

There are two theories behind the bombing.  The first is that since all the founders are STINKING RICH, someone might be after them.  The second is that there are a lot of people who believe that the founders of the GEO might be involved with the Knights Templar, Masons, Boy Scouts, Red Hat Society, other groups involved in trying to take over the planet trying to take over the planet.  Also, they wanted to take out some Fedcakes in the carnage as the conspiracy nuts obviously think the way to eliminate global warming is to eliminate hot Fedcakes.  Either theory is workable, and will split the focus of the investigation but that’s not the most important thing.  While showing the various websites supporting both theories, TPTB missed two excellent opportunities to give me a shout out.

Recapper Note:  I have to say, at this point in the eppesode, I was confused if there was only one, or more than one suspect.

Cal Sci:  Speaking of conspiracies, our favourite adorkable professor, along with Amita, Larry and a bunch of students who obviously don’t care if they ever get security clearances of their own, are planning to do something to the Hollywood sign.  Considering the start of this season and the whole Twitter arc, I’m a little concerned about Charlie’s involvement.  First of all, I’m pretty sure that defacing a national landmark, even if it is a prank, would give the FBI grounds to revoke the clearance all over again.  Secondly, they really aren’t very good at planning covertly since they miss Liz standing in the doorway listening to their plans.

Sure, at Cal Sci, “the slide rule has always been mightier than the sword,” but the weight of the entire Federal System is painful when dropped on one’s head, no matter how beautifully adorned with curls it may be.  

Since this is Liz, she has a sense of humour, and advises Charlie and his co-conspirators to take the Hollywood sign from the north side.  Apparently, there’s a blind spot.  Even though Liz may be supportive, and Amita and Larry have two words of wisdom, “plausible deniability,” I can’t help but offer my own advice.

Crime Scene:  The yellow truck containing the suspect has disappeared and the catering company only knows the waiter as John Wilkes Booth.  Luckily, they do have footage from the outside security camera, so they’re going to try and identify some of the players that way.

Cal Sci:  Or they could just have Charlie do it – making the previous scene superfluous.  According to Liz, the bomb blast destroyed the footage with the suspect on it, but I’m going to posit my own theory.

Charlie’s all excited to try something called “forensic video reconstruction,” using snaps from other security footage since the original stuff is practically impossible to recover.  Since neither Liz nor I have any idea what the hell FVR is, I love it when Liz, in frustration, says, “imagine,” trying to get some sort of Charlie-vision out of it, allowing both her herself and the audience to understand what he’s talking about.

I’m convinced the metaphor of tracking the suspect through the city via video as compared to Emperor penguins was just an excuse for putting Charlie in that hat.

IHOF:  Guildenstern thinks the yellow truck is really a red herring and that the Fedcakes should really focus on the people who hate the GEO.  I find it strange that all those people who hate the GEO are cunning enough to hide their identities when setting up the websites, but are amateur enough to not only have lame bombs, (even though two people were killed) or have their MO appear on any government watch lists.  Considering how badly the suspect(s) failed the first time, all Rosencrantz and Guildenstern can think is that he (they) is going to try again.

Recapper Note:  I still don’t know how many people are involved.  Seriously, I was completely confused at this point.

SQUEE!! Outside IHOF:  My OTP is discussing the case.  While it doesn’t make me any less confused about how many people are involved with the conspiracy, it does alleviate my fears that I might need to go back into therapy if these two split up again.

Back to the case and leaving my OTP insecurities, Don lists all the places the GEO has met: San Tropez, Barcelona, and Amalfi.  I instantly see the connection between all three of those places, even if my OTP doesn’t.

After they give us the info that Starsky is out of the hospital, Robin makes a confession; she answered Don’s phone that morning, only to find herself in a conversation with Rabbi Berman.  She hopes he doesn’t “wind up on the roof with a fiddle.”  While she’s making light of a serious issue – because that’s what this couple does, I realize I’m perfectly okay with the concept of Don on the roof with a fiddle.

Although, I could be very meta and say while Don isn’t a candidate for fiddling on the roof, this week’s special guest star is!

“Don Eppes finds a shrink and God in the same year.  I can’t wait to see what happens next.” With that, Robin sums up the past year and a half of Don’s character development.  

While I love my OTP, dearly, I understand that they both have their faults.  Don can be emotionally distant and distrustful.   Robin, on the other hand, often says whatever is in her head without it being filtered through any process of self-editing.   In this case, Robin quotes Clarence Darrow, “Fear of God isn’t the beginning of wisdom; it’s the end.”  She puts her faith in the law – and for the first time ever, I wonder if a crack about the Hammurabi Code is possible.  
Robin, as she’s done every other time she’s put her foot in her mouth, she covers it with an even worse gaff.  “You’ve got sex – politics, religion, two out of three ain’t bad.”  Oh Robin, I love you, but even my great depth of affection cannot save you from being awarded this week’s NPAL™.  

Cal Sci:  Did anyone know Amita has as favourite conspiracy website?  I always thought she was so logical – even though she does pull out the example of an actual conspiracy, Iran-Contra, which I guess means there’s space in everyone’s head for both logic and conspiracy.  Okay, that concept just hurt my brain.

Now Larry’s belief that Paul McCartney died and was replaced by a lookalike doesn’t faze me at all.

As for case-based information, Amita’s found a house in the valley where the suspect might be.  Throughout this scene, someone is watching them and has bugged their office.  After some serious, thought, I’ve come up with a conspiracy theory of my own regarding who is watching our math trio.

Starsky’s:  The founder of the GEO, for some reason, has the car in which James Dean was killed.  Great, as if this eppesode needed more conspiracy theories referenced.   If we get any more of these, I’m going to start a rumour that if you play this eppesode backwards, you can either hear “Paul is dead” or “this is Spy’s shout out.”

Sure, Starsky is all about how the GEO is out there to help people, but won’t turn over a list of the membership.  Of course, the man wants to be of assistance in the investigation, but he doesn’t judge his billionaire buddies if they’re suspected of blowing things up.  While he gives the plot a push forward by suggesting the culprit is someone much more mundane – a wronged business associate, I’m totally distracted by Don’s behaviour.

BTW, I have another theory.  Since we’ve had Huggy Bear on this show, I’m expecting Hutch to show up at some point this season.  I suspect that the use of television icons from the 70’s is just to throw me off my belief first stated a couple of years ago that guest actors are selected based on being in the first degree of six degrees of David Krumholtz.

IHOF:  The forensic video reconstruction has identified film student and Michael Moore wannabe Roy McGill, who lives at 3456 Old Farm Road, as the suspect.  He’s a person of interest to the DOJ and has taken tours of the Pentagon dressed as a rabbi, a Rastafarian and a trucker.  As Liz puts it, “not exactly Carlos the Jackal.”  I mean, a rabbi, a Rastafarian and a trucker sounds like the start to a bad "walks into a bar" joke.

Since Liz was kind enough to mention another conspiracy theory, I’m going to prove one of my own.  I have proof the props department is messing with our heads!

Duh, duh duh!  Someone is listening in on the Fedcakes, just as someone was listening in at Cal Sci!

As we head into the commercial break, I’m left feeling even more paranoid.

McGill’s:  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have an arrest that might possibly be weirder than the arrest involving the naked carjacker (the worst kind).   At first, Roy doesn’t believe they’re Fedcakes (and they want to assassinate him) and his friends back him up.  Then, he lies on the floor, refusing to go, and I think he’s going to throw a temper tantrum.  After Colby threatens him with pepper spray, Roy calls to his friends, which include the (hopefully – otherwise someone has cruel parents) nickname “New Guy.” With the screaming of “Attica!” only to then ask which way the Fedcakes are taking him.  Despite the mishmash of hilarity, all of this is overshadowed by one shot in the scene.

Recapper’s Note:  I considered calling Roy “Jerry” but he looks too much like a Roy and hasn’t annoyed me enough to associate him to Mel Gibson.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Alan thinks he’s hearing people on the phone even when it doesn’t ring.  Usually, I’d take this as a sign something is seriously wrong, but Alan is the epitome of all things sane and wise, as even his anti-government days were for the greater good.  Methinks the JoJL and the SDKG have now tapped the phones.

Distracting me from the conspiracy, is Amita’s offer for Alan to take her place on the prank team, as she doesn’t need another blot on her record, considering she was once arrested for something to do with pot at a Pink Floyd concert.  Whoa, pot at a Pink Floyd concert?  Who knew the LAPD had enough cops to deal with pot at a Pink Floyd concert!?!

There are a few things off about this scene.  Amita being an academic and being arrested for something to do with pot, I get.  Her offering her place to Alan over another blip on her record, I don’t.  Seriously, let’s look at this rationally.  1) Charlie, with the whole, sending secrets overseas to both prove a point and get Don’s attention, is probably a bigger deal and he got his clearance back.  2) Obviously, the pot charge didn’t stop Amita from getting her clearance in the first place.  3)  Alan’s got a record too!

Okay, I know the whole point is to create some conflict with Charmita, but really, Amita’s offer for Alan to take her place comes across as a little callous and contrived, and Charlie’s reaction to her arrest comes off as over the top ridiculous!

IHOF:  My OTP is interviewing Roy and it is a very philosophical discussion.  Roy thinks his films on Roswell, Ruby Ridge and Hitler angered the Fedcakes and that the whole system is crazy if they think he bombed anything.  All he wanted to do was expose the GEO for crashing the stock market / fixing the Superbowl / fixing gas prices / the secret for putting the caramel in the Caramilk Bar / stealing the cookie from the cookie jar, etc.. Thus, the question is this: who is crazier, the crazy man or the system the crazy man thinks is crazy?  

McGill’s:  Let me clear up any rumours before they start.  There is most definitely not a shout out to me in this scene.

Roy believes Lincoln planned his own assassination (because he knew about Prop 8 100+ years before it would happen), Marilyn Monroe and Jim Morrison are shacking up in the Caribbean, and George Bush is a Soviet spy even though the Soviet Union doesn’t exist anymore.  

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find amusement in these theories, but come to a disagreement over the Kennedy assassination.  They list the evidence for both sides, which I’ll sum up here.

Sure the conspiracy debate is fun but guess who isn’t involved: Roy.  There is nothing, anywhere that indicates that Roy built, handled or looked at anything bomb-wise.  Hell, the air is so clean, I be he hasn’t even dropped a bomb in his place.  

La Maison d’Eppes:  If you want a provable conspiracy, this scene is it.  Don’s upset about Robin’s comment earlier, completely forgetting he’s dating someone without any form of self-editing when it comes to personal relationships.  By not talking to her about it, he’s doing his bad habit – refusing to open up to anyone outside his family.  

As for Alan, he talks about Margaret and her desire to make him cook, which is good considering food serving was 90% of Alan’s role in season 1.

Ah, screw it, forget the literal text and just let me sum up the subtext.

I did say this scene proved there was a conspiracy but it has nothing to do with the plot.  It’s the conspiracy of TPTB against your humble recapper.   They’re obviously trying to drive me insane by making me worry about my OTP.  Don’t make me whine at you, Nick and Cheryl!  I’m not above whining and I’m an excellent whiner.  I’m the baby of the family.

Cal Sci / Outside McGill’s:  Larry and Charlie bicker over the reality of conspiracies while Rosencrantz and Guildenstern argue over the Kennedy assassination.  The Fedcakes don’t come to agreement, but Charlie, after quoting H.L. Mencken, giving us the second allusion to the Scopes Monkey Trial / Inherit the Wind this eppesode, find there may be a conspiracy against him as his office has been trashed.

Oh yes, and someone’s broken into the Fedcakemoblie too.  There’s only one plausible theory.

Yes, nothing is as terrifying as when fangirls are in cahoots!

La Maison d’Eppes:  Alan is sure the phone’s been tapped and someone broke in, scattering mail all over the place, and stealing all the light bulbs, which, up until now, have actually been present throughout this eppesode.  Don’t fear though.

Cal Sci:  Charlie explains to Liz that the ability of the fangirls people involved in the conspiracy to get into his computer is practically of super-spy (not theoriginalspy) level.  As for me, I’m grateful Nikki’s not in this eppesode as it gives me more time to come up with what I’ll call the Nikki and Liz partnership – if they every share screen time again.

IHOF:  Complete with creep anticipatory music, Liz and Colby try their own verbal Venn Diagram (as suggested by Larry earlier in the previous scene) and realize that the fangirls burglar must’ve been looking for nudie pictures film footage.

Luckily, the footage was on Charlie’s computer, something the burglar didn’t get at.  I’m just skipping to the point – someone at the GEO wants to remain anonymous, as the bombings were done by an amateur, whereas the break-ins were orchestrated by someone who has the money to hire consummate professionals.

Now they have a Simpson’s paradox (not Homer, d’oh!).  It has something to do with Derek Jeter being a better baseball player, and well, I’m confused and, for once, Wikipedia isn’t making it better.

Starsky’s:  Whatever Simpson’s Paradox is it leads them back to Starsky.  He’s quite convinced that Don and Robin won’t be able to get at him.  He’s missing one important factor in that assessment.

BTW, Starsky, way to make yourself appear guilty as hell!

Cal Sci:  Cleaning up Charlie’s office, Charlie gets snarky over Amita’s arrest, and then tries to laugh it off, coming across as more petulant than apologetic.  In a brief talk (a word which here means Larry listens while Amita talks) Amita actually behaves like she did something wrong because Charlie’s unable to see another way of living his life other than the way he does: by being open to everyone and whining when things don’t go his way.  It's eppesodes like this where I just have to keep reminding myself how adorkable Charlie is.

Sometimes, Charlie, compartmentalizing things is a good thing, and Amita was avoiding talking about another date – something you’ve had problems with in the past!

The only thing Amita does that I approve of is take off leaving Larry to clean up the mess.  No, it’s not the right thing to do but it’s bloody funny.

Crime Scene:  Roy sneaks (meaning runs through the light courtyard in a dark outfit) back into the bomb site and the boardroom. 

He freaks out when confronted by Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and quickly confesses that there was another camera hidden and asks for the Fedcakes’ protection.

“Don’t worry,” David says.  “Contrary to your website, we’re pretty good at our jobs.”

Less than one second later, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern and Roy are shot at by the irony police bad guy.  There’s a really cool moment where David uses a piece of glass to both find the shooter and blind him, allowing Colby to get off some shots and all three of them to escape.  While I’m thrilled my BFFedcake can be so resourceful, I’m rather miffed about something else.

BTW, someone needs to explain to Roy that yes, humanity sucks sometimes, but talking about the Dreyfus Affair while trying to not get shot isn’t exactly productive.  Plus, he isn’t making my BFFedcake look better by spouting off JFK conspiracy theories.

On the rooftop, all they find is a Live Action Hunting Rifle, which, besides being an ironic name, can be controlled via remote anywhere in the world.  In my favourite moment with Roy, he climbs up onto the railing, telling Rosencrantz and Guildenstern not to worry, as he won’t fall.

“If I push you, you will,” Colby replies.  Hee!

Unfortunately, the whole purpose of distracting them with a remote control rifle is to steal Roy’s second camera.  Even though the baddie does get camera two, the best thing about a conspiracy hut is that they always have a back up plan; hence, Roy has yet another camera.

IHOF:  Roy must be thinking he’s got the best luck ever.  Not only does he get involved in an actual conspiracy, but also he gets to spend time in the AV room with Robin and Liz.  Obviously, he can’t do anything as either woman could kill him (Liz can kick almost anyone’s ass and we’ve seen Robin at the gun range).  What he does get to do is impress them by identifying the man who placed the bomb, Jeff Jonze.  According to Roy, the bomber gives “us civic investigators a bad name.”  The look that elicits between Robin and Liz is priceless.

Bar:  I would come up with a clever name for it, but really, we all know what it is.  Just as Jeff Jonze is heading out for the night, David, Colby and Liz try to take him down.  The problem is that one of his friends has a gun and looks to be the size as Fezzik and takes a while to drop after being shot, allowing Jones to escape.

Liz chases after Jonze, only to be attacked because, for once, it’s dark enough that even Fedcakes can’t see.  All we get to witness is Jonze getting the upper hand on Liz and then someone else rushing out of the darkness to stab Jonze.  Colby (we know it’s Colby because of the voice) gets there too late to see anything, if seeing anything were possible.

IHOF:  For some reason, David is pointing out to Charlie all about how dangerous the women Don dated (or is currently dating) can be.  I’m not too sure if David is trying to reassure Charlie about Amita’s teeny-tiny record or is just generally impressed with Don’s record, or both.

As for Jonze, David declares him a patsy, and even though Colby would like to disagree, we all know I’ll side with David.  The problem is that the fingerprint on the cheque supposedly proving Jonze’s guilt has another set of fingerprints on it.  After a Charlie-vision involving fireworks, Charlie offers to run the cheque through Cal Sci’s mass spectrometer, making me wonder when Charlie’s role as resident Math consultant turned into lab tech duties.  Somehow, I’m pretty sure the Fedcakes have their own people do forensics there, Charlie.

In another part of the IHOF, Liz is trying to put a composite photo of the guy she somehow managed to see in almost total darkness.  I don’t know how it’s going to turn out but let me take a wild guess and create my own likeness.

Liz comes up with someone who Roy declares is Howard Hughes.  Therefore, if you’d like to see what the composite actually looked like before I felt the need to make yet another comment of the craptastic lighting, click here.

Cal Sci:  When Amita arrives with a peace offering, for a moment, I actually hope it is one freaking huge joint.  Just picture this:  Charlie Eppes, stoned out of his mind.

I’ll give you a moment to imagine that.

What she’s given him instead is her diary that she started writing when she was 13 years old.  Umm, okay, that is much creepier than a joint.  While I’ve not always been comfortable with Charmita, this insistence that Charlie has the right to know everything, like her trials and tribulations of building her first computer at that age, or which teen idol of late 80s she was in love with, is wrong (although guessing would be fun).  

IHOF:  The results have come in, indicating that the baddie for hire lives around Hancock Park.  Another result showed racing fuel on the suspect’s hands, leading the Fedcakes full circle back to Starsky. David realizes the blast pattern was set to make sure that the building came down.

Crime Scene:  There’s Starsky, knee-deep, metaphorically, in construction.  He tried, unsuccessfully under some dummy company, to be able to tear down the building in the past and failed.  Blowing it up and making it structurally unsound is the best way to rectify that.

At first, Starsky tosses off the accusations, until the Fedcakes produce a photograph of meeting with Jonze.  

Secretly filming the arrest are none of the groups of fangirls that I believe have been dogging everyone throughout this eppesode.  Instead, it’s Roy, who helped the Fedckae by getting the picture of Jonze from someone named Lochness007.  OMG, TPTB needed an interent handle for someone to help solve the case and mine wasn’t good enough?  Theoriginalspy doesn’t sound like someone who would be a conspiracy nut?  Have you learned nothing about me?

Roy even offers David a primo position in his group of conspiracy theorists but David is with Groucho Marx and won’t join any group that will have him for a member.  Roy responds well by saying that he was right about the GEO, but promptly ruins his credibility when he starts giving advice for Superbowl wagers.

Outside IHOF:  Can I just say Robin’s apology for legitimately pissing off Don (as opposed to reminding Charlie that there are some things he doesn’t know about) is way better (and a lot less creepy) than Amita’s apology to Charlie?  Heck, even that moment when Robin runs her hand through Don’s hair is so natural and adorable, I can only respond one way.

Her apology is to get tickets to a debate between a rabbi and a lawyer about ethics, politics and religion.  She may not quite understand Don’s quest but she’s willing to listen, and is even able to try to help.  Don responds to her gesture by admitting that he doesn’t know what he’s looking for and we all know how hard it is for Don to admit when he doesn’t know something that isn’t math related.

In short, I’m feeling just fine about my OTP – that is until TPTB feel like messing with my head again.  Yes, I believe it’s a conspiracy.

Math Garage:  Alan ends the Kennedy debate between Rosencrantz and Guildenstern by explaining his own investigation into the mystery with some friends.  When it ended in a punch-out, they chose to give it up.  The Fedcakes take the lesson: give up the debate or solve it in a way fangirls would like, traditional gladiator style wrestling, and if you know anything about history – enjoy the mental image I just gave you.

Thus, the model Alan made of the Kennedy assassination is put away until Alan needs to teach two other people not to get into this type of argumentative quagmire.  I’ll bet anything Alan once pulled out that model for both his boys and is hoping the next time he uses it will be with his grandchildren.

IHOF:  WTF, who is this dude?  Don’s in the office late at night, and there’s this guy there, watching footage from the GEO meeting.  Don immediately thanks him for saving Liz earlier.  The Dude then apologizes for scaring Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.  Apparently, according to research (meaning I googled) and I found out he’s called Brady. We don’t know who he works for as when Don suggests Langley, Brady stays silent.  The only advice Brady has is to sweep the office for bugs.  Yeah, well, stay out of the Eppes’ house too, Brady.

On second thought, the man’s really scary.  His character reminds me a little of Edgerton but with a pint of psychopath thrown in.  He can do what he likes; Don can take care of him.  

Rooftop:  Not the IHOF rooftop as Don’s already established we can’t get up there, but this is a rooftop overlooking the Hollywood sign.  Charmita is watching to see the prank goes off without a hitch.  Their kiss is interrupted by the call “Goldilocks to Papa Bear.”  If anyone would like to suggest reasons why Larry would pick the name Goldilocks as his code name, feel free but I’m not going there. Besides, theprank is rather funny.

Amita films the prank – and Charlie organizing the prank.  If the two of them ever break up, she has serious leverage.  She even takes a moment to remind him that his own record isn’t clear, which both reestablishes that she loves him but won’t take any of his shit, and reinforces that he was a whiny brat about the whole pot at Pink Floyd incident.

The eppesode ends with both couples back on even ground and Larry staring off into the distance.  I’m going to assume he’s thinking about Megan because I’d be happier that way.

Next Week:  It’s a repeat of “Power.”   Those of you that didn’t see the horrific Ivy Kirk the first time, you can experience your own self-righteous anger next week.  Wait!  If you think she’s terrifying, just wait until we get the next new eppesode.  I have one word that no one in the fandom has dared speak aloud for the past 4 seasons:  haircut.