Chuck: Chuck Versus Santa Clause (Episode 211)

Handler and Handled Christmas at Buy More, because nothing says happy hoidays like retail and desperation. Big Mike and Emmmet agree--Christmas Eve is not a day for fellowship so much as it is for jacking prices 15%. Sarah's less bitten by the merry-merry bug, since Christmas for her means memories of the annual Salvation Army con job. Chuck invites her to the annual Bartowski heart-warming holiday hootenanny, which involves: eggnog; pajamas; fake gas fireplace; and marathoning the Twilight Zone.

Anna's still not speaking to Morgan, because he's Morgan; he's also, like most of the Buy More staff, clothed in green and gold elf garb from head to stocking and curl-toed slippered foot. Big Mike preps the troops, who are watching a freeway chase on TV, for the frenzy about to occur. Ellie and Awesome arrive early for some friends-and-family discounted presents; Awesome tells Ellie not to worry about his gift, since he's already provided himself with a weekend skydiving trip with his boys and the resulting, necessary-to-Awesome adrenaline rush. Everyone preps for the incoming crowd when the chase suddenly takes a turn for the Buy More, quite literally. Chuck watches as the car drives straight through the entrance and arrives at his feet, with the gun-toting driver staring at him over the barrel of his weapon.

The gunman is Ned, a sad sack loser who was just trying to steal Christmas prezzies for his kids after having lost his job. Sarah and Casey are in the Castle when they realize what's gone down--Casey nipping out for a little Buy More break and personal wrapping. The General notices the tape all over his fingers and he grudgingly admits that he's sustained some injury wrapping presents at the gift station. Paper cuts, General. She's like, craps, Major, it's Buy More, not Bosnia. She tells them that Ned's record shows him harmless, and they prepare to sneak into the Buy More via their super-secret tunnel to the break room, just after Chuck has shut the whole place down for Ned. Chuck tells Ned that he thinks he can help him get out of this mess, given that he knows People.

When the cops arrive, they are led, AWESOMELY, by Reginald VelJohnson, which proves that the show is actively courting the Die Hard-loving demographic of the general television audience. And that is, essentially, this recapper right here. There is nowhere John McClane could go that I would not follow, including plane hangars and crotchety old age. Subtle (or not-so-subtle-ceiling-crawling) homage warms the cockles of my dorky heart. They have even named him Al Powell, so they are SUPER AWESOME. He's working with Lt. Mauser, hostage negotiator. Al assures Mauser that things will be okay inside, because his cousin Mike is the manager. Inside, Big Mike tells Emmett that his cousin Big Al will be there, so surely they can open the store by lunch.

Chuck speaks for Ned on the phone, because Ned is a) a schlub, and b) really inept at holding hostages and doesn't know what he wants. When Mauser tells Chuck that Ned should send a hostage out as a sign of good faith, Emmett nearly seizes in volunteering to go. Ned lets him go, and Emmett heads straight outside to the news cameras to plug the Buy More. Chuck sees Sarah and Casey, who gives him the signal to meet, and Chuck slips Ned to "use the bathroom." The agents try to hustle Chuck out the door, but he refuses to leave Ellie and Morgan (and everyone else, presumably Awesome), even though Sarah promises him a SWAT team is on the way to extract the others. He damns the rules and tells his handlers he's staying with his sister. Ned arrives and panicks at the newcomers; Chuck introduces his girlfriend and Casey, who is harmless as a little girl. He asks Ned to uncock the gun, and in doing so, he accidentally shoots Casey's toe off.

Ellie and Awesome tend to Casey's foot, telling him that people get along fine with nine toes. Jeff: "I'm getting fine by with eight." Hee. Awesome tries to corral the men into taking Ned down, but Chuck puts them off, with Casey chiming in. When Mauser calls again, Ned's unsure of his demands, so Chuck tells Mauser to call back in five minutes. He convinces Ned to let everyone call their loved ones. Ned calls his wife; Ellie and Awesome, the Awesome parents; Lester, a 1-900 number; Jeff, his prisoner-mother; Casey, his mom (calling himself Johnny Boy); Big Mike, Big Al (asking about potential shoppers); and Morgan tries to talk to Anna, who won't give him the time of day. Chuck calls Sarah from the romantic comedy DVD section, where she takes him up on the Bartowski Christmas. He gives her his mother's charm bracelet, for good luck. His dad gave it to his mom when Ellie was born. She protests he should give it to someone real. He knows, he says.

The phone rings again, and Ned tells Mauser that he wants to go home and spend Christmas with his family. Mauser thinks they can work on that, but he wants to come inside. Once in the Buy More, he asks Ned to trade him for two hostages. Mauser wants to send out the injured one, Casey, and since Chuck's been such a friend, Ned wants to send out his girlfriend Sarah. Chuck literally yells NO, prompting everyone to wince collectively. Instead of taking the obvious cover that he'd want to send out his sister first, he backpedals lamely that he wants everyone to leave. Mauser's like, yeah, we'll get to that, but for now, it's Casey and Sarah. Sarah hugs Chuck, murmuring in his ear that she would never let anyone hurt him. The agents, once outside, head straight for the SWAT team outside, saying things seem calm, especially now that Ned's spoken to his wife. SWAT leader says that Ned doesn't have a wife. Sarah and Casey quietly start to freak. Inside, Chuck catches sight of Mauser's watch, which immediately makes his eyes cross as the Intersect goes into flash mode. Mauser, it would seem, is Fulcrum.

Chuck tries to tell Ned not to trust Mauser, who is a seriously bad guy. He tells Ned to let everyone out of the store; Ned won't, because he needs the bargaining chip. Chuck promises him that Chuck alone is a good enough bargaining chip, since the People he knows work for the government. Mauser interrupts before Chuck can convince Ned. Chuck heads over to Awesome and the other guys, who are once again planning their takeover. Chuck pleads with Awesome not to be quite so Awesome. Mauser calls Chuck over and says he and Ned have worked everything out. Chuck's like, great, we can all leave! Mauser's like, not so fast.

Casey and Sarah trace the call Ned made, right to a phone inside the Buy More, belonging to Frank Mauser.

Mauser, without pretext, tells Chuck that Fulcrum knows John Casey's NSA. They know Sarah's CIA. And they're pretty pissed at how many Fulcrum agents the two of them have taken out. They knew Sarah and Casey were protecting someone, but they didn't know who until Chuck flat out told Ned. Chuck fakes ignorance, but Mauser threatens to have Ned shoot Ellie if Chuck doesn't cooperate. Ned suddenly looks all cocksure and menacing. Chuck says he's an analyst, that's all. Mauser says they've done a background check, so they know Chuck knows Bryce Larkin. Chuck says Bryce is dead. Mauser says he's done negotiating, and behind them, Ned pulls his gun. Mauser demands to know where Bryce and the Intersect are; if he thinks Chuck is lying, Ellie dies. Chuck says he doesn't know where Bryce is, but he knows where the Intersect is. Looking at Ellie and Awesome, he points to his head. "It's right here."

Mauser tells Chuck that Ned's going to release him, and he's going to a secure Fulcrum facility. Chuck says he'll never see Ellie again, and Mauser confirms it. He asks to say goodbye to Ellie, and Mauser tells him he can, but if he draws attention to himself, Ellie's dead. Chuck wanders over to Ellie, telling her he's being let go. They hug, and Chuck says goodbye to his sister, asking if she knows how much he loves her. Ellie tells him to cheer up, it'll be okay. Awesome gives Chuck a manhug, and Chuck tells him to go for the Ned-take down.

Mauser hustles Ned out. Casey and Sarah are prepping the big guns, but pause long enough to see Chuck being loaded into an ambulence.

Awesome huddles up his troops. They take their positions. Lester rushes Ned, who immediately throws him down with a single roundhouse kick. Lester falls on his ass.

Sarah and Casey shoot out the wheels of the ambulence, and Chuck runs towards a Christmas tree lot.

Ellie and Anna tend to Lester, Anna all "Morgan would never do anything so brave and manly," while Ned gloats that things are finally getting interesting. Morgan's been lying in wait, covered in the fake snow of the fake North Pole. He lets loose the snow machine, giving Awesome and Big Mike the opportunity to rush Ned and separate him from his gun. Morgan, psyched, asks if Anna saw what he did, but she's busy comforting Lester.

Chuck runs through the Christmas trees, hiding from Mauser. Sarah, however, finds him first. He gives her the bullet: Mauser, Fulcrum, everyone at Buy More, totes in danger. Sarah says she's got it, and she tells him to run back to the Castle. He doesn't want to leave her alone with Mauser. She says his safety is more important than hers. Chuck runs, and Sarah stalks through the trees, gun at the read. Chuck turns back, however, just in time to see Sarah and Mauser have a pretty wicked fight. Mauser's the first baddie to really get Sarah against the ropes, kicking her while she's down and nearly choking her to death. In the end, she gets the bead on him. He taunts that even if she arrests him and takes him away, he's worth more to Fulcrum than any of the other agents she's dispatched, and wherever the CIA or NSA put him, Fulcrum will come looking for him. She may have saved Chuck's secret for the moment, but it's only a matter of time before Fulcrum knows he's the Intersect. Sarah pauses for a long, fraught moment, allowing Chuck just enough time to catch up and watch while she shoots Mauser in the heart. Chuck stares in horror, seeing his mom's bracelet dangle from the wrist of the girl he loves who totally just killed someone.

Back at the Buy More, everyone's gleeful to have escaped whole and in tact. One girl goes around making out with everyone. Anna stays by Lester as he's loaded onto a stretcher, and he takes the opportunity to lay a fat kiss on her. Morgan sees only the kiss, not the part where Anna recoils and shouts "EW." Sarah finds Chuck there, gives him a quick cover-kiss, and says she'll join him for Christmas. He just looks weary and confused, joining the downtrodden Morgan at the Nerd Herd desk. Morgan asks what to do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific, it's permanently burned into your brain. "I don't know, buddy. But I know exactly what you mean," Chuck says.

See you, sadly, in February.