Scrubs - "My Saving Grace" (Episode 803)

Since I've been with this site since 2006, I can't quit you, Recapist - so I'll be sticking around for a while! JD says that with all of the bureaucracy at the hospital, sometimes the doctors had to bend the rules for their patients a bit. Unfortunately, Dr. Maddox wasn't having that and was seemingly omnipresent in the halls of Sacred Heart. Jd told Elliot that all of a sudden the hospital was a police state. Elliot agreed and said that the next thing you know, they'll be charging doctors for candy at the gift shop (well, Elliot was getting her candy for free because the cashier, Johann, wanted to marry her and take her back to Estonia (which explains why he asked her if she were comfortable around oxen.) JD says he's disturbed that they can't "work the system anymore" but Cox asserts that he's been able to work around Maddox. In fact, he got a 35-year-old patient into a clinical trial with a cut-off age of 30. He asked the patient what he'd say his age was "if anyone asked" and the patient happily yelled "35!" Unfortunately, the trial was for victims of head trauma. Cox told JD he was able to give his patients top-notch care because he was simply a better doctor.

Later that day, intern Katie was completely kissing up to Elliot, using complements to get "more interesting procedures". Elliot assigned her to one such procedure (changing a patient's central line - whatever that means) and told Carla that she felt like Katie would do anything to get ahead. She was thinking of "freezing her out", just like one Dr. Simmons, who wore the exact same thing she did every day. JD and Elliot checked in on a new patient, Pat, who was accompanied by his daughter. Pat had MS and wanted to be put on Interferon. He was suffering from hand spasms and nausea - and he was color blind as well. Elliot ordered a bunch of tests and a cup of coffee, which she promptly spilled down the front of her dress. The Janitor has returned to Coffee Bucks after being fired and was lamenting about his unemployment to Carla. JD tried to care about his plight, so he imagined the saddest thing possible (Turk dead). He started to get upset thinking about the loss of his friend and reassured himself that Turk was fine. Janitor knew that JD didn't care that he was fired because he was the "bad guy" in their relationship - but he never did anything to JD that he didn't deserve (for example, Janitor destroyed JD's scooter because "I don't like Wednesdays".) Elliot came up and told Janitor that she was so sorry he was fired - and saw Dr. Simmons was wearing the same top she had just changed into, promting her to ask, "How is that even possible?"

Katie managed to charm a colleague to change the patient's central line for her. Carla witnessed this and looked dispaarovingly at Katie when she took credit for the work when Elliot complemented her. JD and Elliot told Pat that they were going to put him on Interferon (which JD thought sounded like the name for "a robot who always gets in the way"). JD brought a red and green pill to Pat and asked him to take the red one, which he does. Since he said he was color blind, the fact that he took the right colored pill threw up a red flag for JD - and he told Elliot that Pat was just another addict scamming them for meds. Cox went to check on his clinical trial patient and found his bed empty. "Soulless dictator" Dr. Maddox found out that the patient was lying about his age and sent him packing. Cox met up with Jordan in Coffee Bucks and told her that he had to get rid of Maddox. Jordan wasn't listening to him as she was more interested in Kelso and Janitor sharing a table - and a scone. Kelso asked if his free muffins for life status afforded him free scones as well and, when he found out it didn't, said "Damn you, God." Cox came over and asked the boys who was "in" to help him get Maddox out. Janitor was all in, since his only human interaction has been dealing with neighbors complaining about his "imaginary Akita" (which was actually Janitor making barking sounds). Kelso asked Cox if Maddox was really that bad and Cox said she was just like he was, except "smarter and not bald." Kelso thinks Cox misses him. Cox says he'd admit to anything true, no matter how embarassing (like the fact that he'd love to give birth to a baby), but he'd never admit to missing Kelso. Carla sits Katie down in order to "set her straight." Katie told Carla she had no right to talk to her like this because she was "just a nurse". Ouch. Carla said the nursing staff has already turned on her and that everyone else was "onto her." JD and Elliot confronted Pat about the medicine. As JD went on about how his brother was a "rogue cop" and that Pat was going to get "Michael Chiklis-ed" (referring to his role on "The Shield"), Elliot realized that Christine was the one with MS (she had no insurance, but her father did). Pat told them they'd leave, but asked the doctors not to rat him out. JD and Elliot couldn't turn them away and bent the rules for them. Cox was looking through files for some dirt on Maddox. JD and Elliot went to check in on Pat and Christine and again saw an empty bed. Maddox found them out and kicked them to the curb as well - she loved playing the "bad guy". Carla gave Katie a piece of paper, which supposedly had the  with the worst name everyone else came up with for her. Katie read it - "sausages, sausages and more sausages" (that was actually Turk's grocery list). Cox confronted Maddox with documentation that proved that she was "on the take" from a medical supply company. Maddox said that wasn't effective ammo to get the board to fire her because she was rolling the money back into the hospital. Cox begged Maddox to stop "handcuffing" them as they attempt to help their patients. Everyone else feels the same way, but Maddox doesn't give "a rat's hairy ass" about what they think.

Katie thanked Carla for her concern but said she didn't need her help. Carla said that in order to survive at Sacred heart that she needed to surround herself with friends - like the ones she had, who kept her secrets. Not really, Elliot told everyone about the uncomfortable sex dream Carla had about a cafeteria worker and enjoyed watching Carla awkwardly interact with her. Cox was still on a mission to get rid of Maddox. Janitor wasn't much help when he suggested "Photoshop" - which didn't refer to doctoring an incriminating photo, but building an actual photo shop and beating maddox to death with pool cues when she came to develop her film. Elliot said Maddox was "untouchable", but JD knew he could get rid of any woman - by simply saying "I love you" ("Too mean, psyche!") The doctors tried to get  Jordan to help get Maddox out, but since she retired from the board to be a full-time mom, she really couldn't do anything. Jordan suggested they ask Kelso for help because he had loads of dirt on all of the board members. Janitor is now sitting in on Carla and Katie's chat and told Katie that his rules for getting by at Sacred Heart were the same as his rules for getting by in Mexico (don't drink the water, party till you drop and everything is negotiable.) Kelso said he'd help Cox only if Cox would finally admit that he missed him. Cox said that Kelso was a "soulless creature from the Netherworld who doesn't have feelings" but finally gave in (after sending everyone - except JD and Elliot - out of Coffee Bucks). Cox finally said something nice to Kelso. He always sensed he was burdened by the job and his actions didn't really represent who he was as a person. He occassionally displayed a shred of humanity and he missed him. Carla told Katie that her self-centered attitude was nothing new - she's heard it all before. Katie told Carla that her dad died when she was six and her mom drank herself into a stupor. This confession didn't faze Carla, as many of the doctors suffered through worse. Carla told Katie that it doesn't matter about the crap in her past. The people at Sacred Heart are her family now. Kelso was working his magic on the board members, reminding one member of a hermaphrodite he nailed on a trip to Thailand. Not surprisingly, Maddox was gone, Pat got his meds and Katie saw the light.