Phew...30 minutes to go. This one opens with him cussing out some member of the audience. How did this happen? Let's go back a week, shall we? Dice is getting a big break – he's doing a big show with Artie Lange (from Stern's show) in Boston which will be broadcast live on Sirius. Dice and the gang meet at a deli (eating again?) to plan for the big show (oh my God, Wheels is actually doing his road manager thing for once). Max is going to Boston to see the uncensored show, but Dice deems Dillon too young. Later on, Dice takes Dillon and Eleanor to the batting cages. Dice says if Dillon doesn't succeed at music, he could get on a “baseball group" (he can't possibly be this dumb.) Eleanor wants to talk about travel plans to Philly for her Mom's birthday. He blows her off and she gets upset. Dice accused her of not understanding the “big picture". She feels unappreciated and says she can't do it anymore. Dice agrees she's right and she packs her bags and moves out.

Can I say “Thank God" now? I doubt anyone besides me has stuck through this painful experiment imposed on us by VH-1, but if you have and actually care how this season turns out...this one's for you.

The first part of tonight's extravaganza takes our hero to the Howard Stern show. Dice was a regular on his show back in the day and apparently there's some bad blood between them (they haven't seen each other in 10 years.) Oh, and he's writing a book, “The Filthy Truth". Dice sets off with the still-incompetent Todd to NYC for the show. And, per usual, there are the usual problems at the airport, they have to shlep their bags through the massive parking lot.

Dice wants to record an album, to prove to the world that he's still relevant – I mean funny. First of all, Dice tells off a telemarketer. Not funny. Dice is heading to Houston to record his set, which will become his album (it'll actually be a CD, kids) Dice meets up with a record producer. The producer tells Dice that no one really thinks he retired and that he's going to have to work hard to convince the public that he's still funny. He says recording a comedy album now is different than doing it back in the day. He needs to play off his rock n' roll image and he knows someone who would be a perfect match for him. Dice asks the producer why he wants to make the album. The producer replies by telling him he stands to make a nice chunk of change. Dice admires his honesty.

Dice used to be on a lot of magazine covers, now not so much. He's going to be on the cover of Complex magazine (nope, haven't heard it either.) But Dice is now joining the ranks of some other heavy hitters who have graced its cover, such as Vince Vaughn and Gwen “Stephanie" (as Dice would say.) Dice doesn't seem too happy with his looks. He's a little unhappy about his weight, his hair is thinning, he doesn't look the same as he did years ago (who does, kiddo?) Dice takes Eleanor to see the hair transplant specialist. He wants a pompadour. Is it me, or has Dice gotten more obnoxious and cocky as the show has progressed? The doc is a professional, but not a miracle worker, Dice! Eleanor doesn't look too happy about the whole procedure. Dice's son Dillon volunteers some of his (blond) hair – what a sweet kid. Dice takes Dillon and Max to the gym for a little boxing and working out.

Dice's ex has moved, so he must follow suit to keep his boys together. He's really not happy about this. The family commences with the packing. Dice is whining about boxes (dumb argument of the week ensues between Dice and Eleanor, who has the patience of a saint.) As Dice packs, we get a walk down memory lane – lots of pictures, yearbooks and his extensive collection of (garish) leather jackets. Dillon tried to recite one of dad's famous nursery rhymes and messed up. So much for following in dad's footsteps!

Dice feels he's been an internet superstar since his fall from grace, He feels slighted that he's been banned from MTV – but he is going to be back on the boob tube. He's scheduled first for a radio gig - the Wendy Williams show (not Wendy O. Williams – which would be beyond cool!) Dice trying to find a very special jacket for has upcoming Showtime special. Of course, he opts for the black leather motorcycle jacket (although he probably has hundreds of them in his closet already.) Wheels is asked for his input and he says he decorates cakes – not people. Way to avoid trouble, Wheels. Dice goes back to NY for the radio show. Dice is not at all happy with Wendy's green room, which is actually pink. He gets soundly dissed by Wendy and her crew (they call him “Fat Fonzie".) He blew out the stations dump and took a hike.

It's a Dice two-fer. Since VH-1 is premiering the show tonight, we get a whole hour of Dice (30 minutes will be more than sufficient in the future, VH-1)!

After Dice's triumphant Jersey gig, he fired his agent Dennis, who seems to think Debbie Gibson is a more valuable client. Dice wants a little R&R time in Miami, where he can perform and see his folks and family. Since he knows Wheels won't be able to go, he thinks he can take care of business with Todd. Can you see bad things happening already? Dice and Wheels head to a restaurant with the kids for a meeting with Todd – who is nowhere to be found. Dice is mad (because he's blowing his pre-gig diet), but he cares about the guy and forgives him.

Todd makes it to the airport and he and Dice wing their way to Florida. Todd assures that Wheels has filled him in on all the details of the trip. “Uncle" Lee is there to meet the pair - but Dice won't be able to make Lee's gig (geez, is everybody a comic on this show?) Dice hits the beach (if you saw Casual Sex, think his pre-redemption character Vinny plus like, oh, 50 pounds.)

Dice has a gig at the Improv, but first he wants to visit his dad, who was always there for him. Dad has a whole room devoted to his famous son (and, laundry.) Dice gets a little pep talk from his pop (who also thinks ex-manager Dennis was disrespectful.) Dice shows up at the Improv and notices that his name is not on the marquee. That's because, as the Improv owner tells him, he's not booked for the evening. He's offered a walk-on gig before the scheduled headliner, which he passes on. Dice is incredibly pissed with Todd and calls Wheels, who also is of no help.

I used to love Andrew “Dice" Clay. We'd listen to his first album (on cassette) for hours on end in college. His bawdy nursery rhymes were a hoot. I, personally, lost interest in him when he just seemed to be too big for his britches and “Dice" overshadowed Andrew Silverstein, who wasn't too bad of a comic actor (I always thought he was surprisingly good in “Casual Sex". “Ford Fairlane" is a different story altogether.) So, in VH-1's quest to resurrect yet another lost celebrity soul, Dice Undisputed is born.

The episode opens back in 1990, at Dice's triumphant Madison Square Garden gig. Now, 17 years later we encounter a paunchier, greyer Dice, who blames political correctness on his downfall (remember when he guest hosted on SNL and cast member Nora Dunn refused to take part in the episode?) His career and marriage flopped, so he decided to chronicle his life on video. Tapes and tapes – it's his therapy. He laid low, going manager and agent-less and taking care of his kids, Max and Dillon. He's also got a fiancée named Eleanor. He wants to get out of his own shadow and he feels America needs a comic hero, because we're just as pissed off now as we were in the '80s. He promises to “blow it up again". Will he? Or is this all just “Unbelievable". Let's see...