Last week left off with Jenn and Alex making out at the bar leaving to Colie stew in her own jealousy. Alex drunkenly says he's so attracted to Jenn and doesn't care about anything right now. Jenn says she's attracted to him too. Colie comes out of the woodwork and says, “Hey, love birds". Jenn comes back and says more like drunk birds. Colie whines to the camera about how shocked she is by Jenn and Alex- nobody else is. Colie is sick of watching Alex and Jenn suck face and takes off with Corey. Jenn and Alex scamper home and immediately run upstairs. Colie gives her disapproving looks while holding hands with Corey. Colie doesn't understand why Alex is doing this. She seems to think that he is showing her he doesn't care about her by having sex with Jenn. Jenn and Alex snag the bedding off the bed and head for the guest room. Alex and Jenn start going at it while at the same time Colie and Corey start going at it right next door with the same bedding nonetheless. The Real World has been reduced to a split screen simultaneous uniform whore off. Wait, reduced or upgraded? Tyrie comes upstairs to find everyone is getting it on. Tyrie goes back downstairs where Brett (Alex's friend from home) is hanging out on the couch reading. Brett tells Tyrie about Jenn and Alex making out at the bar. Tyrie thinks the second Corey leaves Colie and Alex are going to do the same shit and Tyrie does not approve. Brett doesn't think Alex should shit where he sleeps and right now Alex is taking a diarrhea dump. Post-bang session, Jenn hops out of bed and suggests a shower. Before jumping out of bed to meet her, Alex lies in bed and asks himself out loud “what am I doing?" Jenn and Alex waste no time before round two in the shower. Colie heads for the bathroom after finishing her business with Corey to find Jenn and Alex in the shower. Jenn smugly tells the camera that says she's not concerned with how Colie feels. Jenn gets that Colie and Alex have their thing but she can't seem to grasp how she keeps coming between them. Getting drunk and flirting with Alex seems to be her unavoidable wedge between them. Colie and Corey are walking and talking. Colie says the people in the house aren't her friends. Colie says she hangs out with Jenn but she is an alcoholic and being drunk is not an excuse for her actions. Colie tries to convince the camera that she's not going to talk to Jenn about Alex anymore. She thinks her and Jenn are real different people. Corey and Colie go out to eat and they snuggle and start talking about marriage for some reason. Corey is randomly going on about converting and getting her parents to love him. It's borderline creepy. They both say they make each other feel bad when they get with other people. Corey says he isn't going to let go of his feelings for her. They kiss and all who are watching are nauseous.

We start off this week with all the kids dancing at the club. Colie and Alex are chatting about Corey coming to visit. Colie drunkenly says after this weekend is over then Colie and Alex start to date. Yes, she is speaking in third person. Colie says she is done with Corey after this weekend and they are saying their goodbyes. Colie tells the camera that it's pretty complex between her and Alex. Colie and Alex drink and flirt and she bites his hand. Back at home, Ty and Alex are wrestling around. Jenn tells Alex to go to bed. Jenn guides him up the stairs and throws him on the bed. Alex is wasted and rolls right off the bed and onto the floor. Alex says please don't tell Colie. Jenn thinks he's embarrassed because he's so drunk. Jenn is downstairs telling Tyrie about Alex. Tyrie says that Colie and Alex need to knock it off. Alex struts into Colie's room, clad in only boxers, and hops into bed with her. The next morning, Colie and Alex are snuggling and he asks if they get to sleep like this when Corey gets there. They continue to cuddle and the whole scene is vomit inducing. Later on, Alex is in the hot tub in a raft. Tyrie advises him not to hook up with Colie. Alex says he really likes the idea of having sex. Ty says Colie is like his little sister and those two getting together is like incest. Inside, Colie and Jenn are trying to clean the house. Colie asks Brooke if she made mac and cheese. Colie tells her she has to clean it because it won't fit in the dishwasher and she doesn't want to clean it by hand. Brooke gets real defensive and says she has cleaned the kitchen three whole times. Brooke gets pissed and tells Colie that she's a bitch and storms upstairs. Brooke whines to camera that Colie isn't her mother or her elder and only her roommate. Colie's turn to camera bitch about Brooke. Colie goes on about how Brooke is a psycho maniac, which she obviously is.

Should it be "Whom do you trust?" I'm probably wrong, as I wasn't an English major in college, and I would rather poke myself with a sharp stick before attempting to diagramming a sentence. Grammar aside, there are some relationship issues to resolve -- between Heidi and Audrina, Lauren and Brody and, most obviously, between Heidi and Spencer.

We start off this week with a Colie montage. She talks about Alex, Adam, and Corey- all of her different male flavors of the week. All the kids are at the club and we see this blond girl Stacy, feeling up Alex's thigh. Within seconds Stacy and Alex are making out. Cut to an unnecessary close up on Stacy's boobs. Alex goes on to the camera about how Stacy is cool because she's not a roommate. Stacy and Alex prance home hand in hand. Stacy and Alex banter and Alex mentions he has to pee. Stacy says she does too. Oh they have so much in common. Upon arrival back at the house, Stacy and Alex have to face Brooke and Colie. Colie is sitting in the corner scowling in jealousy and tells Stacy she looks wasted. Brooke tries to be nice and asks Stacy where she gets her nails done. Colie tells Alex that some girl called for him. It is a dirty lie. Colie admits to the camera that she tries to make Stacy look like an idiot. Fine work. Colie says she doesn't understand how Stacy knows about the Jenn and Colie situation and still wants to have sex with Alex. The “happy couple" head to the bedroom for a drunken romp. Colie remains bitter and Brooke is strutting around in her underwear as usual. Why does this girl never have pants on? Colie tells Brooke she's happy that she lied and said some girl called. Brooke and Colie start bitching because they are going to have to hear Stacy and Alex having sex. Colie, being the mature individual she is, starts making fake orgasm sounds. She says that what Alex is doing is a slap in the face and disrespectful. Colie and Brooke complain more about the sex sounds. Colie is convinced Stacy is faking it and wishes she had the opportunity to fake it with Alex.

The next day, Colie starts complaining to Jenn about the whole Alex and Stacy situation. Colie says she feels like she has been treated badly. She finally admits that she is kind of jealous, which translates to crazy jealousy. Colie confronts Alex. Colie goes on about how he shouldn't have rubbed his sex life in her face. Alex doesn't seem to get it and is clearly more interested in the Connect Four game on the table. Colie says she wouldn't have done that to him. Alex still doesn't understand. Colie tells him she doesn't want him to like her or care about her. This brings Colie to tears and she says he hurts her and doesn't care. Alex remains oblivious.

We start off this week with Colie telling Alex that he snores. Colie goes on to admit that Tyrie is the worst snorer. The remaining Outward Bound kids start to pack up their stuff. They pawn off the biggest and heaviest backpack on Tyrie. Before they leave, Raleigh advises them to drink and pack a lot of water because there's not going to be a lot at the top of the hill. The kids all start their climb up the mountain. Colie says that the next campsite is a two and a half hour hike- all up hill. The caption at the bottom reads 'elevation 12,000' feet. Jenn bitches to the camera about the hike. She doesn't see the point in the constant hiking. They all hike/whine and eventually take a break. While sitting, Jenn and Colie are complaining and Colie starts crying. It's actually hard to tell if she is crying or just making some ridiculous face to accompany her bitching. They continue on their hike and come across a patch of snow and all of a sudden everything is good again. They all play in the snow and pseudo sled down on their jackets. In better spirits, the kids continue on the hike. Colie says to the camera that they all bonded on their trip together. A patch of snow will have that effect.

Meanwhile back at the house, Brooke, Davis, and Stephen head out for a night on the town. While walking, Davis starts making fun of Brooke's fake injury. Davis says he swears her brace was on the other leg yesterday. Brooke continues to limp and cries that she can't walk very fast. On the mountain, the wilderness kids are making some gross looking pasta and naturally start talking about Brooke, Davis, and Stephen. Alex starts doing a half decent Brooke impression- Southern accent and all. In his Brooke voice, he says 'I just feel so bad'. Back in Denver, the hypochondriacs head out to eat at a fancy restaurant. Jenn says to the camera that doesn't think they are resting and taking medicine like they should be. No shit. The next day on the mountain, Tyrie says that it's too cold to be hiking. The plan of the day consists of a very long up hill hike. Looks like Tyrie is S.O.L. They start their hike and Tyrie stops mid incline and begins to breathe heavily. He stops completely and says he can't breathe. Tyrie sits down and pulls out his inhaler. Chris comes over to see what's going on and addresses Tyrie as Broseph. That's just annoying.

OMG, new season of "The Hills"! I kinda missed this show. Sure, I got tired of feeling jealous of Lauren's apartment, boyfriend, car, wardrobe, job, whatever, but I really grew to like her. You'd get the feeling that she was kinda passive, not being too chatty (that's what roommate Heidi was for) and all, but her heavily lined eyes said so much!

We start off this week with Brooke whining (as usual) about going back to Outward Bound. She says it's like torture and then starts bitching about her ankle. Apparently Brooke hurt her ankle chasing Davis around the house. Cue flashback on Brooke chasing Davis then falling a little bit. Brooke seems to think it's not getting better even though she's not even really hurt. Aside from Brooke's nonsense, Colie is on the phone with Corey who is her boyfriend back home. Colie says that her and Corey decided that they weren't going to have a relationship while she was on the show. After the phone call, Colie immediately hangs up on him and calls up Adam. Colie says she's attracted to Adam because he's older and becoming a doctor. Colie is chatting with him and then suggests they get together. Adam tells her that it's not a good idea and Outward Bound told him not to talk to her. Colie is upset that she's not allowed to hang out with him and talk to him for that matter. Colie eventually gets off the phone and runs downstairs to bitch to her roommates. She insists to them all that she didn't even kiss him. Colie continues to whine to Alex. Alex says Colie is dependant on having a relationship, which is why she flirts with him and is hung up on Adam. Colie asks Tyrie his opinion- who tells her that it's good that they can't talk for the sake of professionalism. Tyrie really doesn't really give a shit at all. Back at the house, Brooke is talking to her dad. Brooke tells him about her ankle and says she's going to the doctor. Brooke jokes that she hopes she's hurt so she doesn't have to go back into the woods. The next day, Davis drives her to the doctor. Post doctor appointment, Brooke is at the house reading the letter from the doctor. The letter says she is excused from Outward Bound for seven days- no hiking, etc. No more of Brooke whining in the woods! Woo hoo!

All the kids start packing. Stephen is bitching about Outward Bound to Tyrie. Stephen claims he's a city guy and can't handle it. Tyrie, the food manager, rallies up all the kids to go food shopping for their next training session. Brooke is walking around the grocery store in stilettos and an ankle brace. Yes, it's that ridiculous. Tyrie calls Raleigh who can't eat any wheat, sugar, or dairy. He's clearly having trouble and gives up on it. Colie pages Tyrie from the front counter. Who would let anyone of these kids on an intercom system?

This week, we start off with the latest Jenn and Alex fight. Then, out of nowhere all the kids are in the club drinking and dancing as usual. Stephen is mackin it to a few random girls. This is all being spliced with some confessional footage of him talking about his girlfriend back home, Mersi. Jenn tells the camera that Stephen told her to keep an eye on him- to make sure he doesn't cheat. Jenn sees him hugging and kissing some club girl. Jenn immediately pulls him aside to tell him he's not being faithful. Like Jenn should be the authority figure here, didn't she cheat on her guy back home? Jenn finally convinces them to leave and they all head home.

En route back to the house, Brooke and Davis are flirting- yes it's odd. In the kitchen, Brooke says she would love a hotdog. Davis makes a sny comment about his wiener. Brooke tells him to knock it off or she might have sex with him. Davis tells the camera that Brooke goes on and on to him about she is sexually frustrated and needs a penis. Soon after, Brooke and Davis are cuddling on a chair. Brook asks him when was the last time he had sex with a girl. Davis admits he slept with a girl three months ago. Davis continues trying to get with Brooke. Brooke finally lays it down and tells Davis they can't have sex because they live together, he's gay, and he has a boyfriend- all valid points.

We start off this week in the wilderness once again. All the kids are on top of a decently high cliff. In order to get down, they all have to repel. All of them are scared and Brooke whines about how she has already had too much excitement for the day. Alex mans up and goes first. Brooke continues to make disgusting faces in the background. All the kids follow down the cliff one by one. At the top, Tyrie and Brooke are the only two left. Tyrie amps himself up to go down the cliff. Tyrie is admittedly scared of heights. As he is about to lower himself down, he calls on Jesus' help. Tyrie shimmies down the cliff side and eventually makes it to the bottom. Upon getting to the bottom, Tyrie becomes emotional and starts to cry. Colie makes a stupid comment about Ty's new ability to share his feelings makes them like family. Back at the top, Brooke gets fastened in. She leans over the cliff and she makes more disgusting faces. Of course, without hesitation she decides she's not going to do it, Brooke even says she can't and won't do it. It's all very obnoxious.

Back at camp they talk about their experience with the cliff. They all admit they were scared. Tyrie confesses that he cried at the bottom because he was happy and that he felt like god touched him. Chris (their boss) pulls Colie aside to tell her he doesn't want her going on the backpacking trip because of her mono. He tells her to stay back with Adam- who is the food supply guy or something. Back in the tent, Colie tells Davis she thinks Adam is cute. Chris then assigns Brooke and Alex dish duty. While Alex is seen scrubbing away, Brooke stands in the background and watches. Finally, Alex tells her to go scrub something. This sets Brooke off and she starts crying and yelling at Alex. Brooke whines that he disrespected her. Chris comes over to see what they are screaming about. Alex admits that he talked sharply towards Brooke and half-ass apologizes. Brooke continues to bitch to anyone who will listen. Brooke is now extremely irritated and runs off to sit on a rock by herself. Alex talks to Chris and Leigh and he thinks that him and Brooke working together is a worse case scenario. Leigh tells him to talk to Brooke- to try and get her to see his point of view. Alex admits to the camera that he doesn't really give a shit about Brooke at all. Alex claims he's going to try and talk to her because he really has nothing to loose.

The kids get ready for their backpacking trip. All of them leave giving Colie their goodbyes. Adam and Colie walk off. Colie starts telling him her life story. Turns out she's an East Brunswick girl- Jersey represent. On the hiking trip, it's time for pooping 101. Leigh and Chris start lecturing the kids on how to take a proper dump in the woods. They tell them to be aware of the quantity of poo, to spread their cheeks, and to keep an eye out for a good rock to wipe with. Brooke whines to the camera “who has ever had a job where you have to poo in the woods." As annoying as she is, she makes a valid point.

Later on while hiking, Brooke demands they take a break. During the break, Brooke takes it upon herself to take off her pants. Jenn asks her what she is wearing and Brooke even admits she's just wearing underwear. Chris asks her about it and says it's a little weird. He says it's fine now but it won't fly when the kids are around. Brooke gets angry with Chris for calling her out. Even Jenn admits that you can't hike in your underwear- this coming from the girl who has spent the most time on the show sans pants. Brooke insists that she is most concerned with her comfort. She reluctantly puts on a pair of shorts that could very well be classified as underwear.

To get ready for their camping trip, the kids head to Sports Authority. Colie got the ok to participate in the Outward Bound program. In the car, Brooke says she needs baby wipes for her face and her vagina. Davis is driving and obviously uncomfortable. Colie makes a stupid crack about how she's going to be very hairy by the end of the trip. At home, Brooke continues to whine about how she isn't going to able to look at herself for five days. Yes, she is that vain. They head off to Leadville- their camping location. Brooke continues to whine to the instructor about how she's not athletic and generally sucks at life. He shows them the high ropes course and tells them all they need to be up at 6am for a run and a dip. He tells Colie to sit out on the run and dip because of her disease. They wake up bright and early and start their run. They top it off top it off with some push-ups. Brooke does a few bitch push ups. All the kids jump into the freezing cold water. Brooke starts screaming before she even touches the water. Stephen says Brooke better not drown because hes not going to save her. Brooke continues to scream about getting in the water. She finally gets in and screams more. Back at camp, Brooke uses the outhouse, asks how it flushes, and apparently shits her pants. The kids proceed to the high ropes course. Brooke isn't doing well and begins freaking out as usual. She cries and whines because she is afraid of heights. Their instructor Chris coaxes her through the course. Brooke climbs down and tries to calm herself. All the other roommates finish the course. Brooke now starts whining about how she sucks and she is the only one who couldn't do it. The next day they all go to Turtle Rock for climbing. Brooke huffs and puffs but makes it to the top. Brooke is slightly capable of accomplishing something. This show is far less entertaining sans drinking, hooking up, and fighting.