I never said I was perfect, Sam

Well, this is the last episode of Life on Mars U.S. for the next two months and what better way to leave it than with another episode of "Sam's Daddy issues."
Oh, btw U.S. writers - you suck for toning down the content of this episode because Dean Winters and porn is never a bad thing.

The show opens and we see a hand tattooed with a snake. We know who that is. Sam's dad is home from the road and he's brought a toy for his little boy.

Sam's father, played by OZ's, SVU's and The Sarah Connor Chronicles' Dean Winters, tries to give the spaceship to Sam, who prefers his own spaceship. It's a cute scene - Vic Tyler loves his son, but I like the set up for what will come later.

Pause to giggle again at the Rose Tyler name.

The tender scene is interrupted by a blurry second of a woman running through the woods in a red dress. Sam jerks awake and we see him, Ray, Chris and Gene in the car at an amusement park presumably on a stakeout.

Sam mentions the Amber alert system, which tells us that they're looking for child. A baby Andrew has been kidnapped and the cops watch as the child's father drops a suitcase of cash into a trash can.

A furtive looking fellow collects the suitcase and the cops are on the move - all set to the tune of '70s cops music. Actually, this entire sequence reminds me of the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage" video. They had the same hair as Ray.

Please note how Chris, Sam and Ray do all the running while Gene drives the car. His hip must have been hurting that day.

Sam is shocked to see it's Vic Tyler.

Back at the One-Twenty-Five, Annie comes over to do her therapist/exposition thing with Sam. He tells her that his father left town during his fourth birthday party.

I find it interesting the emphasis Annie puts on the sentence, "Do you know anything, Sam?" It feels like she's asking him about his entire existence, not just about the disappearance of his father.

Sam tells her about the woman in the red dress. He's convinced that it's his mother because he knows she has a red dress.

It's Sam's birthday on Saturday and Annie suggests they have a party for him, but Sam is too busy concocting another scenario that could explain why he's in 1973.

Annie clues in to the fact that the guy in the cell is Sam's dad.

Credits.

He's smiling. He's smiling!

I have to start this recap with this: I love Ray. I love Ray so much.

Sam is hunched over a typewriter (My mom had one of those!) bitching about stupid analogs while typing with two fingers. Can I say I really love my laptop right now?

He finishes his report and hurries back into the squad room where we see Chris being even more dorky than usual in a birthday hat.

Ray, pimped out like, well, a pimp, walks in declaring that all hookers get a break because it's his birthday. The hookers squee.

Then he takes a picture of his penis and hands to the hookers.

I had way too much fun typing that sentence. In fact, I watched that scene more than once and laughed harder each time.

So between Ray's photography and the cop named Sizeable Ted and the hookers, it's not so much a squad room as a starting point for porn.

And this is just in the first minute of the show.

All right stop collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly

Brother Lovebutter!!! Sounds like a new lubricant. Oy.

Ray is looking at the body of a nine-year-old girl, Keisha Davies who has been thrown off the roof and even his hair seems to know that this death will translate into some serious shit falling on the heads of the One-Twenty-five.

Different planes of existence between parallel dimensions - the you now, the you then and the you coming down the pike - sometimes your wires get crossed and your worlds mix and things don't feel right.

A pretty young woman in a red dress is crying when she is distracted from her own pain by the sound of her little boy calling her. As she sings her son to sleep, he lets go of his toy and it nicely segues into a mechanical robot-thing that zips into Sam's ear.

I'd make the obligatory bugged joke, but trust me, weirder and more disturbing things happen in this episode.

Hmm... Sam likes to have a few drinks before bed (Or he's a complete slob and doesn't recycle. Did New York have recycling programs in the 1970s?). He wakes up from his disturbing dream and snarks at President Nixon who is on the tv probably denying some criminal activity We get another blatant sign of the writers' agenda when Nixon is replaced by George W. Bush and the news anchor commenting that 'we as a nation are addicted to oil.'For the record, oil has been the lowest per barrel in more than a year.

Sam takes us on a quick montage through New York when  a plot device rides her bike past Sam singing the same song that the lady in red yes, I know most of us know who she is, but let's keep the illusion with us for now, ok? sang to her son.

Sam chases the plot device and runs into a young woman being bullied/abused/intimidated by a greasy man. Sam does his  vigilant cop thing and cuffs the guy. Sam goes to return her hat when he is hit by a massive realization - The lady is his mother.

Cue Stricken look Cue stricken look and Sam-angst. Sam drags the man into the One-twenty-five despite his and his girlfriend's protests. Nicholas Profaci greets the cops and random cop guy (aka not Chris, Ray or Gene) try to tell Sam something, but Sam is riding high on the wave of righteousness well, if you went back in time and rescued your mom from a bad guy, wouldn't you?

"I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in the curlicued whimsy of fate."

I'm back after my trip to Europe and I've learned one thing: do not try to keep up when drinking with the British. You will end up on the floor of a toilet after throwing up.

We open with a scene straight out of Hair minus the nudity since it's a network show. Sam is walking through the peacenik crowd with a smile on his face that clearly says, "I can't believe I'm actually experiencing this like it said in my history books!!"

My name is Sam Tyler.  I was in an accident and I woke up in 1973.  I don’t know how or why I’m here but whatever’s happened, it’s like I’ve landed on a different planet.  Now maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.

My name is Theoriginalspy (Spy).  I watched a show in 2006 and woke up in 2008 – watching the same show (except with American accents).  I don’t know how or why I’m here or if I’m just covering for my BFF, Travellingone, the regular recapper, as she sashays along the Champs-Élysées.  Whatever’s happened, I feel like I’ve landed on a different Network – one that doesn’t let me watch episodes of Life on Mars online making my rely on my very old VCR.  Now maybe if I can work out the reason, I can go back to covering my own shows .

It’s weird covering someone else’s show – particularly when you promised not to constantly reference the original version – or if you can’t get my hands on screencaps like you usually do.  Fortunately, I was able to get some pretty close likenesses to what happened in this week’s episode, and since one (well, ½) out of two ain’t bad, I promise not to constantly write about the similarities and differences of the UK versus the USA version.  I even promise not to ask which cast would win in a bar fight.  

We begin at the precinct where Sam is writing down his list of reasons for being stuck in the past.  They include: coma, drug trip, time travel, different planet, extraterrestrials, mind experiment, heaven/hell/purgatory, insanity, brain tumour, virtual reality, multi-dimensional time travel and a really, really big question mark.  OMG, Sam Tyler’s been sent back in time by the Riddler?

Annie, upon seeing the list, erases it, reminding Sam that crazy people don’t get any respect in 1973.  Okay, maybe she doesn’t say it like that but instead reminds him Gene Hunt is older than Methuselah a bastard who would beat him senseless provided he doesn’t break a hip upon seeing that list.

Since Sam can’t theorize as to what he’s doing, nor remember his girlfriend, Maya’s, smile, all he can do is catch bad guys (or wait 11 years until The Cosby Show comes on).

Cue the ridiculous perp chase and superfluous shot of a man in a speedo, set to music.  His name is Kim Trent and he’s being chases by Chris (in waterwings), Ray (hey, why is he here?), Gene (Harvey Keitel’s pasty legs I could’ve done without – kthanxbai) and Sam in a lifeguard’s uniform.  

"You're some bottom-feeding thug that crawled out of some dark pit in the recesses of my mind."

Let's get a couple things clear, yeah?

I adore the original Life on Mars. I think John Simm is awesome He rocks Spy's world.

Now that that's out here, I will try to be as unbiased as possible about Life on Mars US. I'm going to try not to compare every single scene to the original episode.