Marjorie from America's Next Top ModelPreviously - Sheena got low, swept the floor with it and went home. Elina got even more irritating. I liked her better when she was more controlled and spoke less.

Elina mentions her "stiffness" and Marjorie finds that she's not trying. In fact, she feels like Elina thinks she's doing everything perfectly. Did Marjorie's French-osity prevent her from noticing this quality of Elina's before?

Sheena on America's Next Top ModelPreviously - Song of the South Joslyn got booted. After yakking up in a trash barrel. Elina and Marjorie formed a cool kids/victims club around being European. Sheena told them what's what. Oh, and the girls are off to Amsterdam for some kind bud. Stony, man.

The girls run home chanting "AMSTERDAM!", hopefully before Joslyn's left. McKey is sick of the middle and wants to be on top. She's really taken the ANTM theme song to heart. Samantha's really excited about hash brownies. "We're going to Holland, see ya later, California!" Like Cali is some sort of dust bowl of misery. Please, it's the land of dreams. A dream called Pink's hot dogs and that guy in the horrible Spider-Man costume on Sunset Blvd. that charges for photos.

Previously - Tyra signed her "signature" on the girls' bodies. Somehow, Lauren Brie Cheese got tossed off despite her kickass photos. This is probably so Tyra can exploit Majorie's awkward Gallicness some more.

LA Women! Sheena talks about her bottom twoness. Marjorie is now parlaying the discovery of her loser French attitude (hey, Paulina said it, I didn't) into some sort of counseling gig as she tries to comfort Elina's tears not being enough for the judges last panel It was kind of a kick in the animal activist when Elina broke through her steely Ukranian bisexual front to emit a single tear and she was told that her breakthrough was for naught. It's even worse when you look so pathetic that even Marjorie is pitying you.

Previously - Say bye-bye to Jerell and whatever fabric and costume jewels revolution he was trying to start with that wedding dress. Don't even start me on that flowers on the head situation. A women's going to win this one and we're all praying it ain't that rockabilly bitch ingrate Kenley.

It's 3 days until Bryant Park and couldn't you just pee your lady drawers in anticipation? No? Yeah, no kidding - this season was about as exciting as the time Clay Aiken came out. We knew that Ronald McDonald's playground voyeur brother was a big queen, we know Leeanimal is going to win and there's just no magic left. And it's like Lifetime is going to lift this show back up to its rightful place in the reality tv show firmanent. They have Rumer f*cking Willis guest-starring on Army Wives. This is not a network you can run to for bold ideas and strength.

Previously - My T-Girl Isis was sent home. Hannah was, too. But that was a good thing because she was a small town and they don't have people who aren't asses there. Samantha showed her "fanny" (that's British for vagina) at Jeremy Scott's show and he gave her the business over it with his Brooklyn bangs and terrible no-sleeve bandleader jacket.

Clark gets the digital props back the house from Tyra. Clark went "balls to the wall" and that's how she got #1 photo. Now she's rubbing it in. Samantha brings up how Tyra yelled at her ass for Jeremy Scott. She's trying to think positive. Girl, if Elina can feel positive with a Tribble sewn to her melon, you can stay positive.

Previously - Makeover! Sorry, I was on vacay and missed the usually best episode of a cycle. From what I can tell, they sewed a big red mop on Elina's head. That was the most standout disaste. Oh, and the Britanny who was allowed to stay Brittany got sent home. And they had some sort of bikini shoot and I think I saw one of Isis' testicles. Tally ho!

In these new opening credits, Tyra draws an air pyramid for a cameraman, and lets her boobies bounce. I like the NYC ones better.

Previously - Clark sucks. Hannah sucks. There's nothing in Alaska. Sharaun sucked, collapsed, and left.

The new credits feature the models in headbands which is my new pet peeve. What is this stupid headband thing going on? If I see anyone twerkin' those in my immediate area, I'm going to whip out the scissors and start making them into shoelaces.

L.A. ladies! Marjorie is up on the wall back at the house, but this hasn't really helped her nerves or the fact that she looks like Michael Alig. Don't kill Angel, Michael, you'll end up in prison!  Nikeysha realizes she made an ass out of herself at the judging by cutting the judges off and making up excuses for why her photos sucked. She pledges to shut up next panel. Good luck.