Gee, how long has it been? It's been 7 days for us, but 6 long months for the alumni of Charm School. It's time for the gals to reunite, laugh, share funny stories and (most likely) get in each others' faces one last time for some s**t stirring, cat fighting and shoe throwing (especially because tonight marks the return of the "slutacious" Brooke.) La La is back to host the mandatory reunion show. We get re-introduced to all of the ladies - Saaphyri got even more new hair and Larissa apparently got some new boobs. Of course, Mo is back as well, wearing some God-awful capri pants. First up we revisit Schatar and her day at the Firestone winery. She finally lost that broke-ass weave but exhibits a fake demure look that is truly sickening. Mo "complements" her on playing the Schatar "character" but says her high and mighty act has the audience laughing at her, not with her. Schatar still thinks the other girls are below her and feels she's a great role model because she never called any of the gals a "B". This, of course, incites some of the other gals and a bleep fest ensues. This brings the wrath of Mo, who wants the ladies to go through the show as "respectable women" (sure, that'll happen.) 

It's final exam time for Becky, Saaphyri, Leilene and Shay. Leilene's surprised that she's still there. Shay is off on her own - no one really likes her. Tonight's lesson is "Thou shalt be fully fabulous." It's Pop Quiz time - the ladies are going to answer questions related to what they've learned and the lady who knows the least will be expelled. They get to ask whomever they want. Saaphyri is worried, as she doesn't test well (I'm shocked). Becky and Saaphyri try to memorize all of their lessons by making them into rap songs; and we are treated to the mad beatbox skillz of Saaphyri. Becky and Saaphyri decide to gang up on Shay. Leilene has trouble remembering things, so she's worried as well and had a cocktail to calm her nerves (gin and diet Pepsi...ewww....) Leilene was more that happy to join Becky and Saaphyri in their scheme to take down Shay. Leilene got the first question. "What part of the wine glass should you hold for a toast?" She, of course chooses Shay to answer to show her loyalty to the other ladies.

It's time for the clip show, in wild anticipation of the big finale. Yippee. According to Mo'Nique, this "Charm School Semester Recap" episode promises some "Never Before Seen Footage" (which shall be referred to as "NBS" from now on) and some insight on the 4 finalists - Shay, Leilene, Becky and Saaphyri. Let's dive right in, shall we?

Back on Day 1, we see our first "NBS" clip - with Mo laying down the law to the contestants. The rules included no fighting over beds (you know who that one was for) and no pooping on the floor. As you can see, Mo was expecting the worst - and shy of number 2 on the floor she pretty much got just that - and this will be proven over the next 55 minutes. Another "NBS" scene from the first episode involved the ladies' first night mixer, a lovely and elegant buffet with escargot, caviar and foie gras. This food didn't go over well at all with the ladies - especially Thela, who wanted chicken, greens and sweet potato pie (moving those enduring sterotypes along a little further.) Mo was the gals' savior, showing up with fried chicken and pizza. The first night, Mo had one-on-one discussions with the ladies - and here's where we get a closer look into the lives of our finalists.

Becky ponders her bittersweet victory of last week, which sent sneaky Larissa home. Today, the ladies are addressing commandment #9 (yay, only one to go!), "Unless thou can play, thou will be played." Yep, it's time for a little relationship 101. This class is led by a man named Tariq, a mack daddy who wrote a lot of mack daddy-type books. Shay seems very happy to be studying under Tariq. Tariq says that the ladies need to avoid the 4 "Ps" - players, professionals, pushovers and parolees. They need to find an "Urban Renaissance Man." The ladies are going to test their relationship skills at the Charm School prom. Men representing the 4 "Ps" and one true "Urban Renaissance Man" will be in attendance. The lady who can find Mr. URM will be safe from elimination.

Shay and Larissa are still gloating about the role they played in Schatar's elimination last week. Brooke talks to Leilene about the whole incident - she's skeptical that Schatar did it because she had always 'fessed up in the past. I certainly hope this whole "picture thing" goes away soon - couldn't the producers think of something a bit more scandalous/compelling?

Anyway, this week the girls are working on the 8th commandment, "Thou Shalt Represent." They are going to learn how to be media savvy - more importantly, they are going to learn to think before they open their mouths (I have a feeling this lesson's going to fall on deaf ears, but that's just me.) The media coach is Kevin Frasier (of "Entertainment Tonight" fame. Nope, haven't heard of him either.) The girls are going to be subjected to a press junket with a "celebrity interviewer" (who VH-1 had no problem revealing to us last week.) His tips for media fabulousness are 1. Stay on the message; 2. Don't take the bait; 3. Damage control; and 4. Don't lose your cool. Yeah, the girls oughta shine at these!

The "Previously on Charm School" clips show a lot of Schatar's infamous clothes-stealing incident of a few weeks ago, so I guess it's payback time for her. This week the girls are tackling Commandment #7  -"Thou Shalt Payeth It Back". The gals have to take the clothes off their backs to a local charity thrift store. They are to split into teams of 2 - the team that makes the most money is exempt from elimination. In addition, one of the losing teams will be going home. Mo gives the ladies an hour to set up teams and fill up bags with their clothes. The teams are:

I just got back from a week in Japan, so it's nice to be able to watch shows that I can actually understand - too bad it's "Charm School"! Since I didn't see a recap, I just saw the rerun and thought I'd catch you all up, as I have had to (thanks to my fellow recappers!). I admit I was watching as I unpacked so I'm going without notes here.

Last week, Cristal left, and not a moment too soon. This week the gals were assigned the task of develping their own fragrance and selling it on the streets of Hollywood. First of all - why on earth would they let any of these gals develop a perfume? All I can think it would smell like was used condoms, stale cigarettes and old booze. At best, maybe like one of those drug store designer impostors (but of something nasty to start with, like Giorgio or White Diamonds.) Secondly, when did "Charm School" turn into "The Apprentice"? Shouldn't these gals be learning manners or something - not hawking their wares on the streets of Hollywood (they probably would be able to sell some scent to those scary costuned characters on Hollywood Boulveard - I'll bet that Elmo costume is getting a little ripe by now...) But I digress...

I'm thinking it's time for what I like to call Groovy's True Confessions. (Yes, I did just pull that out of my ass.) So. Here's what I'm confessing... Back about three weeks ago when Charm School started, I really wasn't that into it. I watched it because I knew I had to do my recaps, but truthfully, the show wasn't grabbing me. I tried really hard to bluff my way through the recaps, saying that I was enjoying the show, but honestly, I just wasn't digging it.

Today the gals are working on commandment number four "Thou shalt work with what thou are working with." Ummm...ok. Style is the topic of the day. The girls are told to dress to imrpess. They go throught and try to find a look that defines their style. All I know is that there must be a lot of empty Forever 21s and Charlotte Russes where these gals live. Saaphyri is working with 2 huge fun bags whoch keep trying to make a break for it (in the dress she had on, I'd want to escape as well.) Mikki and "stylist to the stars" (well, at least Mo'Nique) Tim Snell preside over this lesson. Saaphyri believes finances equal personal style. Becky says the likes to look like a slot machine (she makes sure we heard "slot" not "slut".) Becky and Schatar are complemented on their style. No one could understand the praise given Schatar and her lopsided boobs - in a really ugly beaded gown. Sapphyri says her style is inspired by brokeness. She was told to tone it down. Mikki and Tim introduce the gals to couture. Courtney says they don't have couture at Wal-Mart. The task this week is an in-house fashion show. The girls will break into 2 teams of 5 gals to design their own couture look. The winning team is immune from elimination. Since there's an odd number of girls, one of them will be an honorary judge and also immune from elimination. They have an hour to decide the teams and judges and the arguing starts immediately.

Ah, what better way to spend my birthday than with the ladies of Charm School! Heather can't stop singing - and it's drawing the wrath of Becky. The gals assemble in their uniforms for their meeting with Mo'Nique. Tonight, they are to address Commandment #3 - Thou Shalt Show Some Class. Oh, I can't wait to see how they're going to pull this one off. The girls are going to be coached in etiquette by a lady named Colette Swann. Schatar (Hottie) says that as a descendant of royalty (Say what? Don King, perhaps? Burger King?) that she's well versed in etiquette. Sure she is. She also noted that Heather had on her red "hooker heels". Becky was first to demonstrate her grace to Miss Colette. When she sat down, Colette got an upskirt (or a "Britney" as she referred to it.) This led to a (lengthy, gross) discussion of Becky's vagina - and how she'd love to show it to Sgt. Jones from last week. Ewww....The ladies were not the most graceful - Colette didn't seem to have anything nice to say. Heather got called out again for her shoes. Now they all tried walking with a book on the head. Cristal was upset that the book was going to crush her coif. Colette then had the unenviable task of teaching the gals table manners. Darra knew that this was her weakness (and supported by a clip from FOL, where she was eating with her hands and drinking milk right out of the jug. Classy.) Leliene is confused about this lesson, and started asking a million questions including one about making toasts. Colette told her to stand up and make a toast. Colette's not impressed. She looks pained. I know how she feels.