Back with the final episode...is it already almost over? And this show has been so entertainingly bad...

Johnny visits Liza as she's running out to work. He's not convinced that Skip Matthews, aka Sleazy Dad, is guilty of Eddie's murder, but considering the conversation Liza overheard between Sleazy Dad and Eddie's mom, that would make...her the murderer. Even assuming that's so, Liza instructs Eddie to find out what Sleazy Dad IS guilty of, since Eddie's mom clearly has something on him.

Meanwhile, Slutty Mom wakes Cliff up. She's still upset at finding him macking on Murdering Mom, and Cliff plays to her emotions, claiming that Maria Nolan was always nice to him, and that he just thought she was being friendly. He says he knows everything is his fault, and Slutty Mom falls for it, telling him he's not the adult, and that Murdering Mom is disturbed. Ya think? She hugs Cliff, who smiles through the embrace.

Speaking of Disturbed, Murdering Mom, Maria watches a video diary Eddie had where he explained that his mom "knows," but before he can really explain to whomever he's talking to, Maria interrupts, and Eddie yells at her to leave. Disturbed, Murdering Mom snaps the laptop closed, looking distressed.

Pretentious credits.

Bob and Karen are fighting, since Karen got sloshed and questioned their marriage. I can't blame Bob, and apparently, neither can Johnny, whom Bob runs into when he stalks away from Karen. Johnny merely says "hey" around a mouthful of apple, but he doesn't look pleased about the fight.

Nikki is trying her hand at waiting tables, even though she's not very good at it. Jesse Jo tells her to chillax and sends her off to wait on another table, where Cliff is waiting to ambush her. She refuses to wait on him, telling him she'll send Liza when he's ready to order. BURN!

Johnny and Greta are trying to get it on, but they keep getting distracted...first when Greta wonders what's eating at Sleazy Dad, then when Johnny wonders what's up with Murdering, Disturbed, Cock-Blocking Mom. Greta's not convinced that Maria is capable of murdering her own son, but Johnny points out that she WAS sleeping with Eddie's best friend, so anything is possible. They forgo sex in favor of cuddling, because they are the worst, stupidest teenagers EVER.

At the club, Johnny ventures onto the golf course to find Cliff. He tries to convince Cliff to help him get Eddie's laptop from Murdering, Disturbed, Cock-Blocking Mom, even though Cliff doesn't think Eddie was murdered and doesn't really care. He finally concedes to help Johnny...IF he'll put in a good word with Nikki. Johnny refuses, and Cliff walks off, leaving Johnny no closer to the laptop than he was before.

Greta goes home to talk to Sleazy Dad about whether or not Maria could have murdered Eddie. Did you guys know that Sleazy Dad played Jake Kane? I have to give him credit...I had no idea it was the same guy, so kudos to the actor. Sleazy Dad blows off Greta's assertion that Maria killed Eddie to keep him quite about her affair with Cliff, accusing Greta of projecting her frustration at him onto Maria. He says he just wants to be a father to her, but Greta angrily tells him it's too late and leaves.

Karen offers to make a cake for Johnny, who recognizes that she's working out her stress by baking. She says she could have taken care of Johnny, but he says that Bob is a good guy and that they're a good fit, so she shouldn't hold onto Johnny's dad for his sake. I love Johnny for saying that, and YAY, BOB, for FINALLY getting a little credit!!

Back at the club, Nikki continues her bad waitressing ways, only to be interrupted by Cliff and his minions, delivering several red roses in a self-proclaimed "grand gesture." Nikki reminds him that he's a lying, cheating SKANK, and Cliff says he'll settle for Nikki saying she doesn't hate him. She says she doesn't, and in fact doesn't feel anything for him, which finally drives him away. Nikki looks after him sadly while screwing up someone else's order.

Cliff is apparently driven right back into Murdering, Disturbed, Cock-Blocking Mom's arms when he runs into her at the club. He puts the moves on her again, although whether he's got an ulterior motive or is just stinging from Nikki's rejection isn't clear. They're interrupted by Slutty Mom, who sends Cliff off and then dresses down Maria. Maria counters by talking about how shallow Slutty Mom's life is, and she plays the "my son is dead" card, which earns her nothing more than a biting "I pity you" from Slutty Mom.

At Greta's house, she fills Johnny in on Sleazy Dad's reaction to her idea that Maria killed Eddie. Johnny wonders if maybe Sleazy Dad and Maria were having an affair, much to Greta's disgust and distress. She suggests that they give Johnny a new obsession to focus on, and he willingly agrees. Hopefully their kissing will actually LEAD somewhere this time.

Murdering, Disturbed, Cock-Blocking, Bikini-Wearing mom is disturbed after a dip in the pool by Cliff. He claims he wants to talk...or not, but she says she's not in the mood. Considering she was practically begging for it before she got caught, her turnaround seems extreme. She finally concedes to talk, leaving Cliff alone while she grabs a robe. He spots Eddie's laptop and tries to watch Eddie's final video, but she grabs the laptop from him and yells at him to get out. If that doesn't convince him there's a conspiracy going on, I don't know what will.

Cliff barges into Johnny's room and announces that he's sure Eddie was murdered, and that Maria is definitely hiding something. Johnny is all "WTF?" but he finally settles in and listens to what Cliff has to tell him, which is...not much. Just that Maria acted suspicious when Cliff opened the laptop. Um, I don't really think that's helping much, Johnny. Cliff says he's doing this not only to get Nikki back, but to make sure Eddie's killer pays.

Johnny's out riding his bike that night when he's accosted by Murdering, Disturbed, Cock-Blocking, Bikini-Wearing, Accosting Mom. Uh, that's getting really hard to type. She asks why he's so obsessed with Eddie, and he says he's just trying to find answers, since his dad also killed himself. She says it's hard to live without answers, and hard to live with them, before she walks off and wishes him luck. I can't tell if she's drugged out of her gourd or is supposed to be vaguely threatening. Maybe it's just too much Botox.

Johnny tries to convince Nikki to give Cliff another chance, but she's not buying. Liza comes up when Nikki goes off to serve another table, and Johnny tells her about his encounter with Maria and that Cliff saw the laptop at her house. She says they have to get it, and then Nikki's back, reluctantly asking what Cliff said.

Sleazy Dad attacks Maria at her home, accusing her of almost screwing things up by messing around with Cliff and calling attention to herself, not to mention trying to blackmail him after she called him back to help her. She says they're in this together, but he says they haven't been anything to each other for years. Maria says she loved him and sacrificed everything for him, even Eddie, but Sleazy Dad yanks her around before telling her to pack up and get the hell out of Dodge. Okey dokey, then.

Sleazy Dad talks to Johnny at the club the next day. He says he likes Johnny and likes that he makes Greta happy, but that Johnny's insistence on poking into Eddie's death is stressing Greta out. He tells Johnny to back off. He lets it slip that he's Maria Nolan's attorney, but says he's far more interested in Greta moving on. Johnny agrees, although I'm sure he's as likely to let things rest as he is to eat a steaming pile of poo.

Nikki is no better at waiting tables today than yesterday, and when Cliff shows up, she ends up dumping a tray of water glasses all over a bitchy patron from the day before. Jesse Jo pulls Nikki outside but won't let her quit when she tries. Realizing she's stuck with Cliff whether or not she likes it, she lets Jesse Jo give her some non-advice about people who least deserve a second chance being the ones who surprise you the most, which I'm sure means a reconciliation is in the works.

Eddie goes to Liza about his conversation with Sleazy Dad. Seems he's about to take a bite out of that steaming pile of poo, because he thinks that Sleazy Dad was only trying to protect his client, and that he should back off of investigating what happened to Eddie to keep from hurting Greta. Liza isn't buying it, so Johnny says he knows that she slept with Eddie. He says he won't tell anyone, but he thinks they should move on. She wishes him luck, but says she's going to get the laptop so she can prove that Maria killed Eddie.

Bob and Karen share an awkward dinner at the club. He says he loves her, but he can't replace John. They only have a chance if she loves Bob for himself. Karen doesn't answer, and the screen fades to...

...Liza, breaking into Maria Nolan's home to steal the laptop. Hope it's worth it when you're picking up the soap, sweetheart. Before she can get the laptop, though, she falls onto the floor, next to Murdering, Disturbed, Cock-Blocking, Bikini-Wearing, Accosting, Dead Mom's body. She's holding a gun in an apparent suicide.

Johnny comes home to find Karen, who tells him she's moving on. Johnny's dad "put them in jail," and now she's ready to be normal and have a healthy relationship. Johnny says it doesn't have to be like that, and then Bob appears, asking if she's going to bed, much to Johnny's relief. Johnny hugs her, and she and Bob walk off, arm in arm.

In his room, Johnny is checking his email when he gets a call from Liza. Before he can check his new message, he leaves to help her.

Nikki shows up at Cliff's house. She tells him off, and then she says she's been in his shoes, and since other people gave her a chance, she'll give him one as well. She makes him wait before she lets him kiss her.

Johnny finds Liza at Maria's house, where she says Maria left a suicide note. Greta shows up, and Liza tells her what happened. Sleazy Dad shows up and takes the laptop while everyone in the neighborhood congregates. Um, did Maria move back into the neighborhood, because she lived on the other side of town, didn't she? I'm drinking as we speak for trying to apply logic to this show. Cliff wants to know if it helps Johnny to know the truth about Eddie...if it helps him with his dad's death. I guess Johnny lost track of that in all of the fuss. Cliff and Greta hug, and we're in a full-on emo montage, replete with Coldplay, slow-mo action, and emergency lights.

Later, Johnny drops Greta off and asks if she's okay. She said she thought it was her fault Eddie killed himself, but she knows the truth because of him. They kiss for a while, and Johnny takes off. Sleazy Dad is waiting for her, saying now everyone can heal, and she kisses him and calls him dad before going to bed.

At his house, Johnny thinks about his dad. He's interrupted by his email notification. The message is from Maria Nolan, and it's the video from Eddie's last night. It shows Eddie confronting Sleazy Dad and Maria that Sleazy Dad killed his wife, and Sleazy Dad accidentally shooting Eddie when they wrestle, and...that's it. Huh. Somehow, I don't think a Sopranos' type ending is going to cut it with this show.

Oh well, it was good while it lasted. Mucho thanks to Annie for covering half of the season for me. Remember the moral of this show...if you think the guy who died in your bedroom was murdered, he probably was. Also, Cliff and Johnny are hot. The end.

Johnny has turned that bloody dress into a fetish object, because I swear he spent all night holding it. Repressed Mom calls him down for breakfast and he stuffs the dress into his backpack and leaves. Repressed Mom and Bob are still fighting and, in the heat of the moment, Repressed Mom calls him "John." Um...oops? I think Johnny looks confused, but it's hard to tell since he usually has that "duh" look on his face.

Greta drinks coffee at the club and shoots Sleazy Dad, who's pawing some girl half his age, the stinkeye. Johnny joins her and says he's got something important to show her in his bedroom. Honey, don't overestimate yourself. Oh, never mind. He's talking about the bloody costume. Already unsettled at being in the room where Deaddie died, when Greta sees the dress she freaks out. She asks how he got it and Johnny says he found it at Cliff's, not giving up Liza. She says the night Deaddie died, he was supposed to meet her at the club but didn't show up. Cliff went to find him and she went with him, worried what Cliff might do. Deaddie was already dead when she got there and she held his body, covering her costume with blood. She ran away and Cliff found her and took her back to his house, promising to destroy the dress. Greta tells Johnny that it's the truth but he looks unsure.

The CW is clearly embarrassed that they even greenlit this show, let alone gave it airtime even during the dead summer hiatus, so they're doubling up episodes this week and next in order to get the show off the air more quickly.

Continuing the final scene from the last episode, Liza insists Greta and Cliff killed Deaddie. She says it was Halloween and there was a party at the country club. At 10:00, she looked out the window and saw Greta and Cliff running out of Deaddie's house, looking guilty and panicky. She called the cops but nobody followed up and they ruled Deaddie's death a suicide. Johnny is still suspicious because of the IMs but Liza says she's scared of Cliff because he's crazy. Johnny says Deaddie committed suicide and she asks if that's true, then where's the note? Johnny points out that his dad didn't leave a note and Liza says Deaddie would have, since he wrote down and documented everything. He tries to tell her that sometimes shitty things happen for no reason but she's not hearing. She apologizes for getting him involved but says she knows what she believes is true and she'll prove it.

Hi, everyone! I'll be filling in for Darby Shaw this week and next but she will return in two weeks for the big finale, where we will hopefully find out how Eddie died, if Greta eats anything larger than a Tic-Tac, and if any of these kids on this show aside from Michael Cassidy learn how to act. I'm not feeling too confident about two of those things.

Johnny's taking out the trash when he spots Liza carrying some kind of smoking equipment out of her garage. He heads over and they chat about Liza's love of science before the subject turns to dead Eddie. Deaddie, if you will. Liza makes a face and Johnny calls her on being about to say something. She claims she knew Eddie but they weren't friends and doesn't know what 08NOVA means, but she is almost busted when she notices her laptop, right behind Johnny, has a wallpaper of her badly Photoshopped with Deaddie. I didn't catch the Photoshopping when I first watched the episode but now that I have, it calls into question everything Liza says and does the rest of this episode the next. Liza might be a citizen of Crazyland, is all I'm saying. She manages to close the laptop before Johnny sees and he asks her if she wants to hang out sometime. She agrees, but does not add that she needs to change her pants first because she just peed herself.

I guess one way to handle a "cliffhanger" ending it so to repeat at the beginning of the next episode so everyone remembers what happened. Of course, if you don't have a enough faith in the dramatic impact of your ending to expect your audience to remember it, then...that probably doesn't say a lot about your show.

To help remind us of the DRAMATIC CONCLUSION to last week's episode, we get a shot of Eddie pulling off his devil mask, second verse, same as the first.

I'm writing this recap in my normal summer state of being, which is to say, half-drunk.  Sorry if the recap is nonsensical.  Blame it on the writing.  Uh, for the show.  

Anyway.

Johnny's getting his room hooked up, hanging up posters and downloading photos of Greta onto his computer.  Meanwhile, Karen tells Bob she signed them up for a charity event at the country club.  

Welcome to Hidden Palms, a Desperate Housewives knockoff for the teen set.  The characters are intriguing and likeable, the storyline is interesting, at times even bizarre, and I'm not sure, but I think we may have ourselves a winner.  We start with Johnny, a nerdy type doing his trig homework.  His dad comes in and tries to convince him to take on more creative pursuits.  Dad is buttass wasted and quoting Pablo Neruda...I prefer something more thought-provoking when I'm imbibing.  You know, like Guns 'n Roses.  Take me down to the Paradise City, baby.  Johnny, however, is unimpressed by Dad's drunken ramblings, and he dismisses him so he can get his homework done.  Dad takes it all in stride, if by "in stride" I mean he walks out into the hallway, pulls out a gun, and shoots himself in the head - all in front of Johnny.  Um, oops?