It's time for the obligatory reunion of the famewhores of one of the summer's most delicious Celebreality trainwrecks. And, of course, more gratuitous Craig J. Jackson than you can handle (VH-1 definitely has the market cornered on generic, completely un-memorable hosts, don't they?) So, anywhoo, it's time to be reunited with the cast of the show - including heavy hitters Megan (clad, of course in a bikini), 12 Pack, and The Entertainer to those "Oh, yeah, I vaguely remember that they were on the show" contestants like Nibblz, Heat and Midget Mac.

White Boy - drunk with power (VH-1)
After weeks and weeks of competition, sneakery, skankery and all-around stupidity, it's time to find out which reality television fame whore will be $250,000 richer. Megan is down to her last bathing suit and can't wait to use (what she is positive will be) her winnings to buy some new swimwear. Real knows he's in White Boy's sights. White Boy said that all alliances and teams are out the window. It's pretty icy in the house. Hoopz doesn't feel good about the deterioration of the relationship between her, Real and White Boy. CJ calls in and tells the final four that their next challenge is going to be "crazy" and "athletic." White Boy loves it already. Megan thinks she's "doomed". Oh, I hope so.

It's time for the pre-season finale of "I Love Money" featuring wacky clips we have never before seen - and the return of Mr. Boston! White Boy confesses that he's scared of Megan's "special" dog Lily, mainly because she smells like "straight manure." Chance says he loves dogs, but in the case of Lily, not so much. He doesn't like dogs that look "all Gizmo and Gremlocks." C.J. shows us a never seen before clip of Rodeo (a/k/a Crazy Grandma), featuring "grease, butter and Chance running for his life." She loves playing jokes and got into a butter fight with Chance. And laughed her crazy laugh. After that, we get to see a rousing, adult game of "truth or dare," where Hoopz dares Brandi to simulate sex with Megan. She says she's going to ride Megan like Seabiscuit. Pumkin was less than impressed with Brandi's "performance." Brandi then dares Hoopz, to give Real a lap dance because he needs some physical contact. Real enjoyed her little dance and says she "shocked" him. Toastee was dared to suck on Real's nasty toes and, after chugging some wine, she gave Real his toe job (which Brandi noted was probably just like kisssing Flavor Flav.) Pumkin complemented her main lady Toastee on her ability to put anything in her mouth. Real was even grossed out. He then got to play "doctor" with Hoopz and had to grab her boobs for ten seconds. Hoopz really wanted to make the glass table a slip 'n' slide for Brandi (I have no idea why), and they gals covered the top of the table with soap and water. Brandi stripped to her panties and allowed the others to slide her back and forth across the slippery table. Pumkin just wanted to slide her off the table and into the wall. I'm so glad we're getting to see these priceless moments.

$250K will buy a lot of socks! (VH-1)

We start this week's episode with the remaining contestants heading back into the vault to pick a third person to go up for elimination with Real and Megan, since Brandi voluntarily walked off last week. No one wants to see White Boy in the box and Megan thinks Toastee needs to learn a "serious lesson" and votes her into the box - to which everyone agrees (I love how Pumkin didn't say a wors as her alleged BFF was put on the chopping block.) Hoopz doesn't know what to do as she gave Megan - who she viewed as a serious threat - her word. When she finally makes her decision, she gives Real the first check. He's glad he got his check but is more concerned about getting an answer to his marriage proposal. Toastee knows that Megan is going home and says that she and Brandi can "float away on their implants together." Hoopz calls Megan up and says she never really considered her a threat until the last challenge. She also noted that she was a master manipulator, making her a double threat. But, she did give her word, and her word is good. That leaves Toastee to say adios to Mexico. Damn! Won't awful Megan ever leave? I need a break from her before next month's "Rock of Love Girls Charm School."

Real and Hoopz

Real has "had his eye on" Hoopz since the first day in Mexico (I think he way have had something else on Hoopz, as they've been sharing a bed.) He confesses that his feelings for her are growing day by day. He says he thinks he may have to "make a serious move," and if he thinks a bouquet of (VH-1 purchased) roses is going to cut it, he's wrong. Hoopz was moved by Real's gift but she's got a boyfriend at home (a hot one, from what I remember) and said that real "wasn't crossing any boundaries" with her (but you guys are sleeping in the same bed...I'm just saying....) Whiteboy is feeling some "strange vibes" from Real as well and wants to make sure he's still got his eyes on the prize and doesn't let love distract him.

The Entertainer seems to feel as if he's the latest target for elimination, "no ifs, ands or buts." He then (in the "confessional") says that he thinks he's going to be the paymaster this week. Make up your mind, Frank, you're far too dumb to be actually attempt to strategize. Since her snuggle bunny, 12 Pack, is gone, poor Heather's only ally in the house is the universally hated Entertainer. She hopes to elicit some sympathy from her housemates, which should prove interesting. Megan is feeling good about her scheming self. Heather approaches Brandi and Megan first on her PR tour of the house and even pretends to think Lily is a cute dog (now that's acting!) Entertainer thinks he and Heather should stick together and consider joining up with one of the stronger alliances, but feels like she's turning her back on him to save herself. Ya think?

It's now every skank for his/herself in the casa. 12 Pack thinks that he, Entertainer and Heather have a good chance of winning and that they should still stick together, even though the teams have been dissolved. 12 Pack thinks the "floater girls" (Brandi, Megan, Pumkin and Toastee) will "weed themselves out" during the rest of the individual challenges. Megan is starting to vocalize that she wants to leave her "secret alliance" with the other "floaters" and team up with Real, White Boy and Hoopz. CJ calls in and gives a cryptic clue about this week's first individual challenge. He throws out the old expression, "with friends like these, who needs enemies?" Hmmm....

The housemates are still in shock that Chance was sent packing and Pumkin is definitely wearing the target this week. Real said he was going to "headhunt her m-f-ing ass." Pumkin hopes she didn't make a mistake. The Entertainer says Pumkin made the right decision and says he's got her back. He also invites Pumkin and Toastee to sleep in his room - an invitation which Pumkin eagerly accepts as she'd rather bunk with an "ADD psycho" than worry if she's going to be killed in her sleep. Hoopz has a little chat with Real and feels that her team has lost all control and that she could be the next to go. The Entertainer moves Pumkin and Toastee into his room with 12 Pack. 12 Pack sees that there are two major alliances at work in the house; alliance number one being he, Heather, Entertainer, Pumkin and Toastee and the second alliance being made up of White Boy, Real and Hoopz. The Pack notes that Brandi and Megan are "floaters" and thinks one of them will be the next to go. Megan believes that she, Brandi, Pumkin and Toastee have a "secret alliance." The secret alliance goes after Hoopz. Rodeo's been a flip-flopper the whole time and joins the Hoopz/Real/White Boy alliance. Like I said last week, you need a scorecard to keep up with these alliances.

After Destiney was given the boot last week, White Boy says he's feeling unstoppable and is confident victory will be his. The now-single Entertainer says they got rid of Destiney because they were "jealous" of her and "couldn't handle her beauty." 12 Pack doesn't even try to look interested in what The Entertainer's talking about. 12 Pack said the Stallionaires got to Toastee, "brainwashing" her (doesn't one have to have a brain to be brainwashed?), and that's why Destiney was sent packing instead of one of them. 12 Pack says White Boy's gotta go. Megan knows she can't survive against the Stallionaires and thnks the other girls are stupid for thinking that they've got their backs. Megan comes up with a "brilliant plan" and tries to form an alliance with Brandi, Toastee and Pumkin. Sheesh! There's so many alliances going on here, I need a scorecard! Toastee asked Pumkin about the new alliance, thinking that Megan might be playing mind tricks with them (again, brain...mind....) Toastee doesn't trust Megan but she knows that the Stallionaires are the players to beat.

It's time to rejoin the gang again in Mexico for another day of "affection for currency," or, as I like to call it, "the show that has become 50% less interesting since they eliminated Mr. Boston." Toastee says that everyone on the gold team was hoping that Destiney would be heading home at the last elimination because of her alliance with The Entertainer, who no one apparently likes. Toastee is also disappointed that 12 Pack didn't seem to listen to his teammates last week, sadly eliminating the alternately creepy, sometimes sad and all-around entertaining Mr. Boston. So, Toastee, Pumkin and Hoopz went to plead their case to get rid of Destiney to White Boy, Chance and Real and formed a new alliance. Destiney knows she was spared from elimination due to her newfound alliance with 12 Pack. In addition to these "alliances", there's apparently lots of love (and possible diseases) being spread around the house, as Destiney wakes up with The Entertainer and Heather and 12 Pack are still bed buddies. 12 Pack says he's tightest with Heather, Enteratainer and Destiney, even though she's on the other team. Meanwhile, The Entertainer says things between he and Destiney are going great and he thinks she could be "the one." Gag me with New York's toes. Hmmm, Real and Hoopz seem to be sharing a little mattress space too.