Except for the bloody gut wound, we all want to be this girl right now.

Is Charlie 15 pounds of pure bunny or a mean panda? Dani can't decide.

"Do I look like I tan?"

Before I start the recap, I want to take a moment to give a cheer that Life has been given a full season order. Hooray! Now, if only the strike will end so we actually get all of those 22 episodes.

Charlie is hanging out in his car, listening to a Zen tape "We are none of us alone...") and munching on an apple. He's near the edge of a park and he watches as Ames meets with a man with grey hair and a mustache. He sets down his apple and picks up a camera, then takes multiple photographs of the meeting. Ames argues with the man and storms off. Charlie's phone rings and he asks the caller, "How come you only call me when someone's dead?"

Dani and Charlie = my new favorite platonic OTP

I want to give a big thank you to Adrienne Saia, who filled in for me last week when I was getting my party on for my birthday. Not only was my show in great hands, but it looks like Life picked up a new fan. Woohoo!

Over breakfast, Charlie tells Ted that he had a dream. Ted warily asks if it was about clowns, because he doesn't like dreams about clowns. Speaking for the entire world, Charlie asks, "Who does?" No, this dream was about a solar farm. Charlie's decided that he wants to buy a solar farm, so he instructs Ted to look into it. And this kicks off the Life portion of NBC's Green Week. Look, I like Ted but this subplot is forced and not all that interesting, so here's what happens: Ted makes plans to visit a solar farm and Olivia, the soon-to-be stepmommy who was supposed to meet a working Charlie, tags along. So do her ginormous boobs. I mean, seriously, girlfriend is stacked. Ted has a crush on Olivia and it makes him nervous, so he forgets to get gas and they get stranded at the solar farm, which Olivia finds hilarious. They make a campfire, Ted admits his crush, and Olivia sings to him, then they fall asleep and are awakened the next morning by some construction workers.

Wow. Thank you to your regular Life recapper Annie for taking a vacation and letting me fill in! Otherwise, I would totally have missed out on this funny, emotional, and decently-crafted new show. I am usually unimpressed with dramas on TV as of late (that’s why I stick with reality – you already know it’s going to be crap so you’re never let down), but Life is a pretty great show with a premise that’s not about to get old anytime soon.

Charlie CrewsWow.  Thank you to your regular Life recapper Annie for taking a vacation and letting me fill in!  Otherwise, I would totally have missed out on this funny, emotional, and decently-crafted new show.  I am usually unimpressed with dramas on TV as of late (that’s why I stick with reality – you already know it’s going to be crap so you’re never let down), but Life is a pretty great show with a premise that’s not about to get old anytime soon.  It seems that episode by episode we’re allowed small glimpses into the personal lives and pasts of our characters, lending itself to more than one season of exposition for the writers.  Anyway, enough of my praise and onto the recap…

Charlie's at home when he gets a call from Constance, who sounds upset and scared when she asks Charlie to come to her office. He drops everything to rush to her but, if I'm being honest, that probably wasn't much. Maybe eating some fruit or listening to coyotes. Anyway, when he gets to the office, it's completely trashed and Constance sits huddled in a chair, her face turned away from the light. Charlie asks her what happened and when she turns around, he sees that she's got a bloody lip. He folds her in his arms and she tells him that Neil Cudahy attacked her. Charlie makes sure that Cudahy didn't rape her and Constance explains that Cudahy wanted the same kind of money that Charlie got and turned violent when she told him that wasn't going to happen. Charlie holds her and looks troubled as she cries and says that she wanted Cudahy to be her new Charlie, since Charlie wasn't hers anymore.

Charlie is fast sleep on the floor of his still-unfurnished house when two giggling girls, the same two bimbos Charlie picked up on the bus in episode 102, creep around him, collecting their clothes and other belongings. One is trying to pry a shoe out of Charlie's hand when Constance walks in. Charlie wakes up and blearily looks up at Constance, who explains with an exasperated laugh that the door was unlocked. Later, after the girls are gone, Constance gives Charlie grief about leaving his door unlocked, then said she did as he asked and got Rachel Seybolt's file unlocked. However, the file was empty and she insists it's probably just a screw up by Family Services, not a conspiracy, and wants to know why Charlie is interested. He thinks he can help Rachel, considering they were both victims of what happened to her family. Upstairs, the girls giggle and Constance thinks Charlie shouldn't be living on "cupcakes." Charlie replies that he didn't think he'd be living at all.

I practically groveled at Michael's feet to let me recap Life because 1) it's an amazing show and 2) I'm trying to save up to...pay my bills. He relented, if only to shut me up, so here I am with a super-sized recap of the first three episodes. Because I don't want my fingers to fall off, I'm not going to be as detailed with this as I will with individual recaps, but I will do my best to cover all of the pertinent plot and character points.