Yes, the picture is tiny. No, I couldn't find a bigger one. Squint.Cheesy lounge-like Jazz music plays as we zoom in on a saucer-shaped vessel, cruising through starry space.  Stephen Hawking's voice inquires, "As we seek to refine ourselves, to elevate humankind to its consummate form, what will become of those who are less than perfect?"  As if to emphasize his point, we hear a resounding bang, and a spray of blood appears on the interior of one of the spaceship's portlike windows.  Inside, plants festoon a sort of common room as a woman repeatedly runs full-on headfirst into the wall.  Everyone around her casually goes about their business, playing cards, plinking out a tune on a piano, reading books.  Closer observation proves that the folks lounging about are all freaky-deaky - they have some kind of skin condition, or growths on their faces.  Also, they seem determinedly oblivious to the fact that some crazed chick is trying to bash her own brains out against the wall. Finally, the woman bangs her head one last time and lies still.  Charming. 

But I waaaaaant that creepy plastic guy!! C'mon, Doc!Soldiers release funny-walking men in PJs to walk across a field as Dr. Stephen Hawking's voice asks:  "If necessity is the mother of invention, what will drive our ingenuity when all our needs have been fulfilled?"  Apparently these words of wisdom have something with exploding pajama-clad guys, because just then, one of the funny-walking men goes kaboom.  Yowza!  It seems this episode is going to be all wacky-quirky-future.  The bouncy fun music that soon kicks in proves it.  So does the funky two-rotered helicopter thingie which appears next.  It resembles a weird, bigass mosquito.  The mosquito-copter deposits its cargo, an expensive-looking car, on some blacktop where an older man in a white coat waits.  This is Dr. Tibor Cargrew, and he is looking for the car's passengers, Mr. and Mrs. Van Bogel.  And, hey!  Martha Van Bogel is none other than Anne Heche.  Hey, Anne!  Cool that you've decided to do some Sci Fi.  You must feel right at home, since you are after all Celestia, daughter of God, and are even now in communication with the aliens.  Ain't that right?  

 "Damn you, Ben Linus! Whoops, wrong show. I mean, hey, it's a God Pod!"

It's time again for (booming voice) MASTERS OF SCIENCE FICTION!! We open this evening on a nasty helicopter crash.  We're in Al Musayyib, Iraq, and mangled, smoking wreckage litters the sand.  An unconscious American Marine awakens and pulls off his helmet, calling for a friend.  Suddenly, an Iraqi soldier comes over the ridge; it's clearly someone fighting for the other side.  The guys each pull their guns and start yelling in their native languages, but they cannot understand each other.  Until, that is, the Marine says that he needs to get to his friend.  "I don't want to shoot you, okay?" he says.  "I don't want to shoot you either," says the Iraqi in Arabic.  Both men lower their guns in shock; they suddenly understood each others' languages.  Ooh, spooky-cool!

Cool, Futuristic Gun!

It's time for... (booming voice) MASTERS OF SCIENCE FICTION!!! This four-part semi-miniseries features different stories of the earth's possible future, each written by a great sci-fi author. Its style homages that other classic show, The Outer Limits. Since I'm a sci-fi nerd, the whole concept makes me do a little happy dance. Masters of Science Fiction is hosted by Professor Stephen Hawking, who tells us in a credits voiceover that from the very beginning, we have wondered how life began, and where we are headed. Apparently tonight we will learn the answers to these questions, and may or may not also unravel other great mysteries of the ages, such as why ABC decided to air this show on freakin' Saturday night at 10 p.m. Hey ABC! Yeah, you. I might be a sci-fi nerd, but I'm also young and fairly cute and I still get dates, thank you very much. You're lucky this is only a four week gig.