An employee once said to me, "Ran, honey, you're not anti-conflict -- you're harmony-driven!" That's a nice spin, don't you think? The truth is that I'll go far, far out of my way to avoid conflict, even conflict in which I'm not actively involved. So watching the reunion show, with its emphasis on Randy, Corinne, Kenny, and that goshdarndadblamedomgjustletitgo chocolate chip cookie, is akin to torture. Oh, the things I do for money you, my dear readers.

Who the heck is Susie? And how did she end up thisclose to a million smackers?

Jeff starts the two-hour finale by doing my job for me, recapping the past 38 days. He says Ken and Crystal's scheming did Randy in, when you and I know that was alllllll Sugar and Bob. He also says that Bob is the last of the old Kota tribe left in the game, forgetting, apparently, that Sugar was also on Kota before the first mix-up. WTF, Jeff?  He also notes that Matty hasn't won a challenge since the merge, and that Kenny survived eleven trips to Tribal Council. Jeff also reminds us that Bob is going into the finale having won four straight challenges. Foreshadowing, anyone?

Aww! This episode left me with a happy rosy holiday glow. Yes, Matty there is a Sugar Claus.

Things aren't quite as rosy as the episode begins on Night 33, just after the Tribal Council where Corinne got bounced but the real news was those three votes Matty got. As Ken says, "Matty's super-mad at me." Crystal says she regrets not writing Matty's name down. Um, Crystal, you could try thinking for yourself -- if you'd voted for Matty, he'd be out.

Sorry for skipping last week's "unaired footage" ep, y'all. I'm pretending it's because I couldn't bear to see Randy do anything more than sit over there on the jury bench and keep his trap shut, but the truth is I spent Thanksgiving night with a truckload of family, a few too many vodka tonics, and an accidental viewing of Twilight with my niece…because nothing says THANK YOU, GOD like a teenage vegetarian vampire who sparkles. What did I miss?

Holy moly. We'll get to the hows and whyfors later, but for now… just how badly do you have to treat people in order to get a guy like Bob, who makes his buffs into bowties and uses his time on Exile Island to go on his own little safari, and a girl like Sugar, who's such a softie she cries into her pineapple because she wishes she could share it with her hungry tribemates back at camp, to team up to not just get you voted out, but to humiliate you in the process, and then laugh about it? Pretty badly, it turns out.

Previously on Survivor: Kota made a greatest hits album and Randy's dickishness swelled to epic proportions. Oh, and three players who scoff at the idea of treating the show like a popularity contest made studly Marcus the first member of the Jury.

For some reason, Randy gets a burr up his butt when the rest of the Kota tribe laughs at his comment that voting Dan out wasn't fun. He says he's being serious, but I think the rest of Kota's thinking, "Hey, more food for the rest of us." Randy suggests "Operation Clean Sweep," where the Kota Six take out the remaining Fang Four boom, boom, boom…um…boom. Marcus has the social intelligence to know that Susie's not solidly down with that plan, and sure enough, Susie interviews that she feels like she's got some power now. Ugh. Maybe she's just getting a bad edit, but I'm not feeling the Susielove.

Dang, the Fang tribe's looking rough. Day 19 finds Ken practically see-through, and even Matty's cute is withering away; he's going from "hunk" to "husk." To make matters worse, Crystal accidentally trips over the rice box, spilling some of their precious remaining rice. She scoops back what she can, and nobody reprimands her out loud, but she says she can see from the looks on Matty and Ace's faces that they're angry. Her response? A massive dose of passive-aggression, where she curls up on her mat and refuses to eat because she wouldn't want to take any more rice from them. Both Matty and Ace try, repeatedly, to get her to eat so she'll be stronger for the challenges, but she refuses. She didn't mean to spill the rice, but it's okay for the rest of the tribe to get perturbed about it, too. Of course, if they hadn't been chowing down like they were at an all-you-can-eat buffet the first week or two, they wouldn't have found themselves in the position of crying over spilled rice now.

"It's the Goof Troop; it's ridiculous." -- Matty, talking about Fang.

After letting GC dictate his own ouster, the remaining sad sacks on the Fang tribe try to pretend their morale is up. They also pretend they're sad that GC is gone. Ace wonders who he can lure into an alliance with him and Sugar, who he then plans to betray with impunity. What kind of sap would fall for that? Matty, apparently, who I'm afraid may have had some of his awesome rubbed right off him by extended exposure to the Nincompoop Brigade currently wearing red buffs.

Previously on Survivor: Kota rules! Fang drools! Oh, and according to Jeff Probst, Fang "voted as if they had a death wish" by eliminating a strong player instead of a weaker one. Maybe. But they also broke up a potential ex-Kota alliance of Ace, Sugar and Jacquie, so it's not necessarily a bone-headed move. No, they saved that for tonight.