Lauren and Stephen have a platonic dinner at a romantic restaurant: Photo courtesy MTV.com.Because it's late as I'm writing this (and this recap is, let's see, two whole weeks late), I'm going to do quick bullet points (lame, I know) but you know you love me.

Sorry, wrong show.

Lauren considers her grapefruit: Image courtesy MTV.com.Guess who's playing catch-up?

Your Hills recapper, Jasmine, that's who. Yes. Just in time for the season 3 finale, I'm finally getting up off my morbidly obese arse to recap the last 3 episodes. Granted, these recaps are going to be shorter than usual becuase I'm a: crunched for time, and b: these episodes have been real snoozefests, but just bear with me, okay? And here's hoping that the season 3 finale is good enough and dramatic enough to leave us talking (read: you guys leaving comments on my blog) until season 4 airs later this year.

Girls night! Whooo!: Image courtesy of MTV.com.I know I should pretend to care about Heidi and Spencer's relationship drama but I really don't. This week's episode featured Heidi trying to assert her independence -- "gaining myself", as told to Audrina over lunch at the Epic Records cafeteria. Of course that gets thrown in her face when a girls' night with Stephanie, Audrina, and Chiara at S Bar gets interrupted by Spencer.

Will she or won't she?: Lauren picks up some work from People's Revolution. Or she's using the rack as a stripping pole.I think the lesson from this episode is that Audrina shouldn't be left to her own devices. Especially when it comes to Heidi. When Heidi and Stephanie have a girls' night at Vice, they see Audrina out with co-worker Chiara and a few other folks. At some point, everybody except Audrina disappears -- where did they go? -- so Heidi takes it upon herself to get up and say hello. Which gave Audrina the opportunity to defend herself when Heidi made her pitch for hanging out. Uh oh.

Spencer thumb's up...: Is everything okay, or is he just doing a really bad impression of "The Fonz"?This is another one of those episodes where it's like nothing happens but everything goes down. Lauren has a birthday, but that's not even really the point. What is the point? Spencer is evil, which we already knew, but we just didn't know how evil. And while he and Heidi may be split up, they're still together. I'll explain.

Three blondes walk into a fitting...: Heidi, Whitney, and Virgina talk trousers.What you've all been waiting for -- a Stephanie/Lauren showdown! I know, Christmas comes early when Stephanie walks into Lauren's class! They do the subtle "I don't see you even though I totally see nothing but you" avoidance of eye contact, but no more. I was kinda hoping for some kind of hissing or meowing at each other from across the room, but alas, non.

Whitney and Kelly talk fashion...Lauren comes home to find Audrina, laptop on her lap, relaxing on the couch. Is that work Audrina is doing? Whatever -- the roomies are all "Whee!" and hug hello. Lauren sounds like she has a cold, though any illness clearly has no negative impact on her ability to apply eyeliner which, once again, is flawless. Lauren tells Audrina about Paris -- not much time for play, what with all the work for the Bal, though she and Whitney did get to connect with Rock n' Roll. Also, Lauren is glad to have had the time away from L.A., and realize that there are other men out there who are not Brody. I can only hope this means we get some fresh eye candy for this show. I'm keeping my badly-in-need-of-a-manicured fingers crossed.

Lauren lights up Paris: Lauren gives Mathias a sly smile after a Vespa tour.I know this post is running on the late side but for serious, you guys? It's been kinda crazy. All these changes in my tv viewing schedule, the return of shows affected by the strike -- if there's anyone who could appreciate my stress, it would be Lauren, right? Anyway, I'll resume more detailed recaps next week. When I've had a chance to, like, breathe and put on some more liquid eyeliner, my own personal tribute to Lauren.

What are you talking about, "fourth season"?: Lauren is aghast.So the third season is over. Knowing that a fourth season is a sure thing makes this particular season finale more anti-climactic than it already was.

And didn't this feel like yet another episode where nothing happened and yet everything happened?

The facts are these:

Batman & Robin?: More like Siegfried & Roy!Brody and Lauren are sitting down to what looks like a "romantical" dinner. It looks romantic, but the topic of conversation is a bit mundane: Lauren and Audrina are having a halloween party. When Brody asks about who's going to be there, Lauren says that Jen Bunney's definitely attending. Maybe the two of them can hang out? They got along so well before. Brody grimaces, but takes his lumps from Lauren without complaint.